THE STORY IS NOT MINE
This is a translation of the Italian story 'Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky' by Ship
CHAPTER 2 OF 7
"My God, Merl! Tell me you did not cum in your pants!"
"Gwaine, what the hell are you talking about?"
Merlin tries to keep calm, despite his face being red with anger, tension and also with the excitement that is still pervading his every voluntary muscle, given that the involuntary ones have gone to hell a while ago.
"Ohhh come on Merlin! Even I was hard in my pants to see the two of you that way earlier! You and Arthur seemed on fire... there was so much sexual tension in the air that I was about to leave the room and tell you: 'Fuck, just stop it! I mean... just go and shag, guys!' Merl... you can fool everybody, but not your friend Gwaine. You like that guy so much that if you had met him during any other time of your life, a time that I know very well - during your internship, for example - you'd have knelt and lowered his pants and asked him to shove it in your mouth without a second thought... Come on!"
"Don't you ever grow up? Gwaine ... I'm trying to..."
"That's right. You are trying... not to think about the likely erection in your cotton hospital trousers. If I were you, I would jump on that guy immediately, my dear!"
"Exactly. You have said it. If it was YOU. But we are talking about me here, Gwaine, and frankly, after breaking up with Ryan, I don't want to lose my head over anyone else. Not now, at least"
"The blond that has just exited his room didn't seem a classic 'anyone else' to me! But... I mean…Merlin, haven't you seen him? Fuck… you have become blind or senile, my friend!"
"Gwaine, I have not become senile. I'm just saying that for now I don't need to mess up life even more by going after someone. Besides, apart from the fact that we keep fighting, Captain Pendragon will never look at someone like me... this morning I saw him hugging and kissing a beautiful brunet girl… end of story. Although I hope I have not disappointed your fantasies..."
"And yet, my friend, I would have bet he was totally checking you out... Merl, you should have seen the way he was staring at you when you weren't looking! Man, I can't believe I was wrong..."
Merlin would argue back but he is still too shaken up by the many emotions inside of him: anger, frustration, helplessness. Moreover, he is also busy taming the excitement in his pants, because unfortunately Gwaine knows him better than he knows himself. Besides, he is still shivering because of his meeting - clash with Arthur, which he was feeling in his groin too...
He runs a hand through his black hair, which is longer than usual and messy on his face. Then, he caresses his beard that he has not shaved in the past few days.
He mentally imposes himself to clean up that evening, although he must admit that with that beard in contrast with the white coat he has always been quite successful with other men. Arthur may like it ... and...
Damn it!
How come he is still thinking about him?
He shakes his head, trying to get Arthur out of his mind:
"Let's get back to work ... let's try to finish early, so we can go to lunch in the officers' canteen. I have not had breakfast this morning and will arrive at the end of the shift with low blood sugar"
"Have I told you that you have become terribly boring lately? This good-boy act of yours is confusing me ... I want my old frat brother back...the God of the frat parties"
"Call the next patient, Gwaine..."
.
While the nurse is going toward the door, Merlin waves him to wait a moment, feeling his phone ringing in the pocket of his coat... It's his brother.
He is arriving at the Base in the afternoon to serve as a medical officer too and Merlin is happy to work with him for the first time. He has been feeling the need to have him close for a while now, after messing up his own life...
"Hi, Mordred! So, where are you now? Ok, I'll come and pick you up in town around 5 p.m... You can stay with me for a couple of days. Your one-room apartment will be cleared out on Thursday... Yes, I'll take you to the Base immediately, so you can meet your immediate superior. NO, I did not call dad for his birthday. I didn't see any point after our last furious argument... Yes, work is fine. You will like it here. It is a nice place… there are a lot cool boys. Ok, cool girls too..."
Merlin smiles to his brother's obvious question, who has always liked to run after the fairer sex, reminding Merlin with a joke that they have different sexual preferences... Merlin's smile becomes a laughter. Talking to him has calmed him down and relaxed. The tension seems to abandon his posture...
"… Mordred ..." Merlin closes his eyes for a moment that seems to last forever... "I can't wait to see you again"
Merlin gets off the phone with his big brother. He is two years older than Merlin, making him Arthur's peer.
Damn it! Merlin swears again...
The morning is almost over, and so is his shift. Merlin is very hungry, but he has to see just one more soldier: Captain Percival, involved with Captain Pendragon in the nasty business regarding his colleague's death, perished in the sea.
However, his case is very different from Arthur's. The boy has had a milder trauma, which he seems to have already recovered from. He had already the go ahead of the psychologist to return to duty. Merlin's medical examination is only necessary in order to sign the final permission...
Now, Gwaine is out to deliver some blood samples, taken from a boy who needed further health checks, to the laboratories. Therefore, Merlin, now alone, is about to get up and call the young man, waiting outside, when said man storms in the clinic...
"Dr Emrys. Coming here, I saw someone going away from the clinic and I thought I was late for the examination. You are the doctor who is supervising mine and Captain Pendragon's case ... I am Captain Jill, Percival."
"Captain ... step forward, please... Yes, I'm Dr Emrys and I was expecting you. You can sit here, no need to undress. I saw your tests and your previous medical checks-up have also shown that everything's fine. Take a sit, please, while I sign the certificate that allows you to get back to active duty..."
When Percival approaches him, Merlin cannot help but notice that he has a very important figure. He is very tall and, despite his imposing physique, he has a sweet and gentle face...
"So, Captain… How did you experience these past two months of leave? Have you managed to get over the accident? Do you feel ready to fly again? even now if necessary?"
"The fact that I went on leave immediately must have helped me, I presume. I feel ready... Also because, despite my involvement, I am aware that I have not suffered Captain Pendragon's same trauma. He was hit more closely, even emotionally...In fact, I have heard he is still not allowed to fly..."
Merlin tries to ignore the weight he feels while talking about the young man with whom he is currently having an open conflict...
"You see ... regarding Captain Pendragon... I heard from Leon that you are friends..."
Percival noddes...
"This is the reason, given the circumstances, why I was thinking to ask if you could take responsibility of flying with him when the time comes. I have set his agenda in order to make him fly with someone sporadically, as a co-pilot. In this regard, we thought you could be this someone. I have discussed it with Leon ... believe me ... we realize that you are just returning too and that everything is more difficult for you now... but we are also convinced that this thing will help both of you, especially Captain Pendragon. However, if you are not sure at the moment, just let me know and I will ask your superiors to find an alternative solution for this project"
"It's not a problem for me. I'm happy to fly with Captain Pendragon. I'm not afraid to get on a plane with him, despite the fact he hasn't make a full recovery yet... It is true that he is a great friend, but above all, he is a great pilot. I sincerely hope to be able to help him by flying with him..."
"Well then"
Merlin is signing Captain Jill's certification, when Gwaine comes back in the room...
"Gwaine ... we have finished here. Captain Jill was just taking his certificate and leaving"
"Percival. Let's call each other by name, please..."
"Percival" repeats Merlin, extending his hand in greeting.
"I don't know your names... "
"Merlin. And the nurse you have never had a chance to meet is Gwaine."
Percival smiles, relaxed, holding out his hand for the other man that has just arrived to shake. He stares at him longer than necessary, focusing on his face, on his hard and angular features, on his flowing and soft long hair, on his proud look and, pleasantly surprised, on the way he smiles with his entire face. Percival friendly shakes his hand and takes his leave...
"See you around then..."
Percival can hardly take his eyes off Gwaine, who is still in front of him and unable to utter a word...
When Percival closes the door of the clinic behind him ... Merlin stifles a laugh in his throat, taking revenge against his friend.
"Well, well, Gwaine! What were you saying about cumming in one's pants in front of someone?"
Gwaine turns and points his mischievous look on his best friend, openly challenging him...
"Merlin... my friend. Look, I'm not the one that has a problem admitting it ... In fact, I am afraid I need to go change my underwear before going down in the canteen for lunch …"
Merlin laughs loudly and cannot stop, so Gwaine starts laughing too...
"Seriously Merl ... I think the best orgasm of my life has just walked out that door, because I swear Merl that, just as sure as my name is Gwaine, I will get Captain Jill into bed..."
Merlin laughs loudly, teasing him like old days, and Gwaine is happy to see him finally relaxing...
"And what if he is straight?"
Gwaine pats him on the shoulder with a mischievous look...
"If that man is straight, I am the Mona Lisa"
The dining hall is almost empty when Merlin and Gwaine arrive for lunch.
Leon, who has also arrived at their same time, joins them at their table. Merlin tries to relax with the guys at his side and to ignore the table a little further away, where Arthur is sitting with the dark-haired girl who had embraced him in the morning and who is now wearing an officer's uniform, with a skirt. Merlin is wondering what she is exactly doing in the Navy and what her job and rank are, when Captain Percival reaches them, showing Arthur his return to duty certificate.
Merlin sighs and after finishing his coffee – he really needed some caffeine right away not to faint as soon as he came into the room - gets up and goes to the Self Service to get something to eat.
Spotting the salad and the fried bread and cheese right away, he approaches the counter. He is about to fill his tray, when the insistent ringing of his phone sends a shiver down his spines. He has a funny feeling he already knows who it is...
"Ryan... Hi." Merlin hasn't heard of him in a while.
It's been six months now, since Merlin broke up with him after two years of ailing relationship. Merlin had resigned himself to the fact that Ryan would never leave his wife and children to have a stable and public relationship with him... therefore, he has stopped trying to keep Ryan with him.
Ryan is a civilian doctor and the two of them had met during their internship, before Merlin had joined the Navy.
Back then, Merlin was very naïve, believing he could fight against his boyfriend's fake heterosexual life. They had dated for two years - more like they had regularly shagged for two years - but eventually Merlin, with a broken heart, more for the disappointment than the love, had said 'no more'. Ryan is also the reason he is at Camelot Base now, thousands of kilometers away from home. Him and, of course, his bigoted father, who cannot accept his son's homosexuality... On the other hand, he adores his brother, an equally brilliant doctor, and of course straight.
Well…All right, let's say his father had found him in bed with Ryan in his house and, ok, let's also say Ryan was a doctor employed by him (Merlin's father was the chief of Trauma Surgery and Ryan a surgeon of that department. Besides, Ryan's wife was the niece of he-didn't-remember-his-name responsible of the health authority that ran the hospital and in which his father was a shareholder)... but actually going as far as to stop speaking to him had seemed extreme to Merlin, who had told his father to go to hell. Mordred had tried in every way possible to fix things between them, as their mother would have done if she had not died long ago. However, the main problem between Merlin and his father was that both were not interested in fixing things ... not now.
Merlin sighs, opening the page of his life that he had hoped to close forever, while the voice at the other side of the phone forces him to deal with the situation once again.
"Yes ... I'm fine. My life is finally normal. I wasn't expecting to hear from you again frankly"
The voice on the other side of the phone seems to assure him he is not going to invade his life again, although Merlin is certain there's something else going on here.
"I don't understand why you're telling me you are in the nearby town for a conference, Ryan. I don't want to see you. It seemed to me we had sorted things between us... what's the point of talking about it again? No, I don't think that in order to permanently end a relationship you should see your ex after some time to deal with the break-up more calmly. That's something you think. I don't need it. No, I don't want to have a coffee with you. Does your wife know I now work in the Base near the city where you are for the conference, Ryan? Greaat... I knew it. Otherwise, I am sure she would have never let you come ... ok, ok! I don't want to fight about it, again. Nevertheless, my answer is no. I won't see you tomorrow, not even for a coffee"
Merlin ends the call with abrupt gesture, looking towards Gwaine, who is raising his hands and lifting his thumbs as to say he approves. Just by seeing Merlin's face, he has perfectly understood who had just called.
Gwaine hates Ryan, because what he hates the most are people who never take a position in life and Ryan is exactly one of those who would never make a choice, even if his wife herself were the one leaving him. He would not do it even if he were single: always too confused or too indecisive or something else.
Now Merlin doesn't know how he stayed with him this long.
Ok, he was very good at fucking, but that excuse was not enough to justify all his obstinacy to continue their relationship.
"Fuck..."
He must have said it aloud, because some people close to him turn to look at him.
Some people ... and among them, there's Arthur, intent on choosing his dessert -between the chocolate pudding and the lemon cake- after finishing his lunch...
He is staring daggers at Merlin and he is so close that Merlin doesn't even know if he has heard everything.
Still in a bad mood, Merlin is filling his tray with the chosen salad and cheese, when the blond addresses him sarcastically...
"I knew you were one of those who eat their little salad … I bet you don't even eat meat ... are you sure you are in the right place and to be a soldier? Looking at you, you seem more like a young university professor..."
Merlin doesn't turn around and look at him. In fact, he would like to tell him that he has chosen these dishes because they were out of pasta, given the time, but he doesn't want to argue again, since it is plain as day that Arthur will always look for a fight with Merlin...
"You know... I taught for a while. My ass of a colleague had the classical soldier body and ate at McDonald's every day ... I honestly never knew how he had managed to get his degree. Are there a lot of asses here at the Base?"
Arthur grimaces as he brings his face near Merlin's...
"I wouldn't know ... I was too busy putting my ass on a plane every single day ... Of course, until you came along ... one thing I know for sure though: I have seen some idiots ... at least one, I think."
Merlin finally raises his eyes, searching for an answer, just as spicy...
"Yeah? I think even idiots and asses could get along ... how about if we make them meet each other?"
Arthur widens his mouth in a smile that is more like a grimace.
"You know ... Captain Jill ...Percival. He ... I was the one who taught him to fly… for four years… then, he has also been my co-pilot for a while. What on earth were you thinking, choosing him for my rehabilitation? YOU! ... You have no idea..."
The raven-haired girl approaches them from behind, interrupting them and gently extending her hand to Merlin. Her voice is firm and determined...
"Dr Emrys ... I never had the pleasure of meeting you... and my brother here appears to have no intention of introducing us... so ... nice to meet you, I'm Morgana Pendragon. I am a uniformed lawyer here at the base."
Merlin is shocked to learn that he has wrongly thought of the girl as the captain's girlfriend. Therefore, he forces himself to ignore the delighted voice that is singing in his head at the news, focusing instead on her open and jovial face, on her bright eyes... Now he cannot explain how he had dared to judge her so fast. That morning he had seen them only embracing after all and, although Arthur had given her a kiss on the lips, it had been mild and chaste. Besides, judging by their enthusiasm and busy chatting, that was probably the first time they saw each other since the tragedy, happened just a few days earlier... It is normal to hug your sister so fondly after such a trauma.
"Nice to meet you too. Please, call me Merlin. A lawyer, eh? You have come to mediate my conflict with your brother? I think he needs someone to help him calm down..."
The blond is red-faced next to her when the brunette laughs...
"Actually I came here to get my dessert, since my brother has forgotten he came here for that. Anyway ... regarding the rest ... he's all bark and no bite. Trust me"
Arthur smirks, "Actually I could... "
His response sends thousand shivers down Merlin's spine, as he alters Arthur's words in his mind, imagining the blond meaning something else. Obviously those perversions are just the kind of bites that HE would like to receive... on the other hand Arthur would probably like to gnaw on him for real, on his neck maybe...
Merlin returns to reality, focusing again on the girl, while Arthur continues to look at him in that intrusive way he has got used to that morning.
"All right, boys... if you please, since two argue and a third benefits, I'll take the chocolate pudding, because it is only one left! You take the cake if you want ... it has been a pleasure, Merlin"
Arthur follows his sister without even getting his dessert, throwing a last mocking look at him, and Merlin sighs as he returns to his table.
Gwaine winks at him once the brunet doctor sits down.
"Leon here was just telling me that the dark-haired girl is the captain's sister and that he is single! ... well ... they could have been a good couple, she is really beautiful ... However, our captain is ... single!"
Merlin stares dagger at him, because knowing his friend, he may have made some jokes about him and Arthur to Leon, or about his sexual preference, which Merlin has never hidden. However, he also doesn't like it when Gwaine screams it from the rooftops.
"So, Merl! Have you already started working for your brother? I am sure that Mordred will appreciate very much your being so helpful to him. After all, you have just met his next prey... I'm sure that Mordred will go nuts as soon as he sees that girl and will not rest until he has her at his feet"
At these words, Leon starts laughing...
"Gentlemen ... Forgive me, but it's obvious you don't know Major Pendragon. I wouldn't presume things to be that easy... Morgana has a reputation as a real witch, at least outside our circle of friends. And as much as I adore her... I still have to admit that most of the rumors are true ... Morgana is a huge bitch"
Merlin opens his bottle of water, allowing himself a long refreshing drink, while he feels Arthur's gaze on their table, despite having his back turned.
He swallows and then lowers his voice, muttering to himself...
"It runs in the family then"
Seeing Mordred again after months has been, as he had assumed, healthy.
He has a slightly longer beard and hair, fixed with some hairspray. He is in a very good shape, as always, and very neat – unlike Merlin.
Merlin told him about his two months at the Base, Ryan's phone call and the argument with Captain Pendragon. Mordred had listened patiently, always the wiser, despite being only two years older than Merlin.
"Do you like this guy, Merlin?"
"Definitely not ... He is posh ... he is arrogant... he is..."
"Mmmmm ... Definitely not. OK. I got a feeling my brother has a mad crush! Well ... no harm done as long as this Arthur takes your mind off that asshole of a doctor..."
"Yeah ... no harm done..."
Merlin had managed to change the subject. Then, they had gone home to deposit Mordred's suitcases and to have a shower. Merlin had also shaved his beard, since he knew that that evening they would go out with the guys and he wanted to be – let's say - neat.
Or extremely hot, as Mordred had said when he realized it was highly likely that there would be also Arthur at the Officers' Club with them that night.
Business at the hospital has been fast - Mordred will start tomorrow afternoon – so, now they find themselves outside the cadets' campus with Leon and Gwaine, ready to go to the Officers' Club together.
Percival is waiting for them at the bar with a beer in hand. As soon as he sees them, he asks for a round of drinks. Then they sit at a table, knowing that the club will fill up soon.
That evening everyone is wearing the white liberty uniform, required to get in the Officers' Club, even for soldiers on leave.
Merlin, with his hair carefully arranged by Mordred, his hat and his shaved face is a head-turner, as Gwaine has noted in front of all the cadets of the campus with his sweet little voice earlier: "Hey Merl, you pull tonight!"
Merlin, even if his face is tense, can light up a room, because even if he doesn't want to admit it to himself, he cannot wait to see Arthur again. Because, despite all their fights, he continues to feel him inside and now, just thinking he is about to see him out of the Base, he feels nervous and intrigued at the same time.
.
The Pendragons arrives at the second round of beers and Merlin's heartbeat becomes lauder in his ears...
Arthur fills the room and catches many gazes around him. Many people are looking at him, men and women, because of his real presence, his natural leadership... because he is back after two months and, of course, because he is gorgeous.
From his attitude, it is clear that he is fully aware of how beautiful and desirable he is… and let's not mention seeing him with his white uniform!
Merlin gasps. White lights Arthur up, making him more charming and sexy. His artfully arranged hair, once removed the hat, frames his face perfectly. His blue eyes stands out and the jacket wraps him artfully, showing off his powerful muscles. On his back, the fabric folds to make an unnatural curve around his hips, showing his mighty buttocks off even more, if possible- as if those white trousers are not enough to make those round buttocks even more perfect- ponders Merlin.
Merlin blushes and looks down when the Pendragons join them at the table and sit. Arthur is far from him, but terribly intrusive with his presence nevertheless.
Morgana immediately orders beer for everyone and the conversation resumes with the introductions. Obviously, everyone's focus is on the newcomer, Mordred, who continues to watch and to ogle at Morgana. As they have predicted.
"So, Merl ..."
Gwaine, bold as usual, manages the conversation, joke after joke, making everyone laugh, particularly Percival, who continues to slip a little closer to his seat, even if they were sitting further away from each other in the beginning...
"I did not understand exactly where they will move you tomorrow ... another clinic? Which one? Radiology?"
Merlin has obviously realized that his friend just wants to make him stop x-raying Arthur so intensely ... so, after mentally thanking him, he smiles and responds with a joke...
"No... I'm not the orthopedist in the family. Mordred is. I will be in surgery. And I am very happy not to have to listen to your nonsense for at least a couple of months during work hours..."
Percival looks from Gwaine to Merlin, interested...
"So if Mordred is an orthopedic…What did you specialize in?"
Arthur swallows a long sip of beer, planting his eyes in Merlin's, icy and distant. Then, he feels free to respond for him, invading his space...
"The youngest of the Emrys brothers is specialized in everything. Name one and he will excel at it for sure! Actually, this thing of knowing everything or knowing how to do everything is just his own personal conviction though... since he also feels a significant amount of overabundance of control and arrogance! Someone should remind him that there are no gods on earth and that he is just a man like anyone else. No one can make decisions about other people's life!"
Mordred smiles and points his eyes in those of the blond, admiring his confidence and appreciating him for what Merlin has told him about him and for what he can personally see for himself now. He likes Captain Pendragon, but he still intervenes in to support his brother, even if he does it in a polite way...
"I have to say, Captain Pendragon..."
"Arthur"
"Arthur ... I'm surprised. For the first time in my life, I have found someone who can read deeply into my brother's consciousness, understand him... because, even as a child, he has always shown signs of delusions of grandeur and omnipotence..."
Arthur looks away from Merlin to Mordred, happy to have hurt Merlin, because it is clear that the boy is hurt by his attack ... but Mordred continues...
"I wanted to add, Arthur, that anyone who wants to become a doctor has a bit of this content of character though... In fact, know that any doctor realizes a bit of this mania for greatness in his profession... our job allows us, like it or not, to objectively have power of life and death on other people... and I must add one last thing..."
Arthur looks at him, returning Mordred's admiration, and turns his gaze to look at Merlin...
"Merlin is a surgeon. He was meant for it. He has a great talent in this field of medicine... and only his military career has put a sort of stop at it, because it doesn't happen so often to work in the army - unless war break out obviously. However, Merlin is so multifaceted that I could really say that he is a wonderful doctor, capable to do everything. To say it using your vocabulary ... I would say that he is a Top Gun in our profession ... and anyone who happens to have him as a doctor in any situation can only be sure to receive the best professionalism and seriousness from him. Even in case of... uncomfortable decisions. And now, I will go and buy myself another beer."
Mordred hasn't used an arrogant tone, so Arthur is not going to argue with the doctor. Moreover, his tone, so polite, dry and gentle, has silenced everyone but Morgana, who is fascinated, amazed and quite mesmerized by him. So she says...
"I was wondering ... would you like to drink something with me and play pool?"
She gets up from the table and follows Mordred, who is smiling smugly. He offers her his arm like a knight ... Leon has dropped his jaw and Percival is laughing up his sleeve...
"Merlin, your brother is a real son of a bitch and knows his way! I think Morgana is already looking forward to get her clutches on him"
Merlin laughs, but he is still tense...
"I don't know... Morgana's tough, but I'm afraid Mordred will gives her a hard time too..."
He turns to Arthur, remained silent and still looking at Merlin, nervous and distant... Leon continues...
"Merlin ... I like your brother! He is a surprise! Pleasant, of course. Especially for Morgana, I think. Arthur, your sister has met her match... Mordred is very smart"
Arthur gets up, takes his bottle of beer and looks into Merlin's eyes...
"Good... at least one of the two Emrys brothers will be pleasant to be around then..."
Then he turns his back on everyone and heads to the pool next to the one where Mordred and Morgana are playing… and flirting.
"Leon, care to play with me?"
Leon gets up and follows the blond, while Merlin relaxes, sighing, and Gwaine stares at him...
"Ok, Merl. I think he is still quite pissed"
Percival gets serious, aware of how Arthur can be intractable and an asshole toward those who he can't stand, and sends Merlin a sympathetic look...
Merlin gets up, leaving Gwaine and Percival alone, because he needs a moment otherwise he may vomit. He needs to collect his thoughts. Besides, he wants to leave the two of them alone because he can see they want to. "I am going to get some fresh air... excuse me"
The summer fresh air ends up cleaning Merlin's head, now pissed off and ready to fight the blond at his next word...
When he returns in the room, Arthur is sat at the table ... and Merlin stops to take yet another beer at the bar, alone.
He is bringing the bottle to his lips when he hears Arthur arriving behind him. The brunet swallows, fast, nervous.
"One for me too..."
Arthur's voice is next to him now. The bartender serves him and Merlin turns to look at him, finding him so handsome but also a so damn asshole, so much it hurts. Merlin immediately gets into position to attack.
"I've been wondering... Should I expect this kind of attitude from you every time we hang out in groups? Because frankly this is starting to look kind of pathetic, as you can see, and not only to me..."
Arthur shrugs and the grimace that accompanies the movement seems sarcastic or angry… again.
Merlin continues.
"I think you should get over it... over everything, I mean… over my decision as a doctor and over the fact that you will see me often with your friends! I like them, and they like me! Therefore, I want and hope to hang with them... you better get used to having me around"
Arthur puts down his beer and looks at him from head to toe ... Merlin's eyes are furious. The arrogant attitude of the other man destabilizes him…
Arthur ices him instantly, "and you better get used to the fact that I can't fucking stand you"
Merlin receives a lash on his back at his words and gets defensive. This time he is really hurt.
"I want to tell you that... despite you try to paint yourself as a tough guy, who doesn't need anything and anyone... you're acting like a giant baby. We should put the past behind us and..."
"I don't want to. I DON'T WANT YOU"
"Ok. Can I please ask you what keeps you from... moving on? From using your intelligence? What's stopping you from overcoming your trauma? Why are you so stubborn and can't try to have a polite relationship with me? Why there's a wall between us?"
Arthur stares at him and his eyes seem to steal his soul ... his words, a cut on his heart ... his eyes are cold, but intense.
"We built that wall ourselves. That moment between us is gone. That's all. That day... I didn't dare more. I didn't, because my mind was somewhere else. If it hadn't been, I'd have picked you up immediately. And although that day I have found you very interesting; although now you are absolutely fuckable more than anyone else, with the white coat and a beard ... or with short hair and the white uniform like tonight… there's nothing left now... we lost everything. We should have seized the moment between us that day... we didn't do it ...Never mind. Things never come back; not in my philosophy of life at least... Therefore... even though I find and will always find your ass absolutely irresistible, in no way things between us will be more than this, DR EMRYS. Get used to it"
Merlin is shocked. He can't even swallow, tied to the floor by Arthur's responses, which are painful. They have put him in front of a truth that he had never contemplated: the blond likes him too. Moreover, Merlin is too sad, because of his tough stance, of Arthur's decision to stay away from him.
Rejected, Merlin would like to tell Arthur that he is a great presumptuous for assuming that Merlin is interested in him, but he can't say anything, except one word...
"Bastard..."
Arthur raises his hand, as he walks away from the bar, gesturing he has heard that.
.
Merlin pays for the beer and leaves the Club to go to his car without warning the others.
Cell phone in hand, his fingers are trembling as he opens the car door and looks for an all too familiar number on his contacts list...
"Ryan? Where are you? Ok... I'm not far from you. I'm coming ... wait for me"
Merlin sits in the car and crushes the wheel with his fingers... He needs a liberating fuck. He needs to be fucked so hard to forget, between pain and pleasure, the sound of the world, Arthur's eyes and words. No one has ever hurt him so much before.
No one...
Not even Ryan during their worst period...
Merlin goes faster, conscious he is running away from where he wants to be. He is conscious he is going the person he doesn't want to go to…in order to have sex with someone that is not who he really wants...
Never mind ... Ryan has always used him as he wanted. This time, it was Merlin's turn. To escape, to forget...
"Fuck you, Arthur."
Merlin doesn't even look at the odometer to control the speed anymore... he feels dead inside.