A/N: Okay! After all of your begging and whining (and threats... ahem) Here it is. The South Park 2 Movie! Sorta. I don't own South Park. (But if I did... that'd be the coolest thing EVER!) And... well, enjoy. Keep those reviews coming! Okay, here we go!

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Chapter One: A typical day

A voice in the shadows sighed and faced the blank window, dark with the inky black blackness of the nighty night sky. You get it. It was night time, okay?

"I can't believe it's come to this. It's not FAIR!" He said, banging his hand on the desk. His assistant appeared next to it, hoping to calm him down.

"There, there master. Don't you want a coke? Or a pepsi? Or a fanta? Or..." He glared at her. "Don't start. You know that annoys me. Effing coke and pepsi, they're the SAME THING why don't they just merge!"

She sighed and shrugged while he pulled out a magazine and put his feet up on his desk. "I dunno. Do you HAVE to read those in front of me?"

Dirty magazines.

"Well, who's the master?" "You are." "Glad you know it. Go get me a fanta, AAidAs."

His assistant was called Andromic Aide/Assistant, or AAidAs. Not very creative, but what do you expect.

He's only nine years old.

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Place: South Park, Colorado
Time: 0900 Saturday Morning
Place (again): Bus stop

"Dammit, where is he?"

Three boys stood at a bus stop, waiting for their fourth friend, Kenny, to come back with matches so they could light cow crap on fire.

Stan Marsh, the boy with the blue coat, had his lighter. But it was busted. "Don't worry, Cartman, he'll be here."

Eric Cartman, the fat boy with a red coat, was growing impatient.

After all, he was fat.

And impatient.

And fat.

"Don't worry, fatass, he'll be here." The third boy, Kyle Brovlofski, wore an orange coat with green gloves. Cartman turned on him.

"DON'T CALL ME FAT, YOU FRIGGIN' JEW!"

"DON'T YOU OPPRESS ME FAT BOY!"

"Look, you guys, he's coming." a fourth boy, Kenny McCormick, came running up to them, wearing an orange parka that covered most of his face.

"(I got the matches, let's go!)" He said, his words coming out muffled. He didn't care, though. His friends could understand him.

Before they could set off, though, a big blue truck rolled up towards them.

"Hey kids, what's going on?" It was Randy Marsh, Stan's dad. In the passenger's side was Stuart McCormick, Kenny's dad.

"Nothing. What's with all the equipment, dad?" Stan pointed to some supplies in the back of the truck. Randy smiled. "Oh. Well, me and Kenny's dad are going on an expidition for a few days as part of a research study."

Stan nodded his head. "Okay."

Then, there was that akward pause.

Very akward.

"Well, boys, we'd better get going, we're really busy. Take care of the house Stan."

"Yeah, and you too, Kenny." Stuart said. They pulled off quickly down the street, the boys watching them go.

"Dude, I hope I'm not that lame when I grow up." The other boys nodded and headed to the pastures.

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"How was your day today, Stan?" Sharon Marsh asked. He shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Just another regular day."

Yes. Just another regular day at South Park. For the boys, anyway.

"Okay, so there's three shovels, and a drill, and your equipment Randy." Stuart said, pulling the stuff out of the truck and taking a swig of his beer. Randy wasn't paying attention. He was too busy staring at the entrance to an odd cave.

"Hey, Stuart? What d'you say we go inside, huh? Just for a look." Stuart looked at the cave, then took another sip of his beer.

He loved beer.

"Well... we're supposed to be setting up this equipment so that you can clasify the safty of this place... but sure, what the hell." He said, shrugging and taking... yet another swig of beer.

He loved beer, and took another one out of the truck.

"Jesus, how many of those things have you had today?" Randy asked, as they went into the cave.

"This 'un'll only make eight. Hey, I'm fine, alright!" He said, belching and running into Randy's back.

"Ummm... right."

End of Chapter One. Please Review!