A/N: Sorry- this is more of the same; The next chapter is out of the orphanage though and then the next is Academy, so Hang in there! A few things might seem weird to think about- that's just my head. I'm not stopping to edit through what I think I might think about in these circumstances. I'm putting my mind frame there and letting the story just write itself. I'm surprised myself how it's developing. Constructive Criticism quite welcome.
Chapter Two: Childhood
I remember the first time I saw my reflection- it's kind of a traumatic memory- like all prophesized children, no one called me by my name at first- I'd tried asking once, with the little Japanese I knew at about 7 months? Still early for my first words- all that came out was a vaguely growly garbled mess. I think I freaked out the caretaker that was changing my diaper (I'd long ago figured out I was male- and as such had such a ridiculously small penis- Despair/ that shit better grow during puberty/ WTF!) and like- the caretaker just left. I never even saw him again.
So I pulled my new diaper closed- a little sloppy, but geeze motor control was hard- and rolled a little- (good thing he changed me on the floor) and rolled right in front of a mirror. A wide-eyed whiskered blond stared back at me. And like- I'm not usually super dramatic, I just- reached out and touched my reflection and it was just- crap. You know? Or rather a bunch of internal cussing- I'd been a sailor in my previous life, I knew a few good ones. I sat up and you know- those whiskers were actually black? Like a tattoo- Smooth as the rest of my cheeks, but a little more sensitive than the rest of the skin. Almost like there was something solid under the surface, but I couldn't feel anything even when I poked and pushed my face all over the place.
Eventually my unimpressed bitch face stared back at me. It was dramatically epic. I huffed a little. At least I knew why I'd gone through so many caretakers. And where yellow/white and red blobs had gone- or 'Mom' and 'Dad' (Kaa & Tou-san? Haha & ChiChi?) whatever- I was an orphan, which sucked balls okay, my parents weren't all that great my last life, and I figured the new ones had given me up for adoption or something- eyesight isn't great the first couple months, but I'd assumed they were too young or something but at least they'd been alive (figuratively, in my imagination). Ha- I'd seen them die I think. That was kinda cool? At least I could remember them. Was it bad I thought that was cool? Oh- they sealed themselves inside me- that's- really creepy actually.
So Freudian.
Can't cry over someone that isn't really gone I suppose? Or miss what you never had. Some such shit. Ugh. I was the prophecy child- most probably. This whole world is dependent on me from saving it from Kaguya and Pein (Nagato!) Tobito and Orochimaru (Totally Voldemort, snake pedophiles bent on immortality unite!). I am not freaking out. No- really, my increased heart rate was just gas. My narrowing vision was just… Deep Breath Back up. Take another breath. What do I know?
My name for one thing. (yay) Uzumaki Naruto ;(last name first) progress! My parents names- Uzumaki Kushina (was she actually Uzumaki Royalty, or just a political power piece sent over to Konoha for the treaty?) oh! The name of my town- Village? My Hidden Village. Konohagakure no Sato. Wonder if seals were involved in that- probably not so hidden if civilians could find it- My dad's name! Namikaze Minato- Yondaime Hokage, student of Jiraiya, student of the Sandaime, all the way the first Hokage.
Pretty prestigious heritage there. – the Naruto from the series never used the fact that EVERY Konoha ninja EVER wore the Uzumaki spiral in remembrance/debt to them after not being able to come to their aid when their village was destroyed. And there was like an avoidance? Sorta? Of mentioning knowledge of Naruto's dad between the different villages, even during the 4th Ninja War- wonder why. Huh. (maybe he didn't need to…).
Kurama. The name of my tenant, and general homicidal grumpy cat (sorry- fox). We'd probably get along. I'm a big believer of faking it till you make it with the warm fuzzies- I knew from an old physiology teacher in college that smiling, even if you didn't mean it could trick your brain into releasing endorphins. I figured philosophy could work that way too- after all, why not? And it seemed to work for The old Naruto. I wasn't as dumb though- the old Naruto (and that was going to get old- I WAS NARUTO, that identity was mine now, and I don't want to share it, but it's obvious I wouldn't be like the old one, since I was so….me.)I'd rather push a little on the obvious likeness to my dad (and yeah- I was totally okay calling him that, he was dumb, but he was my dad okay, and boys are dumb anyway) and I'm fairly sure the relationship there to my dad would make my life harder if I pushed it with the public, but being a kid was going to be BORING.
Also I was kind of a little shit. Bwahaha.
The Uchiha were alive right now. Not touching that with a 20 ft pole. If my being Naruto changed anything- yay? It seemed like the sharingan were evil from the outside perspective, and involved in the whole Kaguya thing, plus- they were traitors. As someone who'd served in the US Military, I had a stick up my ass when it came to traitors. I'd never liked Sasuke in the series- he was just so so dumb.
A different caretaker came into the room with a bottle (hey- I'd seen this one before!). Well- he came in with three. He grabbed one at random- so probably not specifically poisoned for me (unless he kept track without visuals somehow, or they were all poisoned- yes, I am a paranoid little shit now that I knew I was the village pariah). I paused when he handed it to me for a second to gauge him a little anyway before I drank it- cuddled it a bit actually, but he just huffed and rolled his eyes and muttered something that I think might have been about a girl- (Mori-Chan? Maybe his girlfriend) and how 'troublesome' she was and how much I reminded him of her. I eyed him a little and decided he could be a Nara- his ponytail went to the back of his head, but the tight, scritchy looking curls were consistent along with the dark coloring. I latched on and started eating, satisfied. He was gentle enough, if a little bored. If clan kids were doing this, there was probably a rotation for off-duty or light-duty ninja.
It would explain why my caretakers cycled through so much, without all the personal angsting, which I preferred- nobody was actually the center of the universe.
Except me. I was the actual center of the Narutoverse. I choked a little in my hilarity and some milk came out my nose. Gross. Maybe-Nara just sighed at me and wiped it up. Must suck to be him.
But really, it made a lot of sense to try to force injured ninja to care for infants- give them some buffer before you set them among the civilians after a bad mission, while still getting work out of the ninja that would be otherwise temporarily worthless. They'd done similar in the Navy my previous life- when we came back from a 8 month deployment in the war, we'd stop at Hawai'i and pick up civilians related to the people on board for a weeklong ferry back to the US. They called it 'Tiger Cruise'. It was so annoying- the Civilians got everywhere they weren't supposed to be, and we had to drop or put off things to accommodate them all week. Like herding cats. But it helped- by the time we got stateside, we could function like normal people again, without expecting everyone else to be with the program.
Also- they put pregnant women in working parties to clean up parking lots when they got to the light-duty stage. Not allowed to be on a boat when you're pregnant at all, too many hazardous chemicals for the kid. But cleaning up cigarette buts is like the worst job next to Naval Plumber/shit maintenance because it was so boring- and literally took hours- military base commanders were really anal about how clean the parking lots were. But hey- if they couldn't do anything else, the military puts them to work where they need them- as sweepers, or Janitors, painters, dock men- non discriminatory. The Military just doesn't waste money like that. Your body and life belongs to service, and it makes a girl humble that goes from advanced electronic manipulation to scrubbing toilets or dusting an hour every morning.
Where was I? I paused a bit, and elegantly choked on my bottle again. A sigh had me looking up as my face got another pass, and I tried to vomit rainbows and fluffy feelings through my eyes at Maybe-Nara. It got me a sort-of smile as he pulled back- mission accomplished. If he was here to reduce PTSD and help keep him a functioning human with real emotions, I'd have to be nicer to my caretakers.
I was almost full, but took the bottle back with no fuss, and curled my hand around one of his fingers while looking soulfully into his eyes as I gave a few more half-hearted sucks. I carefully locked away the evil cackle in my head into a little box so it wouldn't show up on my face. He was almost cooing at me now.
Humans are genetically predisposed to find big eyes in a kid irresistible, and I was going to milk it. I pulled up a couple emotions like trust and curiosity to add to my epic eye-feelings. Likely as not, over the next 4 years (Canon was I was going to see most of the active ninja force, and it wouldn't hurt to be nice to them now. Plus- if I helped calm them down, they'd be better soldiers on the outside once they got back onto active duty, and a refreshed soul at home was an unburdened one in the field. Also more likely I'd have more comrades to help protect my village. A rested ninja is a more alert ninja. (yes- I was totally willing to manipulate people into being happier and better rested- I'm not sorry)
I got burped, and cutely curled my fist into the front of his fishnet undershirt while I tucked my head under his. He kinda swayed in place- totally Zen. I was out in minutes listening to the gentle beating of his heart.
Over the following months, it became obvious that my caretakers were in fact shinobi on light duty. A few had visible injuries- splints and casts (usually lasted at the orphanage a few days before the cast came off- they usually came in for one last day afterwards. Accelerated but probably initially shattered bone or something- iryonin rocked my socks). I got a few lingering looks as my blond hair started to reach past my ears. One of them – a furtive looking brunette with a senbon in his mouth-(Kami- what was his name? he's canon I think…) and a cast on his right leg cut my hair up short over my ears and the back of the head with a kunai after staring at me for almost half an hour. I figured this would happen sooner or later, but I stared wide eyed at him with teary eyes the whole time. He almost started crying himself.
I sniffled pathetically when he was done and scrunched up my nose a bit, and got lots of apologies and cuddles. I kept the pathetic-ness at the same level so he didn't try to bounce me or anything, but hugged just so that it was a tad tight. Perfection.
Nothing I could do at this age to keep my hair like Minato's- but if I changed it subtly over a longer period of time once I was on my own (Canon Naruto was free at 5 yeah?), I could probably manage to establish it as my official hairstyle before anyone could do something without making it weird. The overcoat would come later I decided.
I was a little upset I hadn't seen Kakashi yet- I was hoping to get to him young enough I could start off with calling him Nii-chan. That guy needed hugs. He was just such a sad sack of awesome-socially-inept-ninja. (also- he was my favorite Naruto Character- thus the sexiest, and god that was going to be so awkward.)
Genma? Raido? I think he's Raido- he's not coughing so probably not Hayate (I am such a dork, how do I remember these names? Probably the 600$ I spent on Naruto trading cards once upon a time- obviously it was a good investment of time and money).
Anyway, I pulled a sleepy awesomely cute yawn on him. He practically melted. I saw him a few more days- he helped me with my kana blocks- that's the Japanese version of an alphabet- probably out of guilt.
The adorableness was already wielding returns in the form of cuddles, story-time (language arts/reading & writing), and a few weapons throwing demos (ha-ha- that one guy got in so much trouble- or at least, an ANBU dropped out of nowhere and stared him into a blushing guilty mess until he stowed them and picked up some pink fluffy stuffed animal. And proceeded to make up a convoluted and bloody backstory for the sparkly unicorn in a tutu. Ninja imagination is so weird).
So- I was being watched over by not only light duty ninja, but also ANBU, which makes sense.
By the time I could reasonably talk, I started off in full sentences.
And with walking. Between caretakers I went from babbling and crawling to asking questions and talking. Since the turnover was so fast, the only one that might have noticed at all was my ANBU watcher- and I'd assume he put that in his report. Or her report. Blah. The new gimpy-nin just assumed I'd been doing it all before.
I was a year old or so- it was fall, and I knew the Kyuubi attack had been in October- the 10th? It was getting into fall again. So my first words were "Ninja-san, I need the bathroom".
Priorities.
I practiced language diligently- I found a notebook and binder under my bed, new and pristine and still (bizarrely) in the corner-store packaging it came in sometime near my 2nd birthday (I was 3 ¼ now- so it was winter sort of, or as close as it got in the land of fire). I'd been practicing before that on loose pages, some of which might have been the back of official documents from the orphanage office, so it might have just been self motivation from the official staff. All the Kana Alphabets were written in the fist couple pages of the notebook in neat, legible characters including Romaji pronunciation, and all the loose pages I'd been using to practice were gone. I wasn't worried- I'd borrowed a Kana book or two from the main playroom a while back so it wouldn't be suspicious; When I began to walk, I was allowed to play with the other children during the day- though I remained the only child with their own room, and slept alone. It was nice to know that the Ninja at least weren't worried about me 'infecting' the other orphans.
Probably a security concern. I entertained thoughts while I practiced simple sentences about how I was guarded better than the President or the Queen of England- a luxury shared by fairly few people in the village. Hey- I was pretty important politically! Son of the Yondaime, only known survivor of the Uzumaki Massacre in the 2nd? Shinobi war- Only Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi no Yoko; that is pretty badass.
I made a mental note to look for Karin, Juugo, and any other Uzumaki that I could find- maybe I could get a letter to Nagato? When I get out on my own, Maybe I could write a letter to him in Amegakure. If he got it, it'd serve as an introduction if nothing else. Best case, he'll become emotionally invested in me enough to shake off Tobito's crazy 'Moon Eye Plan' which we all now know was nothing but a 'Use Tobito To Resurrect Kaguya Plan'.
I mentally made up a few Harry Potter Themed come-backs for Tobito's inevitable monologue in the future- maybe a direct Dumbledore quote- " It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." Or maybe I'd use that one on Kakashi. He deserved nice things (or both? Redundancy seemed to be a Naruto plotline staple).
Speaking of Kakashi- I totally want a Kakashi Doll. I bet if I made one, I could pretend an ANBU gave it to me. If I was sneaky- and made a generic 'Ninja' doll with Silver-grey hair and a mask, I could probably get someone to make it more like Kakashi- actually involve the guard through head games. I'd make it too much to resist. Make it too easy to get away with. – Unless my watcher was Kakashi.
I paused in my diligent Language studies to think about Kakashi being one of my ANBU regulars. He was pretty young now- ~maybe~ double digits bot not totally teenager. Or barely. He'd gotten caught up in Root around now, before getting into ANBU regulars. I knew that from Kakashi Gaiden. Him being my guard would explain how he lived so long in ANBU- and why he quit just a few years before I became a Genin in Canon- I probably lose my ANBU tail when I join the Academy. I tapped my pencil to my lips and contemplated my almost completed work page. Wouldn't need it when I was surrounded by Chunin and other Genin hopefuls all day- come to think about it, the Academy was probably right next to the Administrative building, if not incorporated into it.
I sighed. I should probably go play. The other children weren't the best source of conversation practice, but they were a good measure of mental development. Nobody here really interesting besides the caretakers-and a few adoptions. Pretty sure TenTen was here for a few weeks last month, though her hair had been more generic, the man that'd adopted her looked like he could have been a blacksmith no problem.
That was another thing- there weren't any requirements for adoption as far as I could tell. It seemed like all the background checks were a routine thing in the village- anyone that came to adopt just flashed ID and walked away with a kid and a stack of paperwork, no take backsies. No idea where all the paperwork was getting generated from- there were messenger birds, but I'd never seen them actually deliver anything- they seemed to be used more for summons. The paper just seemed to show up out of nowhere- like it self-generated. Curious, I'd sorta poked my head into a desk once to the amusement of the ninja on duty, only to get a head poke for my troubles.
Ugh. Outside at last, I stretched a bit while I side eyed the creepo old dude staking out a corner of the play area. He showed up sometimes in the afternoons on nice days like today. I'd never talked to him, but nobody seemed to care he was there. The ninja sometimes talked to him, and they almost always smiled afterwards, so probably not a pedophile.
Or maybe he was. My eyebrows shot up as he grabbed one of the kids running past him and flipped her on her head, skirt flying up to expose her underwear. I BOILED , my eyes narrowing as I ran towards him as fast as a shot, more angry than I can remember, and seething in feminine fury –or sympathetic feminine fury, since I had a DICK now, and that just made me more angry. I was going to be a god damned awesome gentleman, and that included protecting the virtue of 3 year olds from God-Damn ancient pedophiles that stake out the local orphanage without anyone giving a damn!
I had her out of his hands and behind me right side up before I could blink, but so Angry that I couldn't even be properly impressed with myself. Old man looked surprised, barely and I snapped "leave her alone!" coupled with my fiercest glare which was… admittedly adorable.
[It was the chubby cheeks- I ate pretty well, since I helped fetch things in the kitchen before most meals which endeared me to the civilian cook.]
I sniffed in angry disdain and backed up a little into the girl- (Akiko; I recognized her as one of the glue-eaters) so she'd move out of the way and I wouldn't be open to retribution. I was surprised the ANBU wasn't doing anything, since they showed up fairly often to stare with censure at the injured caretakers when they got too morbid.
"Naruto". Said the old pervert, "What-"
"Nara-San!" I yelled, cutting him off, while hustling Akiko further away- and I'll give him this, that Nara (the same I remember from when I was little) could hustle pretty well when he was needed, even if he got injured more than any other on duty ninja [ a chronic illness? I never saw bandages, or maybe he volunteered…] he was in the door of the orphanage in a flash "Naruto-!?"
"That Ero-JiJi was staring at Akiko's underpants!" was my sudden contribution, and Nara- his face- (and this'll be hilarious in a minute) and the old-man, he just went wide-eyed, and I swear, I saw an ANBU face-plant out of a tree…
…and that's how I met the Sandaime Hokage for the first time (officially).
Apparently, there'd been a bee that I hadn't seen chasing her, though I remained obviously and dramatically skeptical for hilarity purposes.
Almost a year and a half later, and I'd met with the Hokage several times. He was interested in my reading/writing book and kept me in puzzle and work books, which I went through pretty quickly.
· [I had a hilarious and solemn discussion with the civilian cook at the orphanage about taking things from the old-man and whether or not he expected anything in return; the cook (Mato-san), had been surprisingly serious about being able to come to him if the Sandaime ever tried anything. Technically, despite being a Jinchuriki, I was still a civilian until I entered the Academy, at which point I'd fall into a grey area- half shinobi, but not quite- so if I had any problems I was allowed to talk to Mato-san as the head of the Orphanage, or one of the Uchiha Police force. ]
We were currently on our way to Ichiraku Ramen, a favorite. I was all restrained bounce- sure that I was getting a new puzzle book this week.
As we walked, Sandaime-jiji pointed out civilians and shinobi alike; a 'game' we'd established on our first outing that was something like people watching. I'm fairly sure it had started off as a half-hearted way for the old man to teach me networking or politics by memorizing the people- he'd pointed to them, said their name, and then asked me to point something out about them. He probably expected me to mention obviously favorite scarves, or their large noses, or hair color; instead, these days he did that himself, and I offered a Sherlock-level deduction in exchange (that ninja was having trouble sleeping, this civilian was bored with his wife) and we talked about it.
I'd gotten a degree in Anthropology (professional level people watcher) my previous life, and it was a boon here- I can only imagine what the Sandaime was thinking as he took me on these outings- the training of his successor? Perhaps, though having a politically savvy Jinchuriki had to be a boon all on its own. He took me everywhere too- from the Academy, to the training grounds, from the Uchiha Police Station to the Red light district (OMG those ladies were so Gorgeous!) and everywhere in between. I got introduced to a lot of people. Not all of them- but the important ones.
It had another benefit that I was more than grateful for- being seen walking next to the Hokage so often helped my street cred a lot. It probably didn't hurt that the one time someone had been brazen enough to spit at me and call me a demon on the street led to such a smack down either- just imagine:
***Flashback***
This was about a year ago- we'd been doing the walks for a few months already. It was a stall vendor- Kurisaki Morito that did it. He…. might have been a little drunk. I had reeled back from the sudden hate-fest surprised (I'd gotten to the point that I thought the village truly had hated Canon Naruto because of his pranks- which I didn't do- they were normally nice or neutral so far, which I could live with). Only to be snatched back by the old-man. He swept us around in a graceful flourish which put Morito-san at our backs.
"Hound." Said the Hokage, and oh Kami- that was Kakashi kneeling right in front of me! His hair is like a cloud! His mask is so cool! He's so-! So-! …Skinny? Huh.
The old man flicking his hand to the side broke me from my wide-eyed fangirling, and seemed to catch the breath of everyone in a 200 yard radius- they'd all stopped stock still – though I hadn't noticed till that moment. I tried to look back at Morito-san to see what was happening, but the Sandaime's robes blocked my view, and his grip was tight on my shoulder as he led me away.
"But-" I tried, only to be swiftly silenced with "No, Naruto", and he sighed- tired, a little broken- "You are too young, yet." And I looked up at his face- up, up – and conceded his point. He picked me up and as I tucked my face into his neck under the veil of his hat, I heard the beginning of an announcement on the wind as we walked away…"Kurisaki Morito; by the decree of the Hokage, for the breaking of an S-rank secr-"
wow. My hands tightened in the Third's robes as I clung a little closer. More than a little awed and touched. I understood some- you couldn't let that kind of breach go- that wasn't just a whisper where no one but a village pariah had heard, that was witnessed by the Hokage himself; you had to keep order- but damn. Selfishly- I thought to myself- he'd done that for me.
***End Flashback***
My birthday after that I'd actually attended the Kyuubi festival. I'd sat with the Sandaime in full view of everyone. I suppose he'd decided the cat was out of the bag; it's likely any spies in the village knew I was important after that, if they hadn't seen the public execution. The Old-Man had gotten me a nice white Kimono with a dark orange Obi- and fall leaves on the bottom edge (I'd counted- there had been 9 big ones obvious; and 47 smaller ones that were outlined in white thread for the ninja that had died during the Kyuubi attack). During his speech, he'd mentioned the 'sacrifices made and continued to be made to keep the village safe' with an expansive arm gesture that just 'happened' to draw attention to me.
But that was ages ago. This was Ramen! True Divinity! And really- I am a convert- my taste buds seem to have been hardwired for the stuff. It was heavy, and the stuff was filling- which almost nothing was. I ate- so much, even at 4 years old. It's actually lucky that I'd made friends with Mato-san, the cook, because I would have starved without him feeding me most the day. I may have reinvented Chicago-style Deeeeeep dish pizza as a way to help me not starve. Seriously.
Today I stepped up to the counter and onto my stool; beaming at Ayame. You can bet she was glad to see me. We chatted while the Old-Man looked on benevolently and Teuchi turned his efforts to the 'Uzumaki Special' that was a compromise between the actual ambrosia that was the 'light' broth based Miso, and my need for a bazillion more nutrients and calories than the normal person. It had a thicker miso base, twice the noodles, and every topping, vegetable and protein on the menu (as well as a few more I'm pretty sure he just added for taste). It was all arranged in an Uzumaki swirl, with a naruto in the center. And it was the single most delicious thing in the world- better than Italian, Thai, Mexican and In-n-Out deliciousness combined. Just- raptures.
As I was finishing up, the Old-Man shifted the way he does when he wants me to pay attention to him (he's always pleased when I notice stuff like that). When we were settled and attentive he dropped the bombshell-
"Naruto- how would you like to be a Ninja?"
"Wha-?"
so eloquent. But- It was too early- I was only 4!
A/N: Yes, I know the Sandaime is politically against young admittance to the academy. That he fought tooth and nail to get the graduation age extended to 12 yrs. I KNOW. So there. I have reasons; sorta. Naruto as me is an- obvious Jinchuriki. Out and about, so to say. I'm not actually a toddler- my experiences would make me a pretty solemn toddler, emphasizing my relationship to Minato over Kushina in people's eyes. I'd be seen as a genius- a prodigy (any 4 year old with a 20+ year old mentality would), and one that's solemn, and quiet, but happy. With manners. Which are a sign of maturity- thinking of others. Also- as the Jinchuriki, I needed to both defend myself and be a show of strength to the other nations. It's my job. Training early would only be prudent to keep me alive at this point- and yes I know I took a step with the Sandaime's obvious parading around with Naruto- but adults are way more likely to invest time in intelligent kids than knuckleheads- and the game they play together is pretty advanced- as are puzzle books. Also Danzo. Just think on it.
So that's what just poured out of my ears into a story. Review and I'll send you a little omake about how Kakashi sees Naruto in my world.
