II. The Boss and His Strays
Sawada Tsunayoshi, Vongola Decimo, successor of a 400-year old Mafia Famiglia , one time student known to all as 'Dame Tsuna' appears like a hapless clueless teenager most of the time. His gravity-defying hairstyle, soft-spoken nature and guileless chocolate eyes seemed more suited to someone who worked in a low level corporation than an organized crime family. Coupled with the fact that the guardians he has chosen are no older than him and his unusual penchant for collecting strays, his ascension into the Tenth Boss made every jaded, cynical member of the mafia think that the Vongola finally snapped and chose a dud for its current heir. They declared that the Decimo was a little soft in the head and that no good will ever come out of his charity. That is until they learn first-hand just how deadly his stray choices could be.
Medical Emergency
Dr. Shamal once overheard a midlevel famiglia boss remark absently that the Decimo looked too feminine and should be some other bosses mistress rather than an actual head of a famiglia. The man spent the next two years in and out of various hospitals trying to find cures for diseases that seemed to afflict him. He would discover a new disease popping up every time he managed to cure one sickness after the other rendering him a paranoid germaphobe and complete hypochondriac for the rest of his life. When he finally recovered from the attack of random illnesses, it was to his ever lasting horror and shame that he had developed a pair of breasts that no one could explain and had to have them surgically removed before he could show himself in public.
Party Favors
A disgruntled group of young mafioso from rich, established famiglias tried inciting a riot during one of the simple get-together of an allied family that the Decimo and his guardians were expected to attend, hoping to embarrass the host and ferment a dissent between the alliance. They bragged that they would be better suited to the post of Decimo than some sissy looking scrawny kid that they would've used for target practice. It was to their eternal misfortune that Lancia happened to attend the same event in the hopes of meeting up with Decimo and express his gratitude for the young Head's intervention on his behalf with the Vendice. When he heard their boasts and the young mafioso's scheme to cause a scene when Decimo arrives, well, who could blame Lancia if he chose to show his gratitude by hanging the young upstarts from the tree in the central courtyard like so much blindfolded, naked piƱata? It certainly provided the affair that inimitable cachet that's so hard to come by. Everyone was certainly looking forward to the next annual famiglia get together.
Charity Funds
A crafty, greedy businessman tried using delaying tactics to draw out signing a contract for a facility that Decimo needed for one of his outreach programs and thereby scam the Vongola out of more money than they normally would've paid, Bianchi walked through the doors of his private suite and proceeded to bury him in a pillar of slow-acting poisoned spaghetti that tightened into barbed coils the tiniest shift in his body. She then informed him that for his actions, his company would be paying for the building of the facility and that the bulk of his fortune would be confiscated to finance the running of the facility he so ingeniously tried to rob. He could also expect the Vongola auditor to come and go through his books to see if there were other secrets he was all too willing to hide. When the man tried to file for bankruptcy in hopes of escaping further punishment, he was informed that he isn't eligible since the Vongola would continue to employ him-for free.
Pins and Needles
A ragtag bunch of young underling-trainees in the midst of a training exercise made a reckless comment that the Vongola Decimo seemed to be entirely too much of a pushover with children that he must've been a nanny in another life. It was rather unfortunate for the bunch that made such an observation that their trainer for the day happened to be a young martial artist who, upon hearing their unfortunate choice of word proceeded to beat them within an inch of their lives by making them go through all the known strengthening exercises of every arcane Chinese kung fu she could think of and then used them to demonstrate all the known and unknown ill-effects of a well-placed needle according to Chinese acupuncture. By the end of the week they were begging their sponsors and their own family to disown them so that they could stop being used as human pincushions.
Dinner is Served
A bunch of rowdy Yakuza affiliated with a smaller famiglia that had ties with the Vongola, having dinner in a local sushi restaurant one night made mention in passing that the reason Decimo had stayed in Italy rather than build a headquarters in Japan was because he couldn't cut it with the local Yakuza clan. That same Yakuza group received a visit that night from the local sushi chef that served them their dinner. The man, having destroyed their base and beaten up more than half their members then proceeded to show them his knives, reminding them that he was a man that could easily fillet a 140-pound tuna into slivers and that he would be more than happy to offer to do to them the same service if they ever say the same thing about the Vongola Decimo again.
Greed vs. Zombies
An ambitious local politico threatened to have the Vongola Famiglia, especially the current Decimo, imprisoned and audited to show that their impressive wealth actually belongs to the government and should by rights, be then confiscated and turned over to the local officials. The same politician, who had actually gone on air to broadcast his stand on the subject then received a gift in the mail within a week; a small bejeweled case no bigger than a ring box with a card telling him to simply open the box to attain the means to get rid of the Vongola. The man did as he was instructed and spent more than a good two months floating in an inter-dimensional limbo filled with visions of space monsters and blood sucking plants created by Irie Shoichi. When he came back, he immediately filed his resignation and moved to the inner city where he lived in a concrete townhouse that didn't house a single plant in sight.
Nightly Visits
A group of vigilantes once took it upon themselves to target Decimo and hoped to oust him off his position in order to gain control of the immense hold filled with the impressive cache of weaponry at the Vongola's disposal. When this particular plot happened to be intercepted by Giannini and Spanner, their leaders found themselves having to deal with the nightly visits of courtesy of a King Mosca that destroyed their bases no matter where they tried to run and no matter how many times they rebuilt. They thought that surrendering would end the relentless hunt that the King Mosca subjected them to but to their utter horror they found out that they had to content with something worse than the King Mosca-a mini-mosca that force-fed them natto flavored, wrench-shaped lollipops every time they tried to open their mouths to cry for help.
Accounts Receivable
And when the Varia themselves failed to file the correct paperwork, tax returns, payroll, cash vouchers and requisition forms that documented the total cost of repairs and damages incurred by their missions and complained loudly that they had better things to do than comply to the requests of the bastard baby boss they learned the hard way that there was someone even scarier than their boss when he is in high-bastard mode-The Vongola Auditor Miura Haru. Bel, in his mistaken desire to drive the fear of God (and royalty) into the heart if the imperious Auditor arrogantly stalked into the auditor's office, carelessly waving around one of his knives and tried to persuade the young woman that sat behind the large partner's desk that they were busy and that if they received one more official summon regarding something as pathetic paperwork he would find the Baby Bastard Boss himself and cut him into cold-cut thin slivers. Haru didnt even bother looking up from the stack of receipts in front of her, instead she promptly cocked her custom-made Glock 9 with her left hand and emptied her gun near his feet while her right continued drumming the calculator.
