Three years later...
The success of The Lord of the Rings could not be measured. Every time Edmund came to a conclusion as to how successful it had been, the book would sell another million copies and become even more successful. It was the miracle that Edmund had prayed for, a dream come true. It has to be said that Edmund had only intended The Lord of the Rings as a publicity stunt, but it had become so much more. Everyone who could read loved the book, and those who could not read had it read to them and they loved it as well. The book was considerably large and heavy, requiring at least two to carry it, although it was even larger in popularity and, as Edmund frequently pointed out, the book had become far more popular and profitable than any Moving Picture.
In fact, several Moving Pictures studios had approached Edmund with the intention of securing the necessary rights to make a Moving Picture adaptation of the Lord of the Rings. Edmund laughed at this and would say to each and every one of them.
"Don't be ridiculous!" Laughing as he spoke, "The Lord of the Rings is far too massive and popular, a Moving Picture would not be able to do it justice!"
Mr Toddkins had since become Edmund's partner as Head Publisher's of the new and improved Author's Guild. They had moved from the small and smelly office above the Lonely Bones into a grand and luxurious mansion, right in the center of Ankh Morpork. Every day crowds converged on the guild, trying to get their own stories published. Edmund and Mr Toddkins published only the best, but none compared to The Lord of the Rings. Life was good... The Lord of the Rings was better.
Meanwhile...
The Unseen University's Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography was, at this point, sitting cross-legged in the middle of a rather large, grass-covered open space, which itself was in the middle of a rather larger forest. He was a tall, thin and scrawny young chap, or at least young for a wizard. Just like every respectable wizard on the Disc, this one had a beard. Unlike every respectable wizard on the Disc, this beard was untidy and slightly misshapen. His dirty, ginger hair went with his dark red, hooded robe, not least because the robe was just as dirty. Every wizard required a hat and the Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography was no exception, after all, a wizard and his hat is like a baby and it's dummy – it keeps them happy and it keeps them quiet. The hat was dark red just like the wizard's robes, and it had clearly seen better days. It was floppy at the bottom and battered at the top. Across the front of the hat were large, silver letters spelling out 'WIZZARD' and, oddly enough, this reflected it's owner quite well – it failed, but not for lack of trying. The wizard's name was Rincewind, and he was currently in the pursuit of total harmony.
Just like everyone else, Rincewind was a fan of The Lord of the Rings. This shouldn't be strange at all, except Rincewind was a wizard and the wizards did not like the book. Ridcully, the Archchancellor of the Unseen University, said that The Lord of the Rings was a "mis-guided and mis-leading representation of adventuring and life in general". However it was commonly known, but never talked of, that the wizards from the book were a hell of a lot better than the wizards currently residing in the Unseen University. Gandalf the Grey demanded respect and had wisdom that could only be measured with... a wisdom measuring thing... and a very good one at that. Saruman was all powerful and mighty, his presence was enough to turn the heartiest hero into a whimpering puddle of jelly. And the Unseen University? Well, the Unseen University had an Archchancellor called Ridcully... sounds rather similar to ridiculous and compared to The Lord of the Rings, they were.
Rincewind however, did not care for this. He did not allow himself to be swallowed up by jealousy and refrained from lowering himself to ridiculing the book (ridicule, another word that sounds like Ridcully). Instead, Rincewind ventured forth into the land of Middle-Earth. He joined Frodo in his quest to destroy the One Ring. He fought to save the people of Rohan at the Battle of Helm's Deep. He snapped the book shut when a Ringwraith appeared, he would then rather sheepishly open the book again and continue, feeling all the more foolish for it. But what Rincewind really liked about The Lord of the Rings is that he could fight evil and feel like a hero, and all without having to go through the sticky business of 'life or death' situations. Instead of running for his life, living in hell and flying impossible dragons, Rincewind could relax in his super-heated office with the added perk of a well-stocked fireplace.
After reading the book for the seventh time, Rincewind found himself pondering how a book so magnificent could have ever been written in the first place. After it hit the shelves and became the Disc-wide success that it currently is, suspicions were most certainly raised. The book had undergone every magical test known to the wizards, proved innocent to all the witches' spells and potions and, most convincing of all, had been accepted by the librarian of the Unseen University – and he doesn't just let any old tat into his library.
Rincewind did not believe that The Lord of the Rings was created by magical and devious methods. He believed that the book was the product of simple, honest hard work. Naturally the wizards at the university all thought he was a bit odd for thinking this, but then again, they always thought Rincewind was a little too odd, or perhaps not odd enough. They all said that Rincewind had been brainwashed by Mr Toddkins.
The night that Rincewind met Mr Toddkins was in no way an interesting or particularly special night. The stars had come out and sparkled as they did every other night and the drunks were all busy drinking their sorrows away because, after all, they had a reputation to uphold. Rincewind had been enjoying a quiet drink in The Broken Drum when a short, plum man had chosen to take a seat at his table. This was most peculiar because not only had the man not asked to join Rincewind's small table, but the man was also wearing nothing but a large poncho.
"Excuse me," Rincewind had began.
"Yes," Mr Toddkins had replied.
"I can't say that I recognize you so I presume you are fairly new here-"
"Not really," Mr Toddkins interrupted, "I've lived here nearly three years now."
"Really? But, I have not seen you in here before."
"I must admit, this is the first time I have come into an inn since..."
"Since when?" Rincewind found himself intrigued.
"The Lonely Bones, I went there on my first night in the city."
"The Lonely Bones?" Rincewind was rather taken aback by this, "What were you doing there?"
"It was a business visit," Mr Toddkins said, "At the time the Author's Guild was in an office above the inn."
"The Author's Guild?" And suddenly it dawned on Rincewind, "Wait... Are you?... Yes... You are... You're Jrr Toddkins!"
"Yes, yes, I am," Mr Toddkins tried to hush him, so as not to draw attention to himself, "And if you would kindly lower your voice, I would like to enjoy my drink here."
Rincewind had lowered his voice, but he did not hold it and did not even try. I am afraid to say that Mr Toddkin's planned night of a peaceful, quiet drink was ruined by a rather awkward and odd-looking fan. It was on this night that Mr Toddkins revealed his secret behind The Lord of the Rings, and it was all too simple. Total harmony. Be at peace with your mind and your mind's potential is limitless.
And here we arrive back at Rincewind who, sitting cross-legged in a grassy open patch in the middle of a forest, was in the pursuit of total harmony. Unknown to him, he was being watched. An elderly man with a grey beard, a grey robe and a grey pointed hat approached Rincewind from the denseness of the forest trees. The elderly man was undoubtedly a wizard. His presence demanded respect and his wisdom was so vast that it could only be measured by a... wisdom measuring thing...
...and a thumping good one at that...