Title: Smile: Find Me
Author: Arithion
Rating: G
Genre: Angstish, bit of drama... um... yeah
Pairing: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship
Chapter: One Shot (I think) Second chapter... I still insist it's a one shot though! The first par can be found a href=" ;
Summary: Just why does Fuji smile the way he does?
Find Me
It started that night and it started slowly. They watched a movie, which Fuji could later not recollect. The only thing he could really remember was the feeling of contentment. For the first time he could remember, his face wasn't creased into that smile when in the company of someone else. Admittedly he smiled at things, but they were true smiles, for the pure purpose of expressing a jovial emotion, not the calculated smile he usually wore.
Midnight had already passed when Tezuka let Fuji into the house, and as the movie drew to an end the captain turned to look at Fuji. "It wouldn't make sense to go home now."
Fuji nodded, hearing the unspoken words behind the statement. It was an offer for him to stay, an offer to use a spare uniform in the morning. That made Fuji smile even more, as he thought about trying to wear the much taller boy's uniform. "I'll need my books though."
Tezuka nodded at his answer, and rose from his seat on the bed. He returned shortly afterwards with a pair of sweats and a t-shirt for Fuji to get changed into. "These should fit."
Fuji's smile was small but genuine. Tezuka knew exactly why Fuji would need to go home first, and he'd probably accompany him unless something came up. Nuances he never realised he'd known, were easily recognisable now he let himself see them.
The silence between them as they changed wasn't uneasy. Sharing a bed didn't even seem strange to Fuji. There was a soft, soothing scent to the room, and he let his eyes drift shut. If he wanted to he could reach out slightly and touch Tezuka... and figuratively the prodigy knew that was what he'd done that night. Physical touch wasn't necessary.... Physical touch wasn't them...
Fuji had never let anyone get inside his defences before, and it made him tingle with apprehension. But instead of making him want to hide again and remain the person he'd been in danger of becoming, Tezuka's perception of him left Fuji calmed. For once he believed it might be possible to be himself without repercussions.
A yawn escaped Fuji... and he wondered sleepily just when he'd lost himself.
~*~
It wasn't until he woke in the morning that Fuji realised just how difficult what he'd decided to attempt was going to be. He woke because something was screaming at him to wake up... and he found brown eyes focused on him thoughtfully.
The smile slipped immediately into place, his eyes crinkling up, hiding his uncertainty. "Morning, Tezuka." It was a lazy grin, showing so much and yet revealing so little...the way he always smiled.
It might not have been apparent to a lot of people, but Fuji could see the slight shadow that past over Tezuka's face...the minor look of dissatisfaction. So the prodigy made an effort to let his smile fade and his eyes open...but it was harder than he thought. He was the first to look away with a sigh of light frustration. It seemed years of habit were going to be hard to break, and because everything usually came so easily to him, he wondered if he could be bothered after all.
Tezuka's words dragged him back to reality. "Rome wasn't built in a day." It was all the taller boy said before he headed into the bathroom... and it was all Fuji needed to hear.
The prodigy smiled a little ruefully. No, Rome /I built in a day... and it took longer for it to fall into ruin. Fuji sighed. What if the person he could be wasn't nearly as interesting as the person he'd made others believe he was? It was a risk he decided he might just need to take. He stood up, stretched, and forcefully placed the first foot on the road he now knew would be a long hard haul.
Turning back now would only leave him emptier than he'd ever been. A taste of what it could be like... had already ruined that option for him.
~*~
Of course, his road to Rome was confined to one person. To try any more would be to give him an excuse not to continue... and Fuji was nothing if not stubborn. He hated to lose, and once he set his mind on something... he rarely ever gave up.
So he tackled the situation with a tenacity that was rare for him. Everything else was easy; his school work, tennis... the smile. But this... this was hard.
It was a challenge, and when it made Fuji smile... the smile was of genuine pleasure... a smile that no one but Tezuka was allowed to see. To show someone else, someone without that comfortable understanding... would be almost impossible. It was hard enough to banish his smile around the captain... let alone other people.
There was a languid ease around them both. If he thought about it, as Fuji was want to do when bored, their friendship didn't make any sense. The only common ground really, was tennis. Their personalities differed like the sun and the moon.
Tezuka revelled in the pure joy of being able to play tennis, in the sheer delight at being the best he could be... and the best of many. Fuji on the other hand played with an ever present underlying boredom, simply because he could and it amused him to do so. It was one of the sore points between them and had been since they'd known one another.
The captain watched other people from afar, gauging them and judging how to improve their strengths and weaknesses to the best of everyone's advantage. His observance always had a higher purpose... and always saw what it wanted to find out.
The prodigy had a keen eye for everything. His ability to read people served the purpose of entertaining his otherwise bored mind, and his off beat comments caught almost everyone unawares. Each observation was astute and made the receiver just uncomfortable enough to be wary of Fuji. And he liked it that way.
Tezuka excelled in his schoolwork, but to remain at that level he did need to study. Although it wasn't the all time consuming study that some of the other tennis club regulars had to undertake, he did need to study nevertheless.
Fuji's interest in studying was barely existent. He breezed through the material with the same ease of learning that he passed through everything else with. Indifference rarely left him unless something managed to pique his interest... and yet he could achieve practically perfect scores in his sleep.
So it was safe to say that there were many things that they didn't have in common, and that there were many things that had the potential to become points of conflict for them. And yet...their friendship remained. It wasn't a closeness immediately apparent to anyone else but themselves ... just the way it should be.
To say they talked was an overstatement, but they did communicate. Gestures that others wouldn't see while they stood in silence spoke more than any amount of words could have. The ease with which they moved around each other spoke of intuitive understanding. They could speak their mind, barely uttering a word, and each of them knew what the other meant.
However... every relationship, no matter its type, hits a pothole once in a while.
It was still very early in the school year. The tennis season hadn't begun properly yet, and they were approaching their first warm up match with the team of regulars picked from the previous year. It had taken Fuji the first few weeks to get used to being /i around Tezuka... and he still wasn't sure if Iget used to/I was the right phrase. That smile still crept over his face all too frequently, but Fuji found himself exerting the effort of banishing it ... just to make sure he could.
Being observant was part of Fuji's nature. And so it was that he found himself watching Tezuka. Out of the corner of his eye during practice or a walk home, when they were watching a movie, or when Fuji watched Tezuka study.
What he saw irritated the prodigy. The taller boy went about his duties as seriously as he went about everything. Forms that needed to be filled in were filled in, assignments due were completed as soon as they were handed out, and he was there to watch his tennis club with an eagle eye.
And the very way he behaved, the very way he held himself... there was a constant distance that the captain maintained from everyone. The thing that really got to Fuji, was he could see that same distance being kept from him. He decided he didn't like that at all.
Before practice, on the afternoon before their first warm up match, Tezuka once again stopped Fuji in the clubhouse. The feeling of Deija vu that swept over Fuji only caused his annoyance level to rise. The smile bloomed on his face, despite the fact that they were alone, and his eyes crinkled completely as he looked at Tezuka.
The taller boy leaned against the wall next to the door, his arms crossed, face stern. "You should play seriously this year."
Fuji's smile didn't waver, in fact, its brilliance increased. "Whatever do you mean, Tezuka?" And he pushed himself up from his seat, grabbed his bag and made to push past the other boy to exit. A hand on his arm stayed him... and the last straw broke.
The smile disappeared in a split second, replaced by narrowed cerulean slits concentrating all of their attention on Tezuka. It was a part of Fuji that he didn't like showing, that he kept under wraps as much as he could. There were times it was fun to use, times when he delighted in shocking some poor unfortunate shmuck who'd annoyed him.
But this wasn't one of those times. Something inside Fuji rebelled as Tezuka's eyes opened slightly and he took a step back, but the prodigy pushed that part of himself aside. Indignation grabbed a hold of him and he didn't lessen the intensity with which his gaze pinned Tezuka... not even slightly.
The smile crept back over his face, but his eyes remained open. Anyone else would have crumbled, whimpering on the spot, but Tezuka had always been made of sterner stuff. Fuji flicked a strand of hair out of his eyes before speaking, his voice deceptively calm and sweet. An alarming contrast to how he was feeling inside. "When I have nothing left to give, I'll think about it."
Fuji turned abruptly and headed out the door, bag in tow, obviously not going to attend practice. Tezuka's calmly spoken statement almost made Fuji's steps falter, but not quite.
"If you miss practice, you'll run laps."
But Fuji just continued to walk. Pulling authority on him was never a good idea, he automatically rebelled. So he continued walking, mind on autopilot once more. Thoughts swirled in his head. Be damned. If Tezuka wanted to lock himself inside the being that was the captain... Fuji would damn well live up to being the prodigy.
It was hard to ignore the way his gut twisted, or the empty feeling that made his body ache. Fuji welcomed his smile, relaxing on the inside and feeling so much more comfortable. Right then... he needed comfort, needed that support. Somehow the smile just no longer seemed to be enough.
~*~
The sun set as the day passed into evening. Fuji sat alone in his room, staring at his cacti on the sill. He envied them their prickly exterior...protected as they were. No one else was in the house...which was a more often than not occurrence. He should have been used to it, but for some reason... it was just making him restless. His homework had been finished in no time at all, he didn't feel like rewatching any of his old movies, and music just wasn't what he was looking for right then.
So he settled for lying on his bed and looking up at the ceiling.
A sharp knock on the front door interrupted Fuji's pondering of the ceiling. He sighed, knowing whom it was. A slight hint of rebellion rose in him and he seriously contemplated letting Tezuka stand out there until he left. Then again, when Tezuka set his mind to it, he could be as obstinate as Fuji, and the prodigy knew it.
It took a lot longer than it usually would. Fuji forced himself to take every step, pushing away his annoyance and trying to be logical. There was a time and place for logic, whether that time was now... remained to be seen.
Reaching the door, Fuji opened it enough to lean against the doorframe and cross his arms. His eyes rested on Tezuka, as if assessing him, weighing him. Fuji's smile hadn't slipped back into place, instead all he wore was a tired expression, as if he just didn't care right then.
Something in Tezuka's eyes appealed to him, and Fuji found himself speaking, almost against his will. "That road to Rome..."
Tezuka inclined his head slightly, a question.
"It's a two way street, Tezuka."
There was a slight sag to the taller boy's shoulders, before his eyes locked onto Fuji's own. "No laps. My decision was... hasty."
Fuji inclined his head. It was the closest Tezuka would come to apologising right then, and Fuji was all of a sudden content to accept it. But he needed to drive home one point... one thing he wasn't sure if Tezuka had realised or not. There was a soft lilt to Fuji's voice, a slight wistful tinge, when he spoke. "I don't need the Captain."
Tezuka dropped his eyes briefly before picking up eye contact again. "I don't need the Prodigy."
Fuji nodded as a small, genuine smile spread across his features, and he barely refrained from answering 'me either.' Instead, he pushed the door open a little wider and beckoned the other youth inside. The first pothole was filled... yet Fuji couldn't help wondering just what sort of journey he let himself in for.
~~**~~
Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is much appreciated!
Author: Arithion
Rating: G
Genre: Angstish, bit of drama... um... yeah
Pairing: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship
Chapter: One Shot (I think) Second chapter... I still insist it's a one shot though! The first par can be found a href=" ;
Summary: Just why does Fuji smile the way he does?
Find Me
It started that night and it started slowly. They watched a movie, which Fuji could later not recollect. The only thing he could really remember was the feeling of contentment. For the first time he could remember, his face wasn't creased into that smile when in the company of someone else. Admittedly he smiled at things, but they were true smiles, for the pure purpose of expressing a jovial emotion, not the calculated smile he usually wore.
Midnight had already passed when Tezuka let Fuji into the house, and as the movie drew to an end the captain turned to look at Fuji. "It wouldn't make sense to go home now."
Fuji nodded, hearing the unspoken words behind the statement. It was an offer for him to stay, an offer to use a spare uniform in the morning. That made Fuji smile even more, as he thought about trying to wear the much taller boy's uniform. "I'll need my books though."
Tezuka nodded at his answer, and rose from his seat on the bed. He returned shortly afterwards with a pair of sweats and a t-shirt for Fuji to get changed into. "These should fit."
Fuji's smile was small but genuine. Tezuka knew exactly why Fuji would need to go home first, and he'd probably accompany him unless something came up. Nuances he never realised he'd known, were easily recognisable now he let himself see them.
The silence between them as they changed wasn't uneasy. Sharing a bed didn't even seem strange to Fuji. There was a soft, soothing scent to the room, and he let his eyes drift shut. If he wanted to he could reach out slightly and touch Tezuka... and figuratively the prodigy knew that was what he'd done that night. Physical touch wasn't necessary.... Physical touch wasn't them...
Fuji had never let anyone get inside his defences before, and it made him tingle with apprehension. But instead of making him want to hide again and remain the person he'd been in danger of becoming, Tezuka's perception of him left Fuji calmed. For once he believed it might be possible to be himself without repercussions.
A yawn escaped Fuji... and he wondered sleepily just when he'd lost himself.
~*~
It wasn't until he woke in the morning that Fuji realised just how difficult what he'd decided to attempt was going to be. He woke because something was screaming at him to wake up... and he found brown eyes focused on him thoughtfully.
The smile slipped immediately into place, his eyes crinkling up, hiding his uncertainty. "Morning, Tezuka." It was a lazy grin, showing so much and yet revealing so little...the way he always smiled.
It might not have been apparent to a lot of people, but Fuji could see the slight shadow that past over Tezuka's face...the minor look of dissatisfaction. So the prodigy made an effort to let his smile fade and his eyes open...but it was harder than he thought. He was the first to look away with a sigh of light frustration. It seemed years of habit were going to be hard to break, and because everything usually came so easily to him, he wondered if he could be bothered after all.
Tezuka's words dragged him back to reality. "Rome wasn't built in a day." It was all the taller boy said before he headed into the bathroom... and it was all Fuji needed to hear.
The prodigy smiled a little ruefully. No, Rome /I built in a day... and it took longer for it to fall into ruin. Fuji sighed. What if the person he could be wasn't nearly as interesting as the person he'd made others believe he was? It was a risk he decided he might just need to take. He stood up, stretched, and forcefully placed the first foot on the road he now knew would be a long hard haul.
Turning back now would only leave him emptier than he'd ever been. A taste of what it could be like... had already ruined that option for him.
~*~
Of course, his road to Rome was confined to one person. To try any more would be to give him an excuse not to continue... and Fuji was nothing if not stubborn. He hated to lose, and once he set his mind on something... he rarely ever gave up.
So he tackled the situation with a tenacity that was rare for him. Everything else was easy; his school work, tennis... the smile. But this... this was hard.
It was a challenge, and when it made Fuji smile... the smile was of genuine pleasure... a smile that no one but Tezuka was allowed to see. To show someone else, someone without that comfortable understanding... would be almost impossible. It was hard enough to banish his smile around the captain... let alone other people.
There was a languid ease around them both. If he thought about it, as Fuji was want to do when bored, their friendship didn't make any sense. The only common ground really, was tennis. Their personalities differed like the sun and the moon.
Tezuka revelled in the pure joy of being able to play tennis, in the sheer delight at being the best he could be... and the best of many. Fuji on the other hand played with an ever present underlying boredom, simply because he could and it amused him to do so. It was one of the sore points between them and had been since they'd known one another.
The captain watched other people from afar, gauging them and judging how to improve their strengths and weaknesses to the best of everyone's advantage. His observance always had a higher purpose... and always saw what it wanted to find out.
The prodigy had a keen eye for everything. His ability to read people served the purpose of entertaining his otherwise bored mind, and his off beat comments caught almost everyone unawares. Each observation was astute and made the receiver just uncomfortable enough to be wary of Fuji. And he liked it that way.
Tezuka excelled in his schoolwork, but to remain at that level he did need to study. Although it wasn't the all time consuming study that some of the other tennis club regulars had to undertake, he did need to study nevertheless.
Fuji's interest in studying was barely existent. He breezed through the material with the same ease of learning that he passed through everything else with. Indifference rarely left him unless something managed to pique his interest... and yet he could achieve practically perfect scores in his sleep.
So it was safe to say that there were many things that they didn't have in common, and that there were many things that had the potential to become points of conflict for them. And yet...their friendship remained. It wasn't a closeness immediately apparent to anyone else but themselves ... just the way it should be.
To say they talked was an overstatement, but they did communicate. Gestures that others wouldn't see while they stood in silence spoke more than any amount of words could have. The ease with which they moved around each other spoke of intuitive understanding. They could speak their mind, barely uttering a word, and each of them knew what the other meant.
However... every relationship, no matter its type, hits a pothole once in a while.
It was still very early in the school year. The tennis season hadn't begun properly yet, and they were approaching their first warm up match with the team of regulars picked from the previous year. It had taken Fuji the first few weeks to get used to being /i around Tezuka... and he still wasn't sure if Iget used to/I was the right phrase. That smile still crept over his face all too frequently, but Fuji found himself exerting the effort of banishing it ... just to make sure he could.
Being observant was part of Fuji's nature. And so it was that he found himself watching Tezuka. Out of the corner of his eye during practice or a walk home, when they were watching a movie, or when Fuji watched Tezuka study.
What he saw irritated the prodigy. The taller boy went about his duties as seriously as he went about everything. Forms that needed to be filled in were filled in, assignments due were completed as soon as they were handed out, and he was there to watch his tennis club with an eagle eye.
And the very way he behaved, the very way he held himself... there was a constant distance that the captain maintained from everyone. The thing that really got to Fuji, was he could see that same distance being kept from him. He decided he didn't like that at all.
Before practice, on the afternoon before their first warm up match, Tezuka once again stopped Fuji in the clubhouse. The feeling of Deija vu that swept over Fuji only caused his annoyance level to rise. The smile bloomed on his face, despite the fact that they were alone, and his eyes crinkled completely as he looked at Tezuka.
The taller boy leaned against the wall next to the door, his arms crossed, face stern. "You should play seriously this year."
Fuji's smile didn't waver, in fact, its brilliance increased. "Whatever do you mean, Tezuka?" And he pushed himself up from his seat, grabbed his bag and made to push past the other boy to exit. A hand on his arm stayed him... and the last straw broke.
The smile disappeared in a split second, replaced by narrowed cerulean slits concentrating all of their attention on Tezuka. It was a part of Fuji that he didn't like showing, that he kept under wraps as much as he could. There were times it was fun to use, times when he delighted in shocking some poor unfortunate shmuck who'd annoyed him.
But this wasn't one of those times. Something inside Fuji rebelled as Tezuka's eyes opened slightly and he took a step back, but the prodigy pushed that part of himself aside. Indignation grabbed a hold of him and he didn't lessen the intensity with which his gaze pinned Tezuka... not even slightly.
The smile crept back over his face, but his eyes remained open. Anyone else would have crumbled, whimpering on the spot, but Tezuka had always been made of sterner stuff. Fuji flicked a strand of hair out of his eyes before speaking, his voice deceptively calm and sweet. An alarming contrast to how he was feeling inside. "When I have nothing left to give, I'll think about it."
Fuji turned abruptly and headed out the door, bag in tow, obviously not going to attend practice. Tezuka's calmly spoken statement almost made Fuji's steps falter, but not quite.
"If you miss practice, you'll run laps."
But Fuji just continued to walk. Pulling authority on him was never a good idea, he automatically rebelled. So he continued walking, mind on autopilot once more. Thoughts swirled in his head. Be damned. If Tezuka wanted to lock himself inside the being that was the captain... Fuji would damn well live up to being the prodigy.
It was hard to ignore the way his gut twisted, or the empty feeling that made his body ache. Fuji welcomed his smile, relaxing on the inside and feeling so much more comfortable. Right then... he needed comfort, needed that support. Somehow the smile just no longer seemed to be enough.
~*~
The sun set as the day passed into evening. Fuji sat alone in his room, staring at his cacti on the sill. He envied them their prickly exterior...protected as they were. No one else was in the house...which was a more often than not occurrence. He should have been used to it, but for some reason... it was just making him restless. His homework had been finished in no time at all, he didn't feel like rewatching any of his old movies, and music just wasn't what he was looking for right then.
So he settled for lying on his bed and looking up at the ceiling.
A sharp knock on the front door interrupted Fuji's pondering of the ceiling. He sighed, knowing whom it was. A slight hint of rebellion rose in him and he seriously contemplated letting Tezuka stand out there until he left. Then again, when Tezuka set his mind to it, he could be as obstinate as Fuji, and the prodigy knew it.
It took a lot longer than it usually would. Fuji forced himself to take every step, pushing away his annoyance and trying to be logical. There was a time and place for logic, whether that time was now... remained to be seen.
Reaching the door, Fuji opened it enough to lean against the doorframe and cross his arms. His eyes rested on Tezuka, as if assessing him, weighing him. Fuji's smile hadn't slipped back into place, instead all he wore was a tired expression, as if he just didn't care right then.
Something in Tezuka's eyes appealed to him, and Fuji found himself speaking, almost against his will. "That road to Rome..."
Tezuka inclined his head slightly, a question.
"It's a two way street, Tezuka."
There was a slight sag to the taller boy's shoulders, before his eyes locked onto Fuji's own. "No laps. My decision was... hasty."
Fuji inclined his head. It was the closest Tezuka would come to apologising right then, and Fuji was all of a sudden content to accept it. But he needed to drive home one point... one thing he wasn't sure if Tezuka had realised or not. There was a soft lilt to Fuji's voice, a slight wistful tinge, when he spoke. "I don't need the Captain."
Tezuka dropped his eyes briefly before picking up eye contact again. "I don't need the Prodigy."
Fuji nodded as a small, genuine smile spread across his features, and he barely refrained from answering 'me either.' Instead, he pushed the door open a little wider and beckoned the other youth inside. The first pothole was filled... yet Fuji couldn't help wondering just what sort of journey he let himself in for.
~~**~~
Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is much appreciated!