Trial of A Man
Chapter I - Pained Existence
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He waited patiently, and at last the other finally fell asleep, allowing him control of 'their' body. He used the short time he had to go to a place nearby where he could relax and pretend that he was alive again. Life was precious, and his current inability to experience it was slowly driving him mad. He wanted to live, he wanted to love, but those things were near impossible for him now, so he pretended it was he who was in love with a girl who was still alive and that it was he who had the great, commanding job with the high paid salary and friends surrounding him from every which way.
He knew it was nothing but a sham, acting as though he was alive and well and living his own life. For one, he could only do this when the rightful owner of this body was weakened, confused, or asleep. That and he was not disillusioned on the fact that his body was still sealed away. Sealed away where only the hands of someone living and actually existing in the material realm could open the seal and take the stone.
This was the closest he could get to real life. He felt somewhat caged, the other always pushing him back or just by being there could unnerve him. It was like there was always someone watching him. Someone always looking over his shoulder. He knew it was to be expected, but still it bothered him. He had lost out on his childhood, his love life and apparently even his humanity, and still he got no break. Not once in life did he ever get a single break. Never once, since he turned ten, did he even have the time to celebrate his birthday. By Din, a lot of times he didn't even know it was his birthday.
And his friends. He never had any true friends. He was always alone. Even in the mind of another man, a stranger true, he still was alone. The other was convinced that he was just a voice in the head of their shared body. The other, what was his name again? Squall, that was it. Squall was sure that the voice in his head was nothing more than a mental problem, not a man who had faced all the hardships and downfalls (at least it felt like he was) possible and survived, only to be sealed away from life itself. The world was cruel.
He yawned and stretched, having reached his destination. The body itself was tired, limiting the time he had left. He didn't want to exhaust the vessel, especially since the other was now involved with important matters and leadership responsibilities. So involved, in fact, that Squall often became severely stressed and reclusive towards his comrades. So reclusive that in fact he only knew one or two names out of all the people that Squall had associated with, his finacé and someone else. Oh well, the name was slipping from him at the moment. He had tried talking to the boy about it, well, not talking in the true sense of the word, but the other pushed him back and ignored him.
Sighing and sitting down on the bridge he stood upon, he decided it would be best if he tried to appear non threatening to the host, maybe the boy would listen and accept his advice instead of driving himself to an early grave as he was. But Squall seemed to hate listening to voices in his head. Hated it so much that he instead would do the exact opposite. It was a conundrum, indeed.
The water flowed beneath the bridge with a quiet roar, bits of foliage from nearby tropical ferns and other various plants drifting downstream, caught in the strong current. Small glimpses of fish swimming in the shallower areas could be seen, and some brightly coloured birds nested nearby. He could see their feathers as they flew from branch to branch, shaking the leaves with their landings. Their voices filled the air with soft music, pleastant tones that enhanced the beauty of the area. It was usually ignored by those who regularly came here. They were interested in battle, not scenery.
[It's so peaceful here. . .]
A smile appeared on the young man's face, a thing never seen when the other was in control. It looked almost unhealthy, unnatural
[. . .I could die happy. . .]
But he couldn't. If he tried to commit suicide the body would die, killing the other while his spirit would once again be forced to roam. It would not only be cruel to his host but it would also be pointless for him as while his body (his own body, not this current one) was alive, so was he. And he could not reach his real body from here, not without his own physical form.
He opened his eyes, stared down at the water beneath him and scowled at the thought. He was trapped, separated from his body and the land he had come from. The land he was born and raised in. The land that he loved. The land that he fought and nearly died several times for. The land and the people that he had sacrificed everything for and lost it all. He was alone and there was almost nothing he could do about it.
The reason he had even entered this body in the first place was so that he could control the host and free his own body, but. . .
". . .I can't do that, not even after all this time. I can't," he whispered, opening his eyes and looking upwards towards the heavens, even though the ceiling of the place was obstructing his view, "What am I supposed to do? What? What is there left for me to do?" his voice was slightly louder now, his anger pouring out from his lips. He raised his hands slightly, almost in a position of offering, "What is it that you want me to do? Whatever it is, I'll do it. . .Anything, to end this." His hands dropped again, and his gaze lowered to look at the water flowing beneath him, though it was not the water he was interested in.
[How much longer will I be around? When will it end?]
He closed his eyes again and relaxed, taking a shuddering breath. He felt his heart (or what was left of it) quiver as the air passed his lips. The burden on his shoulders seemed to double and he would have done anything to end it right there. Sadness and depression ate away at his soul, striking little pains into his heart. Each stung like a fresh wound, but. . .No, he shouldn't get all worked up about this, there were probably many other people who went through things far worse than he had. He had no right to whine as he did. He mumbled a swift but quiet apology to the Ladies above, and decided he would spend the rest of his time tonight enjoying his 'life'.
He sighed, and the water continued to flow beneath him, in a quiet, but steady roar. His smile had completely faded.
Leaves crunching beneath his boots, the warrior walked up the path, searching for his comrade who had been spotted on his way here. Why couldn't his rival just stay still? But no, Squall always had to be on the move. At least as of late.
He rounded the corner and saw Squall sitting on the bridge, his eyes closed as if he was asleep. He had never seen the brunette here before, and he wondered quickly if this somehow had something to do with their leader's odd behaviour as of late. Their leader seemed to be overly cautious and strangely evasive receintly. The commander would hardly sit still long enough to have a full conversation. It was like he was overactive, but in a way totally unlike Squall. Granted, the teen did too much work for his own good, and he was often distracted.
Shaking his head, he tried to clear his mind, there were things far more important things to think about.
"Hey!" he shouted, but the figure in black didn't turn, " Hey Squall!" he shouted again.
"Hey!" a familiar voice shouted from behind him. He didn't turn, maybe they were talking to someone else. But wasn't he the only other one here? Unless his senses and instincts were failing him, it was only himself and the owner of the voice. Dread settled heavily on his shoulders.
[Oh, please don't let him be talking to me. . .]
"Hey Squall!" the voice shouted again, trying to gain his attention. There was no backing out of this as the man behind him could easily pursue him till he answered. And it would have been very strange, for him to be so evasive. Though they may have been rivals, Squall and the man did speak occasionaly, but they would not go out of their way to talk to each other. Unless it was important.
[Oh great. . .]
He turned and faced the blonde on the other side of the bridge. Squall's rival stood there, on the edge of the bridge, looking expectantly at him. What did he want?
[What's his name again?]
"Hey, Earth to Squall, you alive in there?" the blonde stepped closer, now on to the bridge, and far too close for his liking. The blonde, on the other hand seemed not to care or even notice his dislike of the close proximity.
"Yeah. . .Seifer, I'm fine," he mumbled, stalling to remember the blonde's name. He was just going to leave the answer as that, to discourage any further comments, but then he remembered that he had to act as Squall normally did. Now while Squall was not a conversationlist on any level of the imagination, he had always taken a serious behaviour towards his duty. Whenever anyone would seek him out one of his first questions would always ask his main concern or trouble. Of course, he was always meaning trouble towards the Garden.
[Or that Rinoa girl he likes.]
As he thought, his head somewhat downcast, he looked at Seifer through the corner of his eye. The blonde's hair was as short as ever, and his white jacket was actually white and not torn, as it had been at the end of the recent sorceress war. His scar that ran diagonal down the bridge of his nose so close to his eye was more closed than Squall's was. The red crosses on the arms of his jacket were a bright red again, no longer the eerie dull, blood red it was before. It was in much better shape and was probably a new one entirely. In fact, no one who participated in the sorceress war really changed at all. Heck, it had only been like two years ago or so. Not very long at all, no one had the time to change.
Seifer had only receintly come back to the Garden, being reluctantly given a full pardon for his part in the Sorceress War. The blonde had claimed (and was backed up by two friends of his) that he had no control over the events that took place then. No one was able to come up with any evidence to contridict that, in fact, most people argued that he had not been like himself during that time. With the lack of evidence, it had been decided that Seifer was free to come and go and study as a student there as he pleased. That of course didn't mean that everyone would act towards him as they used to. He was hated by many now, and even the quiet Squall often made a point of being rude and short with the man.
Raising his head, the spirit in control decided that it would be best to play this through the proper way.
"What do you want?" he asked, as cold as possible. The glare in his eyes would hint that he didn't want company at all. Maybe the blonde would take the hint and leave so he could go to bed and let the other take control in the morning. But the chances were against it and he would have to play this through as if he was Squall himself. He was never a very good actor.
Seifer mock bowed to him, "The Headmaster wants to see you, Commander. " This last word was said with such hate and mockery that the aftereffects just hung in the air. The silence was heavy and oppressive, and neither truely wanted to break it.
He just stood up, releasing that same sigh that the other used so often. He was really reluctant to go. One false move and he could mess everything up. He doubted that the other's friends would realize that their friend had a wayward spirit trapped in him, rather they would probably believe him to be insane. He couldn't do that to anyone, especially to someone who didn't deserve it.
"Can't this wait till morning?" he mumbled, trying to get out of this precarious position. If he could just leave this to the other than all could go fine. But if he was forced to do this, then who knew how bad he could screw up? He rubbed a hand down the side of his face. If he 'woke' the other he could be in it for the long haul. The other definately wouldn't be pleased with the idea of being used like this. Even for harmless reasons.
"Nope," Seifer smiled, knowing that Squall wasn't enjoying such a late call to work. Granted he wasn't in bed yet, but he had to be tired. "Heard it was important, can't wait. " The blonde crossed his arms in front of his chest, daring Squall to ignore the Headmaster's orders.
"Damnit. . .," he swore lightly as he walked towards Seifer, and then together the two of them left the Training Center. The way the people swore these days really got to him, and the mere mention of one of these words seemed like a sacrilege. It felt like he was-
. . .well, he felt appalled. Nonetheless, it had to be done, unless he wanted to arise suspicion. He moved to follow Seifer to the elevator, and stepped inside with him. The door shut and with a ping, and the device moved them up two floors.
[Such technology. I remember coming across a few things like this, but never this common or efficent. It's been such a long time.]
After mere moments, the elevator pinged again, and the door slid open, revealing the hallway that lead to the office of the Headmaster. He stepped forward slowly, reluctant to enter. There had to be a way around this. There was no way he could handle the business the Headmaster wanted with him. He couldn't speak the language fluently like the other. Sure, he knew enough for a casual conversation, but the other hardly spoke to his own kind in the first place, making it a hard learning experience. His host being reclusive, and his mind's tendency to wander during boring (which were usually also intellectual) conversations hindered his learning. If he were to speak with the Headmaster, probably to do some kind of report, then he was dead where he stood. He didn't even know how to say this language's version of 'report'. Speaking in the head was one thing as all minds used the same language, but obviously, actuall speech would not and could not be acomplished so easily.
The last door slid open, and he walked into the office. He turned quickly before the door could shut and saw the blonde waiting outside. The whoosh that assured he and the Headmaster were alone caused him to turn around again. Nobody was there, at least not yet, so this could very well be his last chance to find a way out of this. He couldn't just leave, Seifer was outside probably to eavesdrop, and that was the only exit to this room.
He sighed. There was only one way out of this.
[Hey, Squall, wake up. . .]
(. . .Uhh? What?)
[The. . .Headmaester wants to talk to you.]
(The 'Headmaester'?)
[Come on, we haven't all day. . .]
(. . .We?)
With a sudden start, Squall's consciousness snapped back from it's rest and into reality. His surprise was elevated when he saw Cid Kramer, also known as the Headmaster also jump back at his reaction. The Headmaster's brown hair was slightly messed up, and there were dark rings under his eyes. Looked like he had not been sleeping well. His glasses looked old and worn, the paint was chipping off the frames, and they looked bent. Many of the wrinkles on the man's face were more pronounced. He looked years older than he did only a few months ago. Maybe it was almost time that the old man went into retirement. Cid had been studying him closely, probably to understand his lack of response. His first thought came through a still hazy and fogged head:
(What is the Headmaster doing in my dorm?)
It did not take long for him to realize where he was, and the most probable reason for him to be there. Anger flared behind his eternal cool mask. He had to do something about these losses of control before he'd start going around and doing things like killing people in the dark. There had to be a reasonable explanation.
"Squall, are you feeling well?" Cid asked, distracting him from his anger.
"Yes sir," he saluted, biting his lip, "Never better, sir. " A bigger lie he had never stated. 'The voice' was beginning to drive him insane, though that was probably an impossibility. He had to be already there. How else could he have voices in his head?
"If you aren't, be sure to tell me. We can always arrange a little vacation-"
(I don't need-)
[I don't think he means that kind of vacation. Stop being so paranoid, you're not insane.]
"-and you could relax for a while," Cid stated with a shrug, "We can't have our best SeeD and the Commander collapsing from exhaustion. " The old man chuckled. His gaze suddenly turned serious, and even Squall felt surprise at the change in the older man's behaviour. "On to serious business. As you may know, the SeeD test is coming up on the agenda. We need to come up with possiblities soon. Any ideas?"
". . .I think there was a request from Galabadia-" the Headmaster raised a hand to interrupt, but Squall continued before he had the chance, "-but nothing of real importance. My desk is practically bare recently. "
"Hmm. . . .this is a bit of a tight fit. . .," the Headmaster turned away from the young but powerful SeeD, pacing as he usually did during important matters, about the room in tight circles, ". . .What did Galabadia want?"
"Date: April fifteenth, two thousand thirty. Location: Deling City," Cid paced around Squall, listening to every detail and weighing it heavily in his mind. Those who said he was nothing more than a dimwitted figurehead had never seen him when he was at the helm of the decisions, a position that he usually avoided, "Client: Ex-General Caraway. Details: a rogue monster is rumored to be preying on victims in the poorer vicinities. Investigate and destroy any threats to the populace. " Squall recalled with perfect accuracy, standing at attention. Cid stopped his circular pacing when Squall finished, and stared at the floor, his mind not made up on the subject. A hand was raised and stroked the chin, while his other hand was around at the small of his back. He continued to stare at the floor as he asked Squall:
"Requirements?" Cid had been quite the tactition in his day, and those skills helped Garden in ways that the old man himself wouldn't care to admit. He and Squall, old tactics along with new ones, both effective, often gave the students and even the SeeDs the advantage they needed in the life and death situations they regularly faced.
"Request four SeeDs, at least a SeeD level of twenty is recommended. . ." Though Squall was finished, he still looked as if there was more to say. He stood still, hands at his side and eyes straight ahead. He would wait till the Headmaster acknowledged him.
". . .I see," Cid sighed, looking up, "Is there anything else? You look as if you have more to say. . ."
"There was an extra request. It was for, unless impossible, that Rinoa join with us. "
"Caraway's still trying to get her love?" Cid shaked his head, looking downward again, "I don't think he realizes how hard it's going to be. " The Headmaster looked up again, "At ease, Commander. "
Squall relaxed slightly, allowing himself to look around the room. It was the same as it had been since the defeat of Ultimecia, just over a year before. In the eyes of anyone who had not come into it before, they would think it a total reck without a semblence of order. To those who came to the place regularly there was some order, though it was a bit of a stretch to this assumption.
[Not very pretty to look at, is it?]
(. . .)
[You know, if I was actually a figment of your imagination-]
"I think that we will assist Galabadia, but this is not a suitible SeeD exam-" Cid stopped, looking up brightly at Squall. Clearly the little lightbulb had gone up in the Headmaster's mind. His eyes were wide open with his surprise, the beginnings of a knowing smile beginning on his face. .
[-than by ignoring me you would get rid of me, but-]
"We will send the students there and have that as the exam. It's perfect! Since we only have-"
[- I am no illusion. I exist.]
"-six or seven properly trained SeeDs of that level, we will group one of them with each group of students. That they can protect the trainees, and yet allow for the exam! It's excellent!"
[Let me help you. Follow my advice during battle, and you won't lose. I swear it.]
(How can I be sure that I'm not just going crazy?)
"I hope you don't mind, Squall, but since you're one of our best SeeDs, you'll have to help protect the trainees, and possibly fight the monster. Is that alright?" Cid may have asked for his preferences, but he left no room for denial. There was just the illusion of it being a friendly invitation, nothing more.
"Yes sir. " Squall replied, now slightly more focused on the voice.
[Can you stop calling me that? "The Voice". I have a name, and I actually do own a body of my own.]
(Then what is your name?)
[They used to call me. . .Link.]
"Okay, thank you Squall. You are dismissed. Go back to your quarters and try to get some sleep. You look dead tired. We need you in top shape for the exam." Cid smiled gently at him, and he found himself with his usual stoic face on, incapable of any emotion.
[First tip: ask him when the exam is.]
Squall resisted the urge to shake his head and clear the mist that sleep was bringing on him. He was sure out of it today, all because of a certain someone. . .
[Hey! Don't blame me. I needed to. . .]
(What? What did you need to do?)
[. . .Don't just stand there like an idiot. Ask him something or he'll think you really do need that vacation.]
". . .Headmaster, when is the exam scheduled for?" Squall asked, crossing his arms in front of him. Crossing his arms was a kind of defensive position, and now that he was toying with the idea that the voice might be something 'real', he felt like his personal boundries had been breached. True, the voice had been around for sometime now, appearing shortly after Ultimecia was defeated, but he had always attributed the whole matter on there being a lot of stress in his life and his mind was maybe just not dealing with it right.
"Umm. . ." the Headmaster walked over to the nearby desk and quickly flipped through several pages, ". . .Monday, next week. Five days from now. "
"Thank you, sir. " Squall turned an started to leave.
"Oh and Squall," the brunette didn't turn, but looked over his shoulder, "do tell me if you want some time off, understand?"
Squall didn't answer but simply left the room and entered the hallway to the elevator, opening the door with a push of a button.
[What's this thing called anyway?]
(An elevator.)
[Elator? Elavator?]
(Close enough.)
[Hey, where's that blonde guy, Seifer? He followed me here. . .]
(Seifer followed you? Why didn't you tell me? He shouldn't have heard the conversation!)
[Didn't see much point. Judging by the thickness of the doors, it take nothing less than a bloodcurdling scream to be heard and also, what's it matter if he knows?]
(He might tell the trainees about the exam, and we'd lose the element of surprise.)
[But if the students can prepare ahead of time, then they will do better.]
(Being prepared is not a common occurance, I assure you.)
There was a ding, and the elevator door slid open. Squall walked out and headed to his dorm room, passing only a handful of students in the halls. It was almost one o'clock, so almost everyone was in bed.
[But what advantage would the students gain, anyway? You really only said that there was a monster in some city that needed extermination. That's not much information to go on.]
(. . .)
[Going to ignore me again?]
(I guess. . .if the Headmaster asks, I didn't see him follow me.)
Squall, much to his surprise felt almost a mental shrug within his head. He did not dwell on it though, as he turned the knob and entered his dorm.
[I suppose that would work, might not make you look too good, but then again, it was late. And you were half dead on your feet], Another shrug, [Yeah, I know, my fault entirely.]
Squall closed the door, wanting to lock it but unable as no such device was allowed on the doors of the dorms in the Garden. Running a hand down the side of his face, he walked slowly towards the bed and begun undressing.
[You know, you're not so closed in you mind.]
(What?)
[Usually, from what I can see, you shut people out of your life, but in your head, you're quite open. ]
(. . .Do you always talk so much?)
[I haven't talked to another person in lifetimes, give me a break here.]
(So,) Squall sat down on his bed and pulled the blanket over himself, (Exactly why do you 'haunt' me like this, anyway? And how can I be sure that you actually exist?)
[Good question. Maybe tomorrow, okay?]
(Whatever. . .)