For the last 11 days, John had felt like a stranger in his own home. It wasn't that Sherlock had been avoiding him or had even acted differently. The doctor couldn't put his finger on why he felt so out of place. Perhaps it was his lingering sense of guilt combined with dread. If Sherlock rejected him, if he couldn't forgive John's idiotic mistakes, he didn't think he could take it. He'd have to move on. What if he lost their friendship which was the most important thing in his life? No. He couldn't let that happen.
The doctor was staring at his paper, unseeing when Sherlock broke the awkward silence. "I forgive you, if that's what you need to hear." The detective was sitting at the kitchen table, looking at something with his microscope. He hadn't even lifted his head.
Looking around, John let out a shuddering breath. "Thank you." Was that it? Was that all Sherlock had to say? He supposed he should take it and be grateful for at least that much. Still, the way the detective had said he needed more time... John had been hoping for more. He dropped the paper and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees as he closed his eyes. He was so lost in thought that he didn't hear Sherlock walk into the room.
The detective stood watching John. He waited for the moment when John opened his eyes. "There's more."
John blinked. "Alright." He braced himself for whatever might be coming next.
"If I say that a romantic relationship is out of the question, what does that mean for us?" the detective asked.
"That's up to you," John said in a thick voice. "If you're willing to give me time, I'll make myself get over it. You're friendship..." He broke off for a moment, choked up. "You're friendship means everthing to me, no, your happiness means even more than that."
Sherlock nodded, then sat in his chair, his fingers folded beneath his chin. He stared at the doctor for long moments, measuring him. "It's not."
"What?"
"It's not out of the question, a romantic relationship." The detective unfolded his hands and placed them on the arms of his chair. "I simply needed to understand your motivations." Sherlock's heart began to race and he tried to regain control of it. "I... care about you. I never let myself call it love because..."
"Because I was a complete arse." John hung his head in shame. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself, even if you really have."
"Of course I have!" Sherlock snapped. "I wouldn't have said it if I hadn't."
"Right. Sorry." After a pause, the doctor asked, "Where do we go for here?"
The detective shifted in his chair and looked at John. "I believe I would like to start with a kiss."
"A kiss?" John couldn't believe he hadn't bollocksed everything up beyond all repair.
"I'll not repeat myself," Sherlock stated flatly.
The doctor stood and crossed over to stand in front of Sherlock. Just as he was about to ask if the other man was going to stand, the detective turned his face up expectantly. John laughed self consciously and bent to kiss him, but Sherlock pulled him down onto his lap.
"What..."
The detective pressed their lips together. Insistently. After waiting so long, he wasn't going to wait any longer now that a decision had been made.
John had expected to be the one to take the lead, but between being pulled down onto Sherlock's lap and the detective's tongue delving into his mouth, taking possession, he was completely overwhelmed. When the kiss broke, he was left gasping, staring at his flatmate... boyfriend in astonishment. It must have shown on his face, because Sherlock smirked at him.
"I'm not a virgin."
"Yeah. Good. Right." John licked his lips. "That doesn't mean we have to rush things." Even though the doctor wanted to. He wanted to be dragged down the hall to Sherlock's bedroom and emphatically rush things.
"Do you love me, John?"
"Yes."
"And I feel the same about you." Sherlock nipped at the doctor's earlobe. "We're grown men. We know what we want."
John remembered what had caused all of this in the first place. "I can't stay... after." He looked down in shame at his brokenness. "When you fall asleep and wake up later, you'll be alone."
The detective hugged John to him. "Perhaps you won't sleep by my side, but you're mine. Mine. No one else's. That's all that matters."
For the first time in a long time, John felt hope - hope for the future he would now have with his mad detective. It was more than he could have asked for, more than he felt he deserved.