Chapter 2 – Regardless
Oikawa's Song:
Give me all of you into the night time
Looking for a heart to be with my body
- "Regardless", Jarryd James
...
Iwaizumi's Song:
I'll be okay
Is that what you want me to say?
- "The Last Something That Meant Anything", Mayday Parade
Iwaizumi was awoken by a draft of cool air and the slide of a warm body against his own. He was not surprised his usually hyperaware senses did not alert him to the extra presence in his bedchamber sooner. His subconscious was completely attuned to the sound of Oikawa's footsteps, the way his body moved through the air, the timbre of his breath, by this point. So he, still in that suspension between awake and asleep, immediately turned over and hugged Oikawa's lithe body to his chest, curling around him protectively.
"You've been avoiding me, Iwa-chan," Oikawa whispered accusingly into the heavy darkness, his voice muffled by the skin of Iwaizumi's chest.
Iwaizumi swallowed deeply, guiltily. "I know," he said as he ran his nose through Oikawa's silky hair.
"For five days," Oikawa continued, his flat tone failing to disguise his hurt. Iwaizumi felt it in the way Oikawa squeezed his waist, in the way he pressed his forehead against him, in the way he trembled.
Iwaizumi inhaled and exhaled deeply. Five days was a long time to only talk to Oikawa when it involved his duties, to ignore his every nightly summon, to decline his every overture to talk about anything that wasn't expressly to do with Oikawa's schedule and safety arrangements. He'd known he was hurting Oikawa by doing so, that Oikawa hadn't understood why he was being punished for something he couldn't help…but that wasn't it. That wasn't why Iwaizumi had avoided him.
"I know. I'm sorry."
He could have told Oikawa then how the night Oikawa had told him of his impending marriage, Iwaizumi had entered a state of shock that had allowed him to get through the night, to finish making love to Oikawa, to sleep with him, by his side, holding him. He could have told Oikawa how that state had only lasted until the next morning when he had emerged from Oikawa's bedchamber shaking violently. He could have told Oikawa how he'd only managed to get as far as barracks' common area before he'd collapsed against the wall. He could have told Oikawa how Matsukawa and Hanamaki had found him there, grasping at his chest because it felt like a gaping wound. He could have told Oikawa that he'd avoided him because he'd been afraid the same thing would happen if he allowed himself to think of the engagement for a second, that Oikawa was too poignant a reminder. But he didn't, because it had been selfish of Iwaizumi to avoid him. Because he was ashamed he'd been so weak. Because those words were a burden Oikawa didn't need to bear.
"You don't hate me?" Oikawa said quietly, his voice small and defeated. Iwaizumi closed his eyes against the tears threatening to form. He hated that he'd made Oikawa this way, caused him to doubt his loyalty.
So he kissed Oikawa's forehead and said, firmly, "Idiot. I could never hate you. I was being stupid. But I'm okay now, I promise."
"You're okay?"
No. Not at all. But I will be, because you need me to be. I will be strong for you. To make this easier for you.
But Iwaizumi didn't say all of that, because Oikawa didn't need to hear that either. Instead, he simply said, "Yeah. I'm okay."
Oikawa trailed his fingers down the bristly skin of Iwaizumi's cheek and brushed his knuckles along the hard line of his jaw, as he did every night Iwaizumi slept beside him. He knew Iwaizumi woke before dawn so he could do the same to Oikawa, could trace the lines of his face. So Oikawa had figured out long ago that he'd just have to wake up even earlier to do the same before drifting back off to sleep, Iwaizumi none the wiser. He'd always hated it when Oikawa stared at him, even though his furious blushes and endearing shyness always made Oikawa want to do it more. At least this way Oikawa could stare and touch to his heart's content, bask in the knowledge that Iwaizumi was still with him, still his. That Oikawa was the only one who was allowed to do this.
Iwaizumi looked softer when he slept, almost like a child. But his sun-darkened skin, roughened by years exposed to all the elements, and the small scar that marred his left temple always dispelled the image. Oikawa had always been fascinated by the contrast. And not just the physical contrast.
Iwaizumi was a contradiction. Such a hard man on the surface, forever scowling and grumbling, stubborn as a mule, yet anyone who knew anything about him at all would always say what a good man he was, how kind, how thoughtful, how infinitely patient. Slow to anger – well, except when it came to Oikawa – and quick to forgive. A complete pushover if you pulled at the right heartstrings but unshakeable in his morality and pride.
And he was the complete opposite of Oikawa, who looked as though he was the embodiment of all that was good in the world, but whose inner depths belied a propensity towards selfishness, pettiness and more than a hint of maliciousness, particularly if someone crossed him or those he loved. And yet Iwaizumi loved him anyway, loved him not only despite Oikawa's flaws but because of them.
He truly is a wonder of a human being, Oikawa thought as he rubbed his thumb along the crease of Iwaizumi's lips and smoothed across the now-invisible lines between Iwaizumi's brows. And so beautiful.
Everyone had always called Oikawa the beautiful one and Oikawa had always agreed, but his beauty was superficial and empty. His was the beauty anyone with the right luck could have, the beauty that better belonged on something cold and unmoving, like a statue. Iwaizumi's beauty went beyond that; it was deeper, warmer, more dynamic. It was in the way his nose was a little too broad, in the way his eyes were a little too small, in the way his lips were a little too fine, in the way his hair refused to flatten even after a whole day of being squashed under a helmet. Iwaizumi's beauty was in his imperfections, in those things that made him authentically him. Oikawa was forever grateful he was the only one who could take advantage of it, because far too many people noticed it.
Far too many people's eyes lingered on Iwaizumi's sure movements, stood to attention when he spoke with his deep rumble of a voice, flushed the rare times he smiled. Oikawa resented every smile Iwaizumi gave to someone who wasn't him, because seeing Iwaizumi smile was like witnessing a bright morning sunrise after a dark, stormy night. Beautiful in the contrast and its sheer rarity. It transformed him from merely attractive to truly stunning.
Oikawa had made a habit of scoffing at all the people who tripped over their words in the face of that smile, as though he himself wasn't just as susceptible to it. Iwaizumi, dense as always about his effect on people, didn't notice it at all, which made him all the more alluring to those around him. Even if they didn't recognise it for what it was, too many people wanted to bask in the light that was Iwaizumi Hajime, gravitated towards him, wanted him for themselves.
But he's mine, Oikawa thought as his hand fisted in the sheets between their bodies. Sometimes the extent of his feelings for Iwaizumi frightened him, so aware was he of the lengths he would go to protect this man from harm. And yet it's me who causes him the most of it.
Oikawa knew Iwaizumi wasn't okay. He knew he'd try to be, but that he'd fail. At least at first. And Oikawa was terrified of the day Iwaizumi would be okay with Oikawa not being wholly his anymore. Because if the situations were reversed, Oikawa would never be okay with it. Never.
That was another area he and Iwaizumi differed. Iwaizumi's love was pure and selfless. He wouldn't try to be okay with Oikawa's marriage because he wanted to be for himself, but because he thought it'd make things easier on Oikawa.
Oikawa's love, conversely, was selfish and twisted. He would never be okay with Iwaizumi not being wholly his because Iwaizumi was his, always would be. Had to be. Not because Oikawa saw him as a possession, but because Oikawa had always been the number one person in Iwaizumi's life. So Oikawa wanted to possess every area of Iwaizumi's life – from his duties to his bed – so that position was never threatened. He didn't know how to exist any other way. Second best was not enough, not at all acceptable to him.
So he could only be grateful that he was the prince in this equation, that he was the one who had the power to push Iwaizumi until his defences crumbled. They never would have gotten anywhere if the roles were reversed, if Oikawa hadn't been able to order Iwaizumi to his tent that first night, hadn't been able to order Iwaizumi to his bed ever since, knowing Iwaizumi wanted to come but wouldn't let himself do so without being specifically instructed.
He could only be grateful that, as distasteful as the thought of it was, he was the one getting married. Because as much as he didn't want to do it, he would. He could. He could shower false affection on his bride, take her to bed and produce the required heir without thinking too much about it. He'd do his duty and still devote himself to Iwaizumi in every other way. He could split himself in two, divide his priorities and Iwaizumi would accept it for what it was, as he always had. But Iwaizumi would not have been able to do what Oikawa could, and Oikawa would not have been able to watch him do it, would never be content with not being Iwaizumi's sole and highest priority.
And if that made him a terrible person, so be it. He tried to balance it out by being an attentive crown prince, by caring for his subjects' wellbeing, by fighting hard and smart in every battle to prevent unnecessary deaths, by ensuring peace was reached between Aoba Johsai and Karasuno, by striving harder and harder every day to be the best leader he could be for their country. He would have done these things anyway – he was in his blood to want to succeed, to be the best – but it had the additional bonus of offsetting what Iwaizumi referred to as his terrible personality.
A terrible personality that thanked God for deigning it fit to saddle Iwaizumi with Oikawa since birth, despite all the hardships he'd caused him over these past two decades. A terrible personality that thanked God Iwaizumi had turned out to be only sexually attracted to men, so Oikawa never had to worry about Iwaizumi having a family of his own one day. A terrible personality that had forced Iwaizumi to hear him bed women for two years, simply because Oikawa had needed the reassurance that Iwaizumi's heart wasn't faltering, and that it wouldn't despite whatever hell Oikawa put him through.
In what universe does someone like me deserve you? Oikawa smiled wryly and closed his eyes to settle back into sleep, comforted by the thought that Iwaizumi wasn't aware of just how much he was worth so maybe Oikawa could keep him forever.
Oikawa didn't wake to an empty bed as he usually did when he and Iwaizumi spent the night together. Instead, he woke to hot breath against the back of his neck and a finger slick with balm pressing against his entrance.
"Iwa -" Oikawa began before his voice was abruptly cut off by a moan as that finger pushed inside him.
"Shhh…" Iwaizumi whispered into his ear before biting it. Oikawa buried his face in the bicep curled under his head to stifle his gasp. As Iwaizumi's finger began to move in and out Oikawa rolled forward enough so his now raging erection found some much-needed stimulation against the rough bedsheets. It was the first time Oikawa felt grateful he wasn't sleeping on silk sheets – none of those to be found in the army barracks.
Oikawa desperately grasped at the sheets beneath him as Iwaizumi added a second finger. He was now far beyond the point of caring why Iwaizumi was doing this so uncharacteristically. They'd never done such a thing in the morning – usually Iwaizumi was long gone. Then again, usually they weren't in Iwaizumi's room.
Oikawa hips jerked as Iwaizumi hit that one spot that always made Oikawa wild with want and Iwaizumi pressed open-mouthed kisses along Oikawa's shoulders and neck. He felt that familiar desperation claw at his hollow insides and bit down into Iwaizumi's bicep when Iwaizumi added a third finger, stretching Oikawa wide. Iwaizumi gasped in pain and pressed hard against that spot in a reprimand that felt more like a reward. Oikawa's cock rubbed sticky wetness into the sheets as he writhed and trembled, straining for more. Always more, when it came to Iwaizumi.
Iwaizumi, knowing Oikawa's body as well as he did, knowing the meaning of every different breath and sigh and gasp and moan, shifted his body to prepare to give Oikawa what he craved, what he always craved. More of Iwaizumi. Everything he could get.
Iwaizumi's knee slid between Oikawa's legs and lifted to open him up. Oikawa inhaled deeply through his nose as the movement caused his entrance to gape in a way it hadn't before. Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa against the firm, burning skin of his chest, braced Oikawa's thigh with his large, capable hand, wrapped his other arm around Oikawa's chest and drove into Oikawa in one thrust.
Oikawa eyes closed in relief at finally being filled again, finally having Iwaizumi where he belonged, finally feeling complete again, as he did every time Iwaizumi sunk inside him like he was coming home. Oikawa's body should have been stiff with disuse but instead it relaxed around Iwaizumi, accepting him, holding him.
This is where he belongs, Oikawa thought as Iwaizumi bit into his shoulder, as he anchored himself in and around Oikawa. He never felt as safe as he did right then, with Iwaizumi surrounding him like a shield, filling all his empty spaces, soothing his perpetual restlessness. Oikawa only ever felt still, his mind only ever went silent, when he was with Iwaizumi like this.
Iwaizumi's hand left Oikawa's thigh to grip his aching length and he stroked Oikawa leisurely, in time with his deep thrusts. Oikawa liked it this way best, when Iwaizumi never left his body, when he and Iwaizumi writhed against each other in a bid to get as deep as possible. Oikawa wanted to feel Iwaizumi's imprint on his insides, wanted Iwaizumi's mark on every part of himself, wanted to be completely consumed. He never had done obsession half-heartedly.
Oikawa raised his arm behind him to fist into Iwaizumi's hair, gripping the short strands tightly and pulling. Iwaizumi moaned deeply against his skin and held Oikawa tighter, thrust deeper, his hand's pace on Oikawa's length quickening. A satisfied smile flitted across Oikawa's face. He would never accept anything less than everything Iwaizumi had to give.
Oikawa breathed and focused on every feeling, every sound, every touch, every sensation. The urgency residing just under the surface of their passion unsettled him. Iwaizumi's grip on his shoulder was a touch too crushing, the flex of his hips a touch too frantic. Oikawa found himself caught up in it as slow turned into quick, as giving turned into taking.
Pleasure climbed rapidly towards its crescendo as they moved violently against each other, as they grasped at each other wildly, as passion overtook all forms of thought and sense, unhinged their baser instincts. Oikawa came first, hips stuttering as he gasped and spilled all over Iwaizumi's hand. Iwaizumi followed close behind, moaning low and deep, and Oikawa experienced a pang of regret that he couldn't see Iwaizumi's face as he did so, because Iwaizumi climaxing looked just as good as Iwaizumi smiling. It was better, even, because unlike Iwaizumi's smile Oikawa was the only one who'd ever seen it. The only one who ever would.
They slowly relaxed against each other as their spasms faded, loosening grips and untangling limbs. Oikawa winced and suppressed a sad sigh as Iwaizumi slowly withdrew from him. That was always his least favourite bit, the feeling of Iwaizumi leaving. He disliked the symbolism his mind had decided to attribute it, especially now that it was more pressing than ever before.
Iwaizumi rolled over onto his back as Oikawa gingerly sat up. He was going to be sore for days after that. Good, he thought with a small smile. He liked it best when there was a reminder in every movement.
"Morning," Iwaizumi said with a smile playing on his lips and eyes full of humour and light. Oikawa felt his lips tilt upwards in answer and all thoughts of questioning Iwaizumi's uncharacteristic actions were immediately abandoned. Getting Iwaizumi into a light mood was as difficult as pushing a boulder up a hill and getting him out of it was as easy as pushing it down the other side. Oikawa didn't want to upset the balance on the top of the hill. He decided it didn't matter why Iwaizumi had done it, why his actions had been urgent and frantic, because nothing could possibly be bad if it made Iwaizumi smile.
Besides, Oikawa had an inkling Iwaizumi had done it because Oikawa was meeting his future wife that day. He had an inkling Iwaizumi had wanted him to feel the ghost of Iwaizumi inside him when he walked forward to greet his bride-to-be, to feel a twinge of pain from the bite on his shoulder as he bowed to kiss her outstretched hand.
Oikawa's smile grew as it slowly transformed from one of affection to one of sly satisfaction. Iwaizumi had never shown any signs of possessiveness or jealousy before, despite all of Oikawa's best attempts to pull it out of him. It was never fun being the only possessive one. But then his smile dropped completely as he remembered why – Oikawa was getting married. Perhaps Iwaizumi was only feeling so possessive and jealous because he thought their relationship would change after the wedding. Oikawa frowned; Iwaizumi did have some very traditional views on marriage, no doubt due to his parents' mess of one.
Oikawa had never had a problem respecting Iwaizumi's feelings on the matter because he respected Iwaizumi and wanted Iwaizumi to respect him…and he also hadn't wanted to be punched again. Besides, no longer sleeping with married women hadn't been a problem because there had always been plenty of unattached ones. And that had all stopped once he'd first taken Iwaizumi inside him anyway. As much as he loved women and their soft, curving bodies he'd known none of them could compare anymore, none of them could give him what Iwaizumi did. And he hadn't needed them anymore anyway – he'd gotten what he wanted.
Well, almost. Iwaizumi had still held back, but that had been okay because Oikawa knew Iwaizumi wouldn't allow himself to come to Oikawa otherwise. The reason why he'd held back had never bothered Oikawa until now. Until he realised that Iwaizumi had held himself back because of this. Because Oikawa would be married. Because Iwaizumi likely assumed they'd stop after that happened and had wanted to ensure he was able to let go, move on. Be okay.
Oikawa scowled. He didn't like that. Not one bit. He also didn't like that he was questioning his next natural course of action. Usually he'd have no compunctions about steamrolling over Iwaizumi's hesitance, but he only did that when Iwaizumi was being unnecessarily stubborn. Like when he'd refused to do anything about his feelings for two whole years, despite all of Oikawa's pushing and prodding. But this? This felt like something else. Something more. It felt like it was maybe in the same category as why Oikawa had never asked Iwaizumi to make love to him until the night he'd found out about his engagement, had forced himself to be satisfied with mere fucking.
And if it was it meant Oikawa would have to let Iwaizumi make up his own mind about what their relationship would be after his marriage. And if he did that there was a very big chance Iwaizumi would choose his blasted high road over Oikawa.
"You look like you've swallowed something unpleasant," Iwaizumi said with a half-smile as he looked up at Oikawa from his back, hands casually resting behind his head.
Oikawa flushed as he realised he'd gotten stuck in his head again and Iwaizumi had likely been watching the whole process. He turned a sharp grin on him. "But I haven't swallowed Iwa-chan's come in years."
Iwaizumi scowled immediately and reached up to squash Oikawa's face between his fingers. "Want to try that again, Assikawa?" he growled.
"Careful, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa whined through forcefully puckered lips. "This face is a national treasure, you know."
"I'll punch you," Iwaizumi threatened darkly. But he also let go. Oikawa smirked; he knew how much Iwaizumi secretly liked his face.
"What did I just say, Iwa-chan? You should work on your listening skills. You have to have something going for you."
"Do you need all your fingers? My sword's just over there."
Oikawa gasped and clasped his hands against his chest protectively. "But Iwa-chan loves my hands!"
Iwaizumi looked at him blankly. "I love the idea of there being less of you in the world more."
"Mean!"
"Hm…" Iwaizumi feigned thoughtfulness as he tapped a finger on his lips. "Maybe I could just slowly chip away at you over time so that nobody notices until all that's left is that useless face of yours."
Oikawa grinned darkly. "Useless? But you can still fuck a face."
Iwaizumi turned bright red and hit Oikawa with his pillow. Oikawa laughed loudly. He loved how Iwaizumi shifted from shameless during their carnal activities to modest and bashful directly afterwards so radically. He also loved a blushing Iwaizumi. Blushing Iwaizumi was the cutest.
"You are such trash," Iwaizumi grumbled, obviously trying to fight off the redness in his cheeks.
"What I am, Iwa-chan, is late," Oikawa sang as he hopped out of the bed and cleaned himself with water from the basin fortunately in Iwaizumi's room. "I'm expected to eat breakfast, wash, and be dressed and ready in two hours. I know my perfection is usually effortless, but I suppose Father wants me to strive for new levels of it today."
"If only you didn't strive for new levels of vanity too," Iwaizumi sighed as he left the bed and quickly wiped himself over. He glanced out the window to ascertain the position of the sun. Oikawa had always found it impressive that Iwaizumi was able to tell the time of day by the sun, but he'd never let Iwaizumi know that of course. "Kunimi and Kindaichi should be here around about now. I'm sure Matsukawa and Hanamaki told them where you are."
Oikawa shrugged carelessly and started dressing himself. He didn't really much care about the details; it was Iwaizumi's job to worry about them, not Oikawa's. And he liked all his personal guards – that's why he'd handpicked them. Though Oikawa had noticed that lately Kindaichi had been getting uncharacteristically flustered every time Iwaizumi spoke to him…
"Speaking of…" Iwaizumi started to say and Oikawa immediately stood to attention. It was the type of tone one did not ignore if one knew what was good for them. "Don't come to the barracks again. It's troublesome and dangerous."
Oikawa decided to risk his life by narrowing his eyes at Iwaizumi in defiance. "Then don't ignore me again."
Oikawa had expected Iwaizumi to brush his words off and growl at him some more – or potentially follow through on that sword threat – but instead his face softened. He walked up to Oikawa and did up the last few ornate buttons on his coat.
"I know. I won't. I promise."
Oikawa relaxed. Iwaizumi always kept his promises. "It doesn't feel right when you're not with me, Hajime," Oikawa said quietly.
Iwaizumi met Oikawa's eyes in surprise. Oikawa knew why. He was flirting with Iwaizumi's no-go zone, using Iwaizumi's first name and openly hinting at what they were to each other. Oikawa found he didn't care much right then. What did such meaningless boundaries matter in face of everything else that was happening to them? What was even the point anymore?
"Oikawa…" Iwaizumi started to say, his voice hesitant and unsure. Then a knock sounded on the door.
Oikawa sighed as Iwaizumi immediately snapped into Captain of the Royal Guard mode. He wouldn't be getting anything out of him now.
"I'll see you later, Iwa-chan." Oikawa brushed his knuckles lightly along Iwaizumi's cheek. He turned to leave and heard Iwaizumi inhale a pained breath before he opened the door to officially begin a day he wished had never come.
"Shouldn't Tooru be here by now?"
Iwaizumi shifted in discomfort at the accusatory rhetorical question from Oikawa's father, the King of Aoba Johsai, because yes, of course Oikawa should have been there by now. But Iwaizumi answered anyway because rhetorical or not, one did not ignore a question from the King. "Yes, your Majesty, he should be."
"So why isn't he? Not that I don't appreciate the peace and quiet, but Shimizu-sama is due here in less than a half hour. I won't have him late to meet his own damn fiancé."
Iwaizumi bowed. "I apologise, your Highness. I will locate him and bring him here myself."
The King narrowed his eyes – far too much like Oikawa's – at him. "See that you do."
Iwaizumi withheld a sigh as he walked towards the rest of his guard, standing in attention to the left of the courtyard steps. This was not a good time to have lost the man of the hour, and not only because the King was displeased by Oikawa's probably-deliberate tardiness. The King's personal guard were opposite them and watching Iwaizumi's movements closely, observing and judging. There had been a deep-seated rivalry between the King's and Oikawa's personal guard for years, mirroring the tension between the father and son. Everyone knew that when Oikawa eventually ascended to the throne he'd be appointing Iwaizumi as the captain of the King's guard and whether that guard accepted Iwaizumi's leadership very strongly depended on how he conducted himself now.
So it's a good thing they have no idea what Oikawa and I were doing this morning, Iwaizumi thought with a wry half-smile. Most men of the Aoba Johsai kingdom took their faith somewhat lightly, only really subscribing to it when it suited them, but Iwaizumi was sure most would find a sexual relationship between two men far too scandalous to accept.
So it's a good thing this whole thing will likely be ending as soon as Oikawa is married, Iwaizumi thought with a frown before pushing the thought firmly aside. He wasn't yet sure how he felt about that idea – whether that was something he thought should happen or didn't care either way and continued on as it currently was. He needed to meet Oikawa's future bride first, ascertain whether she was someone who Oikawa could love and who could love Oikawa and all his many intricacies, who could support Oikawa as he needed to be supported, in Iwaizumi's place. If she was that someone, Iwaizumi knew he may have to step aside and allow the relationship to take its natural course. It couldn't do that if Iwaizumi didn't let Oikawa go.
If she wasn't able to do that, if she were like far too many women who fell prey to Oikawa's charisma and charm and let him do whatever he wanted because of it, then perhaps Oikawa would still need Iwaizumi. And perhaps Iwaizumi could still keep him.
Later. I'll think about that later. After Oikawa meets Shimizu-sama. Which wouldn't be happening if Oikawa didn't turn up soon. Iwaizumi sighed outwardly this time as he reached his men. He didn't even need to say anything – of course they knew why he was there.
"I have no idea where Oikawa is," Hanamaki said immediately.
"I know," Iwaizumi replied wryly. "If you did, you would have wasted no time in telling me because you love watching me scold Oikawa."
"I wouldn't exactly call what you do to Oikawa scolding. It's far more violent and entertaining than that," Hanamaki replied unapologetically.
Iwaizumi huffed in exasperation and a little bit of humour before looking at Matsukawa, who was standing next to Hanamaki watching the exchange with his heavy-lidded eyes.
He shrugged under Iwaizumi's questioning gaze. "Don't look at me. I'm with Hanamaki on this one."
Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. Of course he was. "You're with Hanamaki on most things."
Matsukawa smiled serenely. "I promise you'll be the first to know when that changes, Iwaizumi-taichou, sir."
Iwaizumi sighed heavily. Why was it that when Matsukawa referred him by his proper title it felt like an insult? What he had done to deserve such insubordinate lieutenants? At least the rest of the guard respected him a little more.
"Yahaba?" he asked, turning to the next man down the line. "Seen anything? Heard anything from Kunimi or Kindaichi?"
Yahaba mumbled "no, sir" but the flush on his cheeks definitely said "yes, sir." Iwaizumi stared at Yahaba levelly and waited. It didn't take long.
"Oikawa-sama told me not to say anything."
Iwaizumi clenched his jaw to stifle his frustrated groan and resolutely ignored Hanamaki and Matsukawa scoffing beside them, their hands doing nothing to cover their sounds. "What's he up to now?" he growled. Yahaba flinched. Iwaizumi tried again in a softer tone. "Tell me, Yahaba. I promise that you, Kindaichi and Kunimi won't get in any trouble. Oikawa will have to get through me first. I know when something's entirely his fault. It usually is."
Iwaizumi's so-called violent method of scolding Oikawa was apparently well-renown amongst his men because Yahaba visibly relaxed. "I passed them in first floor of the South Wing. Oikawa-sama was…uh…waylaid by some court ladies."
This time Iwaizumi didn't even bother to stifle his groan. He should have known it'd be something like this. That stupid Shittykawa. "Thank you, Yahaba," Iwaizumi growled.
He spun around, ready to march to the South Wing and drag Oikawa here by his stupidly perfect hair if he had to, when Hanamaki's voice reached him. "Have enough?"
Iwaizumi patted his bottom right coat pocket and felt the reassuring shape of a hard, smooth, round surface. He turned to Hanamaki with a sharp grin that made the other flinch. Good. "I have one. That's all I need."
Iwaizumi heard them before he saw them. There were about three women, judging by the volume and pitch of the feminine laughter, and one piece of trash. The sound of his smooth, light tones and fake laughter made Iwaizumi lovingly take the object from his pocket and caress it in his calloused fingers. He rounded the corner, happy to see Oikawa's back to him. The women were too entranced by whatever idiotic expression Oikawa had painted on his useless face to take any notice of Iwaizumi, but Kunimi and Kindaichi – standing to attention off to the side and probably wishing they were anywhere else – sure did.
They stiffened, Kunimi's face drained of colour, Kindaichi's face flushed full of it and both opened their mouths but Iwaizumi silenced them with a finger to his lips. Then he raised the object – a beautifully smooth pebble – to his lips and kissed it for luck, sent up a quick prayer that God guide its righteous course, and lobbed it at the back of Oikawa's head.
He had to do it more softly than he usually would because it wouldn't do for the Crown Prince of Aoba Johsai's famous hair to be marred by blood the day he was to meet his fiancé. Too bad, Iwaizumi thought regretfully. There was something so refreshing about seeing Oikawa's hair less than perfect.
Iwaizumi watched with acute satisfaction as his projectile hit its intended target. Oikawa's airy, irritating laughter cut short with a sharp yell. He ignored the concerned titters of the ladies and spun around, darkness clouding the fine features of his face.
Hello there, real Oikawa.
As soon as Oikawa saw who'd thrown the projectile – really, he should have known before he'd even turned around because Iwaizumi had done this enough times – he froze. Iwaizumi didn't know what his face looked like to inspire such a reaction, but he wasn't about to question it when it worked so damn well.
Oikawa spun back around to the ladies, rubbing the back of his head and issuing smiling apologies. Iwaizumi turned on his heel and started walking away. Oikawa would catch up to him.
Sure enough, a few seconds later… "Iwa-chan! Wait for me!"
Iwaizumi didn't wait.
A few second after that… "Iwa-chan, you can't just attack me then ignore me like that!" Oikawa whined as he fell into step beside Iwaizumi.
Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow at him. "What do you mean I can't? I just did. Would like to continue doing it, so shut up."
Oikawa pouted. "I can't help that I'm so popular, Iwa-chan. There's no need to be jealous."
Iwaizumi sneered. "If I'm jealous of anything it's of those women's ability to actually enjoy being in your presence. I need to ask them how they do it one of these days."
Oikawa laughed breezily. Iwaizumi felt his fingers spasm, the urge to wrap them around Oikawa's frustratingly graceful neck increasing with every second.
"That's easy, Iwa-chan! It's because I'm so handsome, see?" He turned his blinding smile onto Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi's eye twitched in annoyance. That smile was impressive, sure, but it wasn't Oikawa's real smile, therefore it did nothing for him.
"All I see is a face my fist wants to punch."
Oikawa frowned in disappointment. "Don't you think you've been violent enough, Iwa-chan? My head already feels like it's got a hole right through it."
Iwaizumi scoffed. "Don't be dramatic." Then he remembered who he was talking to and tried again. "It was a pebble. You'll live."
"In excruciating pain."
"It was a pebble."
"Haven't you ever heard of the story of David and Goliath, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa asked lightly.
Iwaizumi sighed longingly. "If only I could kill you with a pebble to the forehead."
"So you do see the parallels," Oikawa replied, only selectively hearing Iwaizumi's words as always.
Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa evenly. "If by parallels you mean I am the man of God doing His work by taking down the evil Philistine and becoming the saviour of the land, then yes."
Oikawa scowled. "I meant the giant part."
Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. "Five centimetres of extra height does not make you a giant compared to me, dumbass."
Iwaizumi was naturally expecting some kind of vain retort, so when one didn't come he turned to look at Oikawa, only to see him studying the floor intently as he walked.
Off in his head again. Iwaizumi had known, of course, that Oikawa stopping to talk to court ladies on such an important day was no coincidence. He wouldn't be surprised if it had been Oikawa to address them first and not the other way around because when Oikawa was presented with a situation he wasn't comfortable with, wasn't confident about, he avoided. At least until he figured out a plan of action. Apparently he was still trying to find one.
Iwaizumi stopped walking. Oikawa didn't. "Oikawa."
Oikawa halted and lifted his head, blinking in surprise when he realised he was a few paces ahead of Iwaizumi. "Huh?"
Iwaizumi wanted to smile because confused Oikawa was adorable and looked entirely innocent – pretty much the only time he could ever be considered anything so pure as innocent – but he sighed instead because Oikawa didn't need to be lost in his head right now. He needed to be the Oikawa Iwaizumi liked the least, the one he'd been with those women just a few minutes earlier. He needed to be charming Oikawa, smiling Oikawa, Crown Prince Oikawa. Not real Oikawa, who was uncertain, who questioned his every decision a dozen times, who hardly ever thought he was enough, who thought that if he didn't act a certain way nobody would love him, who loathed the idea of being seen as weak, who studied world history and negotiation methods and past battles well into the night so he wouldn't feel inferior to those to whom such skills came naturally.
That was the Oikawa Iwaizumi loved; the one who needed him. At least until now, until someone else entered the equation and became something Iwaizumi could never be – a true equal, a true partner.
Later. I'll think about that later, he reminded himself.
Iwaizumi looked behind him at Kunimi and Kindaichi, who had been following at a respectful distance. "You two go on ahead to the courtyard and tell his Majesty that Oikawa will follow shortly behind."
Kunimi and Kindaichi bowed slightly in deference to Oikawa, who was looking at the ground again in favour of them, and did as Iwaizumi directed. Iwaizumi waited until they'd rounded the corner then he looked around and listened carefully for the sound of approaching voices. When all was satisfactorily clear he walked up to Oikawa, cupped his face in his hands and kissed him.
Oikawa stiffened in surprise for all of a second before he relaxed and opened his mouth, inviting Iwaizumi's tongue into the warm cavern of his mouth. Iwaizumi had only intended for it to be a brief kiss – one for comfort, one to jolt Oikawa back into real world – but as soon as he felt Oikawa's tongue slide along his own it became something else entirely.
Something wild and intrinsically physical. Something full of want and need. Something like the way Iwaizumi had moved inside Oikawa in the early hours of that very morning. Something that took more than it gave. Something selfish and just a little bit desperate. Something that mirrored the way Iwaizumi hadn't been able to help but feel when he'd awoken that morning to the site of Oikawa in his bed – in his sheets – and remembered what the day would bring. Something Iwaizumi couldn't help but feel now as he revelled in the taste of the man he loved and wondered how much longer he'd be allowed to do this, if there would soon come a day when he'd never be able to taste Oikawa on his lips, feel him against his tongue.
And so he devoured Oikawa as they stood in the middle of a frequently traversed corridor, because of all those somethings. Or perhaps regardless of them. And Oikawa let himself be devoured, as he always did. He opened himself and took whatever Iwaizumi saw fit to give.
But this was Oikawa, so he ever demanded more.
Iwaizumi gasped into Oikawa's mouth when Oikawa reached down between them and gripped Iwaizumi firmly in one slender, fine-boned hand. Iwaizumi had always loved Oikawa's hands, and never more so than when they were on him.
"Hajime…" Oikawa sighed into the heated air, heaving breaths filling the space between their lips, forehead against forehead.
Iwaizumi gripped his hand into Oikawa's infuriatingly perfect hair, kissed him hard enough to bruise and ground himself against Oikawa's willing palm once, twice, before stepping back, creating distance neither of them wanted but desperately needed.
Oikawa's hand dropped lifelessly to his side as he stared at Iwaizumi in a daze, lips kiss-red and swollen, cheeks flushed, eyes wide. Iwaizumi grit his teeth to stop the moan rising in his throat. Had Oikawa ever looked so beautiful as he did right then, stunned with passion and want, all of it because of – all of it for – Iwaizumi?
Iwaizumi swallowed deeply, swallowed down the need and ache caused by the words he longed to say. Would never say. Especially not now. Because now Oikawa had to go to the courtyard. To meet his fiancé. Who he would marry in less than a month. Who would become his wife.
Later! I'll think about this later!
He cleared his throat and looked to the side because if he looked at Oikawa a second longer he wouldn't be able to leave. "We should get going. You're late." His tone was cold and harsh because he feared what his voice would reveal if he let it be any other way.
"Iwa-chan…"
Iwaizumi's gaze snapped back to Oikawa because voice sounded far too broken. Iwaizumi winced because he knew he was at least partly responsible for it. This is what being selfish gets me.
"Tooru," Iwaizumi said softly, trying to keep his tone purely comforting – what his kiss should have but certainly hadn't been.
Now it was Oikawa who looked away. "I don't want to." Iwaizumi's breath caught in his chest. Oikawa had obviously tried to achieve his typical whiny tone, but Iwaizumi could hear the fear woven through it.
Iwaizumi had no idea if he was doing the right thing, if this would hinder instead of help just like everything else he'd attempted lately, but he couldn't help but lift his hand to trace the curve of Oikawa's face with his fingertips. It was something he'd only ever allowed himself to do while Oikawa slept.
It was Oikawa's turn to catch his breath as he stared at Iwaizumi in question.
"I know. But you have to, Tooru." Oikawa's nose scrunched up in displeasure. Iwaizumi's mouth tipped up into what was probably a stupidly fond smile and he brushed is thumb across the wrinkles. He knew the symbolism wasn't lost on Oikawa when Oikawa's eyes met his in surprise.
Careful. You'll get wrinkles. Oikawa's common refrain to Iwaizumi throughout their life together. Iwaizumi watched as Oikawa tried to fight off his own smile, felt the twitch of the muscles under his fingers as he trailed them down Oikawa's jaw.
"You'll be okay," Iwaizumi stated assuredly and dropped his hand. He believed it too; Oikawa had always managed to turn any and every situation around to his favour.
Oikawa's too-big eyes blinked at him. "Will you?"
No. No, I don't think I will be. An emotion that felt a lot like panic constricted Iwaizumi's throat.
"It doesn't matter, idiot," Iwaizumi grumbled and went to brush past Oikawa, but Oikawa grabbed his wrist firmly.
"It matters to me," Oikawa stated, voice deep and sure. It was the tone he used the rare times he was completely serious; the times he was openly asserting his will. He usually only used it when he was in battle. He'd always said that it was best to reserve it for the times he really wanted an answer, really wanted to be obeyed, because overuse might lessen its effect. Iwaizumi had always thought it was because Oikawa had made a bad habit out of hiding who he really was.
He's not going to accept some bullshit answer right now, Iwaizumi decided so he evened out his expression, swallowed the cloying panic, and looked at Oikawa dead in the eyes.
"I'll be okay."
For some reason his answer caused Oikawa to scowl darkly, but he all he said was, "Well, now that's settled let's go meet the future Queen of Aoba Johsai!"
Iwaizumi straightened his posture as he fell into step beside Oikawa. "It would be rude of us to keep such an important person waiting."
Oikawa hummed in agreement before turning the sound into an annoying melody as they walked briskly towards their destination. Iwaizumi bit back a smile at Oikawa's antics. What a silly guy.
Suddenly, everything felt okay. Until Iwaizumi remembered, once again and all too soon, where they were going and why.
Later. I'll think about that later.
It was later, after Shimizu-sama had arrived in full regalia with an impressive guard and a host of ladies' maids behind her. After the King and Oikawa had moved forward to greet them. After Oikawa had smiled brightly over Shimizu-sama's hand and kissed it with his usual theatrics. After Shimizu-sama had looked at him blankly in response. After Oikawa had made one of his stupid jokes that had made everything around him laugh, everyone except the King and Iwaizumi. And Shimizu-sama.
After Iwaizumi had seen how beautiful Shimizu-sama was; how graceful and fine and soft and all the things men seemed to love about women and all the things Iwaizumi wasn't. After Iwaizumi had seen Oikawa's gaze fixate on the mole resting beneath Shimizu-sama's lips. After Iwaizumi had seen Oikawa's eyes flare with interest when it became undeniably clear that Shimizu-sama was not impressed by him in the least. After Shimizu-sama had addressed Oikawa and the King in a clear, sure voice that had displayed her obvious intelligence and revealed an undertone of authority and confidence. After she'd said something – too softly for Iwaizumi to make out – that had made Oikawa smile. Genuinely smile.
It was later and Iwaizumi was sitting on his bed – head in his hands, evidence of his and Oikawa's lovemaking still on the sheets, the scent of Oikawa permeating the air – and wondering how it was that he'd lost the man he loved in the space of a few minutes.
Because Shimizu-sama was everything Iwaizumi had hoped and feared she'd be. Because Oikawa could fall in love with someone like her. Would. Should. Because even if Oikawa still wanted him, it wouldn't be for the right reasons – it would be because Iwaizumi was comfortable, a habit he couldn't be bothered breaking. Because soon enough, Oikawa wouldn't need Iwaizumi anymore. Because soon enough, Iwaizumi would no longer have a reason to do what they never should have in the first place, be what he never should have become at all.
He so badly – so badly – wanted to tell Oikawa to continue to rely on him anyway, that he would continue to be anything and everything Oikawa needed, that he didn't need a wife, didn't need Shimizu-sama. He so badly wanted to tell Oikawa to only utilise Shimizu-sama for the duties Iwaizumi himself could not biologically provide and leave everything else to Iwaizumi like he'd always done. He so badly wanted to tell Oikawa not to change anything about their relationship at all.
And he might have – he really might have – if he'd been convinced such an arrangement was the best option for Oikawa. He'd might have been selfish and not cared even if it wasn't Oikawa's best option, but merely a decent one. And while it didn't sit well with him, he might have even refused to care about Shimizu-sama's potential feelings in the matter, refused to care if such an arrangement caused her hurt or discomfort, which went against everything he wanted to be as a person.
He might have done all these things if they didn't deny Oikawa anything, didn't harm him in any way, because that was the one thing Iwaizumi could never, would never, do. Not willingly. But they did.
Because how could he deny Oikawa the chance at a real family? The chance at a relationship in which his partner was his social and intellectual equal? The chance at a relationship Oikawa didn't have to hide like a dirty secret? Iwaizumi didn't mind being the dirty secret, but he resented that Oikawa had to have one in order to be with him. He wanted more than that for Oikawa because despite all the things Oikawa felt about himself, Iwaizumi knew he deserved more. He deserved more than Iwaizumi could give him. He deserved all the best things the world had to offer.
Iwaizumi was a mere knight. And a man. He was a commoner, elevated to some degree of social status only though luck and coincidence, not because he deserved it. Not because God had deemed him worthy to be born into such privilege. Not like Oikawa was. Iwaizumi could give everything and it still wouldn't be enough.
He's always known it, but it hadn't mattered so much because there hadn't been any other option. And now there was. And Iwaizumi had to step aside. He had to.
But he knew, in the very depths of his soul he could not deny, that if Oikawa asked to continue their relationship as it was, he wouldn't say no. Because he had great strength of will, but not that great. Because he was a good man, but not that good. Because he had a large capacity for selflessness, but not that large.
But Oikawa had to ask him. No. Oikawa had to order him, like he always had done. Because if it was left up to Iwaizumi, he would choose Oikawa's well-being every time. But if it wasn't a choice at all, perhaps he wouldn't have to take responsibility for whatever the outcome was. Perhaps that could be on Oikawa's shoulders instead, because it was a choice Oikawa had made, not Iwaizumi.
Because Iwaizumi was a coward. And a fool. Because how could he expect Oikawa to choose him when he could choose so much better?
Oikawa lazily traversed the vast corridors of the castle, mood speculative but tentatively positive. He'd just met his future wife and had a lot to consider. He decided to start at the superficial and the least important aspect.
Kiyoko was stunning, so that was a bonus. He hadn't really known what to expect – hadn't really thought enough about it to get to the stage of expecting anything. Intentionally so. Thinking too much about the whole thing had just made him want to saddle E.T. and flee the country. With Iwaizumi, of course. So that Kiyoko – that name was too long, he'd have to come up with a shorter one – was stunning was a pleasant surprise. It didn't really make the idea of marrying her any better except that he supposed the whole consummation and producing-an-heir business would be maybe slightly less unpleasant. Maybe. He'd never tried to bed a woman he wasn't attracted to before, so he wasn't quite sure how it'd go. But that was an issue for later. He didn't have to start thinking about such disagreeable things for another few weeks yet.
She was quite obviously extremely intelligent. It was in the way her eyes coolly observed everything around her, cataloguing every movement, every word, to be dissected at a later time. Oikawa recognised it because that was what he did. He hadn't been expecting his wife to be his intellectual equal, nor so equally well-spoken. She favoured intensity over his carefree charm, but the result was the same. All eyes were drawn to her, all ears perked up at the sound of her voice. He liked that she was more understated – it would balance him out well when they eventually ruled together. He needed a queen who could hold her own but not outshine him.
She also seemed rational and level-headed and, somewhat annoyingly, not affected by him whatsoever. It would have been nice to get his way sometimes, at the very least. Still, all signs pointed to her being the kind of Queen he'd always wanted for his kingdom. Basically the complete opposite of his too-beautiful, vain, selfish, self-centred, narcissistic, vapid, useless mother. He didn't blame her for being what she was, to an extent. Their society valued female beauty over intellect, made it so the only way they could get ahead was to be born privileged or born beautiful or born both and use that to get to a place of security and comfort. So that's what his mother had done. And he supposed he had her to thank for his face because while his father wasn't anything to sniff at, whatever that insufferable boor of a man had going for him physically looked worthless every time he stood next to Oikawa's mother. Oikawa had long since learned that a good face wasn't a weapon only women could wield to get ahead.
What he could blame his mother for was what she'd done with the power she had attained through her beauty and propensity towards seduction. Which was nothing but demand more; more dresses, more jewels, more ladies-in-waiting, more servants, more silks, more everything except for anything that was for the good of her the rest of her sex, for the good of those less fortunate than her.
So Oikawa, knowing from a young age that he would have a wife one day, had determined to never have one like her. He'd found out at a slighter older age that he wouldn't be getting a choice in the matter, so he considered himself extremely fortunate that the kind of wife he'd always wanted seemed to have fallen directly in his lap.
The only problem with her was that she was not Iwaizumi.
Iwaizumi, whose face had lost all colour at the sight of Kiyoko. Iwaizumi, who had looked faint upon seeing how intelligent and capable Kiyoko was, and how completely unaffected she was by Oikawa. Iwaizumi, who apparently thought a well-placed mole could be more appealing than the coppery hue of his skin, than the hard ridges of his abdomen, than the high, wide curve of his bicep, than the sharp point of his left incisor. Iwaizumi, who apparently thought he could be so easily replaced.
Oikawa shook his head in exasperation before grinning darkly. He'd just have to show the idiot how irreplaceable he was. With his body. Continue what Iwaizumi had started earlier that day in the middle of the South Wing main corridor, working Oikawa up to the point he'd entirely forgotten where he was – who he was. It hadn't mattered.
Oikawa wanted to feel that again. Like nothing but that moment mattered, like there was no one else in the world but the two of them. No crown, no duties, no war, no responsibilities, no wife.
He stopped and turned to face the two guards who had been trailing him even since he'd left the courtyard. "Where's Iwaizumi? He left before I could ask him where he was going." No doubt to go somewhere and not be okay, to decide something stupid. It was Oikawa's solemn duty to prevent such a catastrophe. He always told Iwaizumi not to think too much, that he just wasn't made for it, but Iwaizumi always thought he was joking. He wasn't.
"Uh…I believe he was heading to the barracks, Oikawa-sama," Kunimi answered, only slightly unnerved about being addressed so casually by him. They hadn't even been in his guard for a quarter of a year yet, so it was natural for them to be nervous. They'd be on Mattsun and Makki's level of comfort soon enough, so Oikawa revelled in their fear and trembling while he could.
"Why don't you run on ahead and tell Iwaizumi I want to meet him in my chambers immediately," Oikawa ordered lightly with a shooing motion of his hand. "If he says he won't come, tell him I'll just go to his room again."
Kunimi blinked at him in surprise and not a little bit of fear, probably at the concept of relaying such a message to his commanding officer. Oikawa laughed. If anything, Kunimi looked more terrified.
"Don't worry, my dear kouhai, Iwaizumi isn't known to kill the messenger."
This also did nothing to reassure the poor boy, so Oikawa tried again. "He's all bark and no bite." Then he rubbed the back of his head. He didn't care what Iwaizumi said about it being just a pebble, he could swear still felt the imprint of it in his skull. "Well, not usually."
Kunimi was almost trembling at this point and Oikawa saw it for the lost cause it was. "You'll be fine. Run on now." He tried the shooing motion again. It seemed to work; Kunimi bowed hastily and scurried off.
"That was fun," Oikawa sighed happily as he resumed walking.
"Did you…say something, Oikawa-sama? Is there something you wanted me to do?" Kindaichi asked timidly from behind him.
Oikawa laughed lightly, about to dismiss Kindaichi's concern, but thought of something far better to do instead. "Yes, in fact there is, Kin-chan. May I call you Kin-chan? Of course I can. Come walk beside me, Kin-chan."
"Um…yes, Oikawa-sama," Kindaichi replied uneasily and matched his pace with Oikawa's.
"I find myself in need of a second opinion, Kin-chan," Oikawa said cheerfully, smiling easily at Kindaichi.
"I will endeavour to help however I can, Oikawa-sama," Kindaichi replied seriously.
Well, isn't he a bit cute despite that aggressive exterior and ridiculous hair. How annoying.
"You see, Kin-chan, I'm trying to figure out what I think of my future wife. It's such an important issue, so I feel I must do my due diligence and seek out alternative opinions to my own. Wouldn't you agree?"
"I…I agree completely, Oikawa-sama, though I fear I'm not qualified to…"
"Nonsense!" Oikawa brushed off his concerns with a dismissive wave of his hand. It's not like he was actually going to take Kindaichi's opinion seriously – that wasn't what he was looking to get out of this at all. "So, Kin-chan, what do you think of Shimizu-sama? Do you find her beautiful?"
Kindaichi gaped at him like a fish. It was hilarious. Oikawa only wished he was free to express his hysterics, but it was too early to give away the game.
"I…uh…I believe her to be quite beautiful, Oikawa-sama, though of course I would never presume to -"
Oikawa cut off his unnecessary refrains with another wave of his hand. He didn't care about whether Kindaichi lusted after his future wife or not. In fact, it was because Oikawa was sure he did not that they were having this conversation. "Are you sure, Kin-chan? Because while all the other men had their eyes fixated on her in rapt fascination, you seemed entirely indifferent. Why is that, I wonder?"
Kindaichi flushed. It was a guilty flush, Oikawa decided as he observed him flailing about for an acceptable answer. "Never mind, Kin-chan. I already know the answer. Moving on."
Kindaichi gulped nervously. Oikawa's grin sharpened.
"She was quite stoic, wasn't she, Kin-chan? I used my brightest smile, used up all my vast reserves of charm, yet it made no difference to Shimizu-sama whatsoever!"
"I…err…couldn't possibly…"
Oikawa ignored him in favour of watching his eyes closely, ready for the impact of his next round of questions. "Doesn't she remind you of someone, Kin-chan? Someone else who is stoic and firm and authoritative, someone else who doesn't respond to my looks or charm at all? Someone like…" he paused for dramatic effect. He couldn't help himself, "…Iwa-chan, perhaps?"
Kindaichi's pupils expanded. Got you, Oikawa thought triumphantly. The flush high on Kindaichi's cheeks and on the tips of his ears only confirmed it. Kindaichi was attracted to his Iwa-chan. Most likely had a cute little crush.
How adorable, Oikawa thought, feeling disgusted. Not for the first time, he thanked the Heavens that Iwaizumi was so incredibly dense about these sorts of things. It wouldn't do at all for him to realise how cute Kindaichi could look when he was blushing and stammering. Especially not with all the upheaval and unanswered questions between them.
Oikawa stopped walking and smiled at Kindaichi, but it was not one of his nice smiles. No, it was a smile that warned of terrible things to befall a person who didn't heed what followed the smile. "What an interesting reaction, Kin-chan. That's the kind of reaction you should have given at the thought of Shimizu-sama, not Iwa-chan. How very interesting indeed."
Kindaichi's entire face was red now. "I…I don't…I wouldn't…I mean…"
Oikawa held up his hand to stop him. As much as he found Kindaichi's desperate floundering highly amusing, he wanted to wrap this up so he could go fuck Iwaizumi until neither one of them could walk properly. The desire to do so was even stronger now he'd discovered another threat, another person who had the potential – however small – to take Iwaizumi away from him. Oikawa had never known Iwaizumi to have a particular type, had never observed him tracking his eyes lustfully over anyone except Oikawa, but one could never be too careful.
"Say no more." Kindaichi immediately shut his mouth.
Oikawa thought of how to word his threat in the ensuing silence. While everyone in his guard knew about the nature of his and Iwaizumi's relationship – partly because of necessity, mostly because it was far too troublesome to hide – no one spoke of it openly. Oikawa didn't care either way, but Iwaizumi obviously did and Oikawa would not be the one to break that rule. He didn't need to, anyway.
"I trust you'll conduct yourself with the upmost professionalism, Kin-chan. That's one of the reasons I selected you from all the applicants, after all."
Kindaichi stood to attention. "Yes, Oikawa-sama."
Oikawa smiled in satisfaction. He'd achieved exactly what he wanted – he'd ascertained Kindaichi's true feelings and effectively warned him away from Iwaizumi without having to resort to outright threats. Someone who knew what they were doing never had to resort to something so crass as outright threats.
"Excellent! Thank you for your help, Kin-chan!" Oikawa said, much to Kindaichi's confusion, and was about to continue on to his chambers when he heard the one voice that always made him cringe.
"Tooru!"
His father.
Oikawa pasted a neutral smile on his face and turned to face the King of Aoba Johsai. "Father! To what do I owe this great pleasure?"
His father scowled at him as he drew closer, followed by no less than six guards. And Iwa-chan calls me dramatic.
"Stop lying, Tooru. You know it vexes me."
Oikawa's much-practiced smile didn't falter. "Pretty much everything vexes you, Father, so you'll forgive me if I've found I no longer have the energy to care."
His father stopped before him, his men standing behind him in a V formation. Oikawa tried not to roll his eyes. So dramatic.
"The only thing that vexes me is you."
"I'd apologise for my very existence, but unfortunately I had no choice in being born. I believe that one's on you."
His father clenched his jaw. "I didn't come here to argue with you."
Oikawa's smile widened. That was his father's code for 'I can't think of anything to say to that'. It happened quite a lot, much to Oikawa's great pleasure. He cocked his head to the side and answered, "Well, of course not. Why would anyone do such a thing?"
Oikawa watching his father count to ten under his breath in an attempt to reign in his temper. It was a marvellous thing to witness.
"I tracked you down to tell you that you'll be accompanying Shimizu-sama to Mass tomorrow."
"You came all this way to tell me something I already figured out I'd be doing?"
His father narrowed his eyes at him. "And to tell you that immediately following you'll be holding a private interview with Shimizu-sama in her receiving room. Just you, her, a lady's maid of her choice, and one of your guards."
Interesting. "I'll let Iwaizumi know."
"Do, but let me clarify. One of your guards who isn't Iwaizumi will be accompanying you tomorrow."
This time Oikawa was the one who narrowed his eyes. Very interesting. And troubling. "And why might that be? He is the captain of my guard, after all."
His father scowled in displeasure. "Oh, I know very well what he is. And that that is not all he is."
Oikawa froze. He couldn't believe his father had just implied…
Of course he knew his father was aware of the nature of his and Iwaizumi's relationship and Oikawa was sure it had always bothered him on some level, but he had never talked about it, never even hinted at it. Oikawa had figured his father would pretend ignorance for as long as the relationship didn't affect him. And if he wasn't pretending ignorance anymore, then…
"I assume you're implying that because of that there is a problem with him being present during the private interview tomorrow?" Oikawa asked carefully, fishing for information. He needn't have been so subtle.
"Exactly. I know how you are, Tooru. You don't care for propriety. I cannot trust that you'll observe proper decorum in such a private setting. Usually I entrust Iwaizumi to maintain it for you, but Shimizu-sama is far more intelligent and observant than I expected her to be. His best efforts at controlling you may not be enough, for once."
Oikawa felt fury bubble up in his chest. He tried to keep his tone light, but the white heat of his anger imbedded itself in every word. "So basically you don't want Shimizu-sama to find out about it. And let me guess – because you fear she'll break off the marriage if she does?"
"It is part of the agreement that Shimizu-sama can break off the engagement for any reason at any time before the marriage takes place."
"And you think this would cause her to break it," Oikawa said coldly.
His father's lip curled up in revulsion. "I don't see how it possibly couldn't. Any normal person would be disgusted by such a thing. I highly doubt she'd want to be associated with it, much less married to one of the complicit parties."
Oikawa was beyond anger now. Now he was the calm in the eye of the storm. "It never bothered you before, so why are you getting up on your hypocritical high horse now?"
"Before the benefits outweighed the detriments. Iwaizumi has always been the only one who could keep you in line, much to my dismay. Even since you were children. Why else do you think I had him educated alongside you, groomed him to take over his late father's place? You may not remember, but when you were five I tried to separate the two of you, sent you off to the summer castle to start your education. I finally recognised your friendship for what it was after your ninth attempt to run away back to this castle, back to Iwaizumi. I figured letting it get to double digits would just make the situation reach a new level of ridiculous, so I relented and had you brought back and educated together."
"I remember." Of course he remembered one of the most disruptive and terrifying periods of his life. He hadn't known how to exist without Iwaizumi, who had always been there. Still didn't, which was why this conversation was filling his stomach with the black tar of dread.
"Back then, it was nothing but an innocent friendship. A dangerously co-dependent one, to be sure, but just a friendship. And Iwaizumi turned out to be a decent and hardworking man, and a wonderful knight. He made up for all the areas you fell short in. And you listen to him, God help me. He's the only one you do listen to. So when your friendship turned into something entirely less innocent, I looked the other way. Of course there was always going to be the potential that it would become an issue when you eventually got married, but I hadn't foreseen such an important treaty hinging on that marriage.
"A treaty you negotiated," Oikawa clarified, voice light.
"Yes."
"Because you invaded Karasuno."
His father's gaze turned suspicious. "Yes."
"Because you thought they were in a state of disarray following the previous King's death."
"They were," his father replied testily.
Oikawa ignored him. "Because you thought could take advantage of it and expand our territory."
"You know full well how the drought has affected our crops. We need more fertile land, like they have in Karasuno's north," his father replied defensively.
Oikawa ignored him again and his tone darkened. "But then what was meant to be an easy campaign to gain a couple thousand miles of land turned into an almost four-year war."
"It did," his father replied, his tone questioning where Oikawa was going with all of this.
"A war we were on the brink of losing."
"Yes."
"Thousands of lost lives."
"Yes."
"All because of you," Oikawa accused, bringing his point to a close.
His father clenched his fist. "I know full well where the responsibility for this mess lies, son, so if you're trying to make me feel guilty, there's no need. You may not think much of me but I at least take responsibility for my decisions. And one thing you'll learn when you're King is that quite often what you thought was the best decision turns out to be the worst. It's part of life."
Oikawa smiled at his father then. It was his coldest smile, the one he reserved for those who displeased him most. It didn't quite make his father flinch, but did make him blink in surprise. Oikawa was mollified with that.
"So why is it then, Father, that I am the one who must bear the burden of that responsibility?"
"Because another part of life is that it isn't fair, Tooru!" His father snapped at him, temper hanging on by a mere thread.
"That's the answer people give when they don't have a legitimate one," Oikawa snapped back, not even bothering to hide his acute displeasure now. It was rare that he lost his temper so with his father. He'd always preferred to feel superior by being completely composed and indifferent no matter what the King threw his way. But this was to do with Iwaizumi, so all his usual rules of conduct no longer applied.
"Sometimes. But sometimes that's the answer people give when it's the only one." Oikawa opened his mouth to respond but his father talked over him. "Let me ask you something, Tooru. Were you – in all your infinite wisdom, in all your hours of scheming and planning – able to find an alternate solution? When Karasuno requested the marriage, were you able to offer them anything else they wanted in the place of it?"
It was Oikawa's turn to clench his jaw in frustration. "No."
"Perhaps your argument would have a stronger basis if I had denied you the opportunity to present an alternate solution, but I didn't. There was simply nothing else to be done for it. It is what it is. Therefore, I will not tolerate anything that threatens this fragile peace."
"And you think my relationship with Iwaizumi is one of those things," Oikawa clarified, perhaps unnecessarily so, but he wanted to hear the confirmation from his father one more time.
"I do."
"And what if I think otherwise?" Oikawa challenged with a savage baring of his teeth no one could call a smile.
His father bared his teeth back. "It doesn't matter what you think, only what I think. That's one of the perks of being King, Tooru."
"How very tyrannical of you, Father," Oikawa replied flippantly.
The King glared in disapproval. "Don't give me that deflective nonsense, Tooru. I'm serious."
"Okay, then. Let's me ask this seriously," Oikawa challenged. "What will happen if I disobey? If I take Iwaizumi with me tomorrow to meet my future wife?" Finally, what he'd been getting at the whole time – what his father could actually do to him. Oikawa couldn't think of anything that could possibly inspire obedience. That was why the King had kept Iwaizumi around this whole time, after all. Hadn't he just admitted that himself?
Oikawa's father stepped forward, so he was eye-to-eye with Oikawa, less than foot of space between them. Oikawa had always hated that his father was a few centimetres taller. It wasn't noticeable unless he stood this close, unless he meant to intimidate.
"If I get word that you have done anything to jeopardize this marriage, this treaty, and not just tomorrow. If you do anything between this moment and the moment you say 'I do', it won't be you who will feel the brunt of my wrath."
Oikawa inhaled sharply as fear – beyond the likes of which he'd ever felt before – stabbed at his chest. "You wouldn't." He hadn't known his voice could reach such depths.
His father smiled at him and it was sharp and sure and everything Oikawa didn't want to see. "I hear the northern border is particularly hazardous this time of year. Many a man is lost in the blinding white haze of those mountains. Some are just ill-prepared for the intensity of the weather when they go on their patrols, are found during the next one frozen solid. Some can't quite make out the border markers in the inclement weather, accidentally cross over into hostile territory and are killed by Shiratorizawa's men. Some simply go out and are never seen again. I wonder which category Iwaizumi would fall into if I sent him there."
Oikawa didn't want to fall into his father's trap, didn't want to give him the satisfaction. But his fear, his all-consuming terror, would not be denied.
"If you did such a thing you know I would never marry Shimizu-sama. I would never do anything you ever asked of me. Not ever again," Oikawa whispered furiously.
"I know that, but I also know you won't risk Iwaizumi's life, won't risk that I'll follow through. Because you know I will." He clapped Oikawa on his shoulder. Oikawa felt like ripping his father's hand off. "Besides, relax a little, son. You only have to keep it up until the wedding. I don't care what the fuck you do with your dick – or your ass – after then."
And with that his father strode haughtily past him, his guard an impassive train behind him, leaving Oikawa standing mutely in the middle of corridor, completely at a loss.
He didn't know how long he stood there, thoughts swirling furiously yet producing nothing of consequence, when Kindaichi cleared his throat from somewhere behind him. Oikawa had forgotten all about his presence, his concerns about the boy seeming so distant and inconsequential now in the face of the sheer and unabated terror that was the thought of possibly losing Iwaizumi forever.
"I'm sorry to…err…interrupt, Oikawa-sama, but Iwaizumi-taichou will have arrived at your quarters by now." Kindaichi's voice was small, hesitant, unsure if he was saying or doing the right thing. But the reminder of Iwaizumi's presence was just what Oikawa needed to spur him into action. Or non-action.
"Thank you, Kindaichi." He inhaled deeply and exhaled, mind made up. "There's been a change of plans."
A/N: WHY AM I SUCH A BAD PERSON! Satan (yes, that's right – I'm not actually Satan) has a special spot carved out for me in hell, don't you worry. I'm sure it's extra toasty there too.
ANYWAY, each chapter will have two songs, one for Oikawa and one for Iwaizumi. These are the songs I listened to on repeat while writing the chapter that I feel capture Oikawa and Iwaizumi's feelings and/or mood during the chapter. Sometimes there are lyrics that are word-for-word something Iwaizumi or Oikawa would say or think, sometimes it's more about the general mood of the song that fits. Either way, I highly recommend you check them out if you want even more feels as you read this fic. (yes I have found two songs for the entirety of this fic I'm so excited oh my god can't even grammar)
Okay, so, one more thing. The 'Medieval' part of my Medieval/Fantasy AU may be a little more obvious in this chapter, but I'll explain it in a bit more detail as it pertains to this fic in case some readers aren't familiar with that period in history.
Basically, the narrative of the time was that the line of kings and nobles was chosen by God. Obviously most people now know that all that was bullshit thought up to make the royalty and nobility's ridiculous privileges easier for the serfs and commoners to swallow, but that really was what the uneducated commoners believed. Now Iwaizumi is far from uneducated, but that narrative is definitely what he was taught by his piece-of-work of a mother and the Church since birth. So despite whatever failings Iwaizumi recognises in Oikawa, he never questions Oikawa's position as somehow 'above' or superior to him because of this. Beyond that, he also believes Oikawa has the skills and ability to be a great king, so that's why whenever he's questioned his beliefs on this matter they've always held true – they continued to make sense to him because Oikawa is so capable.
Also, the Catholic church at the time (and today, in most circles) was very against same-sex relationships. They were basically seen as an abomination against God. Now I'm not going to go into this much in my fic because I find such views abhorrent, but that was the prevailing ideology of the time. I won't even allow Iwaizumi and Oikawa to think that about themselves because this isn't a fic about struggling with sexual orientation – they're both cool with that. Mostly because, for them, they don't see how the way they feel about each other could ever be considered 'wrong'. For Iwaizumi, if it is it's only because of the 'Oikawa is God's chosen' thing.
And as is the case with a lot of religions these days, people who follow them can be pretty casual towards all the rules associated with it. This was especially the case for those in higher social positions, who were pretty much exempt from it all unless it benefitted one of their enemies to call them out on it in the hopes they'd be excommunicated by the Roman Catholic Church (which basically meant they were going to Hell, so that was a Very Bad Thing to happen). So yeah, Catholicism is the basic religious structure of this AU World, but it's only followed loosely (just like the history of that time haha).
Anyway, if you've managed to get through all of that - thank you for reading! I have a week off uni so I'm hoping to smash out the next chapter before I have to go back! Wish me luck!