Episode 2 - The Cocktail Party
or Miaka's attack to the buffet table!
Warning: OCC for the sake of comedy. Contains spoilers for the entire series, and
some Rayearth references and spoilers.
Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi, Rayearth, The X-Men, Flashdance and all songs and movies mentioned are not of my property. If they were, I wouldn't be at work now... -_-;
Miaka: (chanting) Cock-tail Par-ty! Cock-tail Par-ty! Freeee Foood! Freeee Foood!
Yui: (eyebrow twitching) She's been like that since yesterday...
Miaka: (chanting) Cock-tail Par-ty! Cock-tail Par-ty! Freeee Foood! Freeee Foood!
Nuriko: She still thinks with her stomach, doesn't she?
Chiriko: Miaka-san, Yui-san, Nuriko-san! Good afternoon! (bows)
Yui: Hi, Chiriko-chan. Are we the first to arrive?
Chiriko: Errr... (points at Tomo and Soi, who are pulling Nakago's arms).
Soi: HE'S MINE!
Tomo: NO WAY!
Soi: YES WAY!
Tomo: NO WAY!
Nakago: (vein throbbing in his forehead) Stop. It. Now.
Yui: (crosses her arms) Some things never change.
Nuriko: Oh, Mitsukake! You're already here!
Mitsukake: (sitting on a corner) Hello.
Soi and Tomo: (stop their struggle) IT TALKS!
(Mitsukake rolls his eyes).
Yui: Hello, Mitsukake.
Miaka: Hi!! Anou... where's Tama-neko?
Chiriko: (sighs) Ruining my first efforts of decoration.
Tama-neko: (scratching its nails against a fake bed) Meow!
(Suddenly a loud rumble is heard, resounding and shaking earth like thunder. A scared Tama-neko runs and climbs to Mitsukake's shoulder)
Soi: (crosses arms) Now what did we do, authoress?
Yui: (waves hand dissmissively) Oh, no, it's just Miaka's stomach.
(Soi, Nakago and Tomo sweatdrop).
Miaka: (stomach growls loudly again) Can we eat, Chiriko?
Tomo: O_O; It *WAS* her stomach, after all...
Chiriko: Sorry, Miaka-san, not yet. First I have to asign responsabilities to all remaining people. And now that I think about it, Tomo is idle, right?
Soi: (smirks) As he usually is...
Tomo: (scowls) AT LEAST I was *this* short from killing *all* the Suzaku seishi and that traitor Bakaboshi.
Soi: But you didn't, did you?
Tomo: That's not the point!
Nuriko: (interested) Bakaboshi who? Suboshi, Amiboshi or Miboshi?
Miaka: He's talking about Amiboshi, I think.
Soi: But he didn't kill him.
Yui: Tomo ended up instead with more holes than a Swiss cheese.
Nakago: Lesson #1: Never mess with Amiboshi. Suboshi is not likely to take it lightly. (perks up) Hey! That rhymes!
(All sweatdrop)
Chiriko: As... I was saying, I'm assigning Tomo a job as an extra.
Tomo: WHAT?! I'm a professional actor! The only one you've probably even *met*.
Chiriko: That is absolutely right, Tomo, but... you see, Taka wasn't exagerating when we said we were short on funds. Most funding went to catering.
Nakago and Tomo: To catering?!
Chiriko: (nods) To cover our alimentary needs.
Soi: We don't eat *that* much, do we?
Yui: (sweatdrops) Just wait until you see Miaka in action...
Miaka: (stomach growls again) Can't this wait? I'm really really hungry! I can't think on an empty stomach!
Yui: Well, that explains why you don't think much at *all*.
Nakago: (smirks) Mystery solved.
Miaka: Yui-chan, what do you mean?! (pouts)
Yui: (hugs Miaka) Aw, don't worry, I still love you.
Miaka: (clings onto Yui) I love you too, Yui-chan!!!
Nuriko: (raises an eyebrow) Is it me, or is this fanfic suddenly going yuri?
Authoress: (voice off) Try yaoi.
Tomo: (licks his lips) Good.
Chiriko: Hi authoress-san!!
Authoress: (voice off) Hi Chiriko-chan! Keep the good work!
Chiriko: Thank you! (to everybody else) As I was explaining earlier, most funds went to catering, so I decided to take advatage on our celestial powers to produce this movie with the best quality possible. And as your powers are illusions, Tomo, those might come more than useful for special effect purposes.
Yui: Besides, as an extra, you get to act many, many roles and not just one. Doesn't that sound appealing?
Tomo: (pouting) No. I wanted to be the star.
Nuriko: With the money we make of this turk- er, *film*, you can produce your own, right?
Soi: (slaps forehead) Don't give him ideas!
(Too late. Tomo's already contemplating the possibilities...)
Tomo: Ok. I'll be... the extra.
Chiriko: Yui-san, Nuriko-san, thanks. Now we have an extra. With his powers to optically reproduce himself, I don't think we'll need any more extras.
Miaka: (stomach GROWLS loudly) Oi! I've GOT to eat!!!
Chiriko: (sighs) All of the present have assigned roles, so I guess it will do no harm to formally iniciate the cocktail party.
Voice: (dramatically) NOT WITHOUT ME!
(Hotohori enters with 4 servants, fully robed as the emperor he is)
Nuriko: *_* Heika-sama!!!
Hotohori: Hello, Nuriko... Miaka, Chiriko, all.
Soi: Aren't you a little overdressed?
Hotohori: (looks at his clothes) But isn't this a formal event?
Chiriko: Not really, heika-sama. It is a casual buffet.
Yui: This movie has been anything *but* formal.
Nuriko: It's just a bunch of friends. (eyeing Nakago) And enemies.
(Hotohori looks at everybody else. Miaka is in a yellow sundress with red flowers and a yellow hat. Yui is also in a sundress, with short puffy sleeves, in lavander. Nakago is wearing a casual white suit with a baby-blue shirt. Tomo has his opera clothes and make-up. Soi is wearing a small spaghetti-strip cocktail dress in mauve. Chiriko is wearing a white short-sleeved shirt and green pants. Mitsukake is wearing a brown shirt and black kashmere pants. He's not wearing his headband, and actually looks quite good.)
Yui: (raises an eyebrow) Nakago looks kinda disco...
(Miaka laughs. Everybody else blinks in confusement.)
Nuriko: At least ditch this. (grabs Hotohori's hat and sends it flying...)
(...and it's caught by Ashitare in midair!)
Yui: Um... Hi, Ashitare!
(Ashitare aknowledges his miko by barking, and promply runs to Nakago, jumps at him making him fall backwards and licking his face)
Nakago: (vein throbbing in his forehead) Get. Off. Me. Now.
Tomo: (sighs) I should be the one doing *that*.
(Meanwhile, Hotohori's hair falls down in slow-motion, as in a shampoo comercial. Hotohori tosses his hair in delight, only to be glomped by...)
Nuriko: Heika-sama! Your hair smells gooood!
Hotohori: (sighs) I, Saihitei, emperor of Konan, command you all to start the cocktail party!
(Hotohori's servants rush to the doors to the party room and open them ceremoniously)
Nuriko: Wow. (unglomps Hotohori)
(An incredible sight appears before them... On the right of the room is the warm buffet, with all kinds of juicy, mouthwatering meats, poultry and seafood cooked to utter perfection... Pasta with all types of sauces, pizzas, calzones, crêpes... All types of side dishes: baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, french fries, homecooked beans, omelettes... At the left there's the cold buffet with a salad bar, a sushi bar, caviar and blinis, cold meats, bagels with smoked salmon and cream cheese, assorted cheeses and pâtés, etc. But most impressive of all was the dessert buffet table, at the very center of the room. A massive selection of cakes, pies, ice creams, mousses, soufleés, crêpes, puddings and other assorted delicacies in every shape, color and flavor possible that guaranteed to give them enough cavities to stack up dentist bills for a year, laid in all their sugary glory...)
(Authoress scowls at her limp, microwave-reheated Kentucky Fried Chicken wing.)
Miaka: (weeping of joy) WAIIII!!!!!!!! (launches herself to the closest table -the cold buffet- and proceeds to stuff her face)
Tomo: By Seiryuu!
Nakago: Disgusting!
Yui: (smirks) You ain't seen nothing yet.
Tomo: (sweatdrop) She makes *him* look graceful... (points at Ashitare, who's chomping on a lamb leg on the warm buffet)
Nuriko: Heika-sama, look! *_* A carrot with the form of Suzaku! Kawaii!
Hotohori: (shakes head) You're spending way too much time with Miaka...
Suboshi: YUI-SAMA!!!
(Yui barely has time to react when she already has Suboshi firmly attatched to her neck)
Suboshi: Lovely, lovely Yui-sama... (cuddles against her)
Yui: (choking) Su... subo... shi... ca... can't... ack... br... bre... a... the...
Suboshi: (oblivious) What is it, Yui-sama?
Amiboshi: (shakes head) You're cutting her air supply.
Suboshi: Hmn? Oh! (deglomps) ImsorryYuisama!! (gets teary eyed)
(Yui quickly breathes)
Miaka: (mouth full) Arg uh ogei Ui-sha?
Nuriko: What?
Yui: (breathing a bit more steadily) *That* translates to "Are you okay, Yui-chan?". Yes, I'm fine... I think.
Miaka: Ag gash!
Amiboshi: Hello, Miaka-san, what did you just said?
Yui: (sighs) She said, "Hi guys!"
Amiboshi: (sweatdrops) Oh, hi again Miaka-san. And hello to you too, Yui-sama. Nuriko, Hotohori...
Suboshi: Um... Hi, Soi, Tomo, the rest of you...
Chiriko: Hello and welcome to the cocktail party, courtesy of our dear authoress-san!
Soi: Well, why not make good use of it? (takes a champagne flute and sips gracefully).
Yui: You're absolutely right (gets close to the hors d'uvre table and takes delicately a canapé of pâté de foie gras).
Chiriko: (sweatdrops) I think the authoress-san wants to show off her dominion of French language...
(All shrug and start eating. Slowly all the missing seishi arrive and, um, eat.)
Chichiri: (eating a chocolate ice cream) How nice from the authoress, no da. We never get to have ice cream in Konan, no da.
Hotohori: (scowls) Try living in Hokkan. You'll get plenty of ice there.
Tasuki: (drinking sake) Somethin' @#&x good, at last!
Keisuke: (mouth full) Thesh sherry piesh are fantashtic!
Tetsuya: You should try the cherry pie! (licks clean his plate)
Yui: (sighs) People seem to lose all dignity in a buffet. (forks her salad)
Chiriko: (blinks) Apparently both Tasuki-san and Tetsuya-san have gotten over the cast choices.
Soi: Men always think with their stomachs.
Yui: At least when they're not thinking with their... *ehem* (clears throat)
Chiriko: (blinks) With what?
Amiboshi: Forget it, you'll know when you're older.
Tomo: And make use of it. Kakakakaka!
Soi: Tomo, you're disgusting, you know?
(A weird, loud wail suddenly fills the entire buffet room)
Nakago: (mouth full with butterscotch pudding) Now what?!
(All look at Miaka, who's crying her eyes out).
Tasuki: She ain't eating anymore? O_o
Keisuke: Something is *seriously* wrong with her...
Nuriko: Miaka! There's still plenty of food! See? (points at buffet)
Amiboshi: Maybe someone should bring Taka back, ne?
Hotohori: (shakes head) I don't think so. (point to an object in Miaka's hands)
Tasuki: What's wrong with dat @#&x drumstick?
Hotohori: (rolls eyes) Look at the other hand...
Nuriko: (takes a closer look) A manga? Mahou Kishi Reiyasu[1]... number 3?
Miaka: *sniff sniff* Poor Hikaru! She believed in the heart and good will of Cephiro... Ohhh... poor Princess Emeraude, forever torn from her love! Waaaah!!!
Yui: (eyebrow twitches) My god...
(The skies darken, lighting and thunder resound. An impressive dragon flies through the skies)
Tasuki: What da...?
Nakago: Yui-sama, did you summon Seiryuu?
Yui: Not that I know of!
(The dragon roars loudly and meanly)
Hotohori: (raises an eyebrow) He definitely looks like Seiryuu...
Nuriko: (sweatdrops) If we had known this was all it took...
Miaka: Waii!!! That means I can summon Suzaku again??? ^o^
Yui: (smirks) Only if you're still a virgin.
Miaka: (disappointed) Ooooohhhh....
Nakago: Maybe he has come to grant you three wishes... then you can give one of your wishes to me...
Yui: In your dreams! Besides, I wasted my three first wishes horribly. I shall have entirely selfish wishes this time around!
(All sweatdrop)
Hotohori: If she's *didn't* have selfish wishes before, I shudder just imagining what she's thinking about now...
(Yui is actually thinking of asking for a 44-room mansion in Maui with tennis court and an artificial lake, the ability to speak all existing languages fluently -including Sanskrit and ancient Greek-, and a harem of Heero Yuy's lookalikes fanning her and feeding her grapes.)
Amiboshi: Erm, Yui-sama... your duty as Seiryuu no miko is to protect your country and its people, right?
Miboshi: (rolls eyes skyward) Oh, and you're just the BEST person to talk about serving Seiryuu... Not.
Soi: Anyway, Amiboshi has a point. At least Yui came back to her world and got herself a new life. We the seishi got screwed up.
(Ashitare barks)
Tomo: We deserve some kind of gratification for our services and our suffering... that is, except Amibaka.
Amiboshi: (scowls) Is this some kind of "bash Amiboshi" moment?
Tomo and Miboshi in unison: YES!
Amiboshi: ... (turns to see why Suboshi hasn't defended him)
Suboshi: (-quite predictably- is watching at Yui with hearts in his eyes...) Gorgeous...
Yui: Okay, okay... ingrates... I will give one wish to one Seiryuu seishi... selected ramdomly. (curses mentally about giving up on the Heero lookalikes)
(All Seiryuu seishi agree and plot their wishes...)
(Nakago is envisioning himself as the master of the world. He's reclined in big throne made of solid gold. He's dressed in a blue silk suit with gold and platinum appliqués, covered with a gold lamé cloak, and is wearing several rings, necklaces and a BIG crown, all embedded in precious stones. To his right, there's a small red throne in which Soi is sitting, wearing a tight Renaissance burgundy velvet gown and a tiny garnet tiara. To his left, there's a small blue throne in which Yui is sitting, wearing a tight Renaissance navy gown, similar to Soi's but less revealing, and a tiny sapphire tiara. Both women are taking either hand of Nakago and uttering words of adoration.
In front of him Miboshi, Ashitare, Tomo and the twins are bending over while chanting: "Nakago-sama! Nakago-sama!". From the ceiling hang seven cages, and in each cage there's a Suzaku seishi, dirty and naked, chained from the neck, hands and feet, shivering from the cold and desperately trying to scratch the fleas off their backs. From the very center hangs a -slightly- larger cage, in which Miaka is eating dogfood from a dirty metal dogplate in the most undignified way possible. Her -scarce- clothing is torn and dirty. From the window you can see a massive crowd chanting: "Nakago-sama! Nakago-sama!". Nakago is laughing madly and proclaiming à la James Cameron: "I'm the king of the world!")
Nakago: I'm the king of the world...
Chichiri: (freaked as his magic managed to give him a glimpse of Nakago's fantasy) Suzaku, please don't let him win, no da!
Tomo: (dreamily) Nakago-sama...
(Tomo imagines himself starring in "Flashdance"! Costarring -of course- Nakago... You see, Tomo is a big fan of the 80s -especially 80s music- when men did have an appreciation for big hair and makeup. Tomo is, by day, a construction worker, a horrible job that ruins hair and makes nails brittle. But at night, he becomes the mysterious "shadow dancer" at a local club, a seducer who mesmerizes men ^^;. However, his dream is to become a professional dancer, and with the help of an aging ballerina -Miboshi... *snickers*- and her true love's encouragement -Nakago, who else?- Tomo finds fame and glory -and wealth!- and his dream comes true... He becomes the world's most famous professional dancer, always with Nakago by his side... [Soi was right, telling Tomo to make his own movies was a BAD idea...]
The image fades to what is actually Tomo's favorite movie: "Farewell my Concubine". In that movie, Nakago as opera actor Duan Xiaolou leaves poor fellow actor Cheng Dieyi -Tomo, of course- for a whiny prostitute called Juxian -guess who's playing that part, huh?-. But this time around Tomo decided to change the ending so that the entire world appreciates the beauty of Chinese opera, the communists experience death by the clam and Soi is forever trapped in an illusion of uncountable cackling SD Tomos. The image transfers to reality and Nakago and Tomo live happily ever after in a pagoda-style mansion with two cats and a dog- Ashitare. Who, as usual, is licking Nakago's face)
Tomo: Oh, Nakago-sama, my love...
Nakago: (twitches) He. is. so. dead.
Soi: Why waste a good wish on a freak like him?
(Soi envisions herself in a lovely red gown, hair styled in a 40s bun. Nakago, suave in a suit, takes her between his arms... dramatic music fills the air. "Soi... I've always loved you. Run away with me and make me the happiest man on the universe". Soi whispers lovingly, "Oh, Nakago", and melts in his arms. They slowly turn to see a board with four swings over a pool of water (like the ones you usually find at fairs). Said water is so cold it has actually chunks of ice floating around (courtesy of the Genbu seishi). In the swings are Miaka and Yui in their lousy brown school uniforms, and Tomo and Miboshi dressed in the most ridiculous clown outfits possible, complete with red noses, ugly wigs and huge shoes.
First to shoot at the board is Nakago. Nakago sends his ball using a little chi to aim better, and it lands exactly in the red center. Miaka falls in the cold water screaming "AIEEE!!!", and Nakago laughs heartily. Soi follows, and her ball hits right in the center too! Yui screams as she falls, and Soi laughs as she yells: "That's what you get for trying to steal MY man!" It's Nakago's turn again, and his perfect aim makes Miboshi take the plunge. He tries stay afloat in the air, but he falls anyway. Last turn is Soi's, and she's savouring every single moment of it. After she shoots with fierceful force, Tomo falls on the water while screaming, "MY MAKE UP! MY MAKE UP!" and crying like a little girl. Soi sends a lighting bolt directly to the pool and the four bodies convulse as they're electrocuting.)
Soi: (jumping) Wheee!!! I did it! I did it!
Tasuki: Che... @#&x freaky women...
Amiboshi: Tasuki! You're talking about a lady!
(Amiboshi imagines all the Suzaku and Seiryuu seishi in a field of flowers, running and dancing -to "She's a Rainbow"-. All are dressed like hippies -yes, all, including Nakago, Miboshi, Tomo and Ashitare-. Yui and Miaka are dressed in long, flowing white dresses, each wearing a crown of flowers -blue and red, respectively- in their head. Suddenly, everyone take each other's hands and form a "circle of friendship", while Yui and Miaka remain the center taking their hands and dancing in circles. Everyone starts singing tunes like "Imagine", "Give Peace a Change" and "We are the World".
Around the circle, people of all races, ages and sexual orientations, dressed in different bright colors, smile and laugh and sing along. Kaika's Sairou parents are looking on with proud tears in their eyes. Children are running, playing, flying rainbow kites. A crowd of African women and men, dressed in bright orange and red, sing The Lion King theme. There's a long shot of the field, the camera pans and focuses on people's everyday lives. Young gentlemen help old ladies cross the street. Men say 'howdy' to their neighbors while they mown the lawn. Children are playing in playgrounds [duh!]. Women carry lemonade in trays for everyone to drink. Happy couples stroll their babies in the park. You can appreciate the entire world living in perfect peace and harmony.)
Miboshi: (reads Amiboshi's mind and gags) I'd kill myself if that came to be.
Soi: (smirks) I wish.
Keisuke: What can a ridiculous midget like him can fantasize about anyway?
(Miboshi's fantasy: The sound of "Ride of the Valkiries" by Wagner fill the air. Havoc and mayhem reign. Monsters and demons and zombies roam freely throughout the worlds -both of them-. Yui, dressed as a dominatrix, sits on her throne, drinking blood from a silver cup. Miboshi -in a bishounen body- sits by her side on an throne made of human skulls and cracks his knuckles. Tomo, Suboshi and Ashitare run around causing chaos and basically having the time of their lives. Soi fades from existance. In Amiboshi's neck hangs a HUGE sign that has the word "TRAITOR" written in red. People throw rocks at him as he pathetically tries to shield himself with the sign.
Miaka is cursed by losing her fantastic metabolism and thus blows up like a whale. The Suzaku seishi are subject to diverse forms of torture: Chichiri is stuck watching Horror B-movies from the 70s on a giant TV -and no, he can't close his eyes-. Chiriko must attend -gasp!- kindergarten school and his gifted brain begins to rot. Mitsukake is forced to eternally dance "La Macarena". As for Taka, Tasuki, Nuriko and Hotohori, they are subject to the worst kind of torture ever conceived by the human -or, in Miboshi's case, inhuman- mind: Severely-obese Miaka and Nakago singing in unison -if you can call *that* singing- off-key and with an atrocious accent "Loving You" by Minnie Ripperton (complete with the ear-splitting high-pitch scream) in a cheesy karaoke bar. The poor seishi cover their ears fruitlessly and scream in unbearable agony...)
Miboshi: (evil glint in the eye) Yeeeesssssssssss.....
Chiriko: (sighs) I don't even want to start imagining what Miboshi is thinking about...
Miaka: Chiriko... what's the problem with him? (points at a drooling, starry-eyed Suboshi)
(Suboshi is imagining wedding bells chiming. Yui wears a breathtaking white strapless dress with a sparkling bustier, hair up with a diamond tiara, eyes glistening like stars, looking like a goddess. By her side, Miaka stands in a really ugly, frilly coral bridesmaid dress, her trademark buns adorned with bright red fake feathers [as if she had a duster in her head]. Soi stands in a pretty, revealing chiffon bridesmaid dress in strawberry red, hair in its usual twist. Meanwhile, Suboshi is wearing a gray stroller suit, eyes shimmering with happiness. Amiboshi is by his side, as the best man, dressed almost identically to the groom. Shiawase bubbles float around the happy couple as they hold hands.
Tomo, in a black velvet suit, is crying on a hankie, his makeup smudged. Miboshi is wearing a huge blue gown while officiating: "By the power vested in me by Seiryuu..." and is not very happy about it. Nakago is chained to the door next to Ashitare to prevent him from ruining the wedding. The couple -passionately- kisses... Yui and Suboshi run hand in hand while the guests toss rice -and step repeatedly over Taka, who's trying to gather the rice on the floor-. The first dance is to the tune of "From this moment on" by Shania Twain, played on the flute by Amiboshi. Yui playfully shows Suboshi the blue garter which adorns her perfect legs... she tosses the bouquet, which Soi wins to the protests of Nuriko and Tomo [catfight!], and Nakago's subsequent massive sweatdropping. Then, the wedding night... Yui shows up in an extremely tight lacy white corset, her breasts peeking out...)
Suboshi: Ooooohhh... Yui-sama... uuuhhh... *nosebleed* (passes out)
Yui: (twitches) I WISH he doesn't win. Seiryuu knows what he's thinking...
Hotohori: At any rate, it'd be better than if *that* wins... (points at Ashitare)
(Ashitare's dream: Vangelis' "Chariots of Fire" fill the air. In a beautiful grass field, Ashitare runs freely -in all fours-. Soi and Yui run right behind him, along with the rest of the Seiryuu seishi. The Suzakus are noticiably absent... They come to a stop and rest in the shadow of a huge oak tree. Suboshi scratches behind his ears, while Soi cuts his nails and Yui brushes his mane. Amiboshi plays a beautiful tune while Tomo dances. Miboshi feeds him chewy dog biscuits. Nakago smiles at him and playfully shows him a bright red ball, which he throws for Ashitare to fetch. Ashitare happily does. They continue to play until the sun sets.
The happy Seiryuu family returns home. Yui and Soi, with some help from the twins, cook a fantastic dinner of comfort food [fried chicken, mashed potatoes, roast beef, corn cobs, etc.], All sit at the dinner table, following the enticing aroma, and Ashitare is welcome to sit at the table too! Everyone tells jokes, laughs, have a great time. After dinner, when everyone is full, they all watch TV together [Jeopardy!], all comfortably snuggled in a huge blanket. When its time for bed, they all go to the same room, they kiss and hug each other goodnight, and Ashitare happily sleeps with Mr. Cuddles, his beloved lost plushie (a puppy) and the *only* memory of his childhood, covered with a soft blanket.)
(The authoress is truly touched by Ashitare's fantasy. *sob* It came out a lot more serious than intended...)
Ashitare: (barks happily and wags his... er... butt -_-)
Chiriko: Err... authoress-san?
Authoress: (voice off) Yes, little one?
Chiriko: Have you noticed that in almost the entirety of this fic there has been no mention whatsoever of the movie?
Authoress: (voice off) Yes. Sorry. I'm kinda suffering from author's block. Please, spare me...
Chiriko: (sweatdrops) Okay, authoress-san.
(A bright flare of light lands straight before Yui. A tall, long haired man fully clad in an armor materializes)
Yui: Okay, guys, this is it.
Seiryuu: Did you call me, miko?
Yui: Not really, but now that you're here...
Seiryuu: There better be a good reason I was summoned. I was bump... err... nevermind.
(Massive sweatdropping)
Seiryuu: *ehem* Will you let me consume you this time?
Yui: (frowns) Can't you think of anything else?
Miaka: No! I won't let you take Yui-chan!!
Seiryuu: (walks toward Miaka, eyes narrowed) You think *you* can stop me?
(Seiryuu unceremoniously grabs manga from Miaka's hands and starts reading)
Miaka: Hey!
Seiryuu: (smiles goofily) Yes! Selece! Finally, I've found you! (a blue flash of light emerges from the manga and Seiryuu disappears)
(All sweatdrop)
Yui: (mutters) So, it even happens to gods...
Chichiri: Actually, he entered the manga willingly, no da.
Tomo: Does that mean we have to kiss our wishes goodbye?
Suboshi: NOO!!! My wedding night with Yui-sama!!! ToT
Tetsuya: (grins) Serves you right! (sticks his tongue out)
Yui: (sighs) *That's* what I'm stuck with. A perverted baka and an immature baka.
Chiriko: Let's take this opportunity to fill vacant job positions. That's the reason we've gathered, after all.
Tasuki: Ain't we here to have some @#&x booze an' grab a snack?
Chiriko: I'm afraid not, Tasuki-san. Okay... We have Keisuke-san, Heika-sama, Amiboshi-san and Suboshi-san with no assigned work. And it looks like Taka-san is not coming back any time soon. (looks at his papers)
Chichiri: What about Mitsukake, no da?
Chiriko: He's already in charge of props. Mmmm... As we're short in funds, Suboshi will be our special effects man along with Tomo.
Suboshi: No way! I refuse to work with that clown freak!
Tomo: (smirks) So you'd rather be Jean Grey?
(Suboshi crosses his arms and sulks)
Chiriko: You'll also be in charge of the camera. Your powers will be useful to film in certain difficult angles.
Suboshi: (perking up at the thought of showing off his talents in front of Yui) Okay!
Chiriko: Heika-sama, you've been chosen by the authoress-san to be her personal production assistant.
Hotohori: Good. It is appropriate for someone as important as me.
Authoress: (voice off) Just remember who's in charge, Narcissus!
Hotohori: (crosses arms) How could I forget?
Chiriko: And Keisuke, you'll be my assistant and second in command.
Keisuke: That sounds important!
Chiriko: (nods) It comes with a lot of responsability, though. For all actors, I have copies of the script. Be sure to memorize your lines.
(Chiriko hands copies of the script to Tetsuya, Yui, Miaka, Soi, Nuriko, Tasuki, Chichiri, and gives Yui the rest of the copies for Nakago, Ashitare and Miboshi, since he's too scared to approach them himself)
Chichiri: (shakes head) I don't think Ashitare knows how to read, no da.
Nakago: You'd be surprised (points at Ashitare, who's reading the script interested)
(All sweatdrop)
Tetsuya: Well, I guess you never know...
(A loud roar and thunder is heard, shaking up the buffet room)
Tasuki: @#&x! It's @#&xing Miaka's stomach AGAIN!
Suboshi: Uuuugh! (shivers)
Miaka: (mouth full of candy corn) Ib ishn bee!
Nuriko: What did you say?
Yui: She says it isn't her, but such a loud sound can only be her belly or the authoress.
Authoress: (voice off) Nope. Try again.
Amiboshi: (impressed) Yui-sama, you really *do* have a talent for translation!
Yui: (vainly) I know. Thanks.
Keisuke: What the hell's *that*? (points at sky)
Tetsuya: (mockingly) Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
Keisuke: It looks like a mecha...
Chiriko: More precisely, like three mechatronical machines.
(The three giant mechas land on ground. All the present sweatdrop)
Soi: This is just plain ridiculous.
(From among the mechas, Seiryuu appears and walks towards Yui)
Seiryuu: Miko, I'd like to introduce you to Selece, my cousin. (points at giant blue mecha. Mecha nods)
Yui: (sweatdrops) Ahh... glad to meet you, Selece-san. I'm Yui Hongou. (bows)
Selece: Glad to meet you, gorgeous! (bows)
Suboshi and Tetsuya: Hey!
Miboshi: O_o; Seiryuu's cousin?
Tomo: I never thought my god was related to something like *that*.
Nakago: Yet another reason to worship Tenkou.
Seiryuu: (telephatically whacks Nakago) Baka.
Nakago: Ow!
Selece: Can I call you Yui?
Yui: Sure, why not?
Selece: Yui, these are my brothers Rayearth and Windam.
Rayearth: Hello.
Windam: Good afternoon.
Miaka: (mouth full of pinwheel cookies) Shomeone's gomin'!
(Three girls appear. The first one is wearing a green school uniform and has short blond hair; she wears glasses. The second one has an incredibly long and shiny mane of blue hair; she's wearing a black and blue uniform and a black headband. The third one is a short redhead that is wearing a red school uniform and a braid; she looks rather clueless.)
Fuu: Good afternoon to everybody (bows).
Nuriko: (sweatdrops) She acts like Chiriko.
Umi: CUTE MEN!!!! *_*
Hikaru: Waiii!!!! ^o^ Kawaii!!! (launches towards... Ashitare! O_o;;)
(All drop their jaws)
Fuu: (sweatdrops) Please excuse my friends' inappropriate behaviour. I'm Hououji Fuu, glad to meet you (bows again). This is my friend Ryuuzaki Umi-san (points at a drooling Umi), and this is Shidou Hikaru-san (points to a Hikaru glomped to Ashitare).
Chiriko: Good afternoon, Hououji-san, Ryuuzaki-san, Shidou-san. (bows) I'd introduce you to all, but the authoress has forbidden me from doing so with the argument that it'd waste far much precious fanfic space. Therefore I've decided to hand you the script so that you get acquainted to everybody here (hands her the script).
Fuu: Thank you. (reads script) Good, I think I'm getting acquainted with all these nice people.
Umi: (looks at Ashitare, Miboshi and Tomo and raises an eyebrow) Nice?
Chiriko: (noticing the book in Fuu's hands) Excuse me, what is that you're reading?
Fuu: (smiles kindly) I'm reading about fatal neurodegenerative disease derived from mutations in the embryonic development relative to Huntington's disease, as tested in mice.
(All except Yui and Miboshi sweatdrop)
Chiriko: Wow! Can I take a look, Hououji-san?
Fuu: Sure, Chiriko-san, go ahead.
Chiriko: (flipping pages) Interesting...
Yui: (peeks at book) Fully illustrated. Gross.
Miboshi: (peeking at book and interested) Can it be voluntarily caused? (evil smirk)
Fuu: Haven't I seen you somewhere, Hongou-san?
Yui: At Tokyo's district library. We were looking for books on World War II.
Fuu: Oh, yes, I remember! And then we had a most interesting conversation about the differences and social and economic implications of nuclear fision and fusion.
Yui: Exactly.
Umi: (slapping her forehead) Can you PLEASE stop talking like a freakin' encyclopedia? It's giving me a headache!
Yui: (glares at Umi) We shall tal- (notices the blue dragon medallion Umi's wearing) Hey, this is beautiful! Where did you get it?
Umi: (brightens up) Thanks! My dad actually bought it for me, but I can get you one!
Yui: I'd love that. Can you give me your phone number?
Umi: Sure! Then we can talk for a while. I love my friends, but sometimes I need to get some steam off my system. Hikaru's far too innocent and Fuu's far too polite...
Yui: I KNOW what you mean! I love Miaka, but she can be SO braindead! I remember when we got both got called by Suzaku by accident-
Seiryuu: (interrumpting) Suzaku chose a baka as his miko because he's a baka himself. It just figures.
Miaka: Hey!
Hotohori: Respect our god!
Seiryuu: (rolls eyes) Humans.
Nuriko: (sighs) But really, I'd think gods didn't make mistakes...
Chichiri: Maybe he just got distracted, no da.
Selece: Or maybe he got carried away by my cousin's miko's delectable body... *drool*
Yui: O_o;;;
Suboshi and Tetsuya: Hey!
Amiboshi: Well... Yui-sama *does* have a beautiful body. *blush*
Seiryuu: (smirks) I do have good taste, don't I?
Selece: (drooling) Definitely.
Yui: (mumbles) Now I know why he tore up my clothes...
Soi: (raising an eyebrow) Who would have thought that a mecha-god would be such a perv?
Umi: (rolls eyes) What can I say?
Fuu: The correct term is actually "mashin", Haku-san.
Soi: O_o; Are our real names on the script?
Hikaru: (hugging and caressing Ashitare) Cute doggie! Cute!
(Ashitare barks of happiness and licks Hikaru's face as she giggles. Everybody else gags)
Umi: Ugh...
Fuu: Just be sure to wash all the saliva off your face when we return, Hikaru-san! (smiles sweetly)
(All sweatdrop)
Chiriko: Good advice, Hououji-san! (smiles) This will be all for today. Don't forget to come to your first call and to practice your lines!
(All flee from the cocktail except for Chiriko and Fuu who are discussing embryonic mutation, Hikaru and Mitsukake, each petting their respective... um, pets; Yui and Umi, who are b*tching like old friends about their respective experiences in other worlds; Miaka, who's stuffing her face like there's no tomorrow; Amiboshi, who's pulling Suboshi out... and Seiryuu and Selece, who are talking about ol' times and embracing like compadres.)
Next Episode:
Miaka: Waii!! The cameras start rolling! I can't wait to start acting!!
Yui: Miaka, you're not in the first scenes.
Miaka: *sniff* Why not, Yui-chan???
Yui: Don't fret. Chiriko promised to let you have access to the studio's buffet in the
meanwhile.
Miaka: *drooldrool* Sugoi!!!
Yui: In the next episode, I'll be able to show my acting skills!
Miaka: We will have more anime cameos!
Yui: And Tasuki's sucky acting will almost ruin the movie...
Tasuki: Oi! >.; LEKKA SHINEN!!
Suboshi: (jumps in the way) Yui-sama, I'll save you!! ACK!! (gets fried)
Yui: Oh! Suboshi!
Miaka: Don't miss our next episode: "Lights, Camera... Havoc!" Ja ne!
Check out: X-Men The Movie. Suboshi: Wait! I just remembered... WHO'S GOING TO BE THE BOYFRIEND?????
[1] Magic Knight Rayearth, in romanji.
Now, to my dear readers: Out of the 7 Seiryuu seishi, who do you think should
win the wish? YOU get to choose! Bwahaha!!
And for the fans of Tomo: Please watch "Farewell my concubine". It's one of the best movies *ever*. In a great act of injustice, the 1993 Oscar for best foreign film went to that piece of crap called "Belle Epoque" (probably because Penelope Cruz showed her tits in it... blech). Anyway, it won the New York Film Critics Circle award, The Golden Globe and the Cannes Film Festival. I might be putting my life on the line saying this, but it comes to show how the Academy Awards are so politically and economically corrupt... *ehem*. "Farewell my concubine" resembles Tomo's life in an uncanny way.
And now, to my most recent reviewers:
Arcanine: A new review! ^o^ As for who's playing the boyfriend, you'll find out next chapter. Will it be Suboshi? No fat chance... hehe...
Kryssa: I'm an X-men fan too! The movie did the characters much more justice than I expected, and it didn't hurt that my faves are Wolverine and Rogue. As for Hugh Jackman... *drool*. Don't worry about Chichiri though, Tomo will do Toad's stunts... and OF COURSE I'm sticking to my original story! It's my baby!!!!
Huffpuff: Wow! I'm a fan of yours! Really! You've got me checking every day for new "Deception" chapters... the reason this fanfic was born was because I noticed that Tetsuya looks almost exactly like Cyclops, and Magneto's story is extremely similar to Nakago's...
Alcathradiel: Thanks! I hope you've like this chapter too ^_^
Miaka: Taka will be back next chapter. Someone WILL bring him back...