Comfortably Eric sat on the couch, leaving the very end for Nancy as he stretched his body out. The pie tin was placed on his belly, a makeshift table as he ate. He ignored the crumbs on his skin, or the bits that fell onto the expensive leather.

Nancy gulped down the saliva in her mouth, somehow transfixed by the image. Eric wasn't slender like her Adam, they were nothing alike. And yet, her new neighbour was...better? How was that even possible? Maybe it was the confidence that oozed from him, ensnaring everyone in its grip.

With dark features cast on pale skin, he was unashamed of the largeness of his body, both in weight and height. It was daunting. Face burning, and her host distracted by his food, her eyes lowered from his chest to his belly, to eventually...

Her Adam and Eric were nothing alike... In all ways. If she moved her hand in the slightest, she could brush against him. Her hand would land on his leg; she wondered if he was as warm as he felt, heating up the expansion of the leather like a furnace.

"Here's your tea, Nancy." Her eyes flashed back up, watching as Kyle entered the room with one hand clenched around a mug, in the other he held a small sugar bowl. Thankfully his eyes were fixed onto the mug, watching in case the liquid got even remotely close to spilling out.

"Thank you." She mumbled, wishing her face wasn't as flushed as it felt. Kyle placed the items onto the coffee table, around the stacks of books. "You're welcome. I just have to grab the milk-" his eyes finally looked up, and shock and anger immediately took over, "Eric!"

His husband jumped up, "What?"

"What the hell are you doing?! She has no space!"

Huffing, Eric sat up, retracting his legs to eat properly.

"It's alright." Nancy protested, eyes lingering on the brunette.

"No it's not, don't defend him, Nancy. If he had his way, he'd be walking around here naked. Doing nothing but laze around all day, eating and sleeping."

"I wouldn't mind that" Nancy whispered, smile worming its way onto her face.

Kyle blinked, mutely staring at her.

"I uh," Nancy cleared her throat, "doing nothing but lazing around. I could use a vacation, you know, with all the kids driving me insane." She awkwardly laughed until Kyle shrugged it off, heading back into the kitchen. "So tell me, Mr...?"

"Cartman." Eric responded, tossing the now empty tin onto the table, "Well, kind of. Just add a shit Jew name before it."

"Jew name?"

"Yeah, Broflovski. That's my loving husband's name." He shrugged his broad shoulders. "Neither of us wanted to get rid of our last names, so we had to compromise."

"How" she placed a hand on Eric's knee, "mature of you."

Eric didn't say anything for a moment, eyeing the hand. Quietly he removed it, letting it fall limply back onto her own lap before he continued speaking. "Yeah, Kahl is pretty lucky to have me." He ignored the scoff that came from the other room. "So Nancy tell me, what's the dirt around town?"

"The dirt around town...?"

He rolled his eyes, "You know. Gossip?"

"Oh! Well, let's see..." As she pondered anything interesting to tell this delightful man, Eric took the time to study her. He was definitely getting crazy person vibes from her. Reminiscent of that woman from Edward Scissorhands. (The one that has an orgasm when he cuts her hair... Yeah, you know the one..)

Pale blonde hair was cut in a neat bob, going well with her oceanic blue eyes, and the intensity of her bubblegum coloured lipstick. The whole thing reminded Eric of Barbie, considerably if you noted her wardrobe. Ignoring the weather, she wore a fuzzy hot-pink sweater and white capri shorts, completed with matching sandals with bedazzled butterflies and flowers on the sides. How in the ever loving fuck was she not sweating? He rose a brow in question, marveling over the fact as Nancy's small bow shaped mouth quirked to the side.

"Next door from this house is the Brooks, on the right that is. They're an old family, with only two of the sisters left. They have to be in the better part of their eighties, I'll never tell their exact age." She gave a small giggle, "We girls have to keep our own secrets, don't we?" She nudged Eric with her shoulder, winking conspiratorially as she continued. "They make their own lemonade, there's trees in the back. Though I hear they prefer a little something...extra." Nancy rose a hand to her painted mouth, trying to stifle a bout of laughter.

Eric just rolled his eyes, "They like spiked fruity drinks. And..?"

"And...Um, let's see.. Mr. Jordan and Ms. Fowler! They're both on the opposite ends of the streets, and listen, I heard they're..." She peered to the side coyly, grinning when she turned back. She gestured for Eric to come closer, unable to keep her giggle at bay until Eric offered an ear. "...having relations." She whispered.

He leaned back, second eyebrow joining the other, "Interesting."

Nancy started to fan herself, "They aren't married!" she hissed through a smile.

"Wow," Eric allowed a smile to creep onto his face, knowing that Nancy thought he was praising her as he said, "You must be a real Nancy Drew to find that all out. An honest to God sleuth."

"Oh no!" Nancy waved it off, "Not lil' old me." She held both of her cheeks, pleased as punch. "You really think?"

"Cross my heart."

"Eric, you tease!" She swatted at his chest, blushing and content. Shortly after, Kyle entered the room, now holding a jug of milk and his own mug.

After setting the jug down along with the rest, he leaned upon one of the walls, blowing softly on his coffee. "So Nancy, what do you do for a living?"

Settling down to a more appropriate version of herself, Nancy smiled. It didn't reach her eyes as she addressed Kyle, "I'm a full-time wife."

Eric snorted from the side, "I didn't know that was a paying job." Kyle sent him a scathing look.

"No, it isn't. Couldn't you just imagine!" She gave a dainty laugh, "I spend my day making house for my husband, he just works until exhaustion. The poor angel he is, you wouldn't meet a harder working man."

Kyle hummed lightly as he nodded, surprised when Nancy asked him "And you? What are your occupations? Something with the arts?"

He paused, mug hovering before his mouth. He lowered it. "I, uh, I work as a lawyer and Eric is a police officer."

"My, what two respective law bidding professions. No children?" Kyle didn't have to look away from the floor to know that Eric had tensed, this had been a topic they'd talked about a lot.

"We...we were thinking about adopting locally, maybe a child from the city."

"The city?" Sensing the shift in mood, Nancy voice eased into a hush.

"Eric and I thought I'd be better if we adopt a child from a troubled home, to be able to have structure for them. We.." Kyle's eyes skated over to Eric, "..it'd be good for us." He ignored the burning sensation of his throat as he drank his coffee, emotions mixed as he stared at Eric's distant expression.

Nancy jumped up from the couch, startling both men. "Well, I just wanted to welcome you to the neighbourhood!" She smiled politely as Kyle scrambled to put his cup down, unlike Eric, who needed a harsh glare from his husband before he got up.

Finding a place on a stashed end table in the corner, Kyle turned back with a grateful smile. "Thank you so much for coming over! It means a lot to us."

"It's no issue at all, just our way." She shook his hand, teeth flashing. "Which is why I'm inviting you to the Block party, it's tomorrow evening."

"Oh you don't ha-"

"I insist! It'll be wonderful! There will be a potluck, which is always good to have. And maybe games..Oh! And you'll get to meet my husband, and my blessed angels. Billy, Mary, and Susanne. An absolute hoot!"

"I'm certain the whole thing will be amazing, isn't that right, Eric?...Eric?" They watched as his form climbed up the stairs, and disappeared. Seconds later, a door slam echoed. Kyle's stomach dropped, and hurriedly he said goodbye to Nancy before he ushered her out.

Confused and taken aback, she called out "I guess, I'll uh, see you at 5:30 pm!" before the door was shut in her face. As soon as wood separated them, Kyle sighed. He stood there for a few more moments before he drew tight his feelings, and stomped his way upstairs.

As soon as he opened their bedroom door, he said "What the hell was that?!" Eric's back remained facing him, hunched over as he screwed the bits of metal and wood together. He knew Nancy couldn't hear them, but still Kyle shut the door before he continued.

"Do you know how rude you were right now?! Do you?!" Kyle shook his head, "I just... What do you think you'll accomplish from all of this?!" Nothing. "Eric, I'm talking to you. Turn around."

The only response he got was the scraping sound of metal against oak. "Eric" he started tapping his foot, he knew how much his husband hated the sound. "Look at me..."

"Why did you have to tell her"

"What?"

"I said," Eric twisted around, "why did you have to tell her?"

"About what? Adoption?"

Eric rolled his eyes, "Who is she that she has the right to know? That crazy bitch probably thinks that we're the last people that should be getting kids."

"You don't know that."

"Don't I? Were you not listening to her? She thought we were some oddity for fucks sake! She thought it was hysterical that some couple wasn't married but were still rolling around in the hay. What the fuck do you think she thought of us?"

Kyle shrugged, crossing his arms as he looked to the side, "Why does any of that matter to you? It never bothered you what others thought before." His gaze returned to his husband when he heard him sigh, barely catching the words, "We should have never came here."

"So that's what this is all about, isn't it? Not about her, but the move?" He shook his head, "I can't believe you! You said you were fine with it!"

Now Eric was climbing onto his feet, dropping his tools as he gestured around them, "Are you blind, Kahl? Do you not see where we live? It's like a fucking ad from the 50's. And last time I checked, that wasn't a good time for us."

This time it was Kyle who rolled his eyes, "I told you this was temporary, Eric. The least you could do was be nice to our neighbours, but you couldn't even do that right. Who knows, maybe they're just like Nancy. Generous, humble, unders-"


"-tand what I went through, Betty!"

"Oh sweet baby angels, what is it?"

Nancy was currently back home, similar to before she was curled up on the couch, clutching her lime green telephone as she chatted with her best friend. Only this time, the magazine had been forgotten altogether.

"Them! The..." she broke off for a moment before she made sure the room was empty "...gays."

Betty whimpered from disgust and fear on the other end. "Was there a lot of rainbow flags?"

"No, I didn't see any." Nancy waved the question off, then shortly realized that Betty couldn't see her. "But they're all probably packed up still. They must have just a box full of them! Anyway, that's not why I called."

"It isn't?"

"No. 'Cause I talked to them, Betty. I talked! Their names are Kyle and Eric, one is a lawyer and the other a police officer."

"Huh..."

"I know! Kyle, that's the lawyer...is tall but not as big as his husband, he's huge!" Nancy started to giggle, daydreaming of what the young officer was packing... It was enough to make even the most seasoned fanfic' writers cringe in displeasure, even as they wrote this very line!(Spooky)

"Like Mr. Jackson two blocks down?"

"Nothing like Mr. Jackson. This man was otherworldly." Another giggle.

"I... like an.. Alien?"

"No, Betty! Are you even listening?! Like, uh, I don't know… Hercules! That's it. From mythology, Zeus' son." Betty inhaled "And no! Not that Disney nonsense." Nancy interrupted with an eye-roll. Again recalling that this conversation was on the phone, and of course her friend couldn't actually see her. She chewed her bottom lip, mulling her thoughts over before she continued with an after thought, "He may be a... a little soft around the stomach, but trust. He's all man."

"Please! An all man that plays with his foo-er, salad."

"...What?" Sometimes Nancy swore that the stupidity from Betty was contagious, like a disgusting airborne wave of daftness.

"It was a joke. You know, salad?... I mentioned cucumbers before?"

"Don't be crude, Betty! It's unbecoming of a member of the Neighbourhood Watch! Besides, I bet I can win him over with some of the old goods..."


Hours later

A loud yawn escaped Kyle, filling the room with its sound. In the background was the soft buzzing of static, which was coming from their small portable tv set. Thank Moses he never threw it out, it was currently one of the few means of entertainment they currently had in the house.

The curtains were still packed away, somewhere. So currently the tendrils of night were free to spill into the bedroom, washing over the entirety of it in an impenetrable inky veil. What little light came from the pale crescent moon, and the television's glaring screen.

For the past hour Seinfeld had been playing, something that Eric begrudgingly watched. It had something to do with, 'there's only so much Jews I can stand'. The afternoon had been filled with holocaust jokes that were quickly silenced by Kyle's waning patience.

After the bed had been set up, sheets, pillowcases and all, the pair had reluctantly retired for the night. Tension was still high, there was a lot of unresolved issues that would have to wait until tomorrow to be dealt with. But in all honestly, Kyle felt they were making progress. Tiny and painful progress.

He sighed again, stretching himself. Trying to keep his eyes open, he glanced over to the form beside him. Eric had been passed out for hours, undoubtedly drooling on his pillow. And...Kyle's too...Nice. Tiredly, he rolled his eyes. Gently as he shifted, he brushed Eric's bangs out of his eyes. He really did need a haircut, it was getting a bit too long. And he said his 'Jew-fro' was bad! Despite his lingering irritation, and sore pride, Kyle smiled. He leaned down and pressed a kiss against his husband's forehead, snorting when Eric contently mumbled out, "Fuckin'...Jew...bagels..."

Stifling another incessant yawn, Kyle patted his pillow before he settled back. He grabbed the remote and pressed the power button. As soon as complete darkness surrounded the room, he nestled into his husband's side. Comforted by the warmth and security offered there.