okay so i thought about not continuing this considering i only got 1 review... yeah, 1. but i decided that i do not want to leave this story unfinished. however, if it fails to do well among the readers i guess there really is no point in posting it is there?
so if you read it and find it remotely interesting review and let me know. because i think that Brittana from an outsiders perspective and mind is intruiging... so holler at me if you like what i have going on... pwease:)
Last year, in the time of my undisputed popularity and undenied leadership skills, most of my school days would be spent touching up my lip gloss in between classes, making sure my skirt was short but not too short, keeping my pony tight and regulation status and never letting someone like Rachel or Santana getting the best of me.
This year, however seems to be turning into the complete opposite of everything that I was trained to be. Being picked to be the head cheerleader of the Cheerio's at McKinley gave me power. It was an undisclosed power among the student body and somewhat over the teachers and the community to some extent. And now, even though my status as head Cheerio has been reinstated it seems that my power has not. Sure, the title would normally be more than enough for any normal teenager but not this one. I have no clout, no final say except sometimes when Coach Sylvester asks my opinion which she rarely even takes into consideration.
My opinion is listened to but only because my voice is a sound that is moving through the airwaves or whatever. As soon as I'm done talking I am immediately dismissed. So today, as perhaps a personal exercise I remained silent for most of the day, only opening my mouth in class when being picked out by a teacher to answer a question. Apparently you learn a lot more in complete silence and keeping yourself out of everything then throwing yourself right in the middle of everything.
In English class I watched Rachel float through the lesson without as much of a hiccup leaving her throat. She sat there drawing doodles on her binder and fading off into some probably very loserish kind of day dreams. I watched her hold herself to stare ahead of her when Mr. Williams called on Finn and noticed when she shivered at the sound of his voice. If I were in her position I'm sure that there would be a few people there to comfort me and ask me if I was okay with everything. But it dawned on me that Rachel doesn't have anybody. The only person close to resembling a friend to that girl is Kurt which is kind of sad considering those two practically hate each other.
Thinking of that weird not friendship friendship only made me think of how Kurt isn't here anymore. Its strange how one person especially someone like Kurt Hummel can really change a world. Glee isn't the same without him that's for sure. No one is fighting Rachel for solos anymore or offering advice to her on her fashion or how Mr. Schu needs to lighten up and change his taste in music and ties. Maybe if the guys in Glee had done something sooner Kurt wouldn't have left.
Maybe if we had been more open about being accepting of him he would have said something sooner. Maybe if Rachel didn't dismiss Santana at the Glee girl meeting we would have had a better more efficient plan. If there is one thing Santana is good at, it's making people feel scared and intimidated. Maybe if Kurt was still here he could help Santana deal with her obvious girl crush on her best friend. Not that she'd admit it to anyone anyway, but still, maybe if he was here he would notice what I notice.
Maybe if I had become closer with him he'd still be here. Because then I could tell him that I think, no that I know that Santana and Brittany are totally in love with each other and they just need someone to throw it out there. Maybe I could be that person.
No.
I don't think I could deal with another Fabray/Lopez match anytime soon. Thank goodness Mr. Schu came and broke that up. I swear, as soon as that girl tossed me to the ground I started saying my prayers.
Its lunch now and I watch as Santana and Brittany walk in together. As per usual they are pinky in pinky with Brittany almost skipping through the sea of McKinley students. I can read it on Santana's face before I even see Brittany leave her side. Artie.
Without another glance Brittany dislodges their pinkies and makes her way quickly to Artie's side leaving Santana in the dust. She tries to act unfazed but I know her better. She just shoves her hands into her Cheerio's jacket and turns around walking out the way she had only come in just two seconds ago.
It's weird watching Brittany with Artie and hard because Sam keeps trying to tell me about everything he had eaten the night before and then about how many hours he had worked out before school. But as I tune him out I tune in to trying to read the lips of the weird new relationship that has formed within our little group of misfits.
Brittany is talking on and on about something that Artie clearly has no interest in yet, there he is smiling. But in the way you smile at a child when they are telling you about their imaginary friends or a silly story about unicorns and their favorite color. He doesn't look at her the way Santana looks at her and this bothers me. So much so that I must be making a face because Sam stops talking about himself and actually asks me what's wrong.
"Nothing." I respond with annoyance as though he has interrupted me during my 'stories', as my Grandma would say. He shrugs just believing me because he probably doesn't want to deal with it assuming they are lady issues and he turns to Mike Chang and they start talking about football.
This then brings my attention away from Brittany and her robot boyfriend to the Asian Fusion twins. I watch Tina watch Mike talk to Sam. Mike speaks animatedly about this play or something in football talk and Sam humors him by agreeing or at least I think he agrees by the way he waves his hands and hollers. Personally, I think Tina looked a lot better with Artie. To me it seemed that they had a lot more in common than she has in common with Mike. Wow they're both Asian. I don't know, maybe that's what she's looking for. Maybe I'm biased because, well, it doesn't make me gay or anything but I guess I always thought that Brittany and Santana were going to end up together. Sharing a cabin with them at cheerleading camp every summer would have anyone think that.
Getting bored of watching the Asians stare at my… at Sam, I look back to the entrance of the cafeteria and notice Rachel making her way in. It seems as though Santana has not left and I watch her scowl at Rachel and her mouth moves which tells me she has most likely insulted her sweater or other article of clothing or perhaps that she is freakishly short. Rachel jerks her head back, obviously offended and Santana chuckles in a snarky way before she fades away into the darkness of the hallway. Poor bitter Santana. Maybe I should talk to her.
The thought of talking to her lets my ears pick up on Brittany's laughter only bringing my attention back to the table she is at with Artie. It's weird for me to see this working out. I know Brittany. Everyone knows Brittany. She's kind of hard to forget. Not trying to be mean or spit my status around but Artie is kind of a loser. And not in the Puck, 'you're a Lima loser' kind of way, but an actual one. He lost Tina because he treated her like crap. Not that he is treating Brittany like crap, but he treats her like a child where as Santana, well, she treats Brittany like she's precious. I kind of always liked that about their relationship. Maybe that's a little reason why I still have a soft spot for Santana, not that I'd admit that.
I find myself getting a little agitated at lunch and I excuse myself from the table. Sam pays no mind, Mike gives me a nod and Tina smiles. I walk through the room with my head held high taking notice of those, many might I add, watching me as I strut pass their tables. My eyes fall onto Artie and Brittany and I can't help but notice how she looks lost. More so than usual. I tell myself to stop caring and turn my attention back to the entrance where I am heading and I see Rachel still standing there as if looking for somewhere, anywhere to sit. As I get closer I feel my legs giving way and I almost hesitate in front of her. I think I want to say something but my mouth isn't working correctly because what I say I don't really mean.
"Move it man-hands." I tell her and brush past her. She doesn't flinch because she is used to it and that kind of makes my heart break.
I try not to pay attention to the feelings I'm feeling and march myself right to the bathroom by my locker hoping for some privacy. But of course lo and behold one of my frenemies standing in front of the mirror.
At first she doesn't see me but I see her as she is blotting a small piece of toilet paper under her eye which tells me she is crying or is about to cry or is trying not to cry. The door shuts behind me echoing through the room and she doesn't flinch. I hear her sniffle a little before crumpling the small piece of toilet paper and tossing it behind her to the toilet. She looks at me through the mirror and squints her eyes, her normal 'don't look at me loser' face.
"S." I say to her as if I'm testing the waters but I know where I am. Right now I'm swimming with the sharks and I should probably get out while I still can because she is in her environment now.
"Q." She responds and though it comes out nasty I can't help but smile inside because she actually acknowledges me by name and not by preggers, tubbers or 'lady with the baby' as she had once referred to me as.
I move to a spot beside her, but making sure that I maintain a decent distance between us. I pretend that I have come in here to fix myself up by pulling out my lip gloss that I keep stashed in the waist band of my Cheerio's skirt. As I lean towards the mirror I can feel her eyeing me through the reflection but I try to stay focused.
I smack my lips together when I come to the conclusion that one can apply lip gloss for only so long before it becomes obvious that you are just biding your time and trying to stay busy. I slowly tuck the lip gloss back and opt for tightening my pony at this point and I see her lean her hands on the sink and turn her head to me.
"You know Sam is just using you." She blurts out as though she has had this information for so long that she can't stand keeping it in anymore. I don't look at her instead I look down my uniform as my hands pretend to smooth it out. There are no wrinkles because I make sure my uniform is regulation before I leave the house.
"Maybe I'm using him." I say to her and lean forward again to the mirror to check out my perfect eyebrows. She snorts as though that statement is the funniest thing she has ever heard. If I was her I would laugh too. I bite my lip trying to not say anything but this situation is not one that comes along very often and so maybe I'm feeling risky and indestructible. I place one hand on the sink and the other on my hip and twist to face her. "I think Brittany is using Artie." I flat out tell her and her mouth opens, her head jerks back and her eyebrows shoot up but only for a split second before she regains control of her facial expressions. She shrugs and turns to face the mirror acting as though she had forgotten that her lips are more important right now.
"Maybe she is who cares." She tells me even though we both know who cares.
I sigh a little too loud than necessary and she picks up on it because I can see her tense for a moment. I want to leave because honestly I'm a little afraid about being alone with an enraged and upset Santana Lopez but as my body turns to walk out the door it just as quickly turns back to face her.
"He's not right for her." I let out and she looks at me.
For the first time in a very long time she actually looks at me and I look right back at her. I want to tell her that she is right for Brittany but when my mouth opens to say just that a small squeak of uncertainty pops out and I quickly close it. Her eyes fall to the ground in that way that lets me know she knows exactly what I'm thinking because she is thinking it too. I notice her lower lip quiver which tells me that she wants to say something, anything and everything. But she clears her throat and stands up straight.
"I'll see you in Science." She says nonchalantly and turns her attention back to her reflection. I watch her fade into self obsession, perhaps the only way she knows how to not deal with reality and I turn and walk out of the bathroom.
As I walk out of the bathroom I realize that besides talking in class my only real conversation so far has been with a girl who has been trying to get me back since I took head cheerleader from her. A girl who goes out of her way to make other people cry in pain or just plain cry. My mind goes all over the place and maybe it's inappropriate after such an intimate incident but I laugh to myself. I laugh because I can think of something like that to be intimate and because that moment had made me feel close with Santana for the first time in years. But mostly I laugh because she and Rachel have a lot more in common than any one realizes.