Toki went a week without Skwisgaar visiting him again; he guessed that's how it would go. The man had been nice enough to stop and speak to him for a few minutes, he appreciated it, and from time to time he thought about the blond haired man. He even had looked for him once or twice in the first days hoping to see a sign of him, but nothing. He expected that though, because people came and then they went away again; he wasn't important enough for anybody to actually remember or to care for. He was just happy somebody had talked to him in the first place.

The sounds of distant yelling and car horns caused the teen to flinch; they weren't anywhere near him and probably wouldn't come any closer, but the loud sounds scared the hell out of him. Rain fell heavy from the dark cloud filled sky making his filthy clothes cling to his small frame, he curled up more than he already was if that were possible. He felt cold, he was soaking wet and his hair was clinging to his face and to his neck. He wished he could go inside, but there was no place for him to hide out in today. The most he had was the alleyway he was hiding in hoping nobody would bother him.

Toki knew he shouldn't be bothered by the cold or the rain; he'd spent almost his entire life out in the snow. His parents had kept him in the house raising him on the bare minimum until he turned six and then they began putting him out day and night. He did small chores inside of the house when he was young, but by nine he was out doing harder chores that demanded nearly too much from his small body. He remembered the first time he had ever messed up, it had been inside of the house doing the dishes. He'd dropped a plate, his father had grabbed him by his hair so tightly that it burned his scalp. He had dragged his young son outside and forced him to kneel down while he whipped his back repeatedly with the whip he would soon learn to fear more than death. He had cried; he had screamed and cried until he couldn't do anything more. His father had left him outside like that; left him lying on the snow coated ground shaking either from the pain scorching his skin or the freezing snow against his bare skin. He had been left there until the following morning, he woke to his father dragging him back inside of the house by his hair, he remembered his blood staining the snow.

He knew how to survive bad conditions, but barely; he could live on the brink of death and bad health. He knew he wasn't smart enough to survive well, he just managed to do it and he hated himself for that. He hated how much he thought about his parents; the other day he'd seen a man in a black coat walk by, the man had slowed like he'd noticed the teen and for a horrifying second Toki had mistaken the man for his father. He had started to shake with fear until he realized the man was far too young to be the priest. The man had simply shrugged and went on with his day not worrying about the obviously shaken up boy in the alleyway.

Loud slurred voices could be heard near by, close enough Toki could make out some of what they were saying. None of it made sense to him, something about bars, and something else about sex. The voices all seemed to be male and getting closer making the teenager more and more nervous. He kept his eyes shut hoping they would just keep on going, not notice him, or not care about him at all.

"Hey look at this shit"

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Fuck if I know, kinda looks like a chick."

Somebody grabbed him by his hair roughly jerking his head back, Toki groaned from the stinging pain in his scalp. He opened his eyes to see three men all probably in their twenties. The one gripping his hair was tall, arms large and muscular, he had dark brown eyes and tanned skin, and his curly brown hair clung to his head soaked from the rain. The brown eyed man pulled him by his hair shoving him face first onto the concrete ground.

"Guess it's a dude, looks like a beat up dog." He said laughing before giving the teen a hard kick to his side.

Toki remained lying on the ground hoping the three drunken men would just go away. He didn't want to get beaten up again, he'd gone awhile without this, normally when people beat on him it was because they were hoping to steal from him, but these people were just doing it to amuse themselves.

"Hey get up kid" The man said again nudging him with the toe of his converse.

He pushed the teen onto his side.

"Come on Jack let's just go do something else, kid is fucking boring."

The brown eyed man, Jack looked back at his two friends who didn't really seem concerned about the homeless boy's well being; they genuinely did seem utterly bored to have to stand out in the freezing rain while Jack picked on some teenager.

"Fine just let me see if the little fuck has anything worth taking."

He hauled Toki up onto his feet shoving him back against the wall of the building he'd previously been sitting against. He shoved his hands into his pockets searching, but came up completely empty.

"He's completely fucking broke." He announced, Jack stepped back making Toki think they would just leave him alone and go back to whatever they were doing before.

He didn't have time to react before Jack punched him hard in the face knocking his head back against the wall. He also didn't have any time to think before he lunged at the larger man shoving him down onto the ground, he sat straddling Jack's stomach. He began punching the older man in the face as hard as he could ignoring the burning in his arm muscles. He didn't stop until rough hands were hauling him off and tossing him away; he hit hard against a dumpster then fell to the ground. He watched as the other two men pulled their very bloodied and beaten friend to his feet and dragged him out and back onto the street. Toki gave himself a moment to collect himself, to calm down, and watch the rain wash the blood from his face and hands. He then got up, collected what few belongings he did have hidden in the dumpster then ran knowing damn well that they would call the police and claim he'd tried to mug them. He'd return to the spot, but not for a couple of days just in case. He went maybe five blocks only stopping when he was close to a row of apartment buildings he knew people much better off lived in. He knew he should probably go find a gas station or some place, sneak into the bathrooms and see how badly beaten up he was, but he was tired. He also felt that weird nagging guilt that happened any time he went off like that. It rarely happened, he didn't even know why and it scared the fuck out of him. He spent a good portion of his life being docile and innocent, just he had moments where he blacked out. He let too many things build up inside his mind, got too stressed, too scared, or too angry then something happened. He didn't know what it was; he just knew he blacked out, he didn't know anything. He just felt this overwhelming rage and like something barely human was making him hurt people. His father had told him it was the demon in him, he was cursed to be a killer no matter what he did.

It wasn't until his first fight when he was thirteen did he start to believe that. A boy in town had been throwing rocks at him, calling him names, and next thing Toki knew he was being pulled off of the kid who was now bleeding and in desperate need of medical attention. He had spent weeks scared to go into town after that, scared he'd just go off again and do that, or maybe worse. He'd nearly killed somebody without realizing it, without really remembering it, but he knew while it was happening it felt good almost. That's what made it all the worse.

He tried pushing the thoughts and fears away as he curled up with his guitar and fell asleep to the sound of the pouring rain.