So here's chapter two. It's quite a bit longer than the introductory chapter, but I really couldn't see any way to split it up without making the consistency of the story a tad awkward. I hope chapter one gave you a bit of a taste of what's to come. Oh, and in case anyone was wondering the story's title comes from a song by The Darkness, a short lived british rock band, off their second album. Give a listen if you haven't already, they're great.

Anyway, on with the show...

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the time has come!!" the diminutive Jimmy Manson declared to the expectant crowd.

This declaration was met with the cries and stomps of the demons and damned souls that surrounded the thrust stage in this modest arena…well, modest by Hell's standards. Manson couldn't help but marvel that a simple legal battle would bring out this much of a crowd. But this was a group of celebrities they were dealing with; whether you're damned or not that tends to entice the masses, and there had been a lot of interest in this case. So Manson, being the wanna-be showman that he is, decided it was best to resolve this matter in the most public forum he could book, so everyone can have a taste of his little victory.

"It's been two long years going through the legal systems to bring this matter to a close, what with the grumblings and red tape provided by our dear friend Mr. Niccals." This was meant by resounding boo's and catcalls. "But" Manson continued with a glance to the demon judges seated behind him "the Russel Hobbs case is finally about to be finished." Cheers once again filled the arena. "And my friends not even Murdoc Niccals can disrupt the proceedings now!" If possible, the cheers rose in volume.

But in spite of the roar, the sound of the large double doors flying open rang out over the din and light spilled out onto the stage, causing Manson to cover his eyes as he was momentarily blinded.

"Now that" a voice boomed from the doorway "is a cue if ever I heard one."

Manson stood for a moment, incredulous rage filling him as he recognized that cocksure Stoke accent and realized the precautions he had put in place had been foiled. The cheers that had filled the arena only a moment ago were replaced by gasps as Murdoc Niccals made his way up the ramp towards the thrust stage. The doors closed again, dousing the bright light, and Manson put his hand down. He could now see that Niccals was obviously limping and as the bassist drew closer Manson saw what kind of shape he was in; burned, bruised and battered, but still with determination in his eyes and a grin on his lips.

"If it pleases the court" Niccals declared to the gathered masses as he climbed onto the stage "I'd like to hold an audience with our distinguished governors and residents of Hell…Oh and little Jimmy here too, I suppose."

Manson managed to keep his surprise and anger at bay. Clearing his throat he simply said "Mr. Niccals, I gotta say we weren't expecting you."

"Oh, I know you weren't you bloody wanker" Murdoc replied coolly and quietly. "Despite what you might think I'm not stupid enough to suppose that all those traps you set in my way just managed to pop up there on their own. I should have known you had a grubby little hand in this." He raised his voice to address the crowd again. "For three days I have traversed the fields and levels of Hell, been through many trials and tasks that were no barrels of fun and giggles, let me tell you. I found out the road to Hell is not actually paved with good intentions. I've done all of this to take up but a few moments of your precious time and take this last chance to plead my case to the court. Now I ask…will you all deny me that?"

The response was a mixed roar from the crowd; some in support of hearing the superstar out, others calling for sentencing to proceed as planned. Either way they were all intrigued that a living, breathing soul would have the gall to make his way through Hell and then stand before them and arrogantly demand an audience.

The head judge stood from his podium and a hush fell over the crowd. "Mr. Niccals has put much of his time and energy into this case. I believe we can humor him one last time and let him speak." With that he sat back down and the silence continued, filling with expectation. Murdoc allowed himself to throw a smug look in Manson's direction before addressing the judges.

"If it pleases the court, I'd like the prisoner brought out." The judges shared a look with each other. "Oh come now" Niccals continued "it is her fate we're deciding; she might as well be a part of it."

The head judge nodded and a side set of doors opened. Two guards brought out their chained prisoner, a diminutive and live human girl. It was Noodle, the Gorillaz guitarist, imprisoned within Hell for the past two years. She glanced around nervously but defiantly at the crowd before her gaze fell upon a very familiar face.

"MURDOC??!!" Noodle shouted in surprise and excitement. She tried to run to him but the chains around her wrists and ankles held her back.

"Easy pet" Murdoc told her. "Keep your wits about you. We're not out of this yet."

She stopped struggling against the chains, but then noticed her band mate's condition. "What happened to you?"

"Got a little roughed up, nothing I can't handle." He held up a hand to indicate that any more questions were unwise. She stopped talking and instead watched to see where this was going. She knew what was at stake, but having Murdoc there gave her an extra shot of courage.

He turned back to the judges. "I humbly present myself before the great tribunal" he declared with as much of a bow as his battered frame would allow. "But with all due respect to our distinguished judges and to the members of this court" he straightened up "I think we ought to cut the bull shit and acknowledge what we all know…that this is a crap charge."

Though the judges kept their faces neutral most who were seated close by caught the slight flicker of outrage that passed through them. Manson chuckled a bit, reveling in watching Niccals dig his own grave. Noodle swallowed nervously.

"Never mind for a moment that Miss Noodle has been imprisoned without due process for two years based on the actions of another party" Murdoc continued as he paced in front of the judges, limping as he went. "It is in the name of Russel Hobbs that these actions were taken; it was his foray into cursed music making that brought us to this. And I think it only fair to point out that the original charge against Mr. Hobbs is unfounded to begin with. Whatever he did he did while he was out of his gourd…I think that's known as 'diminished capacity', which has always provided grounds for leniency. As for the cursed album, as it was never finished the issues with those demons are unfounded. This pursuit of Hobbs' soul is another unfair and prejudiced attempt by this" and he pointed at Manson "wanker to bring more unrest and sheer stupidity into the lives of my band and to add undeserving souls into the ranks of hell. This is what I've been arguing for two years, and I've been yanked around by the legal teams on both sides…and not in a good way."

He folded his arms in front of himself, trying not to wince. "Hell is many things, my lords, but unjust it is not. The governments of the inferno pride themselves on having never damned an innocent soul since the dawn of time. The courts demand that every soul must be given due process…and that is something young Noodle has not had. And you lot are going to damn her for all eternity?" He shook his head and clucked his tongue. "Why sully your good reputations because of red tape and a certified moron's twisted agenda?"

The judges sat quietly for a moment. "Why hasn't Mr. Hobbs come to us, as this case regards him personally?" one judge asked.

Murdoc chuckled. "Russ Hobbs knows next to nothing about the goings on in the netherworld. I, on the other hand, have some first hand knowledge of the legal system of the damned, as you all know. We figured I should be the one to come down here and speak to the tribunal."

The five judges huddled together for a moment to converse in private. Murdoc, Manson and Noodle all watched tensely, all three of them keeping their expressions neutral.

Finally they broke away and the head judge spoke. "Mr. Niccals, while we appreciate the effort you have put into this matter and acknowledge that you have some valid points, the fact remains that the laws of Hell must not be broken. The warrant on Mr. Hobbs still stands. Despite his diminished capacity his actions brought all of this about, and the demons he called forth have every right to claim their prize. And as Mr. Hobbs has not been able to meet all the requirements of that warrant, the demons are again within their right to demand that another soul stand in its place."

"Why this soul?" Murdoc asked, pointing to Noodle. "She's done nothing wrong."

"I suggested her" Manson declared, stepping forward. "Your whole band has dealt with debauchery and magik tampering to one extent or another. Really, aside from you because of your previous contractual agreements, it could have been anyone from the group who could've stepped in place of Mr. Hobbs, but to save the court time, I suggested Miss Noodle, as we thought that she was the easiest to catch."

After a moment's pause Murdoc burst out laughing, and did so for quite a few minutes. "You got another one wrong with that, didn't you?" he asked between guffaws. Noodle smiled for the first time in a while. Manson went red having been called out on his mistake in thinking that Noodle would be easy to apprehend or keep imprisoned. The fights she had put up had become legendary within the netherworlds.

After wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes, Murdoc turned serious. "Would the esteemed tribunal really allow that? Any debauchery that Miss Noodle may have been involved with was minimal at worst and at the behest of her band mates. Wee Jimmy here was trying to deal a blow to me personally by suggesting her."

"You stupid son of a bitch" Manson spat out; "You really think it's all about you?"

After a pause Murdoc replied with a grin "Of course; you didn't know that?"

"Mr. Niccals" the head judge spoke up again. "The fact remains that Mr. Hobbs' debt must be repaid and Miss Noodle is the one to fill that requirement. Her due process has only been held off because of the legal wrangling we've all had to endure over this case. Her actions within Hell have certainly not softened us to her plight. She may very well likely have caused more damage here than any prisoner we've had before." Both Murdoc and Noodle smiled to themselves. "We do not pride ourselves on being unjust, Mr. Niccals, but stalwart we are, and the rules and regulations must be attained to lest chaos breaks out."

Manson clapped his hands together in obvious glee. "That being said, my lords, may I go on with the sen-"

Murdoc suddenly held up a hand to silence Manson mid-sentence. "My lords, is that your final word on the matter? That Miss Noodle must be condemned to Hell?"

The head judge nodded. "It is, Mr. Niccals."

Manson tried to keep going; "As I was saying, we go on as planned with-"

"In that case my lords" Murdoc declared, interrupting Manson yet again. "I hereby invoke the right to Clementia Divinus."

A collective gasp and a moment of stunned silence filled the arena. Soon afterward came the roar of indignation.

Noodle watched Murdoc for a moment, wondering what he was up to and what the uproar was about. He still looked calm, despite how dire the situation appeared to be. She thought back to her training. Clementia Divinus…that's Latin…Latin for…Divine Mercy? Murdoc is asking for divinity here?"

The judges looked positively incensed, and Manson was shocked. "Mr. Niccals" the head judge spoke. "What is the meaning of this?"

For his part Murdoc wore a self-assured half grin. How truthful that grin was nobody could tell. "You see, my lords, over the past couple of years I've had a chance to track down and dust off some rare materials I thought might be helpful. Now you all know I've never had much use for calling on the man upstairs, but in desperate times you have to find all the resources you can. And so I'm herby invoking the ancient and admittedly seldom used rite of Clementia Divinus." He turned to Manson and added, under his breath "What do you have to say to that? Wanker."

Manson took a breath and launched into his tirade. "My lords the fact that this man has the…gall to bring this up is an insult to this court and what it stands for. You can't just sit and…"

"Mr. Manson, please" the head judge stopped him. "As unhappy as we all are that this has been brought up, it has, and we are bound to acknowledge the request." He folded his clawed hands in front of himself and addressed Murdoc. "Mr. Niccals, do you understand the gravity of what you are suggesting?"

"I do, my lord" Murdoc replied with confidence. "I understand this is a difficult position, but thanks to this waste of space over here" and he indicated Manson "I have been left with few options."

"Very well"; the head judge stood. "So you therefore understand that in order for us, here in hell, to show mercy to Miss Noodle you will have to provide some incentive for us to do so? In the form of self-sacrifice?"

"I do, my lord."

"Wait" Noodle tried to interject. "What do you mean by self-sacrifi-?"

"The prisoner shall remain silent" one of the judges informed her, "until the deal has been struck."

"But what deal?" She tried to ask again.

"That's enough pet" Murdoc said. "Let me handle this."

"Murdoc I don't want you making any deal, that's not how I-"

"We're past that now" he said to her sternly, but she caught what almost looked like pleading in his eyes. "Stop interrupting."

"Once the right of Clementia Divinus has been invoked, it cannot be withdrawn" the head judge explained, not just for Noodle's sake but for anyone else who may not be familiar with the ancient rite. "And so I ask you, Murdoc Niccals, what can you offer us in exchange for mercy shown to Miss Noodle?"

"You can tear up my contract for one" Murdoc answered. "I'll give up the security of superstardom in exchange for the price on Russel Hobbs's head to be dropped."

Manson scoffed. "This isn't some kind of bargaining table, Niccals. And the mercy is to be shown to Miss Noodle alone."

"Clementia Divinus can cover anything I ask for" Murdoc responded to Manson, deliberately speaking slowly as if he were talking to a child. "And since, as you said, the charge against Hobbs can be fulfilled by any member of our band I'd rather have this mercy extended so your little hoods can't grab anyone else." As an afterthought he looked back at Manson and added "wanker". Then he asked the judges "Will that offer do it, my lords?"

After a brief discussion amongst themselves, the head judge spoke again. "No, your contract is binding. Regardless, it would not be sufficient for what you ask for."

"A blood sacrifice then? Take an offering of my blood in order to fulfill the charge." The more Noodle listened to this the more her stomach tightened in fear.

As the judges discussed this, Manson suddenly had an idea. An idea that made him grin with delight and suddenly feel very grateful that Murdoc had brought up this plan.

"My lords" Manson spoke up. "Perhaps there's one way Mr. Niccals can cover the price on Mr. Hobbs's head." Everyone looked at Manson expectantly, though Murdoc had a sense already of where this was going. "We ask for self-sacrifice for Clementia Divinus, and given what Niccals is asking us to do, I think it is not unreasonable for us to ask him to give us the…ultimate sacrifice."

Silence filled the room. If it were possible Noodle's stomach tightened even more.

"What are you suggesting Mr. Manson?" the head judge asked.

Before he could keep going with his thought, a shadow swooped behind him and seemed to whisper something in his ear before flying back to the crowd. His grin widened. "Actually, my lords, if you give my colleagues a moment I'll show you what I mean."

So there we have it. Keep an eye out for the next chapter. This is my first story so any feedback would be appreciated (just keep it clean).