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Chapter 2: A Letter Only

December 1914

The first Christmas time during the war was filled was an odd mixture of pleasant anticipation and sore conscience. More Christmas parties than usual were planned. It was like people at home tried to show their disgust at the enemies and their patriotism by a very traditional and markedly English way to celebrate this time of the year.

Edith felt it a bit weird, because she thought some of the customs more German than English. But she didn't dare to spoil everyone's joy.

A lot of Christmas cards arrived. Many packages were sent to friends as well as to the fighting troops. Lady Cora prepared a small parcel for Matthew too. It contained tea and biscuits, a scarf knitted by Sybil and a card with well wishes from all members of the family.

Edith wrote to some of her friends. She wasn't sure, if she should send Sir Anthony a Christmas card too. They had written to each other regularly over the last months; small, formal letters only, but with no unkind word in it.

Of course, he couldn't tell her, where he was and what he was doing. She knew that and tried not to worry. Her doubts were others. He had promised to visit her for Christmas. If she sent him a Christmas card now, he could think that she would doubt his promises. Therefore, Edith delayed her decision until Christmas Eve.

"Here is another for you, Edith", Lady Cora said. "It's from Anthony Strallan again."

"Thank you, Mama." Edith took the letter. She would read it alone in her room after luncheon.

"I thought, he would come to Yorkshire for the festive season", Sir Robert commented.

"That's what I thought too", his wife answered. "Let's see what he writes."

Edith ignored her mother's curious gaze. She would read the letter later, alone. It was her letter and therefore, her right to do so. If Sir Anthony had sent special words or wishes for her parents, she could tell them in the evening.

"Is Granny coming for dinner?" Edith asked to change the topic.

"Not that I'm aware of, no", her father replied.

"She will arrive tomorrow after breakfast, she said", Lady Cora added.

"Fine for me", her husband answered and ended the lunch conversation by leaving the dining room.

Edith tried not to rush to her room too obviously. So, she chatted with Sybil for about two minutes and answered three of her mother's questions. Finally she was able to go upstairs and to close the door of her room behind her.

Carefully she opened Sir Anthony's letter.

London, 22 December 1914

Dear Lady Edith, I never considered myself a person, who breaks promises easily, but unfortunately I have to break the one I gave you some months ago.

He would not come. Edith sighed.

For various reasons owed the war, I won't return to Yorkshire neither before, not at Christmas. I feel very sorry about it, but because of my duties, a Christmas holiday and therewith a meeting with you are not possible at the moment. However, I hope this letter finds you well and in good mood...

Edith tried not to be disappointed, but in fact, she was. All the things she had imagined over the past days and weeks would not happen. She wouldn't see him entering the hall of Downton in his well-fitting uniform. He wouldn't take her for a ride in his car, travelling over the snowy Yorkshire hills.

With an additional sigh, Edith looked out of the window. There wasn't even snow on this day.

She heard Sybil laughing downstairs, singing some Christmas song.

The holidays at Downton Abbey would be as joyful as ever, but not for her. She snivelled.

I won't cry, she thought. Instead she would write a letter to answer Sir Anthony's.

"What did Sir Anthony say in his letter?" Lady Cora asked at the dinner table.

"Unfortunately he won't come to Yorkshire for Christmas", Edith replied. "Due to his war duties, he said."

To her surprise, Mary didn't chuckle or answered in a nasty way. Edith realised that her sister's eyes were red from tears. Apparently Mary was still waiting for a letter from Matthew, which had not arrived so far.

At least, I got a message, Edith thought with a little smile.

"Oh, and he wishes all of us a happy and peaceful Christmas", she added to her earlier words.

"Tell him that we thank him and wish him the same", her mother asked.

"Wherever he might be", Sir Robert remarked.

Wherever he might be.

Her father's words lingered in Edith's head for longer. She had often thought about the fact that Anthony Strallan had been in duty since the war had begun, while her father – at least nearly in the same age – was still not enlisted.

What did Sir Anthony do? Was he with the fighting troops in the trenches or at the command centre with responsibility for the greater action?

In Edith's mind both was possible and her idea of Anthony Strallan at war grew to some heroic epos.

Such a day dream chased away every scary thought about his doing at the continent. In this heroic mood, she started to write her letter to him. But once she had finished it, she throw it away. This letter sounded dull and childish. He shouldn't think of her as a child.

There was still this odd feeling that Sir Anthony had been ready to propose and had not done it due to some childish behaviour. She could be his wife by now; happy and settled.

Edith went to her cushion by the window. It had been her special place since childhood. Together with Patrick, she had used to sit there, reading stories from their favourite books or telling each other self-invented fairy tales.

In this moment Edith deeply wished, it would start to snow, but it didn't

Snow heals the word outside, used her nanny to say. She had been right.

Perhaps it will start tonight and we will have a special Christmas morning, Edith thought. She looked into the darkness outside a little longer, before she returned to the desk for her letter to sir Anthony.