The three swordsmen gathered in Marth's room for their first official meeting. With a dire expression, the blunet cleared his throat and began.
"From what I've read in the library-"
"Sorry guys," Fanfiction apologized unfeelingly as he burst into the room with a fresh script. "You guys aren't the main characters anymore."
"What?!" Link and Marth exclaimed together. Ike was busy devouring another drumstick.
Fanfiction rubbed with back of its head. "Yeaaaah, there's been a mistake. You guys are supposed to be the side characters."
"But that means we could get killed off!" Link groaned.
"Maybe. It's all up to the Almighty Author."
"This is bullshit!" Marth spat as he slammed his fist against the wall. "Then who are the main characters?"
"Get outta here, dumb b****," an obnoxious voice taunted over X-Box Live.
"B****** can't play games for s***," another slurred with a retarded laugh. "Get back to the kitchen and make me a sandwich."
"The only sandwich you're gonna get is a knuckle sandwich," Samus growled under her breath as she got noob-tubed [when one is killed by a grenade launcher attachment; only for n00bs of the highest caliber].
"Everyone knows that gamer girls are just attention whores," a third voice accused.
"Yo, baby!" a prepubescent voice squeaked, trying just so damn hard to sound thug. God, I hate these kids. "Why you stop talking to me? Why- why…. Why don't you accept my friend request? You're my girl now. I want no one but chuuu."
"Kid, I'm probably old enough to be your mother."
"Nah, you should be my girlfriend…. Hey, Noobkiller001!"
"What?" the bounty hunter snapped as she knifed a noob who thought he could quickscope.
"Do….. do you like big dicks? Cuz cuz I have a big dick."
Does this kid have speech impediment or something? "Aight, kid. First of all you shouldn't be talking like that. How old are you? 5?"
Just then, the flatscreen read "Host Migration." Samus to lost her temper and threw the wireless controller at the screen, puncturing a deep hole with her superhuman strength.
"F***! Fifth time today!"
Peach unworriedly applied her mascara a few feet away. "Why do you even waste time on that thing? Everyone online is just plain rude."
"It's just CoD. Battlefield's usually okay," Samus informed as she started to clean up her mess. I, too, think Battlefield is superior to CoD in every single way.
"Cod? I think we had cod for dinner a few days ago," Peach recalled.
"Nevermind," Samus sighed as she retrieved the controller lodged in the TV.
The bedroom door was gently opened and Princess Zelda walked in with ever-graceful steps and examined the situation.
"Samus, I told you to stop breaking the television," she chided with a mother's sternness.
"Yeah, sorry," the blonde apologized half-heartedly.
"Remember that you're not the only one who uses the television-"
"Don't mind me," Peach interjected whilst uncapping her lipstick. "The only thing I need is my laptop, and that's just for Facenote, Twatter, Clickchat, Instapound, Stumblr, Firewood… and Dramafever."
"And you already broke three of your laptops," the Hylian reminded her.
The princess of the Mushroomy Kingdom put her hands up in innocence. "I can explain myself: the first time, I dropped it in the bathtub. Second, I accidentally stepped on the screen. The third one just broke down on me; not my fault."
"It broke because you cried so much onto the keyboard that the whole thing just short circuited."
"Hey, it was a really sad scene. They were supposed to end up together… *sniff*."
Then suddenly, the door flung open as Marth barged in.
By reflex, Samus expertly hurled the game controller, knocking the blunet out as it collided dead-on with his forehead.
"Marth! Are you okay, man?" Link asked as he rushed into the room, only to be pegged out cold by another game console thrown by the same woman.
"S***," Samus swore after realizing what she had done.
When Ike stormed in late, he instantly feigned unconsciousness after seeing his fallen friends.
Zelda approached them and worriedly examined them. "Are they all right?"
The bounty hunter sighed and prepared to drag Marth by the arms. "They'll wake up soon. Let's bring them to the sofa."
"Ike, get up," Samus snapped and kicked his stomach, making him grunt. "Stop faking it."
"Noooo, I'm knocked out," he denied, eyes still shut.
"Get up, or I'm gonna beat you into a coma."
"Okay," he said curtly and got up as quickly as he fell.
Once Link and Marth were on the couch, Samus began to lightly slap the unconscious men to see if they'd respond. When nothing happened, the bounty hunter rummaged through her desk and retrieved a handheld object.
"What is that?" Ike asked curiously, looking over her shoulder. "Is that a dild- AHHHHH~!"
Samus jammed the stun gun into his neck and watched as the mercenary was electrocuted into unconsciousness.
"Samus!" a shocked Zelda exclaimed.
The blonde walked over to Marth and Link and tased them likewise.
"Aughhhhh!"
"Ahhhhhh! The f***, man?!"
Samus smirked at her handiwork and asked, "You plan on sleeping for the whole day or what?"
"You're the one who knocked us out in the first place, Thugalina!" Marth yelled, pointing an accusing finger, which spasmed from the aftershock for a second.
"Just cuz you're a girl doesn't mean that we won't fight back!" Link added, tenderly rubbing his side. "And why don't you treat your other friends like this."
"That is true, "Zelda agreed. "You're sometimes way too hard on the guys."
"Aight, my bad," Samus sighed in annoyance and turned around to zap the Hylian princess, who went down just as easily as Ike. "Equality, b****."
"Princess Zelda!" Link cried out and ran to her side.
"You crazy b****!" Marth shouted, bolting up from the sofa.
Samus raised an eyebrow and wagged the taser lazily. "Wanna go for round 2, pretty boy?"
Marth sustained the fierceness in his eyes but couldn't help but gulp at her challenge.
"There, finished!" Peach sang giddily as she set down her perfume bottle. She turned around and gasped at the sight.
"Sammy! I told you not to tase people! You even got Zelda."
"My bad," she apologized dully and put the taser away.
"Why didn't you do anything sooner?!" Link exclaimed in exasperation. "You know, maybe when we were all getting electrocuted!"
Peach rolled her baby-blue eyes with a sigh as if the Hero of Time said the most ignorant f*** alive. "I was putting on my makeup, duh."
The Hylian tried to form words, but the sheer absurdity of her words bound him mute.
"Anyways, what do you want?" Samus demanded as she plopped down on her bed to check on her Paralyzer. Marth and Link flinched as she waved it past their direction. "Make it snappy."
"Give back our places as the main characters," Marth demanded.
"No can do," Samus answered absently as she polished the gun with her sleeve.
"Why not? We've already got the plot moving. You can't just come in and steal the limelight."
"Side characters got no decent story development; you know that."
"But we just started to find out what the Villager is."
"Him? What's so special that twerp?"
Marth let out a frustrated sigh. "Fanfiction didn't even tell you? The Villager's the one who's behind all the murders that are going to happen."
"Great. Give away all the spoilers, will you," Samus said sarcastically.
"I thought that it's pretty obvious by now."
"Who knows? Maybe there'll be a Shamalan Twist."
The blunet cringed. "Do not speak of his name. Gods, I hope he got nothing to do with this story. After that Avatar movie…."
"What Avatar movie?" Link asked in a sudden monotonous voice.
"Yes, what movie?" Peach echoed in the same tone. "There is no movie in Ba-Sing Se."
"There is no movie in Ba-Sing Se."
"Whatevs. We ain't giving up our positions, princess," Samus concluded. "So if that's all you got to say, I think we're done here."
Fuming, Marth took a hold of one of Ike's arms and grumbled, "Let's go, Link."
"But Zelda-"
"We'll take care of her," Peach assured him with a gentle smile.
The two swordsmen lifted the comatose mercenary, who somehow managed go spurt nonsensical phrases in his inert state.
"Defeating a sandwich only makes it tastier."
"Attention all Smashers, report to the grand hall. All Smashers to the grand hall," a Wire-Frame announced on the intercom.
"What now?" Link groaned as he and Marth dragged Ike out their bedroom. Their friend was now awake, but the electric shock took its toll on the few brain cells he originally had.
"It's Leviosaaaaaa," he slurred, distorting his mouth into grotesque shapes.
In the grand hall, the Smashers were waiting restlessly for Master Hand. Many of their associates from Brawl had yet to return, so they knew it was about who made the cut. The great hand floated in, and the Smashers crowded around him. He seemed to be pained as he looked at each fighter. Taking a deep breath, he announced the inevitable.
"Kids, I have bad news."
"What is it?" they asked as they swarmed in even more.
"We have two new challengers."
"How is that bad news?" Sonic inquired in his cheerful, hyper self, then suddenly turned insidious. "As long as they're not faster than me. Then I'll have to bury them alive in the forest."
Everyone looked at him with traumatized expressions and took one step away from him. Master Hand cleared his voice and continued.
"Unfortunately, I was forced to accept two new challengers that honestly have no place in the Smash Mansion, or Nintendo as a matter of fact."
"Great. Is it Master Chief?" Fox asked with revulsion in his voice. Bile began to surface in the Smashers' mouths at the thought of it.
"Master Chief for Smash Bros 4!" a rabid fanboy shrieked from outside the window as he foamed at the mouth. "Master Chief for Smash Bros 4! Master Chi-"
Samus deftly blew him to bits with a missile from her trusty Arm Canon, earning polite claps from the mansion's residents. This was her version of golf.
"Thank you Samus. As I was saying, I do not want these people here any more than you do, but Fanfiction says that this is the will of the Almighty Author. I introduce to you: Mary Sue and Gary Stu."
Moans, wails, and gut-wrenching screams resounded as the doors of the grand hall began to open.
"Quick, bar-a the gates!" Mario cried out as he dashed to the door. "I can't-a have anyone take away-a my spotlight!"
Everyone except for Master Hand, the Villager, and a brain-damaged Ike, went to work. They slammed the door shut, and began to use various furniture to bolt and block the doorway. A mystic force seemed to be pushing against their blockade.
"We can't hold them off!" Olimar shouted as he pushed his entire weight against the barricade.
"Their perfection…. It's too… much….," Pit groaned against the opposing force that threatened to blow the doors open. Finally, a brilliant white light knocked the Smashers several feet back as the door was flung open. Once the light faded, there stood two dreaded individuals who represented the quintessence of bad fanfiction.
The man was remarkably handsome with black hair and red streaks, unusual red and purple irises, and a glowing device embedded in his chest. He wore a black trench coat and carried a multi-barreled pistol in his holster, a katana and an array of shurikens around his belt, and a giant, high-tech canon of some sort strapped to his back. Beneath his trench coat was a skintight tank top made of nanofiber Kevlar that outlined his ever-so impressive muscles. And he probably had a big dick.
The girl was unbelievably gorgeous, and I mean so f****** beautiful that even the thug Samus would slit her wrists out of inferiority. She had long, flowing pink locks that were impractical for a fighting tournament, mesmerizing eyes that were green as the purest emerald, a voluptuous body that could turn a gay man straight, a diamond-shaped tattoo in the middle of her forehead, and an ancient medallion that hung from her neck. She wore, of course, a weird kimono-styled battle gear, a pair of golden magic gauntlets, and white combat boots supported by 3 inch heels. This epitome of female perfection wielded a long double-sided sword that was suspiciously similar to Pit's bow.
[Ridiculous appearances: check]
The Smashers stared at the pair in horror and awe, unsure if they should lynch the perfect abominations or worship them. They held their breaths when the girl opened his mouth to speak.
"Hi guys, I'm Mary Sue!" she chirped happily with a cute smile.
"The name's Gary Stu," the young man introduced himself in a cool manner, giving them a brief nod, letting them know that he was indeed, very cool.
[Animals and children instinctively like them:…..]
"Strangely, I instinctively like them," Fox stated astoundedly, struggling to keep his his tail from wagging in delight.
"Me too," Ness concurred, trapped in the same hypnotic trance as the Starfox Commander.
"Pika~!" Pikachu exclaimed and jumped into Mary's arms and was contently petted by the newcomer.
"Get the f*** away from him! That's my dog," Samus hissed venomously, reaching for her taser.
[check]
Master Hand fidgeted nervously and cleared his voice. "So, why don't you tell us a bit about yourselves?"
The two newcomers' expressions turned pained, notifying the other Smashers to prepare for the worst.
"It's not a very happy story. Would you still like to hear it?" Gary asked guardedly.
"No no no no no!" the crowd pleaded.
He rested his forehead on his palm and sighed melodramatically, which strangely looked very sexy. "Very well, I'll tell you," he conceded, earning a chorus of groans and complaints.
"In a world far away…"
Here we go again.
"There's a world called Cyborg Nation…"
Lol. What a retarded name.
"… that has technological advancements that no other world possesses."
"Bullshit!" Fox hollered condescendingly.
"Amen brother," Samus agreed with the anthro, considering the technology of her homeworld .
Gary Stu's eyes turned fiery red as he dashed to Fox with unmatched speed and shoved his face onto the canine's long nose. The newbie's face was hideously scrunched up into a glare, his eyes were mere centimeters away from Fox's.
"He's faster than me," Sonic gasped quietly with a manic expression as he flipped out a switchblade. "Gonna f****** cut him up!"
"Does your world have nanomachines that build space elevators in mere seconds? Huh?" Gary demanded defensively.
"Well…," Fox began.
"Are there teleportation devices that can bring you to any time period of any world?"
The Starfox commander thought for a second. "No, but-"
"Thought so," the annoying OC said haughtily as he stood back triumphantly.
"OP! Rito plz nerf!" Falco hooted.
"Geez, my bad if I offended you or something," Fox said. "But you didn't have to take it as a personal attack."
"I'm not taking this PERSONALLY!" Gary roared as his great canon whirred to life with pale blue energy and automatically pointed at Fox.
The room fell silent from the seemingly composed newcomer's outburst.
Master Hand floated in between the two Smashers and suggested "Why don't you put that thing away and continue your story, Gary."
Acting like nothing happened, Gary Stu turned off his firearm and dusted himself off. "Where was I? Oh, yes; Cyborg Nation was once called United Neo States, until the violent Cyborgs overthrew the peaceful king. They enslaved people who refused to become Cyborgs or forced them to become one of them. When I was just a little kid, I was a slave under a cruel robot overlord and never knew who my parents were."
As stupid as the story was, many of the Smashers felt something touch their hearts. This is the power of the Stues.
Am I sympathizing with him?
Why am I feeling sorry for this prick?
He's been through so much! I suddenly adore him!
"I was drafted into a super soldier project that took the lives of many test subjects. Naturally, I survived and outshined all my peers in all aspects. When I was ready to be used in war against a neighboring country, I met a ragtag team of freedom fighters that told me the truth about my birth."
Bowser let out an aggravated sigh and crossed his arms. "Let me guess, you're the son of the dead king."
Gary Stu blinked in utter surprise. "How did you know?"
"Based-a on all-a the clichéd OCs in-a fanfiction, it's-a pretty obvious," Mario stated spitefully.
"Yes, I was supposed to be the prince, so I broke my ties with the evil Cyborg overlords-"
"Didn't you say 'robot overlords?'" Marth cut in.
"Cyborg overlords, and joined the resistance. But they found our hidden base and scattered us-"
"And why didn't the cyborgs just create more powerful cyborgs instead of going through the trouble of using humans?" Dedede interrogated.
F*** you, that's why. Moving on, during the raid, one of my best friends friends, Token Black Guy, died while saving my life."
"Woah, woah woah!" Link said, holding his hands up. "This is starting to sound a little racist."
Stu's brows furrowed in irriation. "His name was Token Black Guy. And my friend is black; I can't be racist."
"Definitely some noob author who came up with this crap," Link whispered to Marth.
Gary Stu scanned the Crowd with sorrowful eyes. "Ever since Token Black Guy was killed, I've always carried a terrible guilt in my heart and I never want to lose another person dear to me again."
Peach wiped a tear from her eye. "That was so sweet."
"My heart of justice is burning beyond measure!" Captain Falcon exclaimed as a feeling stirred in the left side of his chest. He was probably just experiencing a minor heartburn.
"Oh, come on!" Link said in disbelief. "Every OC in fanfiction feels bad about something from the past."
"But he's real," the Mushroom Kingdom princess reasoned earnestly.
"His name's Gary Stu."
The flawless ex-prince gave Peach a brilliant smile. "Once I get back my kingdom, I'll have to start looking for a princess. Interested?"
Peach could only nod numbly at the irresistible proposition.
"Sonic! Great to see you again!" Mary exclaimed gleefully as she ran over to embrace the hedgehog.
Sonic jumped back from her reach and wildly brandished his knife, his appearance feral and rabid. "W-who the f*** are you?! I-I'll f****** cut you up, b****!"
"Come on, silly. Don't you remember me? When I single-handedly saved your life and the whole Sega world?"
"I don't know who you are, but I'm sure we'll be best of friends in no time," Gary said warmly to the speedster. "And it's definitely not because my creator is a Sonic fan."
"Of course that would happen," Fox mumbled to himself. "I just hope there aren't any more Sonic characters in this fanfic."
"Tails, Shadow, Silver, and other Sonic characters will be joining us in a few weeks," Master Hand quickly put in.
Everyone groaned, while Sonic let out a shrill scream like he had rabies.
"With some OP Sonic characters that some fanboy made up."
"NOOOOOOOOO!"
"I'm supposed to be the only Sega character in Super Smash Bros! I'll- I'll f****** cut them up!"
"When do I get to start training?" Gary Stu asked eagerly. "I'm itching for a good fight."
"Don't worry. You'll obviously be able to beat everyone eventually," Marth muttered in resignation. "And of course you'll show off your awesome power during your first match."
"Can I have a quick match to show off my awesome power?" the newcomer requested earnestly.
"…... I…. see….. why…. not," Master Hand struggled to say. "Marth, why don't you be his opponent?"
The blunet's friends patted him on the back while his face was devoid of all human emotions.
"This was meant to be," Ike said reassuringly as if it would lift the doomed man's spirits.
"It will be a 1 stock 2 minute match on Skyworld," Master Hand announced. "No items."
"3!"
Marth reluctantly drew his sword and sighed in despair.
"2!"
Gary Stu readied his overgrown pistol like a cowboy. He was probably also a cowboy on top of being a super soldier and a prince.
"1!"
Very awesomely, he flung back his tailcoat and began to pull out his weapon.
"GO!"
In a flash, Gary began firing volleys of bullets at the swordsman. Marth dodged and deflected the incoming projectiles as he swiftly closed the gap between them. Before he was in attacking range, the OC jumped high into the air and shot a large, multicolored beam at him. Marth could only widen his eyes in surprise for a split second before the blast was upon him. Satisfied, Gary holstered his gun as he landed on a higher platform. He began to walk away from the smoke.
Then, something from the haze flew out, causing Gary to shoot it out of the air with his impeccable reflexes, only to see that it was just a rock. Not sparing him even a second, Marth pushed himself off of a pillar and shot straight at Gary's unguarded left side. He thrusted his sword at the newcomer with a fully charged Shield Breaker, ready to claim victory. However, a hard, metallic substance met the razor-sharp point of the blade. The canon strapped to Gary's back was now in the shape of a shield, easily holding out against Marth's Falchion.
"RITO PLZ NERF!" Falco shouted louder this time.
Marth jumped back from another pistol shot. "What the hell is that? There's no defense that Shield Breaker can't penetrate."
"This is the Ultima Canon. In addition to having a mind of its own, it can change into anything shape I desire," Gary explained as he patted the huge weapon.
"Now that's just OP," Samus commented from the bleachers.
"Kill the bastard, Marth!" Fox hollered in encouragement, earning an elbow from Peach.
"For example, I'll transmute this into a form of transportation," Gary said and the Ultima Canon turned into a skyboard from Sonic Riders and flew at Marth, missing him by inches. Sega, please don't sue.
"Yeah? Then why don't you change it into a giant dick and shove it up your ass?" Marth spat at him, readying for the next attack.
"Oh, I'm sure you'd know all about shoving things up your ass, ladyboy," the newcomer returned smugly, always prepared with the best comebacks. His knowledge of banter and witty responses exceeded the vastness of the universe.
With a roar of anger, the blunet charged at him with a heavy diagonal slash, only to have Gary fly out of range and fire more bullets. To show off even more, the exiled prince of United Neo States jumped off his skyboard to meet Marth on top of a cloud. Unsheathing his jet-black katana, Gary got into a battle stance.
"Truthfully, I've never used a sword before. This is the legendary Weeaboo from the planet Sexikawaii, an ancient katana that holds great and terrible power-"
"And you have to master it and blah blah blah. We know," Marth finished, not wanting to hear another badly clichéd story.
Brushing off his rudeness, Gary awesomely said, "Ready when you are."
Marth shot forth and performed a lightning-fast buffet of Dancing Blades, only to have his opponent easily block every attack. Once the ferocity of the attacks started to wane, Gary Stu took advantage of this to commence his own assault.
Marth barely dodged and parried the strikes, shocked by the novice's technique. I've never seen anyone move like this! Just what is he?
Master Hand looked on with admiration and said, "He's a natural."
Link facepalmed hard and grumbled, "I was hoping no one would say that."
"That's it! No more Mister Nice Guy!" Marth growled as his blade shone more intensely. Thrown off by the change in power, Gary was now pushed to the defensive as the blunet pressed forward. Just when Marth thought that he would win, Gary's sword burned ablaze with violet energy.
"Well, f*** me," Marth stated matter-of-factly, knowing that he was now royally screwed.
With newfound strength, Gary shoved the blunet back and swung his blade downwards, producing a ridiculously large shockwave of dark energy, blasting away Marth and half the stage.
"GAME!"
Before Gary Stu could celebrate his victory, dark flames began to engulf him, roaring out of control.
"Aughhhh! I can't control it!"
"Don't give in, comrade!" Captain Falcon encouraged, enraptured by the OC's predictable trial.
Fox rested his chin on his hands with a bored expression on his face. "You'll have it under control in a few dramatic seconds."
After a few dramatic seconds of struggling, the flames began to diminish. "I think I have it under control now!"
Shaking his head in dismay, Fox watched as Gary finally managed to sheathe the super-powerful sword, sealing off its power.
"Great, can we get lunch now?" Link demanded impatiently.
"Not before I hail Mr. Gary Stu as a prodigy and give him the best room in the mansion," Master Hand said enthusiastically as he hurriedly floated down to the spawn zones. This is the power.
The OC and a half-conscious Marth were teleported back onto the spawn zones.
"Gary, that was amazing!" Peach squealed as she instantly hugged him, for no woman alive could resist the irresistibility of his irresistibleness.
"If you'd like, I can use my magic to help you discover your hidden powers," Zelda offered, then in a more sensual way, "One-on-one. Just you and me."
Link eyed the newcomer suspiciously, looking for any eyebrow-wiggling or a bulge from his indisputably above-average sized penis.
"A little OP if you ask me," Samus remarked. "But…. If you ever need someone to spar with…"
Link almost ripped out his hair as he exclaimed, "Even Samus?!"
"Hey, mister! You're really strong. You think you can teach me a few moves?" Ness asked hopefully.
"Me too!" Toon Link piped up. "I wanna get strong too!"
With a gloriously musical laugh, Gary ruffled their hair and responded, "Being the fatherly type of guy that all girls love, of course I'm willing to teach you guys."
He then turned to Marth and bent down to help, only to have Link and Ike jump in the way and hiss like a pair of irritable cats.
"I was only trying to help," he said innocently.
"Fatherly and compassionate," Peach sighed dreamily.
Link scrunched his face up in disgust at her infatuation then told Ike to get Marth to the infirmary. The mercenary grabbed an arm and began to drag him across the floor before Mary Sue stepped in front of him.
"I think I can help him," she said in an affirmative but delicate way.
Link considered this for a moment and nodded to Ike. Leaving him on the floor, the Smashers stepped back as Mary knelt down to begin a chant in an archaic and powerful language known as Wapanese.
"Sushi senpai arigato kawaii katana naruto kimono tentacle porn..."
A glowing yellow pentagram formed under Marth as his injuries healed in a matter of seconds. He slowly opened his eyes to be greeted by a pair of large breasts.
"Are you… an angel?" he asked softly.
"He's-a been bewitched by-a titties!" Mario gasped, who was starting to feel the effect as well.
"Don't fall for it! She's still a Mary Sue!" Metaknight warned as they intently stared at her hanging chest.
The OC giggled and said, "No silly. You're still alive."
Marth slowly examined his healed body and asked, "How is this possible. Even at the infirmary it would take a few hours."
"I have the ability to heal anyone with one spell," she explained. "I learned it from my master, who revived me from death four times so far."
"You've been revived too?" Gary Stu asked with surprise. What a coincidence.
"So, Mary," Master Hand began, "You can cure anyone of anything?"
"I'm hungry," Ike stated randomly.
"Pretty much."
Master Hand contemplated this. "Do you think you'll be able to volunteer a bit at our infirmary."
Dr. Mario's going to get sacked.
"Sure!" she agreed happily. "I love helping others out."
"Good, good," the floating hand said before leaning over to Luigi. "Tell Dr. Mario to start packing. His services are no longer needed."
I'm psychic.
"I want lunch!" Ike roared in fury.
At the cafeteria, Gary Stu looked around in hopes of finding people to sit with. Wanting to warm up with the other guys, he took a seat beside Marth, who raised an eyebrow haughtily.
"You fought well today," the OC complimented, trying to break the ice. The Altean's torrential revulsion seemed to negate Stu's mastery of winning people over.
"I was clearly no match for your godly powers," Marth pointed out detachedly.
"Don't feel so bad about it. I almost always win all physical and verbal fights."
"Ugh, let's go guys," Marth grumbled as he stood up with his tray.
"Oh, and about the ladyboy thing… I was caught up in the moment. I didn't mean it. Sorry."
Marth looked at him square in the face and said, "Well, about shoving a giant dick up you're a**, I meant every word of it."
The three swordsmen left Gary and sat at another table, leaving the newcomer to be obviously be pitied and accepted by another group.
"Hey!" a female's voice shouted from behind. "Hey, Gary!"
He swiveled around to see Peach waving ecstatically at him. "Over here!"
With a surprised expression he joined the girls at their table. Why would he be surprised? Everyone of the opposite sex wants his d.
"Were those guys being mean to you?" Zelda asked suspiciously. "I'm going to have a word with them later."
But being the ever-so altruistic guy that he was, Gary Stu said, "Nah, they just wanted some time by themselves."
"Well, well. Look who joined their table," Samus observed dryly. At the far end of the cafeteria, Mary Sue was chatting happily to the three men while they seemed to be in some hypnotic trance.
"Oh. My. God," Peach said in her valley-girl voice. "Is she, like, seriously whoring herself out?"
Samus rolled her eyes. "Men. They're impressed by anything with breasts."
"Amen, sister. I'm glad you're not like other boys, Gary."
"I'll eventually bone all three of you, but yeah, I'd like to think that I'm a bit different."
"What?!" Samus exclaimed.
"Awww, that's so sweet," Peach sighed.
"Peach, didn't you just hear-"
"But that skank is just so…. ugh. Like, she just acts like she's so perfect; how can anyone stand her?"
At the other side of the cafeteria, Mary Sue was orating the heart-rending events of her past. The boys, on the other hand, were absently nodding as their visions were fixed 4 inches below her face.
"So, where are you from, Marth?" Mary asked.
"F cups," he blurted out.
"Sorry?"
"Ahh…. I mean, Altea," the blunet quickly corrected himself as he snapped out of the trance.
The newcomer let out a small giggle that could make Satan blush. "You're funny."
"Ha, ha. Yeah, funny….," he echoed, slightly sweating. If it were someone like Samus, she would have already crushed his head in.
With a smile that seemed to glow with a light of its own, the pink-haired girl turned her attention to Link, although his attention was directed… elsewhere.
"You're from Hylia, aren't you? No need to be surprised; I've read all about it in the Great Library. What's it like to live there?"
"… jiggly," Link managed to drone.
"Jiggly?"
"I like your boobies," Ike stated from out of nowhere.
"Ummm, thanks?"
Master Hand announced a meeting in the auditorium a few hours after lunch. It wasn't like him to be so abrupt.
At the podium, Fanfiction was standing beside the giant hand. This unnerved the Smashers, except the two OCs, who seemed to be perfectly calm.
"What does he want now?" Link grumbled, sinking into one of the seats.
"I think this is the part where we get sent to our deaths," Ike guessed bluntly as he swallowed another strip of fried chicken.
After receiving a nod from Fanfiction, Master Hand stated in a clear voice, "We'll be visiting the under-construction Smashville tomorrow."
"I knew it!"
"I want everyone ready to leave by tomorrow morning. Pack lightly."
With unsure expressions, the fighters exited the stadium. Fanfiction watched them leave with a wide grin stretching from ear to ear.