Part 2

Manami Okuda

Do You Like You?

…

Wait a second,

Why, should you care, what they think of you

When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you?

Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to, give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

…

Okuda's accepted in school. It makes her relieved enough to cry. As long as she's liked, it's okay. It's all okay.

Granted, she has to change herself a lot. She curls her hair. Her fringe is pinned back, and she wears contacts. She's a different person - a beautiful, different person.

Okuda hates so many things about herself. She could write so many negative comments about her body. She's too short, she has a hardly noticeable pot belly that bothers her, her legs are too skinny. Her hair is always messy, and her chest is flat.

She never liked the way she looked. She was always the 'other girl'. It was always radiant Megu versus the 'other girl', cutesy Kurahashi versus the 'other girl', talented Kaede versus the 'other girl'.

Okuda used to like being the 'other girl'. No one judged the 'other girl'. She could read science textbooks, experiment with chemicals in the lab; she could be free to do as she pleased. Beauty didn't matter to her before.

Until the swimming carnival.

Okuda remembers the scatching remarks and beautiful bodies of all the other girls - curves. So many curves. Everything about her female classmates was goddess-like, especially in comparison to her own.

She hated showing her body like that, put on display for the world to judge. She'd been so distracted that she'd let down her whole team by losing in two races.

That one day is etched deep in her memory, and she hates it.

She didn't necessarily want to change herself. But when she looks in the mirror, with her twin braids and nerdy glasses, she feels…terrible. She despises her appearance.

So she changed it.

It had started small - sometimes she let her hair down in school, sometimes she pinned up her fringe for the sole purpose of making sure hair didn't fall into her eyes whilst she conducted experiments.

It wasn't until one day, when by coincidence, she did both these things at once, and didn't wear glasses (as they were currently being fixed), she was more…noticed. Some people hadn't even recognised her.

So Okuda kept a low profile outside of school, and embraced her newfound good looks during school.

She was never good at conversation - she had social anxiety, and she kept to her science books.

But slowly, she realised that the only thing you really needed to do while talking to someone was to agree with everything they said, and compliment them.

Kurahashi had pulled her in. Then Kataoka, the school's most popular girl, decided to hang out with them.

And so Okuda became the school's third most popular girl.

But she wasn't always comfortable that way.

She still lives in constant worry that someone from school would see her in her glasses and braids and make the connection that she was that 'other girl', the stupid little chemistry freak.

Okuda's anxiety should have improved. But it never did, and it still towers over her and controls her like a puppet.

If she'd maybe been brought up a different way, or if people had endeavoured to befriend her whilst she was absorbed in her science textbooks, perhaps she'd be a confident and happy girl now. But this wasn't the case.

In all honesty, Okuda really only has one friend - Karma Akabane. They had been classmates since primary school, and developed a strange but close bond.

She knows that he isn't very pleased with her transformation from geek to chic for school, but he doesn't talk much about it. Instead, he usually tries to distract her from her insecurities with her appearance.

Okuda always smiles and nods along. But still her inner demons claw away at her brain.

She always feels like she's not good enough.

—

"Manami…it's time to get up."

She blinks her eyes. Everything's blurry, as per usual. She slips on her glasses before sitting up and climbing out of bed, and starts heading to the bathroom to curl her hair. Karma trails behind, dragging his sleeping bag with him.

Okuda brushes her hair and pins back her fringe, spraying it with a homemade concoction far better than hairspray.

"Here."

He quietly hands her the contacts, which is a surprise. She thanks him and carefully puts the contacts in, blinking so she feels comfortable.

"You're being oddly quiet today," she says.

He shrugs. "I dunno. I should let you live your life, I guess. I can't keep complaining about the whole snazzy makeover thing."

"Does it look bad?" she asks, suddenly worried. Her anxiousness kicks in, and everything starts looking out of place.

"No. It just doesn't look like Manami."

"Manami's awkward and gangly," she responds. Her own name feels weird on her tongue. "I want them to like me."

He rests his chin on her head. "I've never been to your high school but it sounds like it sucks. Wanna transfer to mine?"

"You know I can't."

"Yeah, fine, whatever."

He wanders off to put a shirt on, and Okuda can't help but feel guilty. She knows he's lonely, and she's not the most considerate friend a person who ask for.

Friends.

Are Kataoka and Kurahashi really her friends? Sure, they get along, but she doesn't really feel comfortable around them. She doesn't like the fact that Kurahashi only chose her because she was pretty.

She wonders if she'd still be liked, if she hadn't changed the way she looked. Okuda shakes her head, not wanting to indulge in a false fantasy. Of course not. It's obvious that the 'other girl' will never be half the person she is now.

Okuda doesn't like makeup, but she applies it anyway. She's scared people will judge if she doesn't. She only applies very little, to look natural.

She looks in front of the mirror and spins around. She doesn't look like Manami Okuda, but that's a good thing. She pauses and frowns at her torso - her flat chest is getting to her again. Oh well. She can't do much about it.

She wishes she was naturally beautiful. Of course, the newly-transformed her is attractive, but she can't ignore the pain she feels every morning she has to hide her true identity under a mask of curled hair and makeup.

By the time she's done in the bathroom, Karma's already gone. She knows it's because he hates seeing her like this, looking like a perfect china doll so unlike the geeky chemist she is when she's around him.

He is the only person who hates her makeover. It seems ironic that her best friend is the one who can't accept it the most.

He'd told her why. "I like the normal Manami. That's the girl I made friends with. I can't recongise new you. I can't be friends with a stranger."

She couldn't be friends with a stranger either. She couldn't bear looking like a stranger.

But it's too late, isn't it?

—

Okuda is glad that her friends are so dense.

"I remember that science girl," Kurahashi says. "I forgot her name, but you know the one - braids and glasses?"

"Yes, of course," Kataoka replies. "I wonder why we never see her anymore."

Okuda swallows. Even in front of these two, she doesn't talk very much. "S-She moved to a new school. Kunungigaoka High School." Kunungigaoka was the school Karma was in. "What d-do you two think about her?"

Kataoka contemplates. "She was really quiet, I guess. Kind of unusual and unsocial."

"Yeah. Her hair colour was a lot like your's, Manami," Kurahashi adds, smiling. "Of course, you're way prettier." She grins adorably and plays with Manami's hair.

"Thanks," Okuda answers, voice slightly stiff. It was nice to know she was pretty - nice to know she was a better version of herself. But was this version better? She thinks for a minute, then discards the notion. Of course it is.

"We're all beautiful," Kurahashi continues. "Especially you, Megu. I envy your body so much!"

Kataoka looks away. "Don't say that. You know I need to lose weight."

The silence at their table is thick and awkward.

Okuda looks to Kurahashi, who gapes at Kataoka. "But Meguuuuu, you have the perfect body! You're, like, the school's goddess! Everyone thinks you'll be a model one day!"

"Well, they're wrong. If anyone can be a model, it'll be you, Kurahashi."

"Are you serious?" Kurahashi yells. "Geez, Megu, get it into your brain! You're beautiful, alright?" She stands up and bangs her hands on the table. Okuda hates it when her friends argue.

Kataoka stands up too, taller and more intimdating than Kurahashi. Her voice is calm and collected as she speaks. "Considering you're against my idea, Hinano…Manami, would you like to go on a run with me tomorrow morning?"

The feeling of being torn between her two comrades makes Okuda frown. But she agrees, knowing she'll need the excercise. "Sure thing, Megu."

Kataoka and Kurahashi have apparently intitiated a stare-down, so Okuda quietly leaves, mumbling something about getting ready for class. Her stomach churns as she walks to her locker.

If Kataoka isn't considered beautiful, what level would Manami herself drop to? Popular-Okuda's nothing more than a pretty face and a devoted minion, but it beats being the 'other girl'. The offhandedness of their conversation about her former self makes Okuda wonder if maybe changing herself was right after all.

After all, people like her. They greet her in the halls; they wave to her all the time; they gossip with her and play with her hair. It feels good to be liked, even if she's wearing a stranger's skin.

—

Okuda pants, trying to catch up to Kataoka. Kataoka's fast, and she's beautiful even when she's out of breath and sweaty. The sun beats on the pair. Sweat drips down her forehead. It's boiling, and she's tired, but she wants to stay loyal to her friend.

Megu swims as well, beautifully and professionally, so Okuda's not quite sure why she decided to run today. Wouldn't Kataoka have preferred the swimming pool?

However, Okuda wisely keeps silent. The biggest worry residing in her mind is her own. If anyone were to make the connection between Popular-Okuda and the science-nerd 'other girl', she'd be dead meat. She would never want to show her face in public ever again. The thought of it makes her run faster, making sure she's fit and skinny.

As they run, another girl who's in the process of using an asthma puffer catches Okuda's eye. The girl looks up, and Okuda almost stops running.

It's Sumire Hara, the girl Okuda ran into in the bookstore the other day.

She'd been browsing through chemistry logs, in her usual attire - glasses and braids included. Okuda had been so petrified that Hara would have recongised her that she'd left without speaking a word.

Hara attends the same high school, so hopefully she only knows Okuda as the popular girl.

Hara looks up and sees Okuda and Kataoka running. Okuda quickly looks away, worried that maybe she'd ask.

But only silence greets her as she continues running after Kataoka, trying to catch her breath.

—

When Okuda gets home every day, she always wipes off her makeup; she braids her hair again and takes out her contacts.

It's like taking off armour - she feels lighter, but more vulnerable.

Karma's away to visit his grandparents, so Okuda heads to the shopping junction by herself.

The wind batters her tiny body. It's a good thing, that her hair is tied neatly, so it doesn't blow all over her face. She's eager to get some honeycomb toffee and start reading her new chemistry book.

When she walks in the little cafe, surprise and terror hits her.

Kataoka and Kurahashi are sitting together, chatting idly.

Okuda runs to duck behind a booth, breathing heavily. She's so scared that her friends will recomgise her that she can't trust herself to speak, to even order. She wonders if they'd recongise her voice.

Luckily, she regulars this cafe quite a lot, so the waiter - Yuma Isogai, about her age - knows what to serve her. He smiles and waves.

"Honeycomb toffee?"

She waves back and nods stiffly, before turning to her book.

However, she can't help overhearing Kataoka and Kurahashi's conversation, in the booth directly behind her.

"Where's Okuda?" Megu asks.

"She said she was busy today."

"I see."

"Hey, Megu, what do you think of Manami?"

Okuda's breath hitches in her throat.

"Well, she's very shy and quiet…she's got quite an agreeable nature."

"Not that stuff, silly. Her looks."

Okuda sighs. Of course, Kurahashi was fixated on the idea of beauty.

Her exasperation quickly turns to fear, of Megu's answer.

"She has an attractive and cute face, and her hair is always nice. She's lucky she doesn't have to wear makeup to look pretty," Kataoka answers.

Okuda almost scoffs.

"She's skinny, isn't she?" Kurahashi probes.

Kataoka pauses. "I suppose. Her figure isn't amazing, I'm afraid."

Okuda trembles suddenly, putting down her book.

"I agree completely, Megumi," Hinano replies pleasantly.

Before her honeycomb toffee arrives, Okuda decides to flee the scene.

She'd be better off without the extra sugar anyway.

—

"Hey, Mana-mimi!"

Kurahashi latches an arm around Okuda's shoulders. "Megu and I were talking about you yesterday."

"R-Really? What about?" she asks, careful not to sound too nosy.

"That you have an agreeable nature, and an attractive face," Kurahashi responds. "Too bad you couldn't come with us! We went to this neat little cafe that sells really good food - you don't know it, of course. And also, I saw the science girl we were chatting about - the one with glasses and braids. I don't think she recongises us anymore. What a pity. I wanted to ask how her school was."

Okuda processes her friend's rambling. "I-I don't think you should talk to the science girl." She's afraid Kurahashi will put two and two together, if she talks to Okuda whilst she's in science-geek-mode.

"Why not?" Hinano pouts adorably.

"She's bad news. She wasn't very nice to me." Thank goodness Kurahashi was so stupidly dense.

Kurahashi frowns. "Oh. Then I won't." She breaks into a smile again. "Can you join Megumi and I today? We're visiting the cafe again today. We'll introduce you. There's this waiter, around our age, but I forgot his name…"

"Yuma Isogai," Okuda whispers.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing, never mind. I'd love to go." Okuda doesn't want Kataoka and Kurahashi to talk behind her back, so she'll go with them. She pastes on a fake smile, an easy feat for her, since she does it so often.

When was the last time she'd smiled properly at school?

She can't remember.

School ends fairly quickly. Okuda reapplies some faint makeup before joining her friends for their little outing to the cafe.

Kurahashi loops her arm in Okuda's as they walk down the street. Kataoka walks in front of them, assertively. The trio catches the attention of groups of boys as they walk, and Okuda hates it. She hates the unwanted attention.

"I love being stared at by boys," Kurahashi giggles quietly. Okuda wonders if she's mad. "Don't you, Mana-mimi?"

"Of course," Okuda lies, looking around. It makes her feel uncomfortable.

Suddenly, her bag smashes into someone else. Startled, she spins around and apologises. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

"Manami?"

Karma stares at her with blank eyes and dilated pupils, as if he's staring at a monster. Or a stranger.

Kurahashi looks towards them. "Oh, you know Okuda?" she asks politely.

Okuda wilts under Karma's steady gaze. She feels disgusting, vulnerable, and…fake.

"No," he answers finally. His voice is cold and devoid of emotion. "No, I don't." He strides away, and there's suddenly a wave of emptiness inside Okuda. She has a terrible feeling that she's lost her best friend.

—

Okuda rings Karma's doorbell, glasses askew. She only had enough time to pull her hair into one braid before she sprinted to his house, as if there was a time limit on this.

He opens the door, holding a game console, and his eyes narrow. "Okuda-san."

Okuda-san? He only ever called her Manami. Her stomach drops to her feet.

"I really don't want to talk to you right now," he sighs, beginning to close the door.

"But Kar—" she pauses. "Akabane-san." His name feels strange in her mouth. "Are you mad at me?"

Karma stares at her. "Do you think I'm mad at you?"

She lowers her eyes to the ground. "Yes."

"Exactly. Conversation over." He begins to close the door, when Okuda starts to talk.

"You don't know what it's like," she begins, quietly. "I have to be fake, I have to be a stranger, to be happy. You always said that happiness was the strongest emotion, Akabane-san. Why can't I—"

He grabs her braid and tugs her hair up to look at him, cutting her off. His eyes are piercing, and she wants to look away.

"But are you really?" he asks. "Are you really happy?"

"I…" Okuda finds herself lost for words.

"Your biggest enemy is yourself, Okuda-san." Karma sounds tired. "Give me back - no, give the world back Manami-chan. Science geek Manami-chan with glasses and braids. Then we'll talk."

His door slams in her face, and she wants to cry.

—

Okuda, in her usual 'geek' mode, finds sanctuary from her worries. At a bookstore.

She selects a thick chemistry textbook, and smiles to see the complicated diagrams inside. She finds a seat and starts to read, immersing herself in a world of science.

"Hello," greets a voice.

Okuda looks up into Hara's friendly face, and gulps. What if the brunette would recongise her?

"I-I made some extra swiss rolls," Hara fumbles. "Do you want some?"

Okuda notes that Hara had lost quite an astounding amout of weight. "That's very kind of you, but why me?" she asks carefully. The swiss rolls look enticing.

"I know that you regular at the bookstore, and I was hoping I'd find you here," Hara responds, not quite answering the question. "I…I thought you would be…lonely."

Oh.

Okuda feels a tiny bit insulted, but soon it's filled with a sense of remorse, and a sense of understanding. Yes, yes, she's indeed lonely. And yes, she'd like the swiss rolls.

This is what she says to Hara, who gladly hands over the tin.

"What are you reading?"

"Oh - a chemistry textbook."

"Chemistry's a bit like cooking, isn't it?"

"Well, yes. Chemical reactions in yeast, water, sugar, and whatnot."

As they chatted, suddenly comfortable with each other, Okuda felt happy. Hara was a kind girl, really. She noted privately to herself yo give her more attention at school too.

—

"Can we sit here?"

Hara looks up, in awe. Okuda hates people looking at her like she's some kind of etheral goddess.

Kataoka and Kurahashi take a seat after Hara's stammered reply, and the silence is awkward for some time.

"You've lost a lot of weight lately," Kataoka begins, breaking the silence. "I wish I could lose some more weight too."

Okuda's surprised by Kataoka's comment, but says nothing.

Hara's eyebrows furrow. "But you're so skinny. I…" she pauses. "I wanted to be like you. That's why I started going out for runs and joining fitness clubs and stuff."

Kataoka looks flattered, but she looks away, seemingly upset. "Thanks, but I'm really not that pretty."

The table falls into uncomfortable silence again, and Okuda wants to slap herself for being idiotic enough to get her friends to sit together.

Kurahashi smiles brightly and changes the topic.

"Hey, Hara, I see you curled your hair! Now it looks like mine!" she smiles, pointing at her orange curls. "It looks very cute on you. Curly hair's the best. Right, Okuda?"

Okuda nods, smiling politely. "Of course." She doesn't add that it's a pain to curl, and a pain to brush, and just annoying in general.

"Say, Hara," Kurahashi starts, bright smile still on her face. "Have you ever considered plastic surgery?"

Okuda's stomach plummets again.

"What?" Hara stammers.

Okuda shoots Kurahashi the dirtiest look she can muster, suddenly hating everyone and everything. She wants to scream, at herself, punish herself for this dumb plan, but she keeps her composture.

Hara's face is dripping wet with tears.

"Do you need a tissue?" Okuda offers, rummaging in her purse for tissues - but when she looks up, Hara is already gone.

Kataoka scowls at Kurahashi, who looks like a frightened mouse. "Now look what you've done, Kurahashi-san."

Okuda stands up suddenly. "Sorry. I need to go use the bathroom."

She brisk walks away, heading straight for her usual hideout - a small chemistry classroom. She shuts the door, locks it, and finally releases the emotions she's been bottling in for weeks.

Okuda bawls her eyes out, wailing as she cries. She's hysterical, but she hasn't had a good cry in a long, long time.

—

Okuda waits for Hara at the bookstore.

She doesn't appear.

Not for weeks and weeks.

—

At Kurahashi's birthday bash, Okuda sits silently by her friends, all made-up and dressed like a china doll in a lacy white dress. Kurahashi's laughing and chatting with some other girls, while Kataoka looks spaced out.

Suddenly, the room falls silent, and Okuda can hear - and see - a blonde girl chastising Hara for being ugly.

Fury bubbles up in Okuda's chest, as whispers about Hara and Hazama start to arise.

Okuda takes a deep breath.

She stands up, chair scraping against the wood, and seats herself down at the table for 'uglies'.

There's an over-dramatic, collective gasp from everyone else, and she almost laughs.

Then Okuda starts to turn back into the chemistry geek, back to Manami-chan. Her final step - glasses on - earns another gasp from the room.

People start talking, yelling, but Okuda can't concentrate on her words. She remembers Hazama from third grade, when they tried to make a Frankenstein bug out of bits of dead beetle.

"Let's go." Okuda stands up and heads out, trusting Hara and Hazama to follow. A grin suddenly forms on her face; she's never felt so free. Maybe she's lost everything, but she has enough.

—

They're heading back to Okuda's place for cookies, chatting happily amongst themselves.

"Hey, is that your brother?" Hazama suddenly asks.

A redheaded figure is propped up against the gate, fiddling with a gaming console.

"Uh…more or less. You two head in first. My mum isn't home yet. My room is the first on the corridor to the left.

"Okay, thanks!"

The two girls head in, and Okuda turns and walks towards Karma.

"Manami," he greets.

Okuda's suddenly overcome with emotion, and she falls forward and hugs him around the waist, sobbing.

"Sorry. I'm an idiot," she mutters between sniffles.

He chuckles and hugs her back. He's warm.

"Yeah, you are." To Manami's initial surprise, he picks her up and spins her around, as if she was a child.

Then he leans forward and kisses her on her cheek, which startles her even more.

"I love you, Manami-chan."

"Platonically or—"

He kisses her again, on the lips this time. She almost falls out of his arms in shock.

"Idiot," he grins. "I'll be coming over on Saturday. Now go entertain your friends."

…

I'm sorry for the lack of updates…but anyhow, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! (Hooray for Karmanami, am I right?) Next up will be Kayano. Thanks to all who reviewed, favourited, and followed!

Response to reviews:

Sailor Candy - Thank you, I'm glad you like it. Kataoka's chapter will be last, unfortunately XD So hang on tight!

Windyaa - Thanks! :) Hope you liked this chapter!