24: The Parody Holiday Short. Written because I was bored, and because Day 3 is taking so long. :P

The following takes place between Day's 1 and 2, at 1:00 p.m.

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The Shore Of An Unknown Lake.
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(Jack and Tony are unpacking things for boat fishing)

Jack: It's nice to get away for a day without having to rescue LA.
Tony: Yeah. Plus, my anger therapist said it would help me relax.
Jack: Wasn't he also the one that said releasing all your anger at once would help too?
Tony: I only put a few holes in it.
Jack: You shot 36 rounds into it. I had to buy a new one. Although this SUV is larger than the old one.
Tony: Damn right.
Jack: Ahhhhh, here's the beer.
Tony: Got any soda Jack?
Jack: Soda? This is a fishing trip, not some boyscout camping. Although I did take some beers with me on one of those. What a night, especially when that bear took Carl.
Tony: My therapist reckons I should stay away from any alcohol.
Jack: Oh well. More for me. (Opens a can of beer and drinks) Mmmmmmm.
Tony: Fine. I'll drink some beer.

(They carry on unpacking from Jack's SUV. There is only a huge trunk left at the back)

Jack: I don't remember packing that.

(They lift down the huge trunk. A snoring sound is heard from inside)

Tony: A snoring chest? That's novel. Well we'll soon fix that. (Kicks chest)
Voice Inside Trunk: Hey!
Jack: Who's inside?
Tony: Dunno. Let's open it.
Jack: Alright. (They do so) Oh... Great.

-
Curtis' House.
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(Chase is loafing around on the couch)

Curtis: Could you help tidy this place up?
Chase: Why?
Curtis: Because it's a mess.
Chase: Why?
Curtis: 'Cos you're a slob.
Chase: Why?
Curtis: 'Cos you touch yourself at night.
Chase: Who told you? Was it Tony? I never should have trusted him and his alcohol.

(Curtis looks disturbed)

Curtis: Just help will you. I have some... 'guests' over tonight.
Chase: Not more dealers?
Curtis: And hookers. I'm practicing for when we go undercover.
Chase: You're a method actor then.
Curtis: Exactly. Now clean up all those potato chips you have around you. (He walks off)
Chase: Stupid Curtis. (He picks up an old chip) Meh. (He eats it) Ewwwwwww.

-
Lake Shore.
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Jack: So you hid in the trunk?
Dave: Yeah. How did I know Chase would going to send me here.
Tony: Your an idiot.
Dave: I'm sorry Master.
Jack: It's okay. Everyone makes mistakes.
Tony: He said he's done this 2 other times.
Jack: Okay, then that is stupid.
Tony: Yeah. You're so stupid... you are so... you can't count!
Jack: Wow. Huge lack of abuse there Tone.
Tony: Must be all the drugs my therapist gave me. Hold on. (He thinks for a bit) Dave, You're so dumb, blondes tell jokes about you.
Dave: Hey shut it. (Hits Tony with his cane)
Tony: OWWWW. Why you little- (Lunges at Dave)
Jack: Childish morons.

-
Presidential Retreat.
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(President Logan, Martha, Mike Novick and Agent Pierce are sunbathing beside the Presidential Pool. A child runs past)

Child: When I grow up. I wanna be a shovel!
Logan: Ahhhh kids. You think we are too old for kids Mike?
Novick: Errrrr... Sir, Is this some kind of gay thing?
Logan: No.
Novick: Are you sure?
Logan: Errrrrr.. yes. And I mean Martha and I.
Novick: Oh, no Sir definately not.
Pierce: Of course you aren't Sir.
Logan: You can speak freely, I am on holiday.
Novick: Then yes. You are old and wrinkly.
Pierce: You're like a giant prune Sir.
Logan: Well thanks.

(The child runs by again)

Child: If was a superhero. I'd be Doodyman!
Novick: Who is this kid?
Martha: It is Evelyn's child. (She watches the child closely) Maybe it is gathering intel for someone.
Pierce: It appears to be shovelling in a potplant Ma'am.
Martha: Yes...

-
Lake Shore.
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(Dave and Tony have calmed down, and are now on opposite sides of Jack)

Jack: Now, let's do some fishing. Tony, Get the boat.
Tony: Hmm what?
Jack: The boat.
Tony: Ahhhh.
Jack: You destroyed it didn't you.
Tony: No.
Jack: Just sank it?
Tony: No.
Jack: Then what?
Tony: It got stolen.
Jack: I thought you said you hid it well?
Tony: I did. Apparently some people wearing plaid, or.
Dave: Burberry?
Tony: That's it. Some guys wearing burberry took it. They apparently swore alot and called people 'scratends.
Jack: What the hell is a 'scratend?
Dave: Some sort of abuse I guess.
Jack: Well, now we have the gear, but no boat. Dammit. DAMMIT! Dammit!
Tony: Looks like we will have to fish from the shore.

-
Clock. Adverts. Clock.
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(It has started to rain. Dave and Jack have gotten inside the SUV. Tony has had to walk from further around the lake)

Tony: Hey, let me in.
Dave: Nah. We're cool.
Jack: You lost our boat.
Tony: Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry.
Jack: What are you, The Hulk? Besides, this SUV is bulletproof. I learnt from my mistakes.
Tony: Crap. (Sighs) Fine! I'll get my own SUV, with blackjack and hookers. In fact forget the SUV and the blackjack... Ah screw the whole thing. (He walks away to find shelter)

-
LA Hotel. Poolside.
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(The Brick is relaxing with a drink. His phone rings)

Brick: Hi Boss.
Eric: (On Phone) How are things going?
Brick: Great. I'm taking a break right now. To relieve some stress, you know.
Eric: (On Phone) Fine. But get back to work soon. The plan must not fail this time. If it does.
Brick: I know. Ooooh gotta go my masseuse is here. (He hangs up) Mmmmmmmmm massage.

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Curtis's House.
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(Chase is watching '24 Hours'. Curtis walks in)

Curtis: Hey, whatcha watching?
Chase: 24 hours. It's about this guy, Jake Bowler, that has a really bad 24 hour day, and has to save people and stuff.
Curtis: Now why does that seem familiar?
Chase: Dunno. (Pause) Anyway, I'm not gonna be here later.
Curtis: Awwww why not?
Chase: I got a date.
Curtis: Sweet. With who?
Chase: (Looking pleased) Kim Bauer.
Curtis: SHIT!
Chase: Yeah. I rule.
Curtis: I mean, Jack will kill you. He is soooo overprotective of her. One time, he broke this guy's leg for staring at her.
Chase: Wow.
Curtis: Yeah.
Chase: Well, I think Jack likes me enough to give me a chance.
Curtis: Maybe. Don't say I didn't warn you. (He leaves the room)
Chase: Ooooh Jake just met The President.

-
CTU.
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(Edgar and Chloe are still working at CTU)

Bill: Why aren't you two on holiday?
Edgar: Why aren't you?
Bill: (Dejectedly) 'Cos... I live a lonely life.
Edgar: Oh... Well, we have no-one to cover for us.
Chloe: Plus, we can just take it easy here.
Bill: I have an idea for something we can do.

-
Clock. Adverts. Clock.
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(Bill, Edgar and Chloe are on the roof)

Bill: And... GO! (They all throw some eggs as far as they can)
Edgar: Well, that was childish and fun.
Chloe: Yeah. I hit someone's car. (She points to a blue car across the street)
Bill: Dammit. That's my car.
Edgar: Hehehe. I hit a car too. (Points)
Chloe: That's your car.
Edgar: What? Awwwww.
Bill: Hahaha!
Edgar: Shut it. What can we do now?
Chloe: How about we...

-
Lake Shore.
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(Tony has sheltered under a tree)

Tony: Stupid assholes.
Tramp: Yeahfuckingovernment.
Tony: ARGH! Where the hell did you come from?
Tramp: I live here. And your in my spot man.
Tony: Oh, sorry. I'm just getting out of the rain.
Tramp: Well, can't you do it under that tree? (He points to a nearby tree)
Tony: But I'm here now. So no, plus that tree is smaller.
Tramp 2: Screw you buddy.
Tramp: Shut up Marty.
Tony: What is this? Hobo-central?
Tramp: No man. That's about a mile to the East.
Tony: Okay... So is it just you and Marty here?
Tramp: Yep. We are fighting the system man.
Tony: (Sarcastically) Looks like you have the upperhand.
Tramp: Don't dis' it man. Our fight saved your life.
Tony: What?
Tramp: We stopped that war that nearly happened 5 years ago.
Tony: What war?
Tramp: Exactly.
Tony: Your nuts.
Marty: That's what THEY said!
Tramp: THEY said we were mad. But we showed them.
Tony: (Slightly scared) You know what? I think I hear someone calling me. (He gets up to leave)
Tramp: I hear them talking to me all the time.
Tony: Righty O. Must be off. (He walks away)
Tramp: Bye man!

(Tony returns to the SUV)

Tony: Please let me in? I got scared by some tramps.
Dave: (Thinks for a bit) Fine. (He let's Tony in) There, happy now?
Tony: Yes. Thank you.
Jack: Well this turned out rather well don't you think?
Tony: Oh yeah. Peachy.
Dave: But the weather is shite.
Tony: Shut up Dave.

-
Presidential Retreat.
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(Logan, Pierce and Mike are playing Halo on Mike's Xbox)

Novick: How do you always seem to beat me at this Pierce. And why can't I find the President?
Pierce: The President is keeping hidden. And you suck at this.
Novick: That's it. (He throws a grenade ingame killing Pierce and the President) Hehehe.
President: That was highly uncalled for Mike.
Mike: It's what the game is about Sir.
President: But I'm your President.
Novick: Not in the game. (He gets killed from behind by Logan)
Logan: Hahaha!
Novick: Dammit!
Pierce: Pwned!

-
CTU.
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(Bill and Edgar are sitting on office chairs facing each other on the roof. Chloe is behind Edgar and Jimmy is behind Bill)

Edgar: I'm not sure about this Chloe.
Chloe: Relax, you have more weight than him you will easily win.
Edgar: Ohhh yeah.
Bill: So how was your trip to Spain Jimmy?
Jimmy: Was alright.
Bill: Why are you back so soon.
Jimmy: I wanted to be included in this... And I had an altercation with hotel security. I don't want to talk about it.
Bill: Oh, well let's do this then. You ready Edgar?
Edgar: Sure, why not.
Bill: Okay go!

(Jimmy and Chloe push Bill and Edgar and the scene slows and stops)

-
Clock.
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(On Screen, over freeze frames of the characters)

Jack, Tony and Dave: Said screw it to fishing and went indoor go-karting. Tony crashed, alot. And subsequently swore, even more. Dave came last, twice. and Jack won everytime. He even did some donuts and taunted a crashed Tony. Who swore some more.
Curtis: Had his party of dealers and hookers. And woke up in New Jersey.
Chase: Went on his date with Kim. He had the steak, it was overcooked.
Logan, Pierce and Novick: Played Halo for hours. Until Martha called Logan to bed. Novick and Pierce threw up.
Martha: Called Logan into bed and watched Novick and Pierce throw up.
Evelyn's Child: Sadly didn't become a shovel, but became a dumptruck driver instead.
Brick: Had the massage and got slapped for trying it on with the masseuse.
The Tramp and Marty: Are still fighting the system, and each other. Marty currently reside under the bigger tree.

As for Bill, Edgar, Chloe and Jimmy. Well they had a mighty good time.

(Bill and Edgar speed up and crash into each other)

Edgar: OWWWWWWW!
Bill: My hip!
Chloe: Shut up you big baby.

-
Credits.
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Writer: MasterRookie - Daniel Barker (Those credits sucked :P)

Stay tuned for Day 3.