Like most troopers of the First Order, you were never exactly given a name. All of your life, you were known as RD4390. Your identity was always unimportant. What was important, however, was what you could provide for the First Order, and you were constantly reminded of that for as far back as you can remember - which isn't far at all. In fact, you have no recollection of your life prior to becoming a Stormtrooper. Secretly, you've tried to think back as to why and how, but your memory isn't vast enough to reach those depths of the past, and you know questioning anything could mean certain death. You were bred for conformity and upholding your duties, so what little you have now is all you've known and likely all you'll ever know.
After what seemed like an eternity of grueling training, you were finally being assigned to your first real mission. You felt a rush of excitement when your heard your identification number being called by the captain. This is what you were born to do, you recalled. This was your purpose and now was the time to prove your worth to the First Order. You were sure to stand extra straight and follow protocol with meticulous precision. But as soon as you stepped foot on land, your body begin to shiver with a different rush.
Fear. The one thing you were disciplined against feeling was now creeping up your spine as you followed the troopers in front of you. Something somehow felt off. You fought with yourself to calm down, but every fiber of your being protested against you.
Suddenly you were pulled out of your head by the sound of agonized screams. Lasers exploded all around you, and you hurried to your senses to fire back. The Resistance were everywhere, and you gathered all strength and focus to survive. Those you had trained with fell to the ground with a thud around you, but there was no time to stop and mourn. You had to continue. You had to keep running.
Out of the corner of your vision was Kylo Ren, violently swinging his lightsaber towards a member of the Resistance. It was tempting to stare, but you were able to control yourself and force your attention back to the situation at hand. It was in that moment you noticed an enemy rise from their hiding place behind a heap of scrap metal, suddenly rising an on the move towards Kylo Ren. You knew this was your chance to prove your training.
The Resistance fighter came with a running start, positioning his weapon for the kill. Your heart began to race as they drew dangerously close. Holding your breath, you aimed and squeezed the trigger. Just as Kylo noticed the threat, you had shot him down. He turned abruptly, watching the body fall then directing his stare back up to you. Through the mask you were unable to read any sort of expression, but you hoped he was impressed.
You then gathered yourself to his side to further protect him. You felt you could accomplish anything after that first kill. Anything standing in his way you rid of as you returned back with the other troops, still flanking Kylo Ren's side.
As you went back aboard, Kylo Ren's deep voice cut through your thoughts.
"RD4390."
You stood still, silent.
"I'd like to speak to you privately at once."
Your breath seemed caught in your throat, but shakily you managed to respond.
"Yes, sir."
His tone did not sound pleased, but then again, it must be hard to express gratitude with that mask and voice muffling your speaking. You summoned all remaining energy to being optimistic and followed his cloaked silhouette to his quarters.
Kylo Ren's footsteps were powerful and rhythmic against the ground, the sound echoing metallically against the walls. Even your armored footsteps seemed even louder in the deafening silence. You noticed how he walked swiftly with his hands clasped behind his back and you began to wonder if he always held this posture or if he were especially displeased. You swallowed the worried lump in your throat and kept your head quiet as you were trained to do.
After a series of sharp turns, you entered Kylo Ren's quarters. The second the door fully closed, he spun to face you.
"RD4390, would you care to explain to me what happened out there?"
There is no room for fear, you reminded yourself. Fear makes you weak.
You respectfully state that you were only acting on your orders.
"I could have handled it myself." He growled, turning away again.
You begin to explain that you were only attempting to protect him when he interrupts.
"Remove your helmet, RD4390."
Stunned, you do not reply.
"That's an order."
Hesitantly, you remove your mask and place it beside your feet.
The silence grows heavier. He can now see your eyes, but you cannot see his.
"You're afraid."
You know you shouldn't be, but instincts argued otherwise.
"Look at me." He commands.
You raise your eyes to find him slowly removing his mask. No one you've ever spoken to has seen his face before, and you feel a spike of heat in your blood.
Immediately you are taken back by what you see. You cannot avert your gaze from his eyes, intense and beautiful with sorrow. He seems to stare right back into you. You could feel him in your head, reading you.
You are attracted to him. (Page 3.)
You feel safe around him. (Page 4.)
You are repulsed by him. (Page 8.)
