Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law Season 2
By: DMEX
Ch. 2
Don't Make me Pay Taxes, Hunny!
Time: 01:30 p.m. Date: Summer Day
Place: City Hall
Bears are surrounding City Hall very anxiously
(meanwhile inside)
Escargoon is speeding down the hallway to the main conference room
*CRASH!*
King DeDeDe: Escargoon, what in the blazes took ya so long?
Escargoon: The bears are getting anxious, Sire!
King DeDeDe: Anxious? Fer what may I ask?
Escargoon: The new Hunny Tax Law! The one that bears have to pay $50,000 for each Hunny pot in their position!
King DeDeDe: Oh, that one…
Escargoon: We need to tell them the decision, now, Sire!
King DeDeDe: In an hour! What's the worst that can happen?
Escargoon: PLENTY!
(Escargoon opens the curtains)
Escargoon: The Country Bears are handing them shotguns! FULLY LOADED SHOTGUNS!
King DeDeDe: OH BOY! This ain't good! Guess I better tell them now, before we have ourselves a riot.
(King DeDeDe makes his way out to the bears. When he opens the door)
Bears start chanting angrily
King DeDeDe: EVERYONE CALM DOWN!
Bears go quiet
King DeDeDe: Now, then; about the Hunny Tax… I rule IN FAVOR OF THE HUNNY TAX! You bears better come up with some cold hard cash if ya want yer Hunny Pots! Riot Control, get out here and get these bears outta here!
City Hall door slams. Police officers attack the bears
(Harvey Birdman opening)
-Sebben & Sebben Law Firm, Harvey's Office-
Harvey is doing some paperwork and Avenger just observes
Harvey: I need to expand on vocabulary… I end up using the same words in most of my cases. Peanut?
Peanut (while playing New Super Mario Bros.) Yeah, HB?
Harvey: Do you remember what I did with my Thesaurus?
Peanut: Didn't you lend it to Funkasarus?
Harvey: I would have remembered doing something like that.
Peanut: Oh, yeah! I remember now, Ryback came in and tore it up after you botched his case!
Harvey (quietly): oh yeah, I forgot about him…
(FLASHBACK, 2 WEEKS AGO)
Harvey: Ryback, tale it easy! I just didn't word it correctly!
Ryback beats up Harvey. He then sees his Thesaurus and tears it.
Ryback: FEED! ME! MORE! FEED! ME! MORE!
(END FLASHBACK)
Harvey: And now he's reduced to beating up Jobbers 'cause I screwed up…
*BUZZ!*
*: Mr. Birdman you have a client. A Winnie-The-Pooh?
Harvey: Send him in.
(Pooh comes in)
Harvey: Oh, Pooh Bear; don't tell me you got arrested again for stealing Hunny!
Pooh: Actually, no. The bears and I (after we had thinking time) decided to fight for our Hunniful Rights. The government had just passed an unfair Hunny Tax for bears! The bear community that doesn't pay is sitting in jail!
Harvey: AGAIN! WHEN WILL THEY LEARN? BEARS NEED HUNNY TO SURVIVE! Pooh Bear, you can count on me! I'LL TAKE THE CASE!
Kid Goku riding the Flying Nimbus crashes into the window and slides down slowly
Peanut: oops. Must have used Ultra Strength Windex…
-Prison, Block A, Cell 1-
Harvey: Now I know you bears are wondering who I am. Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. I'll be representing the Bear Community in court.
Baby Bear: Y-y-ya betta; otherwise we're schtuck with porridge.
(Mama Bear and Papa Bear glare at him)
Baby Bear: Not dat dere'sh anything wroung with porridge.
Smokey the Bear: I have to go back to my sage advice: "Only you can prevent wildfires."
Banjo: What will I use as a Health Meter in my new game if I'm not allowed to use Hunny or Honeycombs?
Pooh: We must put our trust with Harvey Birdman. Otherwise, we'll never be able to have Hunny again!
Harvey: It should be a breeze.
-Sebben & Sebben Mess Hall-
Harvey is enjoying his lunch when Vegeta comes by Harvey's table
Vegeta: Let me see if I understand this? You're going to try to fight the Hunny Tax? An unfair Tax that I personally made myself! You're completely foolish to even think you can repeal it!
Harvey: Talk is cheap Vegeta. They way I see it, you got off prison time and have a clean criminal record now because of your daughter.
Vegeta (angry): WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, BIRDMORON?
Bully Ray: 'EY VEGETA! YOU SUCK!
Vegeta (angry, to Bully Ray): DON'T PUSH YER LUCK!
Bully Ray: WHAT ARE YA GONNA DO ABOUT IT? YA GONNA LASH OUT AT ME?
(Fighting ensues between Bully Ray and Vegeta. You can see the background rumbling from the fighting and hear Bully Ray yelling and insulting Vegeta in the background as well. TDI's Gwen walks by the table and observes the fighting)
Gwen: I won't even ask…
-Court-
Judge: Plankton Bailiff: Computer W.I.F.E. Karen
Prosecution: John Laurinitus w/ David Otunga Defense: Harvey Birdman
Karen: ALL RISE FOR JUDGE PLANKTON!
(the Judge's door opens as Plankton makes his way to his Judge's Chair with an assist by Karen)
Plankton: You may all be seated! This court is in session!
(bangs his Chum Bucket gavel)
Plankton: Prosecution is first, AND DON'T BORE US WITH THAT PEOPLE POWER CRAP!
(courtroom roars into boos)
Laurinitus: My name is Mr. John Laurinitus. I'm-
Plankton: -I'm about to put this Size 16 up your narrow ass if you don't get to the point!
Laurinitus: As the Prosecution Attorney along with David Otunga, it is my job to protect the Law by denying the bears their rights to Hunny. Look at this way: there's always salmon.
Baby Bear gives an angry look as Laurinitus smirks
Plankton: The Prosecution is ordered to SHUT THEIR PIEHOLES BEFORE A RIOT ENSUES!
Otunga: Come on, I had nothing to-
Plankton (bangs Chum Bucket gavel several times): THAT'S AN ORDER!
Harvey: May I, Your Honor.
Plankton: Yes, Birdman. For God's Sake, please relieve us of this horrible boredom.
Harvey: Gladly, Your Honor. The defendants you see before you today are in fact bears. Bears who were stripped of their rights to collect, own , buy and eat Hunny. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: THESE ARE BEARS! AND BEARS NEED HUNNY TO SURVIVE! How is a Pooh Bear, let alone all these other bears supposed to survive in the wild without Hunny? You the Jury must repeal this horrible, horrible bill!
-Court-
Otunga: Prosecution calls Vegeta to the Stand.
(Vegeta is at the stand)
Otunga: Mr. Vegeta, do you swear to-
Vegeta: Choose your next words carefully!
Otunga: Right… Well, isn't it true that-
(a spit ball hits Vegeta in the face. He growls and wipes it off)
Otunga: Let me start again. Isn't it true that you-
(another spitball hits Vegeta in the face)
Vegeta ( a bit irate): STOP HITTING ME WITH SPITBALLS!
Otunga: Would you like to step down? I don't we're getting anywhere.
Vegeta: Ask it again. I didn't get out of Kakarrot's camping trip for nothing!
(Vegeta is pelted very hard with a paintball)
Vegeta (very angry): WHO KEEPS DOING THAT?
Bully Ray: YA DIDN'T SAY I COULD HIT YA WITH PAINTBALLS!
(cocks his paintball gun)
Laurinitus: Your Honor, I think you need to do something! The witness is being disrespected and-
Plankton: SHUT YER PIEHOLE!
Laurinitus scowls and adjusts his tie
Otunga (sweat drops): *sigh* Witness is dismissed…
-Court-
Harvey: You've all heard the BS that the Prosecution has tried to build on my clients. But what you haven't seen is the evidence.
Avenger kills the lights and security video plays
Harvey: As you can see in this security footage, you can take note that the bears are being attacked by police officers. And why do you ask? King DeDeDe asked security to get them off public property.
Laurinitus: Objection-
Plankton: On what grounds?
Laurinitus: King DeDeDe ordered the security guards to take them off of City Hall and the footage clearly shows that's what they did.
Plankton: Hate to say this, Birdman; unless you got some other proof I have to rule in favor of him.
Harvey: I have just one, THIS! The official Final Bill that was signed to repeal the Hunny Bill by none other than KING DEDEDE AND ESCARGOON!
(dramatic music, everyone gasps)
Rabbit: It was another Vince Russo Swerve!
(everyone glares viciously at King DeDeDe and Escargoon)
King DeDeDe: (gulps)
Escargoon (sweating bullets): Now hold one here, you can't put yer paws on us! We're in a Court of Law!
Bully Ray (angry): SCREW THE COURT OF LAW! LET'S KICK THEIR HEADS OFF!
Laurinitus: DAMN YOU BIRDMAN! WE HAD EVERYTHING GOING FOR US UNTIL YOU RUINED IT FOR ME!
(dramatic music, everyone turns around and glares angrily at Laurinitus and Otunga)
Koenma (in toddler form): IT WAS A DOUBLE SWERVE!
Bully Ray: 'EY! LET'S KICK BOTH THEIR HEADS OFF!
Plankton: Bears are not guilty. And as for Triple D, Escargoon, and these two IMBECLIES; I order them to strung up by their gills or windpipes and flogged until they pass out!
(everyone goes into a riotous cheer, Bully Ray moos)
-Sebben & Sebben, Harvey's Office-
Harvey: Well, alls well that ends well.
Gabby: HEY! That's my line!
Pooh: I think the most important thing is that we got our Hunny back.
Baby Bear: Yea, verily.
Goldberg spears Harvey out the window
*THUD!*
Goldberg: RRAAAAAAAAGHHHH!
(everyone laughs)
Goofy is riding Kid Goku's Flying Nimbus and crashes into a the wall
Goofy: AAAAHHOOOOHOOOHHOOOOHHEEEEEEE!
*CRASH!*
(everyone laughs harder)
(Harvey Birdman credits)