Going the Distance Chapter 2: All of My Memories Keep You Here, a ncis fanfic

Going the Distance

Disclaimer:
You know the drill …

Rating:
M

Genre:
Romance/Hurt/Comfort/Family

Pairings:
[previous/past]Jibbs (Jai Wilcoxs/Leroy Jethro Gibbs)
[future]Tibbs (Tony DiNozzo/Leroy Jethro Gibbs)

Lyrics Used:
Within Temptation "Memories"
Ashley Tisdale "You're Always Here"

All of My Memories Keep You Here

All of my memories keep you near | In silent moments imagine you'd be here | All of my memories keep you here | In silent whispers | Silent tears

Today was the day. The one day Leroy Jethro Gibbs had hoped and prayed he would never see. Today was the day he laid his lover, Jai Wilcox, in the ground. Today was Jai's funeral. Gibbs sighed as he looked at himself in the mirror – his hands coming to rest on his still-flat stomach as he thought about the future he had ahead of him. He never would have imagined that Jai would have been taken from him – leaving him to raise their child completely on his own. He didn't even know how he was supposed to face the prospect of having to go through the journey of pregnancy alone. Leroy Jethro Gibbs was a proud man. A marine. He'd always prided himself on getting by on his own. On never needing anybody to help him through anything. But, damn it, he needed Jai Wilcox. He needed his baby's father there with him as this new little life grew and blossomed inside of him. Just as he'd begun to register the tear tracks cooling on his cheeks, Gibbs looked up to see his senior field agent – Agent Anthony DiNozzo Jr – standing in the doorway dressed in a black suit similar to his own. "How long you been standing there?" He asked, quietly, suddenly hoping the younger agent hadn't noticed him gently caressing his stomach. That was a question he just wasn't ready to answer. Not yet.

"Long enough." Tony replied, considering his boss. "You really should lock your front door." He offered, hoping to ease the palpable tensiion with a little levity. He'd noticed that Gibbs seemed oddly fascinated by his stomach. But, he knew Gibbs had a lot on his mind. He figured it would be wise not to press any issues, right now. He knew Gibbs would talk when he was ready. Or at least he hoped he would. That was why he'd insisted on accompanying Gibbs to the funeral. He knew the man would need the support – he couldn't imagine going through what Gibbs had to be dealing with, right now. He couldn't imagine what he would do if someone ever killed Gibbs. Not that Gibbs would ever know of his feelings for him. Or at least, he'd never previously considered telling him. The entire time he'd known the older man, Gibbs had been in a happily committed relationship. Tony'd always been jealous of the Indian-American man that had stolen the heart of the man he loved before he'd even had a chance to love him. But, he'd stepped down. He could tell that Gibbs was happy with Jai Wilcox and as long as that was the case, Tony knew he had to put his jealousy aside and support Gibbs' happiness. But, even now, Tony knew that it was far and away too soon to dump his feelings at Gibbs' feet. He knew Gibbs wouldn't be ready for that kind of confession for a while – if ever. Right now, Tony was content to provide a shoulder for Gibbs to cry on if needed or just to provide whatever support he could. He just wanted to know that – if he needed it – Gibbs had someone he could turn to. He wasn't alone in this. "You ready to go?" He asked, carefully, looking at the older man.

Gibbs released a deep, heavy, sigh as he replied "As I'll ever be." If he were to be honest with himself, he really didn't want to go to the funeral. Going to the funeral would mean that it was real. That it was all real and not just some nightmare he had yet to wake from. But, Tony had convinced him that he'd regret it if he didn't go. And, deep down, he'd known the younger man was right. He knew it was real and he needed closure. It was the only way he could ever heal. Fighting the urge to rest his hands on his stomach and the new life growing and developing inside it, Gibbs strode across the room.

Tony lightly gripped the older man by the forearms. "Gibbs … Look, I know I have …. absolutely no idea what you're going through, right now …" He conceded, earning himself a 'Ya think?' look from Gibbs. "Look, all I'm saying … Is that … You're not alone, Gibbs. I may not fully appreciate what you're going through … But, I'm always here if you need … anything. Anything at all. … You know that, right?" He asked, praying to God that Gibbs would open up and let him in.

Gibbs sighed lightly as he took in what his SFA was saying. "I know." He offered, quietly and gently, nodding lightly before continuing out into the hallway as Tony followed him out.

Upon reaching the driveway, Tony had convinced Gibbs to allow him to drive. Though, admittedly, Gibbs didn't really put up much of a fight. He knew he was in no shape to drive. And, he just didn't have it in him to fight anything. He just wanted the day to be over. Climbing inside the passenger seat of Tony's car, he waited silently for Tony to take his place in the driver's seat. He would never admit as much, but, he appreciated the way that Tony had opened the door for him, helped him in and closed the door behind him once he was in the car. It was all so chivalrous. But, as flattered as he was by all the attention he was receiving, it also tore him apart from the inside out as it reminded him of Jai. Jai had always been attentive and devoting. He would have made a great dad – despite his fear of turning into his own father, Henry Wilcox. Gibbs had never met the man – Jai had made it a point to keep his father away from Jethro – but, he knew the man's reputation. Still, though … Somewhere deep down, he'd always hoped that Jai and Henry would end up like Tony and his father. He'd hoped they just misunderstood each other and could work through their problems. Guess that's not gonna happen, now … He told himself.

After the funeral had come to a close, Tony and Gibbs stood over Jai's grave. Tony remembered watching Gibbs throw the first fistful of dirt into the grave and he remembered feeling both sorry for the older man's loss and amazed at how well Gibbs was holding himself together under the circumstances. Part of him wondered if the older man was just numb and if the weight of it all would come crashing down on him, later. If that were the case, Tony only hoped and prayed that Gibbs would let him be there to catch him when he fell.

The ceremony had drawn to a close and the other attendants had all paid their respects and left, already – even Gibbs' own sister. Tony couldn't help wondering why she wouldn't stay there with her brother to pay respects to the man's late lover. Annie Gibbs claimed she was a friend of Jai's and that she loved her brother … Why wouldn't she stay here with her brother when she can see that he clearly needs her? But, Tony shook those thoughts from his head as he focused on the priority task at hand. That was focusing on Gibbs. "I know how much he meant to you." Tony spoke, gently, resting what he hoped would be a comforting hand ever so lightly on the small of Gibbs' back. He still couldn't shake the electric sparks that shot through his system at even the slightest touch with Gibbs. But, now was not the time to be thinking those highly inappropriate thoughts.

"Meant the world to me." Gibbs muttered, quietly, lost in his own thoughts – memories of his time with Jai. The reverie was short-lived, though, as Jai's father decided to introduce himself into their private moment.

"Meant the world to all of us." Henry Wilcox ammended, sauntering over to Gibbs and Tony. "Henry Wilcox." He added, introducing himself to men, extending his hand in anticipation of a handshake.

"I know who ya are." Gibbs replied, quietly, never once taking his eyes off the grave that now held his late lover's coffin.

"You must be the famous Leroy Jethro Gibbs." Henry surmised, smugly. Tony couldn't place it, but, he definitely didn't like this guy. Even if he was Jai's father. He was way too smug for a man that had just attended his son's funeral.

"Guess so." Gibbs concluded, quietly, silently wishing for the man to just go away and let him grieve in peace.

"May I call you 'Lee'?" Henry inquired, before being silenced with a stare completely devoid of any emotion. "I'll take that as a 'no'." He surmised.

"Is there somethin' I can do for you, Mr. Wilcox?" Gibbs snapped. He was mentally and physically too drained to give a damn about pleasantries. And, he was definitely seeing why Jai wanted nothing to do with his father.

"Well, we never got to officially meet." Henry offered, lightly. "I wanted to get to know the man that managed to hold my son's heart for the last five years of his life." He elaborated.

"There was a reason we never met, Wilcox-" Gibbs began, before being cut off.

"Please!" Henry interjected, in a clearly feigned friendly tone. God, this guy is so fake! Tony thought to himself, disgusted with the man before them. "Call me 'Henry'." Henry added with a sickening grin. "After all … We're practically family."

"The only thing tying Jethro to you was incinerated by that carbomb!" Tony finally snapped, unable to contain his disgust any longer. "Sorry, Gibbs." He offered, lamely, realizing he may have overstepped some boundaries.

Not the only thing … Gibbs thought to himself as he, once again, fought the urge to caress his stomach as he thought of the new life he was developing. "'sokay, Tony." He offered, quietly. Truthfully, he appreciated the younger man's protectiveness over him. He'd always been able to count on Tony to have his back. It was one of the things he admired about Anthony DiNozzo Jr.

"Perhaps we can get together, sometime." Henry offered, feigning thoughtfulness. "Have lunch? … We can … share our memories of Jai?"

"Maybe." Gibbs replied, his voice clearly indicating that it was time for the man to leave.

"Well … Until then …" Henry concluded, taking his leave. "Gentlemen."

"That was Jai's dad?" Tony asked, dumbfounded. He couldn't have imagined anybody having a worse dad than his. Clearly, I was wrong.

"Unfortunately." Gibbs grunted. Unable to stand there and stare at his lover's tombstone, Gibbs just silently turned and proceeded to return to the car. Taking the older man's hint, Tony just turned and followed him.

Later that night, Tony returned to Gibbs' house with the Chinese take-out meals before delivering them to Gibbs' coffee table in the living room. "Dinner's ready." He offered, casually, as Gibbs joined him on the sofa. Tony wasn't sure exactly why Gibbs had allowed him to spend the day at the house – sometimes talking, sometimes listening, sometimes just sitting and holding the older man while cried. Tony knew hot much Gibbs hated showing vulnerability in front of others. So, he knew how big it was when Gibbs lowered his guards to let Tony see him cry. Whatever Gibbs' reasons were, he was just glad he could be there to help the older man.

Sitting down next to Tony on his living room sofa, Gibbs picked up his order and began to eat in silence. The day's events had left him drained and he just wanted to eat his dinner and get to bed. Tony had been unbelievably supportive and had stayed with him all day and he'd been grateful. The younger man had been incredibly patient as he listened to Gibbs ramble and even supported and held him as he'd cried through all of the pain and anger and even fear that he'd been trying to fight back. Now, he'd brought him dinner. Gibbs didn't know what he'd done to deserve this kind treatment but he was damn sure glad he did.

The dinner passed in a not-entirely-uncomfortable silence. Whether people realized this about Tony or not, he did know when to speak up and when to hold his tongue. And, he sensed that he needed to stay quiet and let Gibbs come to him. After they'd finished eating, Tony decided to step up and clear the dishes while Gibbs just sat and watched him. Tony could feel his stare on his back but – this time – he didn't mind. He was content to let Gibbs do whatever it was he felt like he needed to do.

When Tony stepped up to clear the remnants of their dinner, Gibbs just sat back on his sofa and watched Tony clearing the trash. He knew he should hate being coddled like he was. Maybe it was the hormones … Or maybe he was just too drained to care that he was being coddled. Either way, Leroy Jethro Gibbs just didn't seem to mind being coddled by Tony DiNozzo.

As Tony came back into the living room, he had been just about to check to see if Gibbs needed anything else when he watched a knock on the front door cause the normally stoic man to physically jolt. He cocked his head in a moment of confusion before Gibbs collected himself and rose off the couch to answer the door.

"Annie." Gibbs greeted his sister, though, his voice betrayed his exhaustion.

"Hey, Leroy." Annie replied, sympathetically, as she wrapped her brother up in a brief hug. "I just came by to see how you were doing." She added, as she pulled away. As she did so, she turned and saw the other man in the living room with him. "Oh! Hi." She greeted, surprised. "You're … Tony, right? Tony DiNozzo?" She queried, recalling that her brother had introduced her to the man at the funeral, earlier, that day.

"Yes." Tony confirmed as Gibbs and his sister rejoined him in the living room. "And, you're … Annie, right?"

"Yup." Annie confirmed, before Tony spoke, again.

"So, why did you leave the funeral so quick?" The young SFA questioned, before mentally giving himself a head-slap as he realized that his question might have been in poor taste. He just couldn't bite it back, any longer.

"Tony." Gibbs intervened in what he'd hoped was a warning tone even though he'd known how weak and tired it sounded – even to his own ears.

"No, it's okay, Leroy." Annie replied. Leroy?! Tony thought to himself. He supposed that being related to Gibbs came with certain privileges. She was the first person he'd ever seen get away with calling Gibbs 'Leroy'. Even he, himself, was only just able to get away with calling him 'Jethro' for the first time, that day. "I don't mind …." Annie continued on, refocusing her attention on Tony. "I am sorry about that, Agent DiNozzo." She added. "But, I'm also, currently, very involved in the investigation into Jai's murder. So, I had to get back to the office to try to figure out who killed the man that my brother loved." She added, carefully, omitting the part about the baby just in case Gibbs hadn't mentioned it to Tony, himself, yet.

"Oh." Tony replied, shamefully. I suppose that is a good excuse. He thought to himself, giving himself another mental head-slap. Dumbass.

"Is there any news?" Gibbs questioned. He knew it was early, but, he was desperate for answers and patience was a virtue that he was completely tapped out on, at the moment.

Annie looked back and forth between her brother and his SFA. She wasn't sure if she should divulge information pertaining to the investigation. Then, again … She really wasn't sure about how much information to even give her brother. God knows the man had already been through enough. He didn't need to know that his own baby sister was the prime suspect in the murder of his lover.

Gibbs could sense his sister's dilemma. "Anything you gotta say to me, you can say in fronta him." The elder Gibbs informed his sister, not wanting to wait any longer, as he gestured to Tony.

The gesture meant more to Tony than even he realized. It meant that Gibbs trusted him on levels he hadn't known about. That knowledge touched him deeply as he watched Annie nod in understanding before she joined them in the living as she spoke again.

"Well, I don't have as much to offer as I'd hoped." Annie confessed, defeatedly. "All I know for sure is that – officially – Jai's death is being explained, publicly, as an accident related to an automobile recall." Annie flinched, almost visibly, knowing that hearing what she'd just told them would make his blood boil. If there was anything he hated more than someone killing the man that he loved, it was somebody else lying about the aforementioned man's death.

"A cover-up?!" Tony demanded, nearly as incensed as Gibbs had been at the news. "What the hell-"

"It's standard procedure." Annie interjected, quickly. "Langley doesn't want to broadcast the fact that Jai was murdered because they don't want Metro sticking their noses into the investigation." She elaborated, blandly, almost clinically. "They want to handle the investigation completely in-house. Personally, I agree." She added, as an afterthought. "I don't know about you, but, I don't trust Metro as far as I could throw 'em." She added, crossing her arms over her chest.

Gibbs merely grunted in response as he slumped back down onto the center of the couch before Tony and Annie slumped down on either side of him. "Joan and Arthur know you're keepin' me updated on the investigation?" Gibbs questioned, curiously.

"Actually …" Annie drawled, uncomfortably. She hated hiding information from her brother, but, she just didn't have it in her to tell him she was being suspected of the murder. But, she did feel obligated to inform him that she'd been transferred to a new department. Doesn't mean he has to know why I was transferred. She thought to herself. And, frankly, Annie … You don't know for a fact that you're being transferred because they think you killed Jai. … That could just be your paranoia getting the better of you. She told herself, hoping against hope that her suspciions had been wrong. "I've been reassigned." She added, finally, biting the proverbial bullet.

"'Reassigned'?" Gibbs repeated, curiously.

"They transferred me to another unit." Annie replied, settling back into the sofa. "My new boss is a woman by the name of Lena Smith." She added, unsure of how to feel about the new assignment.

"'Lena Smith'?" Tony repeated, wrinkling his nose at the sound of the name on his lips. "'At's a spy's name if I ever heard one." He commented, off-handedly.

"Well, it is the CIA, DiNozzo." Gibbs grunted, quietly.

"She says she 'knows what I'm going through'." Annie replied, mocking her new boss's own words from earlier, that night. "Says she survived an explosion, herself." She added, snidely. "Yeah … That was exactly the same as witnessing the death of the man that your brother loved and then have to go and tell your brother that the man he loves is dead! Totally the same thing!" The young CIA operative spat, angrily. Tony looked at her with a note of sympathy. He didn't know how she could give Gibbs that news and still function. It would positively kill him to have to give Gibbs news like that. Sighing, lightly, Annie gently took her brother's hand in her own as she replied "Look, Leroy … I don't care who has a problem with it if I keep you in the loop during the investigation." She began, in all seriousness. "You will know exactly what I know as I know it." She finished.

"I know." Gibbs replied, hating the audible trembling in his voicem as he tiredly squeezed the hand that held his own.

"What if they take ya off the case?" Tony questioned, curiously. He didn't think Gibbs would be able to handle it if Annie were no longer able to provide him with answers as to who murdered the man that he loved.

"Doesn't matter." Annie replied, determined. "Even if they take me off the official investigation. Joan knows me well enough to know that I'll just start my own … off the books." She added, simply.

Watching the exchange between the Gibbs siblings, Tony couldn't deny the similarities. They were both equally stubborn and both damn good at their jobs. He also had to admit that he'd been wrong in his previous judgment of the younger Gibbs. She certainly did seem to care about her older brother. Tony was glad to see that Gibbs had someone like her in his life. He was gonna need it.

Sensing that her brother was physically and mentally spent, Annie figured she'd better slip out and let him try to get some rest. And, before she accidentally let any information slip that she did not want to slip. "Well, I gotta get outta here. Lena runs a tight ship and she wants me to go in, early, tomorrow." She added, rising from the couch as her brother and Tony joined her.

"'m glad you stopped by, Annie." Gibbs muttered, sounding every bit as lost as he felt, as he wrapped his arms around Annie in a gesture that was half-hug, half-clinging to a life preserver. Holding in his sister's arms helped anchor him – brought him back to reality.

"Me, too, Leroy." Annie replied, though, muffled by her brother's shoulder, as she gently rubbed soothing circles on his back. "Me, too." She added, before turning in to her brother's ear as she lowered her voice to a whisper. "Hang in there, bro … Don't be afraid to let Tony in … Let him help you." She whispered, gently squeezing before she added two more final words. "Tell him." There was no need to elaborate on what 'Tell him' meant.

Gibbs just nodded, mutely, as he clung to his sister a moment longer. "I love you, Annie." Gibbs muttered, shakily.

"I love you, too, Leroy." Annie replied, pulling away before the dam broke and she lost her composure.

After saying her goodbyes, Annie let herself out. Standing on the opposite side of the door, she let herself lean back against the door, silently, as she thought about the information she'd withheld from her brother. "By the way, Leroy … Funny thing … Langley thinks I'm the one that killed Jai." She muttered so quietly that only she could hear before pushing herself away from the door and returning to her car.

"'m goin' to bed." Gibbs spoke around a large yawn – stretching his tired and aching muscles.

"Oh … Okay, then." Tony replied, chastising himself for not realizing that this moment would come sooner or later. Eventually, Gibbs would want to go to bed and he'd have to leave. "I'll just, uh … Just see myself out, then." He added, proceeding toward the door. That is … Until a desperate hand clamped down on his arm – halting him in place, causing him to turn his head around to face the older man. The look of pure and utter desperation in the older man's piercing blue eyes paralyzed him to the spot.

"Don't go." Gibbs spoke, desperately. "Stay … Please." He all but begged. If the thought had occurred to him, he likely would have gotten down on his hands and knees and begged, properly, if that was what the younger man wanted of him. "I need you." He muttered, brokenly.

"Jethro …" Tony ventured, daring to use the man's first name. "I will stay by your side until you order me away." He added, hoping and praying to whatever deity may have been listening that his sincerity was shining through his eyes and his voice. Fortunately, he seemed to have gotten his point across as Gibbs just nodded in silent relief before leading the younger man up to his bedroom.

Once they'd stripped down and changed for bed, Gibbs had a million thoughts racing through his mind. He wanted to tell Tony about the baby. But, truthfully, he was just too tired, right now. Tomorrow. He promised himself as he settled himself in underneath the blankets. He wasn't sure how to feel about Tony sleeping in Jai's place in their bed so soon after his death. But, he damn sure knew he couldn't handle the thought of sleeping in that bed, alone. Watching as the younger man slid into the bed, he noticed the way he climbed in careful not to get too close and crowd the older man. Under normal circumstances, Gibbs would have been grateful for the space. But, right now, he needed to be touched. Held. Comforted. Soothed. He needed DiNozzo. So, once the younger man seemed settled, Gibbs scooted himself back up against him until their bodies were pressed flush, together.

Unprepared for the sudden, physical, contact, Tony blushed ever so slightly as he immediately focused all of his concentration toward keeping his erection at bay. The feeling of having Gibbs pressed flush against him, like this – so intimately – was driving him utterly insane. Or, at least it would have if this were his fantasies. But, this wasn't a fantasy. This was reality. And, the reality was that Gibbs was hurting and in need of physical comfort. Understanding this, Tony wrapped his arms around Gibbs, securely, hoping he was providing what the older man needed. "How's that?" Tony asked, clearing his throat, awkwardly.

"'s fine." Gibbs muttered, shakily, trying desperately to fight back the tears.

"Good." Tony added, freeing up one of his hands to gently card his fingers through the older man's silver hair. My precious silver fox. He thought to himself, sadly, as he subconsciously pressed a gentle kiss to the older man's shoulder. Shit! He thought to himself, in a panic, praying that Gibbs wouldn't notice the kiss. But, if he did – thank God – he didn't say anything. "Good night, Gibbs." He offered, quietly, hating the way it felt as Gibbs' body vibrated with quiet sobs.

"G'night, Tony." Gibbs muttered, quietly, his voice thick and watery as the tears that he'd been fighting back came bursting through his dam at the feeling of Tony's lips against his shoulders. The touch brought back memories of all the times he'd shared that very same bed with Jai. The touch felt so similar to Jai's. So familiar. The tears were burning hot trails down his cheeks and rapidly soaking his pillow. He just didn't have it in him to contain himself, any more, as the tears continued flowing freely as he slowly cried himself to sleep.

Author's Note:

Once again, please don't forget to drop a review! I hope you're all enjoying reading this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it!