Chapter Two- Can't Look Back



I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

____________________________________________________



Amanda. Heh, last week she was just 'that girl in math class' but now she's '*the* girl'... Which is nice, in a strange way. She didn't question my looks, although she did recoil tonight.... Schiesse, I am *so* confused right now. Nothing really made any sense since Tabitha left....

Now Tabitha is another story. She is just so....just so, well, to be blunt, she is the non-commited type, if you catch my meaning. She *flirted* with everyone with no sense of pride, no innocence. She would be perfect for Lance. Pushy, gets what she wants, use-abuse-trash 'em..... Maybe I judged Lance wrong. But I know Tabitha. And I wish I didn't.

Now to the source of my problems, my world, and my flirting schedule. Kitty. Untouchable. Half the time I am around her my mind screams 'Angel! Beautiful! Smells nice! Tastes nice? Probably, why not find out....?' while on the other side of my brain some demon screams, ' NO! Innocent! STAY AWAY! Touch her with one furry finger and you'll regret it, freak!' I hate that side of my brain. I know it's right. I'll let Lance touch her, hold her, love her.... But all the while he does my brain seems contented while my heart is trying to harm Lance in all ways possible with a baseball bat. But it's in those times that little voice says- 'Maybe I was wrong....He is more a monster than you...' I hate that voice.

____________________________________________________



I woke up the next morning mangled up within a cucoon of blankets, and instantly wished I hadn't. "Like, Lance! You are so crude! Like, I'll remember. Banana chapstick or Strawberry? Why? I *need* to know your fave flavor, silly! Why? You're gonna have to find out, baby........." And that is why I hate my room being right next to Kitty's. Her telephone schedule is always: Lance, Lance, Lance... I walked over to the caller I.D. on my desk and flipped through it, ever the nosy one.



Lance, Lance, Lance, Lance, Lance, Pietro's cell...hm, gonna have to check up on *that* one....I flipped some more, and one from this morning caught my eye. Amanda- Personal Line. I felt my chest constrict. Amanda... Memories of last night flooded into my mind as I picked up the phone, preparing to kick Kitty off. I needed to talk to *Amanda*.

______________________________________________________



-Flashback-



"So now I know why you always smell like Citre Shine...." Amanda purred, sipping her milk shake. I grinned at her over my triple chocolate chocolate death bomb and nodded, noticing how Amanda was *actually* eating. Unlike Kitty or Tabitha, who were both bone thin. Kurt was impressed, she didn't care about her weight for him... He decided to test her a bit, just to be sure. "So, Amanda, do you like gut bombs?" Amanda's eyes widened and she swollowed her sip of milklshake, smiling as she licked off her milk- mustache. "Do I! I *love* gut-bombs! I pick one up before school everyday!" Kurt grinned crazily and raised his arms to the sky, ice cream long gone. "Really? So do I! Maybe iI could walk you there sometime....?" The question just lingered and both were eager to change the pace of the conversation.



"Um, Amanda, I've been meaning to ask you..." Kurt muttered, looking everywhere but at her. Amanda braced herself, taking in a breath. "What?" Kurt fidgeted uncomfotably for a minute, before answering, "Why do you like me? I mean, it's not natural...." Amanda reached across the table and took his hands in hers. "Because it feels like I've known you forever, Kurt. Like we were meant to be in another world...."

I was speechless.

______________________________________________



I hung up the phone, not having the heart to kick Kitty off. Instead, I grabbed my jacket. I knew where Amanda's house was. I walked her home after the ice cream and could port there easily. I hesitated as Kitty's voice drifted into my ears, her tone fluctuating rapidly between excitement and something else. "But Lance, when I see you this afternoon I have to warn you....I haven't done this before...." Something in me snapped and something healed. I pulled on my jacket and ported to Amanda's house without thinking, I had to get away from Kitty.



________________________________________________________



AN: Yes, set after Shadow Dance. The episode was alright, but too much Rogue/Risty insinuation *shivers*. Please Reveiw, I want to make this a constant story. Oh, I'll update everything (EVERYTHING) else soon.