SO I decided not to abandon

Thanks to all of you that reviewed

Dreamer- thanks for the review I much appreciate it i'm glad you like it.

Haya-chan- Okay thanks for the review I hope you like this chapter as well.

Kazster- thank you i'm glad you like it I appreciate the review.

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I looked at the blank white walls, to the white floorboards on the ground to the barred window and on the itchy stiff hospital bed, finally to the steel door with a small window that was barred.

You'd think I killed Donald Triumph.

The floorboards still had a faded lines from where the dragged away my old roommates bed.

Dolores Pigians fifty-seven major mental health issue hanged herself in the bathroom by her shoelaces found hanging on the shower rod that holds up the shower curtains.

Oh the greatness to it all, and better yet the new nurse found her; scared half to death seeing someone kill him or herself, signed up for unemployment herself.

I still wondered how she got her fat ass to keep hanging up there long enough to strangle, I guess elephants can fly.

I know I sound cruel hearted and non-caring but I've been here since I was 9 that was six years ago, six years with three different therapists.

First one was Dr. Price, an Asian woman.

I scared her off from when she asked me what I dreamt about I told her "I've been dreaming about you in the pool of your own blood, with your eyes gouged out by the work of my thumbs, the scent of your insides from under the floor boards, the perfect perfume for settling the score."

(It's from a song from From First To Last- Ride The Wings of Pestilence)

Then there was Dr. Shaw; he gave up on me like everyone else.

He had a potbelly and smoked every session always answering 'Mmhmmm' or 'You don't say'.

Dr Kabuto was different he's been my therapist since I was thirteen, he's not like other doctors who encourage clients to say their last name but wanted people to call him by his first, so they'd feel closer, not like a teacher and student.

A nurse walked in with a tray of food and a cup of water she set the tray on the white desk.

"Good morning Sakura, I brought you some food."

I scoffed said with sarcasm "Wow, thanks a bunch!"

The nurse looked hurt "Why won't you just accept the help we're trying to get you?"

I looked at her right in the eye, not believing she wanted to help me "You really want to help me?"

She nodded eagerly thinking that I'd actually consult within her.

I pulled the strings on my long sleeve white straight jacket, when we were in the mentally ill part we had to wear straight jackets the only tie them when we freak out or become harmful.

Pulling the last string I pulled the baggy sleeve up to my elbow never breaking eye contact while I bit down on the side of my left wrist never wincing as I bit down harder drawing more blood.

When the copper taste filled my mouth I pulled away from my arm and slightly turned my head to spit the blood out in the right direction and held my arm out for her "If you really want to help me then heal me."

I did a great number on my wrist, nineteen stitches on the inside.

I looked at Dr Kabuto's solemn face, like he actually cared.

"You know how the Nurse can't take something like that so why must you insist on getting back at people by hurting yourself?"

I shrugged nonchalantly and walked up to his desk taking a glass lid off a small glass bottom and getting a cigarette that he usually leaves on his desk for older clients.

I lit it and blew out lightly before answering, "Misery loves company."

Kabuto stared at me with interest "When did you start smoking?"

I shrugged and sat on the corner of his desk and crossed my ankles together "Since I picked up the glass lid."

"It's bad for your health you know."

I swung my legs absent mindingly "I know I heard it can make you die faster so I just couldn't wait to try it."

"You think that no one would care if you died, but you're wrong I'd care."

"Why, why would you care?"

I wanted, I hopped to hear him say he loved me; I needed to hear him say it.

"Because you are a beautiful young woman, and you need to see that; you can be anything and I know that you'd be great at it."

"Is being mental a crime?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you all say you're going to help, but yet you lock us away from normal civilization like it's a horrid disease, something disgusting and disfigured that you can't wait to get out of society."

"No it's not a crime."

"Then how come everything is barred up?"

"So you don't hurt yourself or others."

I scoffed in irony "Yeah they're doing a great job at that."

Kabuto smiled brightly and stood up while saying "I know we can go on a trip, just you and me."

I blew out some smoke "If it's anything like the last one to a lighthouse, count me out."

Kabuto grinned even more "Nope I was thinking we'd go for a day out you know, breakfast go shopping go to a café or restaurant or something. Just a day out the fresh air will do you good what do you say?"

I rolled my eyes trying to look non-caring "Fine."

Kabuto smiled while Sakura was a bit anxious to go also but didn't want to show it.

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Sam