"Hello!" cried Kaida "And welcome to the second episode of asking the Ninjas! With your hosts Kaida-"
"And Shaed Knightwing!" Called Shaed, "And here is our Peanut Gallery!" The camera panned towards the poor Naruto characters on their benches. Choji was stuffing his face and Orochimaru was eyeing the younger children in the audience with a particularly 'Pedobear-ish' look in his eyes. The two (super awesome) hosts gave him a warning look.
"Okay, let's start. Shaed, would you like to ask the first question?" asked Kaida.
"No problemo, my awesome associate!" Shaed replied.
To Kakuzu-
Hey I need to earn $50 in 5 days, what can I do? I'm only 12 so I can't do much work. I've earned a little bit from cleaning the lockers out at school but it's not enough, so what can I do?
From - Bankrupt
Kakuzu looked as though he was about to answer before he was rudely interrupted.
"Why I'd be happy to pay him $50 for 5 days..." Hissed Orochimaru.
He was automatically pelted with 'anti-rape peanuts'(TM) before taking refuge under his chair.
Shaed cleared her throat. "Kakuzu? You may continue."
"Well, the Akatsuki is always looking for more members and we get quite a large salary. You even get discounts at funeral homes and a free coffin-"
Kaida chose this moment to cough very loudly. "That's quite interesting, Kakuzu. But I think it's time for the next question. And our next question is for... Sakura!" Kaida pointed to the benches where a sulky Sakura sat.
"I'm not going, last time you got me insulted and got me in heaps of trouble and those photos were amateur shots." The pink-haired ninja complained.
"Hmm fine, then I won't give you these." Kaida held up more photos of Sasuke, but this time there was more skin than clothing... Sakura zoomed down to the stage.
Shaed gave Kaida a 'look', "Where do you get those pictures from?"
"Let's just say I have my sources and leave it at that." Kaida smiled slyly as a message popped up on the bottom of the viewer's screens. 'Through theft and bribery she has obtained Orochimaru's secret stash.'
Sakura,
Why do you hit Naruto when he does or says something you don't like? Didn't your mother teach you to keep your hands to yourself?
From - Kisa
"It's simple, some people just don't learn." Sakura replied, "And also, it might bash some of the ugly out of him and make room for brains, humph, that is all." she snatched the photos and strode off with her nose in the air.
"And on to the next question!" Kaida announced.
"GASP! That means... Oh yay! This is my favourite! Can I ask it? Can I ask it? Can I? Can I?" Shaed squealed.
"Fine do you promise to take it seriously?" asked Kaida.
"Yes."
"And no going fan girl?"
"I can't make any promises."
Kaida sighed. "Fine..." She handed Shaed the question, hoping to God that she didn't just make a big mistake.
"And our next question is for... Gaara!" Squealed Shaed, she wasn't alone. Most the girls in the audience started squealing and security guards had to hold them back as Shaed glared at every one of them.
Gaara,
What is your favourite flavour of cookie?
From - CookieEater
Gaara glared just as forcefully as Shaed as the fangirls were escorted off the premises, he then gave a sigh before scratching his chin in thought.
"Chocolate chip." Was his curt reply.
Shaed had to pull out a bazooka to defend him from the rabid fans who all, apparently, liked the same flavour.
"Jeeze, they probably only started liking chocolate chips two seconds ago." Kaida commented.
Shaed shrugged as she blasted a couple more rabid fans. "It's always been my favourite."
Kaida looked at her strangely. "I thought plain chocolate was your favourite-"
"I... Said... Chocolate... Chip."
Kaida backed away slowly, as Shaed lowered the bazooka. Gaara merely raised a non-existent eyebrow at the whole ordeal.
"Okay, Kaida? Who's our next victim- I mean... who's our next question for?" Shaed asked.
Kaida stifled a giggle, "It's for Uchiha Sasuke." There was a roar of fan girl screams from the audience.
"Oh really?" Asked Shaed, also trying not to laugh.
"I'M NOT COMEING OUT!" Screamed Sasuke off stage.
"Aw, come on why not?" Called Shaed.
"Yeah, all the fangirls are dying to see you!" Kaida called to him, knowing full well that she wasn't helping matters one iota.
Two security guards came onto the stage, pulling something white and fluffy behind them. It was Sasuke. In a bunny costume. Both Shaed and Kaida dropped to the floor in hysterics, laughing while hearts appeared in the eyes of Sakura, Ino and the rest of the fangirls, along with cries of- "He's sooo cute!" and "Where's my camera?"
Naruto was snickering "Haha! Teme! What made you dress like that?" he nearly fell off his seat.
"Shut up! I was just getting a drink of water when someone smacked me over the back of the head and I woke up in this bunny suit!" scowled Sasuke.
"No prizes guessing who the main culprits are." Sighed Shikamaru, who'd been woken up from his nap by all the yelling. Two arrows appeared on the screen, pointing to Kaida and Shaed with the label 'Main culprits'.
"But I have to wonder..." Choji spoke-up, "How did they change him into the bunny costume?"
Shaed and Kaida put their arms around each other's shoulders and scowled.
"Don't be stupid, we're not perverts!" Kaida insisted while Shaed looked around shiftily.
"Yeah... hehe, and if we were we wouldn't choose Sasuke." Shaed continued in disgust.
"Instead," They said together, "We had one of our elite agents do it!" On the television screen, an arrow appeared over Orochimaru's head labelled 'Expert at undressing unconscious Uchihas'.
Neji nodded, "Well now we know how he got Sasuke into those poses without him complaining."
"Anyhow," Began Kaida, "Onto our question for Sasuke."
Sasuke,
He's gone from good to bad, doesn't he think he should change his hairstyle to fit his new bad boy image? The avian posterior hairstyle does not invoke terror. How about shaving it? Lots of bad guys shave their heads, look at Lex Luthor.
From - Kisa
"Same guy again, man he asks a lot of questions." Shaed pointed out.
"Lex who?" Asked Sasuke.
"He's an idiot! You know Lex Luthor... arch enemy of superman?" explained Kaida. Sasuke had a blank face. "DC comics? ...You don't know what DC comics is?"
"My computer doesn't know what it is either." Shaed commented. "It's been green squiggly lined."
"I had a hard childhood okay!" Screamed Sasuke. "Besides, why the heck would I shave my hair? I wouldn't be half as good in fights if I couldn't dazzle the enemy with my shmexiness!"
Examples of a Sasuke fight if it were in Pokémon.
"You're going to die!" Randome-Shaved-Head-Villain uses Frightening Battle Cry... it wasn't very effective.
"Oh really?" Bunny Sasuke uses Ultra Shmexi Attack... it is very effective.
"By the Gods! That's exactly what I want to look like!"
(Shameless 'Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series' plug is shameless)
Randome-Shaved-Head-Villain is stunned "I will become good so that I may grow my hair and look as shmexi as...
"Okay Kaida, that's enough! Quite now, before you wind one of your sick Sai fantasies in there!" Shaed said as she put her hand over Kaida's mouth.
"By the way guys, do you have somewhere I can change? After all, it is your fault that I'm in this mess." Bunny Sasuke complained in a Sasuke manner.
"Sure we do!" Smiled Shaed and she pulled out a huge over sized top hat as Kaida dangled some carrots in front of him, Sasuke gave them a blank, irritated look.
"You're enjoying this aren't you?"
The two (Awesome) hosts nodded evilly.
"Anyway," announced Shaed as Sasuke was left with no alternative but to get inside the hat, "Our next question is for everyone's favourite Pedo and Voldemort look alike; Orochimaru!"
"I'm not a Pedo! And who is Voldemort?" asked a very confused Orochimaru.
"I'll explain-" Began Kaida.
"And ruin the fun? No way." Shaed put her hand over Kaida's mouth again before reading the question card.
Orochimaru,
Are you the reincarnation of Michael Jackson?
From - MJfan
"For the last time-" growled Orochimaru "I'M NOT MICHAEL JACKSON!" And once again, the studio was torn to pieces.
"Thanks for watching everyone!" Grinned Shaed.
"Mmmph muffle mmmph mph." Said Kaida trying to talk from under Shaed's hand. "Be sure to tune in next time!"
Credits: "Let's roll!"
Hosts:
Kaida Mizu and Shaed Knightwing
Special thanks to:
Cha's Aegis
Shaed Knightwing
(Please read the announcement at the top of my profile for details on this fanfic)
Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto