Title: Damn Monk

Summary: Inuyasha's musings after the death of Miroku. Can stand alone but is a semi-sequel to 'To Find Your God Within'.

Disclaimer: As usual, I own nothing.

Genre: Angst.

Rating: PG

A/N: Enjoy!!

Damn monk. Don't know what got into you. Going off and killing yourself like that. If you had really wanted to die, you should have come to me. If I had known what it would have been like, now, after this, I would have killed you myself.

Damn monk. Now Sango won't stop crying. She thinks it's her fault. Kagome tries to comfort her, but just ends up crying herself. Shippo has suddenly grown up, and seems to be trying to take your place. Kirara looks more like a kitten and less like a demon. I haven't got a clue what to do to make them shut up.

I think I may just run off and leave them here. You've already half killed them; If I leave maybe it'll hurt them enough that they can't feel it anymore. That's how I survived. That's how you survived. Yeah, monk. Don't think I never saw those cuts on your arms. Don't think I didn't smell the blood late at night. Don't think I didn't know what those long sleeves are really for. We've both done it. When something hurts, just make it hurt even more, and it'll go numb. That's how you lived.

That's why you aren't here now, isn't it? Was it an accident? Did you cut too deep? Did it slip more than you wanted it to? Or did you do this entirely on purpose? Did you really hate this world that much?

Or did you think you were protecting somebody? Us, the group, by removing the wind tunnel from your hand? The world in general? Well, guess again, monk. You just made that final battle with Naraku on hell of a lot harder. We could have used your help. That stupid thing would have come back no matter how many times I put Tetsigua through his head. But nothing comes back from that tunnel of yours. At least, if there was a way, we'll never know now.

I looked under it. Your beads, the seal you kept on it. It's gone now, that thing you hated so much. Sango and Kagome saw your hand and just started crying again. Feh. Women. They don't know what true pain is. I guess they'll learn soon enough, if they haven't yet. That's the kind of pain we hold, ne, monk? Held, anyway, in your case.

Kinda almost wish you hadn't gone and offed yourself. Don't know what the hell to do about all these crying women. You were always better at that sort of thing.

I think I might actually... just a little bit...miss you.

Damn monk.