The Essence of Love
AN: HELLO EVERYBODY!! This is the second chapter. Again, listen to the song (if you can) as you read it... It's sad, and I'm not the biggest fan of happy endings, but since my bestest buddy- Ireta told me she'd read it, so I'll make a happy ending happen. (Immature is spelled so weird.)
Chapter Two: All That I'm living For
All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for.
All that I can't ignore,
Alone at night.
I sat next to Naruto at the ramen shop. It was hard to keep up conversation with Sasuke there. Even though I've gained better control of my wandering eyes they still get the best of me sometimes. Most of my glances go unnoticed, until I caught his eye.
Instead of looking away, or smiling, I found myself freezing. I'm not sure what came over me, but I needed to leave. It had been three years since his empty eyes looked past mine. I'm not sure what I expected to see in his onyx orbs.
I turned to Naruto, white faced. He looked at me questioningly, and I smiled. I told him I didn't feel so well, and that I needed to leave. He nodded, glancing towards Sasuke. I was sure Naruto would say something to him. Yet, at that moment all I wanted was to lay myself down in my warm bed, and leave this world temporarily.
I can feel the night beginning.
Separate me from the living.
Understanding me,
After all I've seen.
Piecing every thought together,
Find the words to make me better.
If I only knew how to pull myself apart.
My mind races as I dream. I was hoping to sleep in a dreamless state, but I was granted no such luck. I go through the motions as I replay his departure. Those same empty eyes hurting me once again. His last words lingering in me.
If only he would have left me with the thank you that slipped his tongue. No, he insulted me, for the millionth time I'm sure. Tears rolled down my cheeks, but this wasn't a surprise. I wonder how weak I must seem to him.
"After all of this time..." My hopes lifted, then came crashing when I saw the same wicked smirk that used to live on his perfect face.
"...You're still annoying." My memory goes no further. The last thing I remember from that vivid night was his hand hitting my neck, and cold wisps of wind brushing my arms, legs and face.
All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.
I awoke, salty tears streaking down my cheeks. I replay the dream, again in my conscious mind. I believe all dreams have meanings, even the scariest or stupidest of them all. You could be running for your life from a foe trying to kill you, or you could be tap dancing with an old man and a penguin.
It has it's meaning. For theres a reason you repeat something in your mind. You're trying to alert yourself of an answer you are already aware of. The winter wind whistles in the streets, and I check my nightstand clock to see what time it is.
Three AM. I walked to my desk, and turned on Nimrod from Edward Elgar on repeat. I kept the volume low, so I could fall back to sleep. It was nice to be at peace, and every time I hear the sad sound of this song it gives me a sweet feeling of comfort. A feeling that there are other broken hearted people.
I believe that dreams are sacred.
Take my darkest fears and play them
Like a lullaby,
Like a reason why,
Like a play of my obsessions,
Make me understand the lesson,
So I'll find myself,
So I won't be lost again.
I awoke the next morning more tired than when I had fallen asleep. This has happened a few times before. Usually I can go about my day as I usually would. Today was different somehow, and I was trying to will myself back to sleep.
I was almost fully asleep, when loud knocking came from my door. I contemplated my options. I could stay asleep in my warm inviting bed, or I could get up walk into my cold living room. Then again, said person at my door might, well, knock it down and rush in.
So, I tiredly stood up and walked into the living room. My appearance be damned. I opened the door, and motioned for the person to come in. I assumed it to be Naruto, and boy was I mistaken.
All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.
"Sakura?" I froze.
"Sasuke-san?" I said, surprised at how put together my voice was.
"Are you feeling alright?" He looked at me, sincerely concerned, and this time I wasn't imagining it.
"Hn." I managed. Averting my gaze from him, and walking to the couch to sit down. He sat beside of me, closer than I expected him too. He smirked in my direction, and I shot him a questioning look.
"We've switched roles." He explained.
"What?"
"Usually you're the one worried about me."
"Hn." I still couldn't think of anything else to say.
"And usually I'm the one ignoring you."
I shot him an aggravated look, but it didn't seem to come across as so.
"I heard you were in the war?" He began. "I heard you did well."
"Umhm." I managed, staring blankly forward. "I was young. I thought they needed me to help save the village."
"They did." He said, his eyes still on me.
A familiar sense of anger and betrayal bubbled in my stomach. I let out an strained laugh, and stood from my sitting position.
"Sakura?" His voice held the same concern.
I turned to him. "How long?"
Confusion spread across his features. "What do you mean?"
"How long do you think I cried for you?"
Guess I thought I'd have to change the world to make you see me,
To be the one.
I could have run forever,
But how far would I have come
Without mourning your love?
He looked at me sadly, but for some reason unknown to me I felt no shame in causing him pain. I held no remorse in his guilt. He knows as well as I do what he had done was wrong. Betraying your village, turning on your friends.
I was no longer living with the pain he left me, I was living with the pain he left everyone around me. Naruto has forgiven him, but that's just in his nature. For a few days he was as upset as I was. Then he was wickedly enraged. Then, suddenly, he was happy to have his supposed best friend back in his life.
After all, this is Naruto. Him and his mood swings. It's one of the many reasons he is my favorite soon-to-be husband. I'm glad he finally noticed the shy Hyuga girl. He's still the best candidate for Hokage, and still the most immature ANBU alive. But he is a part of my team, and my team is what I live for.
All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.
"Sakura." His voice broke me out of my thoughts.
"What?" I snapped, once again.
He stood up, an walked closer to me. His eyes locking mine. I turned away from him, but his hand forced me to look at him dead on. This was a game to him, wasn't it? I was nothing more than a key in his mission. If even that. I wasn't about to play along.
I forced a harsh look, but it didn't last. I wasn't mad at him. I was disappointed. It had been obvious from the start this mans intentions, but still I put my trust in him. I touched his hand, a moment longer than I had meant too.
He spoke the same words that broke my heart all those years before.
"I'm sorry."
Should it hurt to love you?
Should I feel like I do?
Should I lock the last open door-
My ghosts are gaining on me.
AN: another one down.. It's nice to know that the only review I got was from a friend of mine... Tear For the love of Shikamaru! Review!