Jude had read somewhere that people who have been through a traumatic experience eventually shut down. They become so overwhelmed with emotion that they just go numb and stop feeling anything at all.
Jude hoped she'd hit that point soon.
Because right now, all she wanted to do was find a dark corner, curl up into a ball, and pretend that this was not her life. She really didn't understand how she had made it this far at all. She supposed it was because the main thing she felt (besides sharp pain and agonizing loss) was confusion. What was she supposed to do now? Jude knew she was supposed to do something. But until she figured out what, she reverted back to what she knew: listen to Darius.
"…hit number one before they have a breakdown…" She tried to focus back in on what
D was saying, but it was a struggle to pull her attention away from both the newspaper in front of her and her memories from last night.
"Go home and get some sleep. I want to see you in my office tomorrow by ten." She shot him a bewildered glance. He chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm not putting you straight back to the grindstone. I just want to discuss what you'll do the next couple of weeks. We need to do something to follow up your second album. But I think we'll be alright. It'll just be ideas I want you thinking about. Something tells me you'll be doing a lot of thinking for a while," he finished with a pitying look.
"But today, try and take care of yourself," Darius added before walking way. "Jude, remember." She looked up. "You're number one," he said with a grin.
After crossing the street, he looked back to see Jude still standing on the corner, looking at the newspaper. "Jude!" he yelled. Her head snapped up. "Home! Now!" She gave him a small smile and started walking back to Jaime's car as Darius continued on his way.
It seemed like the walk back took forever. Finally, Jude arrived, seeing both Jaime and Sadie leaning on Jaime's car, waiting for her. Spotting her, they got up to meet her.
"So how'd it go?" Jaime asked worriedly. The same worry was reflected in her sister's eyes. Jude sighed and gave them a tired smile. She wouldn't tell them about her song. Not yet.
"It's fine. They didn't drop me or anything. In fact…" she attempted to look cheered, "they're kind of giving me a chance to catch my breath before going back. They figured I might need it after…everything."
Sadie moved to put her arm around Jude's shoulders. Jude leaned into her, closing her eyes. Her head still hurt like hell from last night's party.
"Well, it's nice that Darius gave you the break," Sadie said softly. "Want me to take you home?"
Jude took a breath. "Actually Sadie, I-I'm not sure if I can handle being home right now. Dad'll want to know—and I just can't—"
"It's okay," Sadie reassured her, looking at Jaime.
Jaime took that as his cue. "I could take her to her studio. We've still got blankets there. I'm pretty sure she needs more sleep."
Despite how good sleep sounded, Jude shook her head. "What if Spied or the guys are there? I really can't see them after I ditched them last night."
"Jude, I don't think they're mad," Jaime said. "I think they understand."
"Plus," Sadie interjected, seeing Jude about to protest, "I saw how much junk those boys consumed last night before we came and got you. I'm pretty sure they're in the middle of an intense sugar coma."
"And I'll make certain they stay clear for the next day," Jaime finished.
Jude smiled; the first genuine smile she'd had since Monday. "Okay. You win," she replied softly. "Sadie, could you talk to Dad? Just tell him I'm okay, but I'm upset about the performance and I don't want to talk about it. Kay?"
Sadie nodded. "Okay. Jude, just—let me know if you need me, alright?" she said seriously. Jude gave her a half-hearted nod as she walked around to Jaime's car. Jaime gave Sadie a concerned shrug before turning back to his car.
Sadie gave them a small wave as Jaime pulled out onto the street. Well, she thought. This is awkward. Question is…what do I do now?
She stood there a moment longer before shaking her head and taking off towards her own car. Right now, she had to give Dad Jude's flimsy excuse for her absence. She'd work out the complications later. Her duty as the 'big sister' was calling her. It was a tough job, but she wouldn't trade it for the world.
Jaime made record time getting to the studio. He opened the door to the dilapidated building and ushered Jude inside. They had stopped by a convenience store, where he had made sure to pick up some food and other essentials. One of the unfortunate side effects of Jude's breakdowns was that she seemed to not realize, or care, that she still had to meet some physical demands. Like food. And sleep.
Having been Jude's best friend for…ever, Jaime had come to learn that in the midst of a crisis, Jude needed everything laid out for her. You couldn't push her to do anything of her own accord. She had to be guided, cajoled, until she was back on her feet.
Thus, he sat Jude down with a sandwich and water while he rushed around, grabbing blankets and pillows from around the room. He kept an eye on her as he piled the comforters on the couch, making certain she actually ate. Jaime went on with endless small talk to fill the silence, discussing anything except the topic that weighed most heavily on their minds.
When Jaime was satisfied with the food she had consumed, he pulled out a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a brush out of a plastic bag. Smiling, he said, "You have five minutes Harrison. And then I'm coming in, assuming you drowned."
Although the statement didn't receive the desired response (a smile), Jude took the things from Jaime and reappeared five minutes later. She still looked like her world had collapsed, but not as if she had spent the previous night trashed in a hotel room.
Jude walked over to the couch and took off her shoes. She lay down and Jaime pulled the covers up around her. She continued staring off into space although, Jaime observed, she no longer had a petrified look in her blue eyes.
Jaime sat beside her, stroking her hair. "Well," he said. Jude said nothing. "I think you've got some clothes here from last time, for when you wake up. And there are granola bars and juice and gummi worms still in the bag. The alarm on your cell is set for nine. And you know I'm just a phone call away if you need anything. Anything. Sadie too," he added anxiously.
"Thanks," Jude said after a moment.
Jaime sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Jude…okay, I'm not going to ask if you're okay, because obviously you're not. I mean, who would be? I'm not even going to ask you the details of last night. Yet. But—come on. You're my best friend. Tell me something—anything—I can do to make this easier."
Unfortunately, they both knew there was nothing really. "Jaime," Jude said, really meeting his eyes for the first time that day. "Don't worry. I swear, I'm not going to run away again, or commit suicide or anything."
Jaime smiled slightly. It was good to hear Jude make fun of him. "I do worry. Admit it Harrison. You don't always do the best job of taking care of yourself. Last night notwithstanding."
She slapped at him lightly. "Why should I when you do such a good job, Andrews?"
He chuckled and she gave another small smile before they both lapsed into silence again.
Jaime broke it first. "Are you sure there isn't anything else I can do for you?"
Jude looked away. "Just…do you mind staying for a bit? Till I fall asleep?"
Jaime grinned. "Your wish is my command, dear lady," he replied with mocking gallantry. He settled himself more comfortably beside her as Jude burrowed into the cushions.
Jude felt weariness stealing over her and she yawned.
"Jaime, I know you think I'm ignoring what happened. And I know sleeping won't make it go away," she murmured, exhaustion freeing her tongue. "It'll probably be worse tomorrow. But I can't do this today. I'm so tired, and if I think about it, him, I might—"
"It's okay, Jude." Jaime whispered with a smile. "Wait for a day. Get back into fighting shape. The drama will wait. That's what I'm here for."
"Thanks, Jaime," she murmured, looking into his dark brown eyes.
As she slipped into slumber, she saw something else entirely. With her last conscious effort, she tried to convince herself that the eyes she saw were Jaime's chocolate ones. They were definitely not light, ice-blue orbs set above a mischievous half-grin.
Definitely not.