First off, I AM ON A ROLL! WOO! IM EXCITED! I'm popping chapters out LEFT AND RIGHT BABY! WOO!
**Ends screaming happy rant. ** So, yea, I know i said i wouldn't continue this story, but ... i **THINK** i may have changed my mind. Only because i've thought of a plot that will still have a happy ending. as in..yes, jacob will eventually have to meet renesmee. but what happens THEN? HM...! READ! =]
Here's the deal though. These chapters will NOT be frequent, or LONG. Becuase this is very hard for me to write this story...I mean, I don't like to write this dark, mean version of Jacob...but he will slowly change by the time this story ends. He will be pissed and mad and sad for the first half of the story though, which is understandable, I think? Anyways...you guys KNOW how i am about updating...so sorry, but don't expect frequent ones. Actually, since its the summer time, i might be able to squeeze in a bit more [since i'm on a roll.] WOO! ENJOY!
Chapter 1
My pointless journey to nowhere was quickly interrupted by Sam. As I should have expected, he was already phased and waiting for me. I mentally growled. I did not want to hear his crap right now. He could say anything that I possibly wanted to hear. He quickly scanned my thoughts and got up to date on everything that had happened at the Cullens' house. I decided to just phase back to my human self and then phase out once more after I'd spoken to my father. I owed him that much, at least. Maybe I could buy a cheap mobile phone to reach him whenever I reached my destination…wherever that would be. Which would hopefully be far far away from this damn place, and the damn leeches, and the damn demon.
Just as I was about to phase out, Sam pleaded with me to wait a second. I could block him out easily, since we were no longer joined by the same pack. Instead, we were both Alpha leaders. Damn, that reminded me—I still had a pack...I'd just have to send them back to Sam's group, even if I had to use the alpha order. I knew they wouldn't like it…but tough luck.
Jake, please. Just—just wait a second. I understand how you feel—
DO YOU SAM? I roared in frustration. I felt like ripping apart everything within ten feet around me as I continued to race through the forest. This is exactly why I didn't want to be around anyone, or talk to anyone. It wasn't their fault, and I did not want to snap at anyone. I'm sorry, man. I just…I need to be alone right now.
I understand. But Jacob, your pack needs you. You have obligations. Sam whispered quietly.
I mentally cursed. He was right, but I didn't care. I couldn't deal with it right now.
I get it. And…if you need to run off some steam, go. But you've got to come back. Things will still need to be sorted out. You can't run away from your problems Jacob. Even if you do, they'll still be here when you get back. And…even if you try and outrun them, they'll always be with you, in your memories. No matter how hard you try to forget them…Trust me. I've lived through it, remember?
Sam showed me memories of him trying to run away in his wolf form from all the issues he had had in his life after changing. Losing Leah, and then not being able to tell anyone anything that was happening. Feeling insane, being alone…and then imprinting on Emily, and the inescapable pain and guilt for Leah…the initial rejection from Emily…no matter how much he ran, it didn't lesson the pain.
I can't do this…there's no point, I don't see why— I couldn't bring myself to finish my thought. But he had to feel it too, in my thoughts. It was there…it was still there. The constant pull, the urge for me to go back to the leeches lair. I could not understand why. Why would I want to go back, to see my best friend dead, laying on a table—lifeless? Before I could help it, the image of her solid, empty, cold body flashed before my eyes, and I broke down again. Growling furiously, I clawed my paws into the damp ground, sliding to a halt. Throwing my head back, I howled. It was much easier to express human emotions in this beastly form. I didn't have to feel my heart this way. I could lose myself to the animal inside of me. Sam remained quiet the entire time. When I had finished howling, he continued.
I don't understand it either, Jake. But…maybe you should return to the Cullen's house.
No, I shouldn't. I growled at him.
Jake, they have successfully produced offspring…that is a potential safety hazard to those around it. People, Jake. The people around them—like our people, our tribe, our brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, are all at risk. We must—
She's gone, Sam. I thought simply. That's what it came down to. There was nothing else I needed to do. Not as an alpha pack leader, not as a best friend, not a brother, not as a son. There was nothing left in me. I would be useless to everyone. There was nothing else that I wanted to do but get as far away from Forks as I possibly could. I did not care what happened from this point on. I tried to kill it, Sam. But…I couldn't. I wish I had the strength to kill the damn thing, but I can't…she wouldn't have wanted that. She died trying to bring that thing into this world…and she'd probably kill me...I mentally smiled. I could picture her now, glaring at me with angry brown eyes. Next, she would be yelling at me for even thinking such a thing. But I still held no sympathy for the creature that took my best friend—my future—away from me.
You couldn't kill it, which is understandable, but I can. Sam's thoughts interrupted my own.
Immediately, something within me snapped at his statement. Spoken with such confidence, calmness, and certainty; I knew Sam meant every word. But why did I not want him to?
WHAT? Sam shouted in surprise. This was the last thing I heard before I blocked him out. I could not deal with all of this today. I did not understand my emotions, nor did I want to. I needed to get away. I sped up, putting as much distance as I could between me and the Cullen mansion; all the while trying desperately to ignore the pull that it still had on me.
