A Parody on all Things Legolas
By
Lilly McShepin
Pre-read by her sister Cathie and her cousin Phoebe
...and Salogel and Nrogara
Okay - I apologize for taking a while to update. O.O As some of you may know, I was bitten by a rattlesnake (not as dramatic as it sounds, it has happened to me before) and then a few days after that, my laptop crashed. AND just yesterday Cathie - my sister - broke her ankle while playing on the tire swing in the barn. Alas! How I wish I had a boring life!
I got a new laptop though. It is white and shiny. *grins* I like it.
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away... so far away, in fact, that not even the great, wise, and all knowing lord Elrond of the creepy eyebrows had heard of things such as computers. But those fantastic machines have no point in this story so I am going to stop rambling right now and continue onto the story.
Legolas and Aragorn were best friends. BEST friends. Like brothers. Despite the fact that just a chapter ago, Legolas hated humans because they are smelly and ugly and stupid and because he had a traumatic past. MANY traumatic pasts, to tell you the truth. The darling, wonderful, angsty, intelligent, blond haired blue eyed elf had had SO MANY traumatic things happen to him, it made intelligent people such as Galadriel and Lilly McShepin wonder why he was still able to joke and smile and laugh.
But that is besides the point.
Aragorn and Legolas - the great and powerful duo of angsty, awesome, beautiful, manly/elvishy... ness - were taking a break from the horrible lives. They were laying in a meadow, where exactly, we do not know. I do not feel as that is important.
SUDDENLY, THROUGH THE PEACEFUL SILENCE THEY ARE ATTACKED! Legolas with his awesome senses didn't notice their attackers, but that is overlooked. The awesomely good looking pair fight bravely against the mean men, but unfortuanatly - they loose.
They are both knocked out. They wake up sometime later in a smelly, dark and ugly dungeon. Usually one of them wakes up before the other - so that they can have a self pitying, blameing, angst fest. This time it is Legolas.
"Oh no!" He wept - despite the fact that he is a big brave strong hunky elf. "This is all my fault! I should have kept the wimpy human safe! Now we are in the dark, scary, smelly dungeons! This reminds me of my traumatic past!"
*please insert a random traumatic past flashback that leaves Legolas - the big hunky elf - in tears*
Suddenly, Aragorn wakes up! He comforts Legolas and gets the elf prince to talk about his problems that he had not spoken to anybody about in the best decade or so. Their brotherly bond is strengthened and during their little hug/comfort/angst fest - the meanie men come back!
They drag Legolas away and torture him badly! There is no reason but for the fact that they don't like people to have hug/comfort/angst fests. They hurt him so much he screams and cries like a little baby - which really humiliates him. They toss him back in the cell with Aragorn.
Aragorn suddenly pulls some random leaf from his boot (which is really smelly) and chews it and spits it up on Legolas. All of Legolas' wounds are healed! Then Aragorn comforts the elf and assures him that it is alright that he cried like a little kid.
During round two of the hug/comfort/angst fest, the meanie men come back because they have nothing better to do. They take Aragorn away and begin to torture him using things such as making him eat fat free/sugar free chocolate, cutting the ears off of his bunny slippers, and then whipping him with a TV cord and pouring salt in the wounds. Aragorn passes out after screaming so loudly the building starts to collapse. The meanie men run away from the falling building.
Legolas is no longer crying like a little kid. He is once again the biggest, strongest, hunkiest elf in the world! He breaks free from the dungeon, dodges the falling pieces of building, and finds Aragorn! He drags the smelly human out of the building and carries him all the way back to Rivendell where the prince collapses on the front porch after saying "I'm fine."
Lord Elrond heals them both VERY quickly. *insert happy, comforting, mildly angsty scene which ends in Aragorn and Legolas hugging*
AND THEY BOTH LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
Please review. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!
