A/N: Ok so! I'm not sure what the posting schedule will be for this fic. Nor do I know how long it will be, yet. I'm hoping for it to be weekly updates, but given my schedule it could be Fridays, Saturdays or Sundays. Weekends, basically. I tend to write chapters out of order the moment a scene comes to me, and then go back and connect with filler chapters later. I know, I know, weird method but it's what keeps me from getting discouraged when I reach a brain fart.

Anywho, read and review!

Chapter 2

Viktor wasn't bluffing. I don't know if he called off the shoot or if he rushed it, but whatever magic he worked, he was able to arrive home by late afternoon the following day. I am in our bedroom when he arrives. I'm still in pajamas, still in the bed, curled up among the down sheets and guilt. Yuri and Viktor speak in hushed tones, making it incredibly hard to hear whatever is being said in the living room. It doesn't help that their Russian seems to flying at a thousand miles per hour. I just cannot keep up, though I hear my name said enough times to know I am the topic of discussion. With a sigh I roll over and pull the sheets over my head, closing my eyes and tuning them out.

I'm not sure when I dozed off, but when I awoke again the sun was setting. Had I literally slept the entire day?

Whereas earlier I could hear the muttering of two different voices in conversation beyond the door of our bedroom, now it's just silence. Silently, I exit the bedroom and head down the short flight of stairs to find Viktor is sitting alone in the kitchen, a cup of forgotten tea in front of him. He's staring blankly into the mug, lips turned downward and the center of his platinum brows wrinkled in that way it tended to when lost in thought. By the lack of rising steam, I can only assume the tea had gone cold a long time ago.

"D-did you...want me to... heat that up for you..?" I ask, softly trying to get his attention.

It works. He snaps to almost immediately, as though the sound of my voice physically yanked him from the innermost parts of his own mind. A tired smile graced his features to replace the frown there a moment ago. When was the last time he'd properly slept?

"I'm sorry I didn't come upstairs sooner, you were sleeping so soundly that I did not want to wake you," he replies just as softly, as though he's afraid I may break should he up the volume. Rising from his seat, he gives a contemplative look to the tea cup before picking it up and dumping its contents into the sink. His back is to me while he washes. That's his thing, being the neat freak between us. As soon as he uses something he has to wash it immediately, even though we have a dishwasher.

"Yuratchka returned home already," he explains. "His daughter fell ill while at daycare and he needed to tend to her so Otabek could attend practice."

Ah, so that explained the missing blonde. I simply nod and gingerly move toward the living area. The floor is an open plan, making it easy for us to see and hear each other as I lower gingerly onto the couch.

I sigh. "Hey, Viktor, you know you didn't need to drop everything just for me, right? I could have survived another few days and waited patiently..."

"You might have been able to survive a few more days, but it probably would have driven me mad first."

The sincere confession makes my cheeks warm and I duck my head in embarrassment...and guilt. I don't deserve this kind of love. "How much did Yuri tell you?"

The sound of the faucet turns off. "Everything."

I slump immediately. "I'm so sorry..."

Viktor dries his hands off on the kitchen towel before coming into the livingroom. He sits in the space beside me on the couch and tugs me against him. "Hey, hey," he says, frowning down at me, "You have nothing to apologize for. You couldn't have known this would happen."

I don't buy it and shake my head, but before I can damn myself even more he interrupts with simple hard facts.

"Yuuri. It was a placental abruption. This happened last time, and they warned us you would always be at risk for abruptions as a result. We hoped for the best while knowing the risks, but it was a risk we were willing to take."

And of course it all makes sense. It's science. It's proven. I relax just a smidge and bury my face into his neck, inhaling deeply. It's so calming, his scent. He's probably blasting calming pheromones on purpose."I'm sorry I made you come back from your project so early," I mutter against his skin.

I only feel him shake his head. "Nonsense, they had enough takes to allow my leaving. Besides, it was an emergency. How are you feeling, by the way?"

I shrug. "A little sore. It will pass."

Viktor sighs and rubs my hand, thumbing the ring on my finger. He's quiet for a while and I know that when he gets this way he's usually thinking long and hard about something. I know better than to interrupt him when he gets this way. In the beginning I used to demand he tell me what's on his mind, but I've learned it's better to give him a moment to sort his thoughts before he airs them on his own.

He clears his throat as expected, and I make sure I'm fully alert to pay attention. "Yuuri...perhaps we will not be so lucky to have children. Perhaps we should look into surrogacy, or adoption-"

"No!" I shove away from him and look at his surprised face from my reaction. "No," I say again, but my voice cracks, and I see the precise moment when regret settles into Viktor's face. He reaches out but I bat his hand away, shaking my head.

"Yuuri, it is norm-"

"I want to try again. Let's try again," I interrupt once more. Viktor looks pained at my request, which completely throws me off. Why does he look so pained? Is what I ask for so farfetched?

In the same vein of thought I answer my own question.

Oh. Oh.

"You...think I'm asking for the impossible," I say. And I pull away from him as though I'd been burned. The act makes him cringe but I don't care. "You would rather make a child with someone else who isn't me!"

Viktor narrows his brows. "That is not what I said."

"That's exactly what it sounds like!"

"Yuuri, enough!"

That is a direct order, and I immediately bow my head at the bark. So rarely does he raise his voice that every time he does, it immediately brings me to heel. My hands are twisting into the sheets still covering me, knuckles white from the pressure. It's quiet now, the only sound between us being Viktor's heavy breathing. He's upset. Very, very upset.

With me.

I slump again and cover my face. "I'm sorry. I just...can we please try one more time?"

He doesn't answer for a long time, and I don't have to look up to know he's giving me a long, regarding look. Viktor is aging. He wants a family of his own. He told me that long before we were ever married. It's hard to remember sometimes that there is an age-difference between us, so his mental space is so very different from mine.

"Vitya, please."

His sigh makes me think he's going to reject my request, and the long silence following causes me to sag under the weight of perceived defeat. He's my Alpha. It's not as if I could really have a choice if he was adamant about getting a child through other means.

"It pains me so much more than you realize," he begins to explain. "Knowing you physically ache. Knowing you mentally and emotionally ache everytime we lose a child... It hurts you, but it hurts me, too, to watch on so hopelessly."

When he explains it like that, I find myself feeling almost selfish for asking him to endure the possibility one more time. But I lift my eyes up to his face, mine pleading with his tentative ones. When he pulls me close to him again I shove my nose into his neck as he grips me protectively.

"When you've healed," he says, "we can try again. If anything happens we must just accept it is not meant to be. No more arguing. Okay?"

"Okay," I whisper. One shot. I've got one shot to prove to everyone that I can do this. And God help me if I fail.

I don't think I could live with myself if I did.

A/N: WOW. Okay, that was intense. I was blasting intense music though soooo...that probably explains it xD

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