A Classic Case of Irony

by IsabelleRose

Chapter 2: Guest Revealed

Heero shifted his weight carefully, fighter instincts kicking in. He noted the jaw-dropping shock that his so-called friends were enveloped in, and glared heavily at Duo, whom he deemed responsible for this mess. His arms pulled his baby a little closer, protectively. When he scanned the group for their reactions, he avoided meeting Relena's eyes. He would avoid it all week. Nobody had told him she'd be here.

Focus.

"I'd like you all to meet Gabriel," he stated. His deep voice didn't quite bridge the awkward silence. "Gabe, these are my friends."

Duo was the first to ask what everybody was dying to know.

"Is he your-?"

"Son," Heero finished with a smirk. "Yes." The little boy resting on Heero's hip, staring wide-eyed at the crowd, gave an unsure frown. The resemblance was unmistakable. Suddenly remembering their manners, everyone began to introduce themselves to the young Yuy at once. A clamor of voices filled the air, startling the small child, until Duo shouted above the din.

"Hold on! He's only... how old is he?"

"Almost four."

"He's only almost four! Slow it down, would you?"

Gabriel giggled at this curious stranger with snake-like hair. Heero smirked knowingly, ever watchful for the reactions of his peers. His son whispered a confidential "Down, Daddy!" into his ear, obviously trying not to squirm with excitement. Heero obediently set his son down. He watched proudly as Gabe approached Duo, hand outstretched.

"Mr. Duo, it's a pleasure," Gabe said as articulately as he could manage. He practiced this sort of thing with his dad at home. They were always traveling and meeting new people. Duo took the toddler's hand firmly and gave it an overzealous shake.

"The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Gabriel."

"Gabe," he corrected, dismissing the formalities. A broad grin spread across his face at the unorthodox handshake.

"Just Gabe? Call me Uncle Duo, then."

Introductions continued all around, more formally than the initial mad shouts. Wufei placed a hand on Heero's shoulder- his quiet congratulations and approval. Heero couldn't help but smile, relieved that his friends had indeed accepted both his role as a father and his beautiful son. Well, Zechs looked a little bit sceptical, but the two had a well-established respect for one another by now. As for Relena... well, what she thought didn't matter.

Gabriel finally stuck his hand out for the pretty blonde woman who had caught his eye right away.

"Gabriel Yuy. It's a pleasure," he told her with a grin. Her face was red as she knelt before him. He wondered if she was hot from having long hair. He made a note to ask his daddy later.

"Relena Peacecraft, terribly pleased to meet you," she responded in a soft voice, absolutely captivated by the child.

"You're that Minister!" Gabe cried excitedly, all manners completely forgotten. Relena jumped at the sudden outburst. "The Rice Corn Minister. Daddy says you have the most bestest job in the world and that I should look up to you all the time."

"Did he now?" Relena asked, taken aback by his enthusiasm. Her eyes seemed to act on their own accord, searching out the man in question.

"Yeah. AND he said-"

"Hey sport, you causing trouble?" Heero asked, scooping up the young blabbermouth. His voice was the same deep timbre as it had always been, but the smile playing across his lips gave it a different tone.

"No!"

"Good, let's get something to eat."

"Animal crackers?" Gabe asked hopefully, wrapping his arms around his father's neck and resting his head on the strong shoulder.

"Sure," Heero told him with a warm smile. They followed Quatre inside. Relena didn't move a muscle, too dumbstruck to even think.

"So Heero's a father," Duo mused aloud. He, Hilde, Trowa, and Cathy were seated around the dining room table rehashing what they had just learned, and letting their tea get cold.

"How did that happen?" Hilde asked softly, still a little bit in shock.

"Well," Cathy started, about to state the obvious.

"We all know how," Trowa intervened. They couldn't do anything but stare at one another. It just didn't add up, that's all.

"We could try asking him," Cathy decided. The others nodded somberly, but none of them was about to broach the subject with the man of stone and ice. Duo drummed his fingers against the oak surface.

"Poor Relena," Hilde breathed. There was another unanimous nod. "She really did care about him."

"Is Zechs with her now?" Trowa asked thoughtfully.

"Yeah," Duo sighed. "I don't think she took the news well."

"Relena loves children, though," Cathy pointed out, smiling.

"Yeah, but this is a lot to overcome. Chances are he's lost her trust for good," Duo predicted gloomily. There was no hope for the 'couple' now.

"They weren't on speaking terms as it was," Trowa reminded everyone. The conversation lapsed back into silence.

"Maybe she knew he had another woman?" Duo wondered aloud. Cathy shook her head at that.

"Either way, she didn't know he had a son. Did you see her face?"

"He could have warned her!" Hilde suddenly blurted out. "He didn't have to drop it on her out of nowhere!"

"He didn't know she'd be here," Trowa reasoned. "She hadn't been invited in the past when he attended."

"Still..." Hilde insisted weakly.

"It's just so sad to see her like this," Cathy explained. "She's always sparkling with life, but now it's like she's been snuffed out."

"Heero didn't come here to hurt anyone," Duo reminded them. "He came here because I begged him to come. We all wanted him here. We just didn't realize the impact it would have..."

"Should I leave?" Heero interrupted quietly. He stood leaning against the door frame, arms folded against his chest like the Heero they had all known during the war.

"No, buddy, we want you here!" Duo said- the first to recover from Heero's sudden appearance.

"I love Gabriel. I know it's difficult to grasp that I have a son, but he's mine and I'll never give him up," Heero said. His voice held more emotion than they'd ever heard in him before. He sounded ready to fight them over the point.

"Nobody would ask you to give him up!" Cathy insisted.

"We understand," Trowa added softly, a quirk of a smile rising in him. Heero relaxed visibly.

"But Relena-" Hilde interjected hurriedly.

"It's none of her concern," Heero cut off icily. His countenance clouded over, forming the face of the Perfect Soldier, so unlike this new 'Daddy' image they were becoming accustomed to.

"But Heero, she loves you."

"She loved me," he corrected darkly. Without another word, he turned his back on them and stormed away.

"I think it's a lost cause," Cathy whispered sadly as they watched his retreating form.

After storming away from his 'friends', Heero stood in the doorway to the room Quatre had set aside for him and Gabe. Quatre was in there now, getting to know Gabriel. He decided to silently watch the two interact before he made his presence known. His mood immediately softened at the sight of his smiling son, a smile found its way to his own lips, too. Gabe had Quatre helping him with the new jigsaw puzzle Heero had bought for the trip. Puzzles were Gabe's favorite pastime.

"Daddy said I'm the jigsaw master," Gabe told Quatre immodestly. Quatre smiled at the boast.

"Your daddy is quite the jigsaw master, himself," he replied. Gabe nodded grimly as he fit another piece into the frame they'd constructed. He didn't speak until the task was complete, then he looked excitedly at Quatre.

"I seen him do it SO fast!"

"Saw," Heero corrected automatically, blowing his cover.

"Hi Daddy!" the little boy exclaimed, waving his hand in greeting.

"Hey, stinky," Heero teased.

"I'm not stinky!" He stood up tall and put his hands on his hips indignantly.

"No?" Heero scooped the young boy up into his arms and nuzzled his nose into Gabriel's belly, causing a fit of giggles. "Guess you're right," he conceded. "You smell like a bed of roses. Don't you think so Quatre?"

"Hmmm," the blonde stood to take a huge whiff of the child. "I think lilacs, actually."

"I don't smell like no stinkin' flowers!" Gabe insisted, trying to wriggle free from his father's grasp. Heero tickled him into submission before planting his feet back on the floor, a mess of giggles.

"Alright, then, what have you and Uncle Quatre been up to?" Heero asked, crouching down to examine the puzzle more closely. Quatre beamed at the new title.

"We were working on my puzzle," Gabe explained, although that was obvious. "It's gonna be an octopus."

"I see," Heero smiled. "Good job!" Gabe glowed with his father's compliment. Heero ruffled the boy's short, chestnut hair affectionately. Quatre's heart filled with warmth from seeing so much love in Heero's eyes. There was a soft knock on the open door.

"Dinner is ready," Wufei informed them.

"Uncle Wufei!" Gabe exclaimed, springing to his feet again.

"Yes?"

"Can I have a piggy back ride?" There was a pause as Wufei's eyebrow rose an inch. Then with a small mock sigh, he bent down and allowed Gabriel to climb onto his back. "Yay!!"

"Don't hurt him, now," Heero said gravely, "Uncle Wufei isn't as spry as he used to be."

"Why you! Yuy, if your kid wasn't on my back right now, I'd show you a little justice."

"Why? Why Daddy? What does spry mean?"

"I'm just saying, Wufei is getting old," Heero continued, not bothering to keep a straight face. Quatre started to snicker as Wufei was forced to curb his rage in front of the small boy. His face was red with the effort of containing some rather foul language. Finally he took a deep breath, giving Heero a level glare.

"We'll settle this, Yuy. Don't think you'll get off that easy."

"Alright, how about a little friendly competition after dinner?" Heero suggested calmly.

"That sounds fun," Quatre piped up, "doesn't it, Gabe? Would you like to see your dad in action?"

"Oh, boy! Do it Uncle Wufei!"

"Alright, alright. You're going down, Yuy."

Heero let out a long happy laugh as the party headed towards the dining room for the dinner Wufei had prepared for them so graciously.

Dinner consisted of chicken parmesaen, mixed baked greens, and red potatoes in garlic sauce. Heero cut Gabe's chicken into bite sized pieces and was just reaching for his own first helping as Duo shoveled on his second.

"So I hear there's going to be some sort of challenge after dinner?" Cathy asked politely.

"Hn," Heero replied. Gabriel watched his father carefully, trying to mimic every motion.

"Hmmm," Gabe repeated to himself.

"So what'll it be, boys?" Cathy prodded, a loopy grin on her face.

"Obstacle course," Wufei informed her tersely, noting the smirk on Heero's face. "Don't get overconfident, Yuy!"

"You're really accepting that kind of challenge after all this time?" Trowa asked.

"Wufei's an active Preventer," Duo pointed out to Heero through a mouthful of potato.

"Don't underestimate me," Heero replied cooly. "Gabriel, stop fussing over your carrots. Just eat them."

"But Daddy!"

"No 'but's." And that was the final word on the matter. Heero could barely conceal the smile as he watched Gabe's antics. His face puckered up like a raisin with each bite he took of the offensive cooked vegetable. He reached over and ruffled his son's hair.

"Awww!" Cathy squealed, "Heero, you're such a cute parent!"

Heero felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as all eyes fell on him and his son. Gabriel noticed, too, but unlike his taciturn father, he loved being the center of attention. He grinned, glancing around at his audience. Then he noticed something from his booster seat that the others had overlooked.

"Rice Corn Minister, you haven't eaten your vegetables, either. You have to eat them. You're the Rice Corn Minister!"

It was true, Relena had hardly touched her meal at all. Nor had she spoken a word. Heero's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly as he took this in. Then he turned towards his son sternly.

"Gabriel Yuy, you know better than to disrespect others. Please apologize," his tone was stern.

"Sorry, Daddy." He hung his head in shame.

"Not to me," Heero sighed. Gabe raised his head, his eyes widening a little with realization.

"I'm sorry for picking on you about your vegetables, Rice Corn Minister," Gabe insisted. Relena's mouth hung open for a moment- as if she'd forgotten how to speak- before she closed it and started again.

"Not at all. You're father's right." She seemed to stumble over the word 'father'. "It's important to eat your vegetables."

Gabriel clearly hung on her every word. He apparently idolized her, but Relena didn't notice. She was too dazed from interacting with the boy. He dug into his carrots with renewed vigor, blissfully unaware of the discomfort surrounding him.

"So..." Duo intervened, saving the group from a painfully awkward silence. "Did you hear the one about the family of broccolli?"

"What?" Wufei demanded, already disliking where this was going.

"So, no? Great! Okay, once upon a time there lived a family of broccolli along the side of a road. Everything was going just dandy, but one day Papa Broccolli decided that the grass looked greener on the other side of the road, so they were going to pick up and move. This was a very dangerous task for the broccolli family because they were all near-sighted, therefore unable to see approaching cars."

"If they're near-sighted, how did they know the grass was greener on the other side?" Wufei scoffed.

"They're near-sighted, not color blind! Anyhow, Papa went first, and he made it across safely. So he called to Mama and she followed. No problems. Sister was next and she got across, too. Then brother crossed, and SMACK! He gets hit by an 18-wheeler! So, naturally, they rush him to the hospital. The whole family is pacing the waiting room floor, and finally the doctor comes out. He shakes his head and tells the family 'I have good news and bad news. The good news is your son is alive. The bad news is he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

Duo immediately burst into peals of laughter, completely taken with his own joke. Hilde could only roll her eyes, having heard it a million times. Heero smirked, Wufei crossed his arms, Cathy laughed openly, while Quatre chuckled appreciatively. Zechs looked like he seriously regretted hearing the joke.

"Daddy," Gabe said, tugging on Heero's sleeve," I don't get it."

"Don't worry, sport, it was a terrible joke."

"Oh, do you know any better ones, Mr. Perfect?" Duo demanded.

Heero gave a grim nod, turning his head to give his son a lighting-quick wink.

"Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?" Heero asked, knowing that few of the pilots would know what a Roman was- that was ancient history.

"Why?" Trowa wanted to know, obviously informed.

"She was afraid somebody would Caesar."

Trowa threw his head back and let out an appreciative laugh. Duo nudged Wufei as subtly as possible.

"Do you get it?" he asked.

"Yes," Wufei replied.

"Oh..."

"Don't know your history, Duo? Here's one for you. Why did the chicken cross the road?" Heero asked again.

"Why?"

"All events in the chicken's entire life are fixed in 4-dimensional space time and the chicken could not have done anything else at that time (as we see things from within ordinary experience) than what it did; the chicken crossed the road because the chicken's crossing the road has been part of the eternally fixed micro structure of the 4-d block universe from the moment of its creation."

That had Duo laughing. Tension was starting to drain away from the room.

"Daddy! Tell them the dentist one!"

"When's the best time to go to the dentist?" Heero obliged. He was met with blank stares.

" 2:30."

"GET IT?!" Gabe exclaimed. "2:30- tooth hurty." He seemed to think this was hilarious. Heero continued.

"Knock, knock," he initiated.

"Who's there?" Cathy continued.

"Boo."

"Boo who?"

"Don't cry, it's only a joke," he concluded in his sincerest tone. Once again, Gabriel was cracking up.

"What sort of brush do you use on a bee's hair?" he began again.

"Well?"

"A honeycomb," he chuckled, Gabriel still basking in the humor. The jokes continued.

"How do you mend a broken jack-o-lantern?"

"With a pumpkin patch."

"Where can you find an ocean without water?"

"On a map."

"What kind of trees sew?"

"Pine trees- they always have needles around."

Gabriel found every one of the jokes histerical, and his laughter bounced off the walls, permeating everyone else at the table.

"Tell them your favorite, Gabe," Heero encouraged. Gabe's face further lit up.

"What's pink and fuzzy?"

"What?" Cathy obliged.

"Pink fuzz!" Whether the joke was really humorous didn't matter, Gabriel's ear-piercing shrieks of laughter were enough to prompt laughter from all those present. The laughter snowballed from a giggle here, a chuckle there, to eyes streaming and everyone bent over with unrestrained mirth.

"This kid is too much!" Duo gasped, wiping tears from his eyes as everyone finally settled down. "Jeez, you trying to kill me?"

"He's not done," Heero informed him, a hint of pride in his voice.

"There's more?" Duo groaned.

"What's blue and fuzzy?" Gabe followed up, to prove his father's point.

"Blue fuzz?" Wufei suggested. Gabe shook his head delightedly.

"Pink fuzz holding it's breath! Get it?!" Once again, he burst into peels of highly contagious laughter which shook the room. Even Zechs was laughing. Someone snorted, which only contributed to the madness. Cathy fell sideways off her chair, Hilde and Trowa tried to help her stand but they were laughing too hard to be of any use, so the three ended up in a heap. Heero pulled his son into his arms, laughing with him happily.

Heero's laugh was a deep throated chuckle, one that reverberated through his chest and caused Gabriel to laugh harder. Heero's laughter softened into a loving smile as he kissed the top of his son's head and rested his chin there to watch the happy mess his friends had become.

As he gazed at the scene playing out before him, he noticed that Zechs too had regained control of himself. He also noticed that he and Zechs' attention had fallen upon the same thing- Relena. She had just risen stiffly from her chair, leaving the untouched meal where it sat on the table. With a graceful turn, she seemed to float from the room, although Heero could see the set in her shoulders and knew she was upset.

Zechs didn't watch his sister's retreat. Instead, upon noticing her movement, he let his eyes fall upon Heero in order to catch a glimpse of the former gundam pilot's reaction. Zechs was surprised by what he found there- bitterness and anger surfaced in Heero's hard eyes, his arms tightened around his precious child, and his jaw fell into the stubborn set that it had spent most of the war in. There was no pity there, no sympathy, certainly no love. Heero gazed after Relena with a distinct hatred. It got Zechs thinking.

I need to talk to him,Zechs decided. There's just too much left unknown.

I took a risk by including that joke scene. While this story is going down the road of angst in the near future, I figure comic relief never hurted anyone. Some credit must be given to Laffy Taffy for a couple of those. :)

Let me know how you feel. Did you expect the guest to be his son? I know some of you did!

Review suggestions: Favorite part, least favorite part, character praise/complaint, suggestions, share your own joke, make a prediction, tell me what I did wrong/right! ANYTHING! Reviews help. Thanks!