Author's Note: Thanks to all who reviewed the first chapter. Here's Derek's reply-somewhat long, but basically explaining things.
Derek kicked back on the couch, staring at the letter that lay on the table before him. He had read it-three times. He just couldn't bring himself to write her back, because if he did, he'd want to have Meredith back again. Trying to think of things, trying to think of her-he had half a mind to take the next flight to L.A., just to get her back. But he couldn't. Grabbing some paper, Derek figured he would write her back.
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Meredith,
While I admit it was a surprise to hear from you, I am in no way complaining. I don't know where to start as far as updating you goes. Oh, and by the way-I did have a happy birthday. Of course, not as happy as it would have been had you been here but...well, I guess I should start there. This could get long, so if you weren't really looking to hear from me, you could probably stop here.
Addison and I aren't together anymore, and we haven't been for a long time. A few weeks after you left, Mark came to Seattle. Yeah, I can see the look on your face now. McSteamy. Anyway, apparently she stayed with him after I left New York. There was just too much there, she loved him and I loved you-we got divorced. She still works at Seattle Grace and, believe it or not, has taken Alex Karev under her wing.
Izzie is doing well. She still lives at the house, but George and Callie bought their own apartment about a year ago. Don't think that life is going on without you, though. We all miss you. Well, I can't speak for everyone but...I miss you. Joe missed you for a while, saying something about his favorite dirty mistress but I didn't know where you went. Cristina's...well, she's really not much different than you would remember her. She's still as sarcastic, still as demanding...she kinda reminds me of Bailey.
I know things got screwed up, Mer. But I really wish that you didn't leave. We could have worked things out. We could have found a way around everything. I mean, it would have been hard for a while, but I would have been there for you. I remember holding you after you found out about your mother. The way you just crumpled, had I not grabbed you, you would have fallen to the floor. The way you shook reached me somehow, it made me realize how much had changed between us. Even though there were people around, it was in that moment that I realized how much you meant to me.
The night of the prom-don't blame yourself. Both of us were in that exam room, both of us made that choice. While in retrospect I wish I had done things differently, I don't regret what happened. If anyone should feel like an idiot here, Meredith, it's certaintly not you. It's me. If I had signed the papers the first time, Addison never would have stayed in Seattle, and you never would have left. But, as Izzie pointed out the other day, you can't change the past. She was working with me the other day with a patient who had a tumor. It got a little complicated, but she basically ended up giving him the will to live...his wife had left him right before he was scheduled to have the surgery.
Stangely, it made me think of you. You were always the one who brightened my day, even if I was the one who was everywhere (and I don't have an answer as to how that happened). But the elevators just aren't the same without you. I still take them, of course. But not as often.
I guess I should fill you in a little on how my life has been. Like I said, Addison and I aren't together. I've dated, too. Nothing ever lasted long, though. I keep telling myself that it had nothing to do with you. About three months after you left, Chief retired. It shocked alot of people, and as you would expect, fingers were pointed. Burke's chief of surgery now. I was considered for the position, but Burke said yes first.
Well, I guess I should go. But Meredith, I have to ask. Are you ever-would you ever come back? If given the choice, would you choose to live in California, or would you move back to Washington? I'm not asking you to come back, that's your choice. A choice that I know you probably won't make. And just so you know...I love you, too, Mer. I never stopped loving you. It's something i'm still trying hard to figure out, but still know. Like you, I end up staying up late-it almost one. I've got surgery in the morning, so I really should gte to sleep. Bye, Meredith.
Derek
P.S.-I did get the chance to give Izzie your address the other day, so don't kill me if she ends up at your doorstep soon. Hey-you told me to do it.
P.P.S.-I love you. Really-I mean it. Every word of it. (You can picture me doing that smile you always said you hated here, by the way.) So, yeah, I really am going now. Okay?...Okay.
Hey Mer-it's me...again. I uh, I didn't send the letter. Atleast not yet, I got a call from the hospital. So-this is me...apoligizing. Funny, isn't it? Oh, by the way-O'Malley says hi. Putting this thing in the mail-Derek