Chapter 2

Seven and a half days of no sleep was slowly beginning to take its toll on Jill. She looked less than perfect and she was beginning to get noticeably irritable. She had previously decided not to attend Lizzie's housewarming party since she had moved to a flat opposite the Royal now that Dave had decided he wanted another woman. But the idea of being able to leave everything behind and get drunk seemed a better idea than wallowing in front of the TV drinking wine alone.

Besides that, she knew that Lizzie would be able to empathise with her predicament; not that Jill would ever tell her of her affair but the thought was mildly comforting. On top of that, she knew that Gordon would be too busy getting Caroline resettled at home to bother coming to a lowly housewarming party and that suited her beyond fine; the less she saw of him the less the heart would continue shattering.

Jill finished writing the last of her patient notes before she walked solemnly to reception, her eyes deliberately avoiding Gordon's office door.

"Here you go Lizzie." She spoke softly, trying to smile but she was certain it came out as more of a grimace. If Lizzie had noted, she ignored it and responded with a smile of her own.

"Thank you Doctor." As she turned to file them away, Jill quickly stopped her.

"Oh! Lizzie, I'm going to be able to make it to your housewarming after all if it's okay. I know its short notice but I've only just found out." Jill responded, trying to smile a friendly smile but her emotions were not co-operating.

Lizzie's smile widened even further.

"That's great, the more the merrier. In fact you're not the only one who's been able to come after all." Jill was intrigued and her mouth formed an 'o' of surprise. "Yeah, Doctor Cheriton didn't have to go to London this weekend so he's bringing Meryl." Jill blew a silent sigh of relief through her teeth before Lizzie continued. "Oh! And Mrs Ormerod has gone to stay with her father for a few days so Doctor Ormerod is able to make it too. It's going to be great."

Jill's heart plummeted to the bottom of her stomach as she realise she'd have to face him in a personal capacity for the first time since the phone call the other night.

She couldn't back out now. It would look too obvious so she forced an excited smile and walked away, trying not to let her emotions overwhelm her as she waited for her next patient.

Six hours later and Jill was already onto what she was sure was her second bottle of wine. Gordon had arrived an hour after she had and she had only been there half an hour by then but already she had heard enough mentions of Caroline's miraculous recover to last her a lifetime. Maybe it was God's will, but as far as Jill was concerned was that he was clearly punishing her. She bitterly drained her glass quickly before moving to the kitchen to get more wine. Lizzie was happy to be mingling with her friends and Jill noted how she finally looked happy and at peace since her separation with her husband.

Jill felt a sudden pang of jealously but quickly quashed it when she ran into Meryl in the kitchen.

"Hi Jill." She called rather too loudly. The young doctor noted that the nurse was very drunk but it was a happy drunkenness not the depressed kind that was washing repeatedly over herself.

"Hi Meryl, having a good time?" Jill responded politely as she sidestepped the blonde to get to the wine. She filled her glass in a hurry but Meryl insisted on making conversation and things only got worse when Gordon entered the room looking for beer.

"Oh! Doctor Ormerod it's such wonderful news about your wife. You must be so pleased." Meryl excitedly chatted and Gordon nodded convincingly.

"Yes, it will be lovely to have her home." He responded noting Jill's avoidance of his gaze.

She suddenly felt a rush of nausea that had to do with the level of alcohol intake in her blood stream.

"Excuse me." She almost whispered, pushing past the pair. Gordon felt a familiar feeling of dread and regret as he watched her walk away.

The party was in full swing hours later and Lizzie really seemed to be enjoying her new found freedom. Jill however had not enjoyed being dumped so much. Either Lizzie was incredibly strong and hurt by Dave or she didn't love him as much as she thought she did. Either way she had moved on and Jill admired her. The young doctor knew that no matter what happened between her and Gordon, she would never stop loving him. And she knew that as long as she felt that way. And she knew that as long as she felt that way she would be in pain. With a small amount of bitterness, she took a sip of wine – her new favourite pain killer and surveyed the room; there were numerous couples talking or swaying to the music. She suddenly felt so old and that feeling didn't do anything to quell her acute depression.

She took another sip of her wine, hesitating a moment before taking a second much larger gulp.

For a moment she was all too familiar with feeling that someone was watching her. The same blue eyes that held such anger and determination but also held warmth, love and such fevered passion that when they came together, she was always pleasantly surprised.

The same eyes that she knew watched her gently when she was sleeping but now those eyes were watching her cautiously, wondering whether he should say anything or not, come over and talk to her like the friends they used to be or ignore her. It was unlucky for her that she had fallen in love with her best friend.

As Sister Brigid droned on and on about Caroline's recovery Gordon tried to force his mind to the conversation but instead found it wandering to what would happen if he and Jill had been alone that night; how his eyes would drink in her appearance, one hand would caress the back of her neck as he removed the ribbon restraining her long dark hair. He'd feel the hairs rise on the back of her neck as he pulled her closer to him, his lips brushing hers gently before he increased the pressure.

He imagined the way her lavender perfume would linger in his nose and as he buried his head in her neck and hair he would smell her delicate flowery shampoo. He imagined feeling her react positively as he dropped butterfly kisses to her neck, his fingers on his left hand grazing over her collarbone. He thought about the way he'd cradle her in his arms as they passionately but tenderly made love into the early hours of the morning.

"Doctor?"