"Shit," I muttered.

I fell to my knees and sobbed uncontrollably. What the hell was I going to do? I gripped at my hair and was tempted to pull out, but even that wouldn't be enough punishment.

How was I going to support a baby? I couldn't even support myself. I started to panic as I heard the cruiser pull up.

I went to my room and hid the box of left over pregnancy tests in my closet. There was always a possibility that it was wrong. I had to go to the doctor's in order to be sure.

"Bells, you in here?" Charlie called.

"Yeah," I sniffled.

He was used to finding me alone in my room and crying. Dr. Gerandy said it was better than being an emotionless, catatonic slate.

"Okay, just wanted to check if you were okay."

"I'm fine, thanks,"

He closed the door and shuffled down the stairs. I screamed bloody murder into my pillow. I had to release some tension, though, this would never come close to distinguishing the hate I felt for myself.

I closed my eyes to think. I hadn't done that in so long, for fear that if I did, I would think of him.

I had to take care of a baby. It wouldn't be completely impossible; I had taken care of Renée for years. This was different, though. This was an actual baby who didn't know how to do anything.

Then, I had to decide if I told Charlie. Of course I had to tell Charlie! He would definitely notice that my stomach was swelling up, and I don't think it would go well if I just started hanging around a newborn baby all the time.

I decided that for the moment, sleep was my best option. I wasn't putting it off 'til tomorrow, just until I was awake enough to decide something that would help me.

My thoughts flickered to Cullen's. I wondered briefly if Alice would see this. No, probably not, she wouldn't bother to look for my future.

I didn't want them to know, to make them feel guilty. I didn't want them to come back out of guilt. It would kill me to see them again.

My heart lurched as I fell asleep, into the nightmares that haunted me every night since he left.