In my hand I hold the cure for the Calling, and in the other I hold a handkerchief to my eyes, sobbing quietly.
I don't have a cure for the Calling itself, not exactly. Rather, I hold a potion that works much the same as the Blood included in the Joining, except it will do much the opposite. It will remove the part of me that makes me a Grey Warden.
And unfortunately, the risk of death also remains.
I sit on a mountain overlooking Adamant fortress. Thanks to Avernus' reports at Soldier's Peak, I know that the Inquisition will be attack for fortress to end Clarel's insanity.
And Leliana is with them.
I will join them. Maker, I've wasted enough of my life to the Wardens, and whatever happened at that Conclave, I won't support murder of the Divine, whatever their reasons were. I don't give a damn if the last two Archdemons awoke, there's nothing that justifies that.
I'm just scared out of my mind. If this kills me, I'll never see my Leliana again. I won't ever hold our sweet little kitty, Wynne. I'll never be a mother, raising a sweet little baby girl or boy, hearing them call me "mom" as they hug me.
I want to see Leliana again. I want to hold her at night as her beautiful eyes of blue flutter close, to have her be the first thing I see when I wake and the last thing I see when I sleep. I want to feel her come apart in my arms late at night as candles burn around us. I love her, so, so much.
Drums begin to beat in the distance, and I know what's happening. The Inquisition is attacking the Wardens. I can feel the discord on the air, and war horns blow in the distance. She's down there somewhere, ready to fight for her life.
I hold the bottle up in my hands, feeling the weight of it swish around in the glass jar that I kept it in once me and Avernus finished it. According to him, I should have about a half chance of survival, and a half chance of a horrible death. I'll take those chances in exchange to see my wife once more, and call it a bargain.
In the fog of my tears, I can almost see her sweet face, her gentle, secretive smile that she gives whenever she feels safe and loved, the way that she holds me at night when I'm exhausted...
That tears it. I uncork it, and bring it up to my lips. I'm already dying from the Blight. If it kills me, then at least it will be faster, and there's a letter on my desk at Soldier's Peak to be delivered to her if I don't come back. And if I survive, then I can live the rest of my life out with her in bliss.
I swallow the cure whole in a single swallow, and suddenly I can feel my blood behind my eyes. I drop the bottle, shattering once it hits the ground, and I fall beside it, trying to scream, but my voices comes out as a strangled choke of air.
I roll onto my back, gasping for air, my eyes white and wide, burning my vision. I had forgotten what the Joining felt like.
My vision begins to blur and fade, and I give one final desperate whisper to the skies.
"Leliana."
