Buffy was in heaven.
Well, not physically, or even spiritually, or any other sense of actually being in heaven, but that's how good she was feeling at this moment in time.
Sure, she was probably a great big black and blue because of the Mahavishnu? Vishara?...the whatever demon, but Buffy was in a state of pure, soul-sacrificing bliss.
Some time after collapsing into bed, Buffy had awoken to find herself being held by someone. Someone gentle and warm (though a bit scrawny, even when compared to Spike), who stroked her hair as she drifted back to sleep. Buffy had never felt this loved before, this complete.
That is, until she woke up this morning.
The person that had slept with her was still there, and still holding her. Their left arm was draped around Buffy's waist, with their hand resting on the Slayer's thigh. Her lover's right hand was resting quite comfortably (well, at least in Buffy's mind) on one of her breasts, almost as if it was meant to be there.
Buffy kept her eyes closed, not wanting to disturb her new lover from their slumber. Buffy smiled broadly, however, purring quite loudly as she enjoyed the sensation of, after years of failed romances, being held exactly the way she had always wanted to be held.
An indefinite amount of time passed peacefully until the Buffy's mysterious lover stirred slightly. Buffy's smile faded, but was quickly replaced with one of rapturous surprise when her lover began fondling Buffy's breasts, creating waves of pleasure that rippled throughout the Slayer's body.
Just when Buffy thought that she couldn't be enjoying herself any more, her lover's left hand traced a slow, laborious path along Buffy's waist, teasing the waistband of the blonde's underwear as the hand threatened to travel southward.
"Oh, God..."
After what seemed like an eternity-an agonizingly wonderful eternity-Buffy climaxed. Loudly. And for a really long time, too. Good God, thought a happily fulfilled Slayer, now that's an orgasm.
"So," asked a female voice, "was it as good for your as it was for me?"
In roughly half a second, Buffy's eyes shot open in horror, and she was on her feet babbling at a rate that would put Willow, the world's Babble Queen, to shame.
"OhmygodohmygodohmygodIjusthadsexwithagirlandIlikeditalotwhichisntsupposedtohappenbecauseImnotgayatallnomatterwhatanyoneelsesays!"
"Well, that wasn't exactly the response I was expecting," noted the still unknown woman wryly.
Recognition of the voice caused Buffy to stop babbling for the moment and face her lover. She's not your lover, thought Buffy with her eyes sealed shut as she turned around. Recognition is also what started the Buffy Babble Train again when the Slayer finally opened her eyes. "OhmygoditsTarabutitcantbecauseWarrenkilledherwhichmeansImdeadorcrazyandIdontwanttogobacktothecrazypersonplaceagainwhichmeansithastobeabaddreamohIhopeIhopeIhope!"
"Buffy," whispered Tara, who was now standing and embracing the panicked Vampire Slayer, "breathe."
"Breathe?"
"Yes," repeated the witch, "breathe."
"OK," answered Buffy, before taking a deep breath. "Howareyoualiveyouweres-"
"Shh," interrupted Tara, who began stroking Buffy's hair in an effort to calm her down. "Talk slower."
"OK."
"Now, what's wrong?"
Answering as calmly as she could, Buffy said, "Tara, you're dead. Warren shot you when he was trying to kill me last May."
"Warren?" asked the other woman. "Willow captured him months ago, when he tried to kill his ex-girlfriend."
"Willow?" questioned Buffy. "But I'm the one who does the world saving. You know, 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' and all?"
"The Slayer?" asked Tara, now clearly puzzled. "Willow is the Slayer. You help with the research. And the spells, of course."
"Spells?"
"Yes," replied Tara, who was now very worried. "You've been doing spells since Angel lost his soul. And then we met the night the Gentlemen came to town. We've been dating for two and a half years."
"But what about Willow? Aren't you and her dating?"
"Willow's kind of off the market, Buffy," answered Tara in a voice that directly implied that she had never found Willow sexually attractive at all. "She's married, remember?"
"Married?" asked Buffy. "Married to who?"
"Why, Xander, of course."
A/N: Gee, ain't I a stinker? ;-)