Thank you for your kind words and support! I know Hyde's a bit of a dillhole, but you have to remember, he's an emotional unstable orphan who expresses himself in the least functional way possible. He gets better though. I promise.

Warning: immaturity galore.


Like other girls, The El Camino was nothing but a tease.

"I thought you got Jackie to fix it." Donna said, walking up to him as he opened up the hood.

"She did." He replied gruffly. "Donna, can you keep a secret?"

Donna laughed. "Does this have anything to do with you thinking that the car won't run because of the fight you two had on New Years?"

"I don't need to think man, I know!" Hyde said conspiratorially. "Look, the El Camino was fine until the other night, and she started when Jackie looked at her."

Donna started laughing.

"What?" Hyde asked, annoyed.

"Your car is a lesbian!" She laughed even harder, catching the attention of Eric who was taking out the trash.

"What's going on?" Eric asked. "I thought Jackie fixed it." He pointed the El Camino.

"Hyde's car is a lesbian." Donna told Eric.

Eric shook his head. "Actually, Donna, it's probably more likely that it thinks of Jackie as its mother."

Hyde slowly turned and looked at Eric. "What?"

"Oh my god, you're right, Eric!" Donna exclaimed. "She's like a little kid caught in the middle of a nasty divorce!"

Hyde shook his head in dismay. "Crap."

Donna stopped laughing. "Hyde, if you want to drive your car again, you're going to have to make up with Jackie."

Eric nodded in agreement.

"I'm not going to make up with Jackie just to make my car happy."

"How about because it would make you happy?" Donna took Eric's arm and led him inside his house.


Jackie crossed her arms. "I'm not doing it."

"You have to!" Eric begged her. "Look, Donna and I will get him out of the house while you fix it, but I just can't take him babbling about evil women anymore. It's giving me nightmares."

Donna nodded. "He woke up in a cold sweat last night."

Jackie sighed. "Fine, you give me three hours and I'll fix his damn car."

They both hugged her. "Thank you!"

Donna and Eric made good on their promise. They took Hyde, Kelso and Fez to Fun Land for the day while Jackie replaced Steven's alternator.

"Do you remember the last time we were here?" Fez asked Hyde as they stepped through the gates.

Hyde nodded. "Yeah, Forman was too depressed about his break up with Donna to come with us and Kelso got lost."

"Yeah, and then the dog hit on Jackie and you chased him off." Fez grinned. "It was so romantic."

"It was not." Hyde explained to the rest of his friends. "He put his filthy paws on her."

"Just admit it, Hyde. You don't like when other guys touch Jackie." Kelso said, rubbing his arm before Hyde even had the chance to punch him.

Hyde grinned wickedly. "Now aren't you glad Jackie dumped you before you had your chance to put your candy stained hands on her?" He asked Fez before walking off.

The gang looked after him as Hyde stalked away. "Yeah, he loves her." Donna stated.


"You better make him pay for that new alternator." Red told Jackie, handing her an iced tea which she drank and then put down on the ground beside her.

"It's okay, Mr. Forman. I just won't give him anything for his birthday." The two smirked at each other for a moment and Jackie went back to work.

"I told Steven it was his choice if he wanted to stay married to Sam." Red told her "I just never thought he would actually choose wrong."


Hyde and the gang walked back across the Forman's yard. Kelso was the one who noticed the note on the El Camino.

"What's that?" he asked, pointing. Donna and Eric gave each other a look as Hyde went to see.

"Steven,

I replaced your alternator. Tell Donna and Eric thank you."

The note was unsigned but Hyde knew that it was Jackie's handwriting. He turned to his friends who were smiling guiltily at him.

"Damn it, don't you guy see what you did? Now she's going to want something from me."

The group rolled the collective eyes. "Yeah, god forbid Jackie actually get anything from you. Mr. Here, have a dirty tee shirt instead of an actual birthday gift." Donna said.

"Hey, that was my most prized possession, and now it's got her girl germs on it."

Eric and Donna shared a look "Girl germs?"

"I've washed that thing five times man, and it still smells like her damn perfume!" Hyde complained.

Kelso shook his head. "I'm almost sorry I'm going to miss this." He shrugged and hopped into his corvette. "Bye, or as the French say, Ciao!" He pulled out of the driveway to the amusement of his friends.


Hyde walked into the hair salon, determined to tell Jackie off for her intrusion.

"Where's Jackie?" he asked the receptionist.

"Sweeper girl!" The girl yelled before turning back to Hyde. "Would you like a haircut?"

"What is it Meri.." She broke off when she saw Hyde. "What are you doing here?"

"If you think I'm going to thank you for the new alternator you're wrong."

Jackie put her broom next to the counter. "Let's go outside." She told him, leading him out the door.

"Now, what did you say?" She asked after she closed the door.

"I said I'm not going to thank you."

She stared at him. "Steven, you really don't have to do that."

"Good, because I'm not going to."

"Oh!" She waved her hand. "I didn't mean thank me, I was talking about how you seem to be on a quest to win jerk of the year two years in a row. Isn't one enough?"

He threw up his hands. "Here we go again, it's always the same with you isn't it? Steven you're such a jerk, Steven you married a stripper, Steven you drink too much. You know why I drink so much?"

"Because it's genetic?" Jackie guessed.

He glared at her. "No, well, probably, but no."

"You know what Steven? I don't care anymore. You want to waste your life away then you go right ahead, but I'm not going to be dragged down with you. I'm moving on and there's nothing you can do about it!" Hyde was caught off guard by the sudden ringing of the bell on the salon door as Jackie went back inside.

"She's getting good at that."


That night, Eric caught Hyde sitting on the couch in the basement holding the tee shirt. Eric sat down next to Hyde without saying a word. He had learned to be patient when it came to his adopted brother. After a few minutes, Hyde finally spoke.

"I just can't believe she's giving me this back now."

"Why do you care?" Eric asked. "You should be happy you're getting your favorite shirt back right, even if it does smell like her."

Hyde sighed. "When I cheated on her, she didn't give me the shirt back, and I guess I saw that as a sign of something you know?"

"That eventually she'd forgive you and you'd get back together." Eric guessed.

"Yeah, and the same thing for last year when she broke up with me."

"What about four months ago when you came back married?"

Hyde was silent as he thought about it, but Eric spoke before Hyde could.

"Okay, you know what I think? I think that as long as Jackie had this shirt it meant that you had a hold on her, and I think that maybe you liked that, but now you're not in control anymore."

Hyde lifted the shirt up. "Is it crazy that I no longer want this?"

Eric smiled. "No, what's crazy is Donna dating some pretty boy while I was gone, seriously man, what the hell?" He tackled Hyde and the two started play fighting.


The next day Hyde stood outside Jackie and Fez's apartment waiting for one of them to answer.

"Hyde!" Fez was clearly surprised to see him.

"Is Jackie here?" He asked, walking in. Jackie was sitting on the couch painting her toenails.

Hyde threw the Led Zeppelin tee shirt at her.

"That's yours." He told her. He started to leave when he felt something hit his back. He turned around and looked at the shirt on the ground.

"I told you I don't want it anymore." She said.

"Well, I don't want it! It's got your girl cooties on it." He couldn't very well tell her the real reason he didn't want the shirt.

She stood up and faced up. "My cooties? Are you eight?"

He ignored her question. "What did you do, wash it in your perfume?"

"Yes, Steven, I washed your stinky tee shirt in my expensive perfume."

He crossed his arms. "I wouldn't put it past you."

Meanwhile, Fez was doing what he had been instructed by Donna to do if anything like this was to happen.

"Donna?" He asked when she answered the phone. "The eagle is in the nest!"

"Oh god." Donna muttered. "I'll be right there."

Fez took a look into the living room. "Hurry." He said before hanging up.

Jackie was pretty proud of herself for standing her ground for the first time since the break up. She wasn't letting him get to her. In her mind, she knew how ridiculous they both sounded, but she couldn't bring herself to really care.

"Keep the damn shirt."

"You keep it!"

"Oh would you listen to yourselves?" Fez yelled. "You're arguing over a tee shirt!" He bent down and picked the shirt up. "It's going to be traumatized for life if you keep it up."

"We're doing what we should have done a long time ago, Fez." Jackie said. "We're getting closure."

Hyde shook his head in disagreement.

The door knocked and Fez went to answer it. He quickly stepped outside into the hallway.

"How bad is it?" Donna asked.

"They're both still alive." He told her and Eric, who both sighed.

Eric walked up to the door and peaked inside. The two occupants inside were playing a game of hot potato with the shirt.

"Like I said, they're still alive." Fez sighed.

Donna pushed both guys out of the way and barged into the apartment.

"Alright, here's what's going to happen. " She informed them, taking the tee shirt out of Jackie's hands. "I'm going to count to three, and the two of you are going to say I'm sorry."

Both of them crossed their arms and glared at Donna. "Why would we do that?" Hyde asked. Jackie gave her a look that said she was wondering the same thing.

"Hyde, Jackie's really annoying, and she talks too much and she's bossy, but she's also pretty and generous and she really does love you." Donna looked at Jackie. "And yes, Hyde is a jerk who messed up beyond repair. No one would blame you if you never wanted to speak to him again."

Fez leaned into Donna's ear. "Not helping!" He whispered.

Jackie looked up at Hyde. "I'll keep the shirt." "I'll just burn it."

"You're not burning my shirt!" Hyde yelled.

"Well then take it back!" She yelled back.

"Okay, let's move on from the shirt for a minute," Donna said, "Hyde, is there something you would like to say to Jackie?"

"I'm not apologizing to her." Hyde informed them.

Jackie rolled her eyes. "Of course not, saying you're sorry might cause your head to explode!"

He turned back to her, livid. "Hey, I'm not the one who messed up here."

Jackie looked over at their friends who had stunned expressions on their faces. "You see what I have to deal with?"

Eric nodded. "Hyde man, that was rather stupid."

Jackie beamed. "See, our friends agree with me."

He narrowed his eyes at her and decided to change the subject. "What do you want for the alternator?"

"Nothing."

"Ah hah!" "I knew it!"

It was Jackie's turn to narrow her eyes. "I think you need to cut back on the circle, Steven."

"Okay you two, I think both of you need to just calm down. Hyde, go with Eric and Fez and have a beer at the bar across the street. Jackie and I will be here. Come back in an hour and we'll settle this like adults."

Jackie and Hyde broke their staring contest and acquiesced to Donna's plan. The two girls watched as the guys left the apartment. Instantly the two started to bitch to their friends.

"Can you believe him? Jackie asked Donna, who sat on the couch, knowing this was going to take awhile.

"Can you believe her? Hyde asked before they even got into the bar. Eric and Fez shrugged.

"Where does he get off blaming me?" Jackie asked Donna. Donna shook her head as to say "I don't know"

"Where does she get off with all her closure bullshit? She'll get closure when I say she can get closure." Eric handed Hyde a beer and then both he and Fez slammed theirs. Hyde simply looked at his.

"You'd think he'd be happy I'm giving him his stuff back, and that I fixed his car with no ulterior motive. Next time I won't be so considerate!" Jackie wasn't even talking to Donna at this point.

"If she thinks she can get something out of me for fixing the Camino she's sadly mistaken. I'll pay her for it, but I'm not going to do her any favors or whatever Jackie concocts in that shiny head of hers. Hyde looked over at his two best friends who were banging their heads on the counter.


An hour later, Eric called his girlfriend on the payphone at the bar.

"How is she doing?" He asked.

Donna looked over at Jackie, who was drawing a picture of Hyde being hung on a noose.

"She's doing great!" Donna said sarcastically.

Eric looked back at where Hyde was throwing darts at a piece of paper that said "Jackie" in huge letters.

"Same here!" Eric said with fake cheerfulness.

The tip of Jackie's pencil broke, causing a slim smear mark to go across the page. Jackie stared down at the likeness of her ex. If anyone had taken the time to look, it would have been apparent that she still had strong feelings for him. She didn't hate him, even though she had every right to. It wasn't him that was hanging from a noose, it was her, and it looked as though there was only one way she was going to break free.

"I got it!" Jackie shouted, standing up. "I know the perfect way we can get closure!" She grabbed her coat and ran out the door.

Donna watched in horror as Jackie ran out, and then instantly dropped the phone to follow her.

"Donna?" Eric asked on the phone, "Are you there?" "Donna?" "Donna?" He tried one more time before he saw Jackie run into the bar followed by his blonde girlfriend.

Jackie ran up to Hyde. "We need to have sex."

Hyde missed the dartboard by a whole inch. He slowly turned to Jackie. "What?"

"Yes! We'll have sex, we'll get out all of our pent up emotions and then we'll be able to move on with our lives."

"Jackie, think about what you're saying." Donna told her.

Jackie slowly nodded. "You're right, Donna." She looked back at Hyde. "So, my place or yours?"

Donna threw up her hands. "I give up!"

"Jackie, as great as having sex with you sounds, I'm not going to do it with you just to help you get over me." Hyde told her.

Jackie was officially insulted. "Oh, if anyone here needs to get over someone, it's you."

Hyde smirked "Jackie, all it took for me to get over you was seeing you and Kelso together."

Jackie glared at him. "Steven, you act like you saw us doing it, which we weren't!"

"Well, you were about to."

She crossed her arms, "And what makes you think that?"

"Uh, let me think about it, Kelso said "I checked and no one can see us doing it from the parking lot."

Eric laughed. "Hyde, this is the same guy who said there are bugs in Africa that burrow into your head and then shoot out their eggs out of your eyeballs."

"He is right." Fez told him. "Michael Kelso is a beautiful man but he's dumb as a rock."

"Fine." Jackie huffed. "I didn't want to do it with you anyway." Her tone of voice became businesslike. "Steven, I have some of your albums, have your people call my people."

Eric turned to Fez. "I think that's you, buddy."

"Aiiii."


Next Time: The Winchester boys go on the hunt for the Shroud of Tourin with the help of Indiana Jones and Captain Jack Sparrow. Whoops, wrong fandom!

Next time: The battle lines are drawn, who will come out the victor?

Red Forman, that's who!