Chapter 2: ...Unoriginal? Predictable? Unimaginative? Sure, let's go with...all of those.

..."Hikigaya-kun, while you aren't exactly wrong about the purpose of this club, the uncouth and vulgar way you said it leaves a bad taste in my mouth." Yukinoshita locks eye with me. "According to Hiratsuka-sensei, it is the duty of those superiors to save those who lead pitiful existence, so I will make sure that I accomplish what she required of me and fulfill my responsibilities. I will rectify your problems." She stands up, her arms folded. "Show some gratitude." Oh, an attack straight to the ego! She probably believes I will become indignant and defensive and so will spill out more information about myself, giving her more ammunition to better fire me down! Choo choo bitches, the Hikigaya Express isn't going to go down so easily! I better rectify that false belief of her by dragging her down to my level and beat her with viole-, I mean, experience!

"Gratitude? For what?"

"For the mere fact that I am still tolerating your existence, of course."

'Tolerating me? Please, you say it likes I was some kind of trash-"

"You are."

"...Which indeed I am, but it is rude to interrupt someone when they speak, you know." I slowly stand up, my face straight to hers. "But talking to you about rudeness is like trying to talk sense to monkey: no matter what you do, they will still screech and fling shits at you, for it is in their nature to do so."

"You sure you aren't measuring another's foot by your own last, Monkeygaya-kun?" She sneered.

"Not as sure as you, Yukinoprimate." I flashed her a toothy smile. "I can play this game all day."

"But I'd rather not: Based on my observation, it seems that your loneliness is a result of your corrupted mind and filthy language." Yukinoshita concluded eagerly. "Like I said, it is a duty of me as a superior being to save a lonely, pitiable existence like you, and so it is only right for you to show proper respect to me." Oh well, time to go full throttle.

"…What kind of drug are you on?"

"P-Pardon?"

"I asked you what kind of drug are you on, for there is no other reason I can use to justify your skewered-ball tripping perception on reality. You, superior being? Get a grip, your ego is baring its flat chest to the world: what make you so cocksure that you are fit to lecture me on problems you also have?"

"O-objectively, I am superior to you academically and physically. My popularity is also top notch." The move was super effective! Yukinoshita stuttered!

"Oh yeah, miss perfection with a sliver spoon in her mouth, I do agree that you are objectively better than me in these area, but I think you are missing the mark, so I will repeat it again, this time more clearly: What give you the moral high ground to lecture me about fitting in with society, miss bullied-through-her entire-childhood? "

"Y-you don't know me."

"And the same could be said to you, yet you are so adamant to believe that my way is wrong and yours is right. You don't know me, you don't know my history, you don't know anything about me other than the barest superficial, and yet you are still all so eager to judge and make untrue assumption on my character. Do you think it will motivate me to change myself into some super being or something? Sorry, not gonna happen. This is the best of all possible world. Deal with it. Or not. Your choice."

"…What are you saying? If you don't change, you will be at a level that will make living in society difficult." Are you trying to intimidate me? Yes you are. Yet you failed.

"You seem to hold a naïve belief that just by merely changing myself, society will wholeheartedly accept me, even though it didn't accept you." I took a breath. "Life is suffering, and those who live will suffer, no other way around it. If I have to suffer anyway, I want it to be of my own choosing. What is so wrong about it? Why should I dance to the tune of others, laugh to rhythm of others? Why shouldn't I just be content with what I have right now?"

"…You are just brushing away the problem. If you don't change, you won't move forward. And for parasitic trash like you, that is inacceptable." Oh, getting snappy, aren't we?

"Yet we all change and move forward. Another day passing is another step we took to our inevitable reunion with dusts and sand. You only consider the beneficial side of change, but that is not the whole truth. Change goes both ways. For there to be growth, there must also be regression." I paused. "It isn't mean to say that change itself is bad, but I refuse to change my principles on mere words from another, much less someone I consider a stranger who knows nothing about me yet have been rude and judgmental to me from the second I get into this room."

"…If that is how it is, it wouldn't solve any problem or save anybody." She says bitterly.

"Why should it? You solve one problem and another appears. You save one person and another appears. Can you solve everyone problem? Can you save everyone? Can you know for sure your way is the right way to solve a problem, the right way to save someone?" I sneered. "No, no you can't, and to say otherwise is no less of delusional."

"But it is the right thing to do!" Yukinoshita shouted at me, her eyes were that of bloodcurdling anger.

Bingo.

"Correction: you believe it to be the right thing to do. But I don't. Do your things, do your best, I don't care as long as it has nothing to do with me. One who wishes to change society should start with oneself first before going around preaching their subjective values and ideals to another."

"…If that's so, then there would be no way to relieve concerns and no way to redeem oneself would there?" She spat out, her face turns rigid as it redden with cold, piercing anger.

"I don't know, and I don't care: I wish to change nothing, save no one, and therefore I have nothing to prove, no pathological need to prove myself. I mean, whatever happens, happens. Why give a shit?"

"…Then why are you still talking?" She asks, her tone low and dangerous. She expects something serious from me. Some valid, profound-sounding reasons for her to bite on and tear apart.

"Because there is nothing better to do." So of course, I will give her a serious answer. "…And I am bored, anyway." The whole truth, even.

"!"

Ignore the shocked, angry glare of a certain Yukinoshita, I gaze at the door. "Hah…this is all pointless anyway, so can I go home now?" I said tiredly. "What is the point of locking two friendless, ostracized kids together in a single room anyway? You believe we will come to a heartfelt conclusion that we are not so different to each other and become sworn comrades or something? Sorry, but that only happens in shounen manga. Are you also delus-"

"YUKINOSHITA, I AM COMING IN!" Before I could finish my sentence, Hiratsuka sensei suddenly shouted and banged in so as to mask the sounds of door being unlocked. Too bad neither of us were fooled for a second: Yukinoshita reeled back almost 2 meters, her arms embracing her body as she took on a….defensive position?

"Sensei, did you actually lock me together with this beast, even though I have said that being near him make me feel like my chastity is in peril?" Oi.

"Ahaha, I mean, eh…" Oi. "…T-things have become interesting, right! A battle of wit and principles! I mean, since ancient time, when two collide in the name of justice, it is customary in shounen manga battle it out in an all or nothing match, right?!"

"But we aren't in a shounen manga…" Are we? Reality is confusing, and nobodies listen to me, so I guess there is a high chance that we are in a shounen manga. Or a doujinshi. Or a fanfic. A badly written one, mostly. A crack fic? Hikki x MAX coffee? Hikki x Apathy-kun? Hikki x Distraction-chan?

…Hikki x Hikki?

Thankfully, before I can muse further into madness, sensei let out a resounding laugh and turn to face us.

"Okay, I have decided! From now on, I will guide troubled lamb to this club where they will be under your supervision! Both of you will try to help them as you see fit, and who solved more problem and saved more people will be the winner! Who will be able to help these people? Gundam fight, ready! GO!"

"I refuse." X2

For a moment after that, Yukinoshita and I locked eyes.

"Absolutely refuse." X2

It seems that we are in complete accord.

"Tch, I know, stop rubbing it in my face!" Sensei bit her nail in frustration. "Ah, was the reference too obscure? Maybe a Robattle5 would be easier to understand…"

"Sensei, please stop acting childishly hyperactive. It is very unbecoming of someone your age, not to mention awfully indecent." Yukinoshita, her composure regained, retort with much gusto. If she is a pokemon, she would be an Ice type for sure, always hurling ice-cold sharp words like they were icicles.

YUKINOSHITA used ICY-COLD HURTFUL WORDS! It was super effective! SENSEI is stunned! SENSEI has turned red from embarrassment! SENSEI coughed as to hide her faux pas!

"I-In any case, it is decided! The only thing that will prove one's rectitude is their actions! If I tell you to have a match, then you have one! Neither of you have any right to say no!"

"Okay."

"…One more time, Hachiman." Hiratsuka suddenly growl at me as she tilts her head downward, her eyes completely hidden from my view. Huh? "One more time, and I promise I will make you suffer." Ah.

"Okay."

"NOW YOU HAVE DONE IT YOU LITTLE-" Before she could finish her sentence and jumped me, I have already vaulted over the table and arrive at Yukinoshita's side as the girl mentioned gasped and jumped out of her chair, taken completely by surprise from the suddenness of this development.

"Now obediently come here, Hachiman, and I promise it will be fast…" Haratsuka sensei has a dangerous glint in her eyes, one similar to that of a wild beast poked too much or a loli dragon lewd-ed too many time. These eyes promise too well of pain, of the fact that eventually, I will end up suffering under her hand one way of another. should I just give up right here and now and spare myself the pain of being a man?

No. No I can't. But then, what can a man do? What can I do? What should I tell her? That I am sorry? That I promise I won't do it again? That I will never ever poke fun at her childish demeanor again, that I will find her a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up who won't mind her terrible manner, smoking tendencies and strange hung-up over her age?

Alas, whatever I do, however I act, the result wouldn't change. The conclusions have been set. When I pick up one end of the stick, I also pick up the other. Even though human are free to choose our actions, we are not free enough to choose the consequences of those actions.

One can decide to step in front of a fast-moving train, but one cannot decide what will happen when the train hits them. Even if one truly believes he can fly, the second he jumped out of the roof of his apartment to prove his belief is the second reality-specifically in this case, gravity-reminds him that they are indeed harsh mistress. Needless to say, in a fight between gravity and an empty skull, gravity always wins, no matter how manga, anime and Hollywood have said and claimed otherwise. The only thing that person proved is that he is more than not a suitable candidate for that year's Darwin award.

In conclusion, we see that man always has the freedom to choose, even when he believes otherwise and the decision is dumb as fuck.

So, do I have the power to choose my response?

"Okay." Yes, indeed I do.

"AGGGHHH!" As the enraged woman-hulk jumped on the table and swoop down onto me like a hungry bald eagle, her coat flutters in the wind as its shadow envelopes me, there is only one question left in my mind, one of uttermost importance, one that refuses to leave even in the face of immense bodily harm.

Where can I find single-cup style drip filter?