Behind Crystal Walls
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or other characters. They belong to Naoko Takeuchi.
A/N: Here is the second chapter. I do hope that I am able to explain a bit more about Serena's personality. So enjoy it and review it.
Ms. Peka 2010.
Behind Crystal Walls: Chapter 2
My child sleeps on her cream and pink bed. I think it is her design. Bunny plush toys are spread on the bed, and silk drapes from a canopy. You don't that I am standing so close and so far. You don't know about your heritage. You have given your love to man not your father. You don't even know that a man before your father existed in my life. You still don't understand I am a cage bird. For you, I am the beautiful, powerful and beloved Queen. What I am an empty poppet: lifeless and cold. You sleep, dreaming away in a land of your making. May be you are dreaming about a dance, you are the grown woman that you suppose to be, and next to you a charming prince. You don't understand why you hadn't got older than five years old. I could tell you it's because children of Kimoku's royal family are to stay five year old for 1,000 years. Your FATHER told me about that particularity once we conceive you. We even thought of raising you in Kimoku, but it never became reality. You are moving in your sleep, I have to step back into darkness. I do not want to disrupt your sleep. You look so peaceful and happy. Just like the true angel you are.
Why I cannot love you? Question I know the answer, yet I am afraid to acknowledge it. You represent the union of our love, Seiya and I. I am your only blood parent alive. I should tell you everything about your father. His name: Seiya. Oh no, I just whisper his name to you. I just share my biggest treasure with you. You won't hear it though, you are asleep. How wonderful and full of life, he was. You are as warm and passionate as he was. The shape of your eyes is his, and his laugher is yours. It hurts to keep it a secret. I cannot love you because you remained me of him so much. It hurts so much, I wish I could rip my heart to hold you and tell you: I love you.
I would love to love you, and carry you own my arms. But I rejected you since birth. In a moment of weakness, after your daddy died, I married Darien. After six months of waiting and three hours of labor, you came into the world. Darien, Sammy and my parents were happy. A nurse started to pass you to me, but I couldn't expand my arms and hold you. I did not even breast feed you. They, doctors, told us it was post-partum depression and that with help it would go away. It was hopeless, since none of the medications and therapy didn't help the symptoms. And the being of Crystal Tokyo did not help either. I tried my best. However, everyone give up their hopes on me. I was left alone to deal with. Still after 1,000 years I still have it.
It wasn't always like that, rejection and sadness. Your daddy and I were so happy when I got pregnant. We both were 21 years old, and we both were in the entertainment business. Seiya Kou, a singer song-writer and a promising cinema actor. He even got an OSCAR nomination. I, Serena Tzukino, was a fashion model and the co-host of a very popular variety show. We were extremely happy. We were each other universe. We both left everything to feel our heart's desire. He left his planet and I felt what I thought was my destiny. Funny that 'destiny' had you in it. We ran and started to create a new world for each other. You know, Seiya, would sang into my flat belly: My little love come to me soon, we will share many rays in the sun, I will hold your little hand and walk bedside you… At the end he would kiss you and he would kiss me on the lips. When he died I was in so much pain, but knowing you were always going to be there for me; I was happy. However, I needed a shoulder to cry to; at that moment Darien walk into my life once again. I needed someone like him. I do hope that one day I will be able to explain you, and love you, like the way I want to. Small Lady, I will leave to your dreams; sleep tied.
"Watching her sleep," a voice calls to me as I close the doors. I turn and she is there: Sailor Pluto, Setsuna. My most loyal scout. "This is the only time you can see her face to face," I smile to her. She knows the answer.
"It is the only time I can be brave," I hug myself, may be because I feel powerless. "It is the only time I can see her and not see his eyes looking at me."
"She does have his eyes," Setsuna puts a hand over my shoulder. It is warm and caring. It gives me strength.
"Thank you for being more like a mother to her," I pull away from her. "Thank you for providing the love she needs," tears fall from my eyes and my shatter heart starts to ache in pain. Do not understand. "I cannot be her mother. I am a coward…" I run from her reach. I know she wants to help, but I cannot be help. I must go and visit HIS grave in the moon.
"Pluto," her voice calls me as she rises from her bed. "Mama came to see me last night," her smile breaks my heart. She loves her mother, but her mother doesn't love her back. For the child, simple things the Queen does to her are enough. "She stood here," pointing at a post of the canopy bed. She stands next to it and inhales air. "I can still smell her."
"I am glad that she was here, Small Lady," I tell her pulling her day clothes out of the closet. "Let me get you ready for breakfast."
"Do you think Mama will be there?" she asked me pulling off her nightgown. "I would love to see her.
"I know not," I answer to avoid telling her: the Queen has gone on a trip to the Moon Sanctuary and won't be back in a few days. My heart breaks like always, but this is also my fault. I like all the other scouts, turn our backs to our leader when she needed us the most. We wanted that wonderful future that we saw many centuries ago. We wanted to see our dreams realize. We did not care that our sacrificial bird was Serena. What is more repugnant? We did not want to hear her warnings about our new enemy. We live thanks to her sacrifice: Seiya. Now, we see those consequences of our selfish actions. If I could change the past, I would let then be. Might be, we had been reborn again and life normal human lives, born, grown, die and reborn again. Might be, Rini would had had a loving father and mother and probably a sibling.
"I hope she is there," she brings me back to current time. She has changed her clothes to a blue dress. "I want to ask her: who is Seiya?" cold water comes down on mine spine. How can she know his name?
"Where did you hear that name?" I look at her ruby-red eyes. My thoughts are running wild.
"She whispered last night. I think," she is a bit puzzle. "Or I hear it in a dream, but she was there," she knows his name, her father's name. I only smile at her and we start our walk to the dining hall.
