Only Time

by Dulcineah

Sequel to Out of Bounds. Co-written by Danielle and Dulcey circa 2001. Frasier and Lilith continue to navigate the ups and downs of their relationship. Complete

2. Chapter 2

The only flight to Los Angeles left at seven in the morning. As a result, I was one of the first to check in at the conference. I had made a brief search of the hotel, dreading and hoping to find Frasier there, but my efforts turned up nothing. I didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

I registered for the conference in the hotel lobby, and received a schedule for the weekend, some coupons for discounted entrees at the hotel restaurant, and my room key. I unpacked my belongings. I called Frederick to report that I had arrived safely, and to check that he was doing his homework instead of playing video games. And I called room service and requested that they send up an order of roast chicken and a baked potato. Six hours of travelling on nothing but airline food had made me drowsy and lethargic, to make a gross understatement. A little nap couldn't hurt...

A knock on my door roused me out of bed. My food was here. Good, I was starving. I opened the door, and stopped cold.

"Frasier."

He gave me a small smile. "Hello, Lilith."

I frantically tried to smooth down my hair. "Look at me, I'm a mess."

Frasier took my hands. "No, you aren't. You look beautiful."

"Oh, Frasier." I put my arms around him. He hugged me back, and it felt so good to be in his arms again. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," he whispered. "You have no idea how much."

"Would you like to come in?" I asked, and regretted it immediately when a panicked expression flickered across his face. "We can leave the door open," I added quickly.

"No, that's all right." My turn to be alarmed, but the feeling faded fast when Frasier hugged me again. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "It's just that it's so good to see you again.

"Me too," I said softly. "It's been a long time since Chicago." Frasier was silent, and I could have kicked myself for bringing that up. "So how was your flight?" I asked quickly in an attempt to change the subject.

He winced. "Hideous. First of all, my plane was delayed for forty minutes because there was an elk on the runway."

I laughed. "An elk?"

"That was my reaction at first," Frasier grinned. "Anyhow, it took half an hour to chase the stupid thing to where they could sedate it and take it away. And when I finally got on the plane, I was bumped from first class."

"Oh, poor baby," I giggled.

"It's not funny," he whined. "I had to sit next to a woman with two kids who kept climbing on my lap during the entire flight!" He pointed to an orange stain on his shirt. "Look at this! That's where little Jimmy spilled his Spaghetti-O's!"

"Oh, Frasier, I'm sorry."

"That would have sounded a lot better if you weren't laughing at me when you said it," he pouted.

I tried to suppress my giggles as I took his hand and dragged him to the bathroom. "Come on, we'll get you cleaned up."

He followed behind me, sulking like a little boy, as I made him sit down on the edge of the bathtub while I dipped a washcloth in some hot water. I smiled to myself as I scrubbed it with some soap, and knew that there was nowhere else in the world I would have rather been at that moment.

I reached over and tried to wipe off the stain. "It won't come off," he whined.

Sighing heavily, I nonchalantly unbuttoned his top two buttons to get a better grip on the shirt, before realizing he was staring at me. "What?" I suddenly realized how this must have looked. I was leaning over him, my face inches from his, with one hand on his shoulder and the other holding onto his shirt collar.

He stammered a moment before saying, "I think you might need some stain remover."

Maybe it was the airplane food talking, or maybe it was my simple attempt to see how far I could go without going too far... but I found myself looking straight into his eyes as I whispered, "Take off your shirt."

He stared back. "Lilith..."

"Do you want soap all over yourself?!" I exclaimed, abandoning my bold moves for a more direct and sensible approach.

His mouth formed a slow smile, and I smiled back. "All right," he acquiesced quietly, undoing the rest of the buttons and handing me his shirt.

I tried to ignore my heart's racing, but it became increasingly more difficult. But I put it out of my mind, and stood up to return to the sink. The only problem with this is that I had spilled some water during my earlier endeavors, and slipped backwards. Water was now everywhere-mostly on me-and I landed, of course, in Frasier's arms.

It might have been my imagination, but he seemed to hold on to me a bit tighter than was necessary. Not that I was complaining.

"Are you all right?" he whispered, staring into my eyes.

I stared back. A voice that didn't sound much like mine replied, "I'm fine, thanks."

"That's a relief." He made no effort to let go of me.

"Yes, it is." His face was inches away from mine, and I could feel his warm breath on my face.

Frasier adjusted his grip and pulled me closer to him. "Lilith…" he whispered.

In about ten seconds, he was going to kiss me. I had no objections. I closed my eyes, and then he bent his head down and his lips were on mine.

I had just begun to kiss him back when he pulled away, gently setting me back on my feet. "I'm sorry, Lilith," he apologized. "I don't know what came over me."

I grabbed his shirt and took it back to the sink. I scrubbed furiously, determined not to look at Frasier. If I met his eyes, I was going to start crying, and I couldn't deal with that right now.

"Lilith, please talk to me," Frasier pleaded.

"The stain's almost out," I said shortly. I gave one last scrub and tossed it over to him. "Here's your shirt."

Frasier stood up and came over to me, putting his hands on my shoulders. "Lilith, look at me."

I slowly turned around to face him. "There's nothing to say, Frasier," I said quietly. "Please, just go."

He didn't move. "I think we should talk about this."

"And I think we should just forget about it!" I exclaimed, brushing by him on my way out of the bathroom. "Can't you just leave me alone?"

Frasier followed me out into the bedroom. "Is that what you really want?"

I was going to say "Yes, of course it is!", but instead I started to cry.

"Oh, Lilith," he whispered, putting his arms around me. "Oh, honey. I'm sorry."

Wriggling out of his embrace, I pushed him away and stormed across the room, collapsing on the bed. I hugged a pillow to my chest and sat there, motionless, staring at the wall. I wanted to be alone. I wanted him to hold me. I didn't know what I wanted.

But I knew I wanted that kiss... more than anything. He gave it and then took it away. How could he do that?

For a moment he didn't follow me, but stood still on the other side of the room, watching me, his eyes filled with pain. "Lilith... it happens," he began slowly. "These things happen to people sometimes. And they *always* happen to us. If not now, then later tonight, or sometime this week..." I forced myself to look up at him as he continued. "But we can forget about it... if that's what you want. We... we don't have to let anything else happen. I'm sorry."

"Come here," I said softly. He stared at me in bewilderment, as though wondering if he'd heard me correctly. I put down my pillow and moved over to one side of the bed to make myself clear. Without a word, he came and sat beside me, his eyes not leaving mine for a second.

Not even sure how I was managing the strength to do this, I leaned in and took his hand. "Kiss me," I whispered.

He lowered his eyes. "Lilith, I don't think we should-"

I reached up and put a finger up to his lips. "Not a word," I breathed.

And he kissed me. We must have stayed there for two full minutes, not letting go of one another, kissing as though the world were about to end. At length we fell back onto the bed, and for a moment I began to doubt it all... but then everything became quiet.

As our lips parted, slowly, he pulled away and looked into my eyes. After several moments, I spoke, my voice barely a whisper. "You see?" I told him, unable to keep from breaking into a smile, "It's okay."

As he lay down beside me, I curled up next to him, snuggling into a position that allowed me to be wrapped in his embrace. "How did you know we could..." Is there a right way to finish that sentence? How did I know we could manage it this far without going any further? How did I know this would be all right?

"I just did," I told him.

He propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over, staring at me. "When the time is right," he whispered.

I nodded.

It wasn't long after that before we both fell asleep.

I woke up some hours later, my eyes bleary from sleep, with the very pleasant sensation of having someone in my arms. I looked down and smiled as I saw Lilith curled up next to me, her head resting on my shoulder.

She opened her eyes when I lightly dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Frasier, what time is it?" she mumbled sleepily.

I squinted into the darkness at the alarm clock. "Nine forty-five."

She sat up. "Oh, no," she groaned. "We missed the opening lectures."

Try as I might, I couldn't feel sorry about this. "Does it really matter?" I asked. "They were optional anyhow."

"You're right," she agreed. "God, I'm starving. Room service was supposed to be here ages ago."

"I think they came and left," I confessed. "I heard someone knocking on the door, but I was too tired to get up."

"Frasier!" she scolded, hitting me with a pillow.

"I was tired!" I whined. "And you were asleep!"

Lilith looked like she wanted to say something else, but changed her mind at the last moment. "It's not important. I forgive you."

I hugged her. "Good. What do you say I make up for this by taking you out to dinner?"

She grinned at me. "Anything I want?"

"Anything," I agreed. "Although considering that the airline lost my luggage, and the only shirt I have is currently in the bathroom with spaghetti stains on it, we might not want to go to any five star restaurants tonight."

"Oh, Frasier." She looked like she was trying not to laugh. "How do you get into these situations?"

"I don't know," I whined. "It's not my fault."

Lilith got up out of bed. "I'll tell you what," she began. "Why don't we go buy you a shirt down at the gift shop, and then we can go out for Chinese?"

I looked at her skeptically. "One of those tacky touristy shirts with Mickey Mouse on it?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

"No," I admitted. "Oh, all right. Just as long as we don't run into anyone from the conference."

She laughed. "Not a chance." She went into the bathroom for a moment and came out with my shirt, which she dropped into my lap. "Now put that on, unless you'd prefer to go downstairs shirtless."

"It's up to you, my dear," I teased, kissing her quickly. Which turned into several, longer kisses.

"That was very nice," Lilith whispered when we finally broke away. "But I'm still hungry."

I sighed in mock exasperation. "I give you some of my best stuff, and all you can think about is food."

"Oh, Frasier," she giggled, holding out my shirt once again. "Put this on and let's go."

I tossed it on the bed before grabbing her around the waist and pulling her down beside me. Before long, we were both sprawled on the bed laughing uncontrollably.

"Oh, fine, I'll do it," she sighed in between laughter, trying to become serious. "Sit up-stop that!" she laughed as I attempted to tickle her.

I obeyed and watched as she pulled the shirt around me and proceeded to fasten the buttons. She slowed down after the first two buttons, and finally stopped altogether at the fourth.

"Well, good enough," she said softly. "We're just going to get you out of it in a minute." At this, I looked at her with a raised eyebrow, and she shot back a sultry smile before getting up to rummage through her suitcase. "I'll be right back," she said, slipping into the bathroom with a pile of clothes.

While I waited, I found my jacket over on the chair. Reaching into the pocket, I pulled out a small white envelope and sat down with it on the bed. Inside where the reprints I'd made her of the photos from our honeymoon. I found my favorite, put it on top, and placed the envelope inside a book of hers on the dresser.

Lilith emerged from the bathroom attempting to button up the back of her blouse. "I don't know how we're going to stay awake for those lectures tomorrow," she mused, positioning herself in front of the mirror. "I'm not going to be getting much sleep tonight."

I was tempted to take this in the way she obviously hadn't meant it, but I concealed my smile. I stood up and went over to her, brushing away her hair from the back of her neck, and fastened a button she'd missed. "I don't think anyone will notice if we sleep through them," I remarked.

"Except maybe the..." her voice melted to a whisper. "...speakers."

Suddenly I realized my hands were still on her shoulders, and I froze. "I forgot to tell you something today," I remarked softly.

She turned around to face me. "Oh?"

"I love you," I told her, pulling her closely to me.

"I love you, too."

We stayed there for a moment until I finally pulled away and kissed her on the cheek. "All right then. Off we go."

The gift shop was hardly my idea of a proper clothing store. It was a tossup between the aforementioned Mickey Mouse shirt and the one with flowers and palm trees. I opted for the latter, but only if Lilith would agree to get one too. I wasn't going to be the only one looking ludicrous.

"I look like a tourist," I whined as we made our way down the street, hand in hand. "All I need is a pair

of Mickey Mouse ears to complete the picture."

"Frasier." Lilith looked at me. "You live in Seattle. I live in Boston. Like it or not, we're tourists."

"No we're not!" I insisted. "Not real tourists. It's not like we're running around in Bermuda shorts snapping pictures of everything that says 'California'!"

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Whatever makes you happy."

The first two restaurants were closed. After walking what felt like three miles down the road, we found

Chang's Chinese Cuisine, and after twenty minutes of waiting, managed to get a booth near the restrooms.

Unfortunately, the name Frasier Crane meant nothing outside of Seattle. Since it was so late at night, the restaurant was out of cashew chicken and Mongolian Beef. We settled on sweet and sour chicken, with extra egg rolls on the side.

"The service stinks," I complained. "We should complain to the manager about this."

"I think we did pretty well, considering it's past ten thirty at night," Lilith commented quietly.

I reached across the table and took her hand in mine "It's so wonderful to be able to do this," I whispered. "I've missed being able to touch you."

She squeezed my hand. "Me too."

I looked up to see our waiter standing by the table. Along with about ten other people, including every other waiter in the restaurant, and an older couple who I assumed owned the place. "Can I help you?" I asked politely, aware of the irony.

The old man stepped forward. "On behalf of Chang's, we'd like to wish you a happy anniversary, and many more to come."

Lilith opened her mouth, but nothing came out. I wasn't having much luck either. "Oh, I think there's been-"

"It's obvious how much the two of you care for each other," our waiter added. "I only hope my wife and I will be as happy as you are."

I finally managed to find my voice. "Thank you, but I believe there's been a mistake."

Our waiter looked confused. "Aren't you the Harts?"

Lilith shook her head. "I'm Lilith Sternin, and this is my ex-husband, Frasier Crane."

"Oh." Everyone looked embarrassed.

"We're over here," a woman called from two tables away. "My Amos and I are celebrating our seventh anniversary today."

"I'm sorry," our waiter mumbled to us before following everyone over to congratulate the Harts.

Lilith and I sat in silence for a few minutes. I picked at my rice. She slowly shredded her napkin.

"Are you all right?" I asked quietly.

"I'm fine," she said softly. "I guess I'm not as hungry as I thought I was."

"Me either." I picked up the bill, took out my wallet, and threw two twenties on the table. "Come on, let's get out of here."

She nodded and rose from her chair without a word. I reached for her hand to lead her out the front door, but she went ahead of me and was out before I'd even left the table. "Lilith... honey, wait." I ran past the Harts and the rest of the staring tables and made my way out the door. There she was, in the nearly empty parking lot, pacing back and forth.

I went to her and took her hand.

"Frasier, don't!" she commanded, leaving me and heading towards the sidewalk. Even in the darkness, I could see the tears glistening on her face. I didn't know if she really wanted me to let her go, or to go after her... naturally, I went after her.

"Lilith, I'm sorry about what happened... what can I do?" I pleaded. "It wasn't my fault."

"I didn't say it was your fault," she said quietly, not stopping to turn around.

Following close behind, I eventually fell into step with her. "Would you stop for a minute?"

"I just want to go home," she said, her voice quavering.

"Lilith..."

"This was a bad idea, I never should have come here," she sobbed, turning around and beginning to pace again. "I don't know what I was thinking."

There was a chill in the air, and I removed my jacket upon thinking it might come in handy in a few moments. "Lilith, listen..." I began hesitantly. "It's been a long day, for both of us-"

"For God's sake, Frasier, would you just shut up and hold me?"

I was at her side in an instant, wrapped the jacket around her, and stroked her hair as she cried on my shoulder.

I sighed. Women.

"My angel... I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I wish this could be easy. I wish we could just be together like... people tend to be. I'm sorry everything's harder for us."

She lifted her head and wiped away a remaining tear that hadn't been absorbed by my jacket. "Let's not talk about it," she decided.

We continued to walk down the sidewalk, slower this time. She snuggled against me and I put my arm around her, enjoying the feeling of her warm body close to mine. There was silence for a few minutes, until I discovered we had strayed off our chosen road and onto a more... lively street.

She looked up at the places around us, lining each side of the street... dance halls, strip joints, clubs... everything we were unaccustomed to.

I looked at her, and she shot me a mischievous grin. "Shall we?"

She grinned back. "I'm game if you are."

"All right, then." I took her hand, and led her inside.

The nightclub was hot and smoky, and music that resembled a cat being tortured was blaring. "The music's so loud!" I yelled to Lilith.

She looked confused. "What?" she shouted back. "The blues are proud?"

I took her hand and led her to a table in the back corner. It was surrounded by teenagers making out, but at least we could hear one another.

Our waiter approached, a boy who couldn't have been older than twenty, with blue and purple hair and two nose rings. How charming. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Oh, God, yes," I answered. "Two Scotches, and what would you like, Lilith?"

She hit me playfully. "Just the Scotches. Although you may need to bring more later on."

The boy looked at us as if we each had two heads. "All right."

When he brought us our drinks, I sent him back for more. By the fifth round, Lilith had moved onto my lap, and was giggling uncontrollably, over what, I had no idea. I wasn't much better off, and was entertaining myself by mimicking the dancers out on the floor. To the amusement of Lilith, and the other teenagers in our area, when they broke apart for air.

"Oh, Frasier," Lilith giggled, getting up and pulling me to my feet. "Come on, dance with me."

I opened my mouth to protest, but she wrapped her arms around me and pressed her body close to mine. Who was I to complain?

"Frasier?" she said softly.

"Mmm?"

"You smell like smoke," she announced, going off into another gale of giggles. "But I love you anyhow."

I held her tighter. "I love you too, angel."

She lifted her head from my shoulder so we were staring into each others eyes. "What are you thinking right now?"

I smiled. "I'm thinking that you're so very adorable when you're drunk."

"I'm not drunker than you," she protested, gripping my shirt with one hand.

"I think we're both over our limits," I admitted. "I just hope we can get back to the hotel."

She rested her head on my shoulder. "The hotel... oh, is that where we're staying?" She seemed to find this uproariously amusing and went off into a fit of laughter once more, nearly toppling over me on the dance floor.

Trying to contain my own alcohol-induced bouts of laughter, I lifted her up and set her gently on her feet. "Maybe we should get going," I suggested. "I'm starting to forget what colors things are," I added, glancing up at the red television screen.

"I do have that effect on men," she declared loudly.

"Lilith!" I exclaimed, trying not to laugh.

"All right, let's go," she called to the dance floor occupants in general. "Frasier, you should come with me, I think you're going in my direction..." She looked over at me and formed her mouth into a small, bewitching grin. "To the hotel, I mean."

"Come to me, my little tequila shot," I said, picking her up and carrying her across the room to the door. How I managed to get out of there without dropping her is beyond comprehension.

Halfway to the hotel, between falling over each other and just falling over, I finally stopped, attempting to stand still, and took both her hands in mine. "Lilith, you know what we should do?" I whispered.

"Get married!" she exclaimed, pointing behind me. I turned around, adjusting to the blurriness of my eyes, and beheld the building behind us-a wedding chapel.

If this wasn't fate, I don't know what was.

"I was going to say go swimming, but this is even better!" I smiled, kissing her quickly and following her across the street.

It might have been an hour later... it might have been three hours later. I can't remember exactly when we both stumbled into the hotel room, clinging to each other for dear life. I don't think we'd stopped kissing since we left the chapel. And as a result, we'd nearly caused three car accidents, and I had just bumped into the maid's broom closet in the hallway... I felt like a teenager again.

Finally, once we were inside the room, all was silent. And dark. I couldn't even hear the distant humming of cars, but that's probably because I was drunk. Absolutely smashed. I couldn't remember when I'd been this plastered. I doubt I'd ever been.

But if Frasier was beside me, that's all I cared about.

He closed the door behind us and turned back to me. I'd strolled backwards to the other end of the room, and stood there, watching him with wide eyes. I had no idea what was going to happen... I didn't care. I was scared, but more than anything I was exhilarated.

My heart began pounding as he let go of the door and slowly walked over to me, putting one hand up to my cheek. "I love you so much," he breathed.

It took me a minute to find my voice. "You do?" He nodded.

"I love you too," I told him. Slowly, I lifted my hand and began aimlessly fiddling with a button on his shirt, as his eyes never left mine. Unfastening them was harder than I'd thought. Once that was through, I went on to the second one... after about a minute of this, I took a step back.

"Lilith..."

"Oh, to hell with this," I whispered, tearing off the shirt and pressing my lips against his.

We didn't say anything else after that.

I woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. The sun burned my eyes, and I rolled over, trying to escape from its rays. God, it was hot in here. Even my pillow was too warm for my taste.

Suddenly my pillow changed positions, and I fell down six inches onto the bed. "What the…" I mumbled, painfully opening my eyes to see what had happened. "Oh, Frasier."

Frasier? I sat up, suddenly wide awake, and not caring about the bright sunlight stinging my eyes. Oh, God, what was he doing here? What happened last night? I vainly searched my memory, but all I could remember was wobbily dancing in his arms at that club. The rest was a complete blank. Oh, my God.

Frasier slept on peacefully, unaware of the catastrophe at hand. His shirt was wrinkled from sleeping in it, but I doubted he'd care about that. Wait a minute. I carefully pulled back the covers to reveal him asleep, in his boxers and that T-shirt he'd complained so much about last night. I looked down at myself. I was wearing my nightgown, like I always did.

Okay. We were both clothed. Maybe nothing had happened after all. We had both had a lot to drink. Most likely we had staggered back to the hotel, changed into sleeping attire, and passed out. That must have been it. I would have remembered if it had been otherwise.

Frasier began to stir. "Lilith…" he mumbled sleepily, reaching across the bed for me.

I took his hand. "I'm right here."

"Head hurts," he whined. "Too bright."

"I know," I assured him, curling up next to him. "Mine does too."

He opened his eyes and smiled at me. "Well, well, well, isn't this a lovely way to wake up?" He blinked, and stared at me.

"Frasier, are you all right?" I asked. "You look terrible!"

"Oh my God!" he yelled, breaking away from me and jumping out of bed. "What did we do?"

"Do you remember what happened last night?" I asked hopefully. "I can't remember a thing."

He shook his head. "Neither do I. But waking up in bed together isn't a good sign."

"Are you sure anything happened?" I asked. "We both had a lot to drink last night."

"That's what I'm worried about!" he exclaimed. "We both agreed to wait for the right time. Now what do we do?"

I got out of bed. "Frasier, we both shared this bed for a nap yesterday afternoon, and nothing happened. And if anything had happened, I'm sure we would both be considerably less dressed than we are now."

Frasier glanced over my nightgown, and his own shirt and boxers. "You have a point."

"We don't have any reason to believe that last night wasn't perfectly innocent," I continued. "So let's not waste our time together worrying about what we did or didn't do."

I wanted to believe it... more than anything I did. But one look at her betrayed her beliefs. She was glowing, even if she didn't know it. And she was so quiet, so reflective. Exactly the way she always was after we'd spent an especially intense night together. It was almost instinctive... it's simply the way she is.

But I only nodded.

"I'm just going to go wash my face," she said quietly, slipping into the bathroom.

I collapsed on the bed and closed my eyes, striving desperately to recall something, anything... all I could think of was sitting in the club, downing one drink after another, and dancing with her out on the floor... carrying her out of the club, trying to walk home, stopping at the...

My heart leapt into my throat.

Oh, dear God.

In one swift movement, I seized my jacket that was lying across the back of a nearby chair and dug around in the pockets. At length, I discovered one with a piece of paper inside. With trembling hands, I unfolded it and dared to lower my eyes to read its contents.

It was a marriage certificate. Dated July 2, 2001.

Yesterday.

It was *our* marriage certificate.

How in God's name could I have forgotten THAT? Everything suddenly came pouring back into my memory at once. The dim lights of the chapel. The quiet, musty room where we exchanged our vows, not even comprehending what we were doing. The little rice-throwing machine at the Exit door.

And then... of course. Afterwards. The hotel room was so dark and silent. You could hear a pin drop. There weren't any nightlights... we couldn't see anything, except each other, and only when we were inches apart. Which we were, if that, most of the night. I told her how much I loved her and she just looked up at me with those beautiful, innocent eyes and said, "You do?" I carried her over to the bed and we made love just like we did years ago... without worrying about the consequences. Or whether it was the right time. Or whether we would regret it tomorrow. And it was heaven.

"Stupid faucets-the hot is actually cold even though it says hot, but the cold is labeled correctly, so... this should be interesting," Lilith remarked, emerging from the bathroom.

Snapping out of my daydream, I stuffed the paper back into my jacket and tried to smile. "It's better in my room. You can use it if you like."

She smiled, but barely. "Thank you, Frasier." I was having a hard time looking her in the eyes, and to make it all worse, she came and sat down beside me, cradling my hand in both of hers. "You know," she began softly, "I wouldn't mind if you stayed here with me this week. It's... it's nice having someone to wake up with."

"Even nicer having someone to fall asleep with," I noted.

Looking away, she lowered her voice to a wistful "Yes," and squeezed my hand. I put my arm around her and she rested her head against my chest. Together we fell back on the bed and stayed in that embrace for several minutes.

She would never have allowed me to hold her like that if she'd known...

She would never have seemed so peaceful.

She had no idea.

We arrived early to the first lecture, for two reasons. First, we felt guilty about missing the previous night's activities. Second, we wanted to obtain seats in the back, where it wouldn't be as obvious if we weren't paying attention.

It turned out that we arrived just in time, as several other people had the same idea. We managed to secure the last two seats in the back row, slipping past another couple, and receiving dirty looks for our trouble.

Lilith tugged on my sleeve. "If I sat on your lap, we'd only need one chair," she whispered.

I tried not to show how guilty I felt as I smiled and kissed her. I was amazed I hadn't shown it before now. For as long as we'd known each other, Lilith had been able to tell when I was hiding something from her. Maybe-the thought made me sit up straight in my chair-she knew as well, and was subconsciously denying that it happened. That would explain her ignorance to my guilty reactions, as well as her lack of memory of last night's very memorable events.

Then again, she'd had a lot to drink, and the alcohol could very easily be the reason for her amnesia. It was impossible to tell, but the important thing was that she didn't remember.

Lilith took my hand and rested it against her cheek. "I love you," she whispered, smiling at me.

I put my arm around her. "I love you too."

The lecture was long and dull, just as I had known it would be. Fortunately, Lilith had brought a notepad and paper with her. Presumably to take notes, and indeed, she wrote a lot while Dr. Janson was speaking.

"How much longer do we have?" she jotted down. "I'm starving."

I checked my watch. "Thirty-five minutes," I wrote back.

She took the notepad, and I had to stifle my laughter as I read what she had written. "Is that a bad toupee, or did a rat die on his head?" Despite my best efforts, a guffaw escaped, and immediately the eyes of the entire room were on me.

"Is there something you'd like to share, Dr. Crane?" Dr. Janson asked in that whiny, high-pitched voice of his.

I put on my best innocent expression. "I'm sorry, Doctor. Please continue."

He went back to his lecture, and I very slowly took the notepad and wrote "Uh, oh, I'm in trouble now."

"If you're not good, you're going to have to stand in front of the room with your nose to the chalkboard," Lilith scribbled back.

I snickered, and Dr. Janson was on me again. "Maybe the class would like to know what's so amusing," he snapped, snatching the notepad from my hands.

His eyes scanned the page, and I watched in fascination as his ears turned redder and redder. "Dr. Crane, Dr. Sternin, please leave the room," he scowled, pointing towards the door. Lilith and I had no choice but to gather our things and make a quick retreat.

Once we were safely on the other side of the closed door, I let out my guffaw again, this time more noticeably, and Lilith followed suit. "Can you believe that?" I exclaimed. "I feel like I'm in high school again."

"Frasier, you were never a bad boy in high school," she giggled.

"No, but if I had been, look how much fun I'd have had!"

She took my hand and began running towards the elevator. "Forget the lectures. We don't need them. Not today, at least."

While I was trying to deduce what exactly she meant by that, we both simultaneously tripped over a hidden garbage can in the hallway as we turned the corner. I went flying, and Lilith landed on top of me... not an altogether unpleasant state.

I stared up into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, certainly," she replied, not moving a muscle. "I can't walk, but... sure. I'm fine."

"Oh, sugar cookie. Come here." I stood up, carried her over to the elevator, and pressed the Up button. "We'll get you all fixed up as soon as we get upstairs."

I smiled as she rested her head against my shoulder, and I suddenly knew I never wanted to be away from her ever again.

Upon entering the hotel room, I placed her gently on the bed and went off to the bathroom to create a makeshift bandage with washcloths and an old tshirt. I grabbed a few pieces of ice from the cooler, wrapped them up, and sat beside her on the bed.

"How does it feel?" I asked after putting the finishing touches on my work; namely, a quick kiss on her cheek.

"It's perfect," she decided, pulling me in for a more meaningful kiss, and in only seconds I found us both in significantly more compromising positions than we'd been in moments before.

Not only did I not want to move, but considering her arms were now wrapped around me, I don't think I could have. "Sweetheart, I think I should..." I began, as it turns out, fruitlessly.

"Frasier," she whispered, "I think... it's now."

I stared at her. "What?"

She drew in a deep breath. "I trust you."

I turned pale. She trusted me. I was lying to her... keeping from her perhaps the biggest secret I could possibly keep... and she not only trusted me, but was open enough to say so... was this my Lilith? So repressed? So reserved? And here she was, offering everything to me... and I couldn't accept it. I wanted to kick myself.

"Do you really?" I asked her.

Slowly, she nodded. "Unconditionally."

I tried to swallow, but couldn't. "Then trust me..." I whispered, "when I tell you that the right time... is not now."

"Don't be afraid," she whispered, kissing me again. "Just have faith and everything will turn out all right."

It took every bit of effort I could summon to pull myself away. "No." I shook my head. "Not yet."

Lilith sat up. "Frasier, what's wrong?" she asked softly.

I couldn't meet her eyes. "I'm sorry, Lilith, I have to go now."

Her face fell and she turned away. "Then go," she said flatly. "If we're not going to be honest with

each other, then there's no point to this."

I went over and put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Please, Frasier." She looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears. "Just leave."

"I'll be back later," I whispered. I kissed her on the forehead and left the room.

Ten o'clock came and went, with no sign of Frasier. I called his room every five minutes, with no luck.

Either he was out, or he was avoiding me. I was still upset with him for the morning's events, but not nearly as much as I was upset with myself. We had agreed to wait for the right time, and I had practically thrown myself at him. I shouldn't have rushed him. This was all my fault.

I snapped off the TV and began pacing up and down the room. I had taken a shower and put on my nightgown. I had attempted to work on my book. I had watched repeats of old TV shows for hours. And if I stayed in this room any longer, I was going to scream.

I put on a bathrobe and took the elevator down to the lobby, intending to get something to eat at the all-night diner. As I passed the lounge, the sound of "Hungarian Rhapsody" made me look in, and there he was. Sitting at the piano, pounding at furiously the keys.

He was so absorbed in his playing that he didn't notice me as I softly walked into the room and came up behind him. The notes fell down around us like rain. When he finished, he wiped the sweat off of his forehead, and I put a hand on his shoulder.

"Frasier." He turned to look at me, and I wanted to cry at the hurt expression in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, Lilith." He stood up and hugged me tightly. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he silenced me with a kiss. "God, you're beautiful," he whispered.

I put my arms around his neck and kissed him again. "You know I love you."

He smiled and untied my bathrobe from around my waist, letting it slip down to the floor, leaving me standing there in nothing but my nightgown. In return, I began to unbutton his shirt.

"Wait a minute," he whispered. Before I knew it, he had picked me up and sat me on the piano. My foot brushed against the keyboard, sending a string of notes into the air.

Frasier laughed. "Concerto in C Major, by Lilith Sternin," he joked, kissing me again.

I looked around nervously. "Are we alone?"

His hands slid up and down the sides of my nightgown. "I've been the only one in here for the last two hours."

I finished unbuttoning his shirt, and peeled it off of him. "Good," I whispered. "Perfect."

My heart was racing. I had no idea what I was doing... but I wanted this too much. I put every doubtful thought out of my mind and just stopped. I pulled away for an instant and looked at my wife...

My wife.

We were married... and only one of us knew it.

This was exactly the kind of thought I needed to be putting out of my mind... despite the consequences. And my God, would there ever be consequences. But I did. I forgot everything and took her in my arms the way I'd wanted to do for the last two months, and didn't look back.

I half-awoke, finding myself feeling heavier than usual. Once I was able to wake the other half, I opened my eyes. Looking directly in front of me, I saw the faint outline of a piano... lowering my eyes, I saw... her.

She was asleep on top of me, wrapped somewhat in a blanket, from which I had no idea where it came. The room was still dark, and I suspected it was still early morning...

Oh my God, what had I done?

It's not that I didn't want to be there... more than anything in the world. But the entire experience was tarnished, in a way that could never be erased.

I had betrayed her trust.

I had let this happen, without even telling her... how could I possibly tell her now?

She stirred, letting her hair slide down her back, and lifted her head, gazing at me. It was as if she knew. "Hi," she whispered.

I stroked her cheek. "Hello, my love." Pulling the blanket around her, she sat up and stared into the darkness. I reached underneath the blanket and found her hand. "Are you okay?"

Lilith nodded aimlessly before turning back to me. "Are you?" she asked meaningfully. I nodded, but she only turned away and sighed. "Promise me you're being honest."

Putting all of those thoughts out of my mind again, I sat up beside her and pulled her close to me. "I promise," I whispered.

She gently stroked my face. "You don't regret what happened last night?"

I kissed her softly. "Never." I stood up, and reached my hand to her. "What do you say we get back to our room before someone finds us here?"

She took my hand and followed me to the elevators. She was so innocent and trusting, and it made me feel sick to think about what I had done to her. When we got to our room, I put my arms around her and hugged her fiercely.

Lilith looked surprised, but returned my embrace. "What was that for?"

I tried to smile. "Just because I love you."

She kissed me, and said "I love you too" with such honesty and innocence that I couldn't bear the guilt anymore.

I had to tell her.

I looked at her, her eyes filled with love and trust. She would never look at me that way again, once I had told her. That would be my punishment, and I couldn't think of anything worse. I took her in my arms and kissed her once more, desperately trying to take in everything at once. Her soft, silky hair between my fingers. Her arms around my neck. The pleasant warmth of her body against mine. I held on to her like a drowning man, not wanting to let go.

She pulled back slightly. "Frasier, are you all right?"

I opened my mouth to tell her, and no sound came out. I tried again. Still nothing.

"Frasier, what is it?"

I took her by the shoulders and looked into her beautiful dark eyes. "I love you so much," I breathed. "No matter what happens, don't forget that."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Promise me," I insisted. "Promise me you won't forget."

"I promise," she whispered. "But Frasier, what's wrong? You're starting to scare me."

"I just need a drink of water," I said quickly. "I'll be back in a moment."

I stayed in the bathroom for twenty minutes, staring at my reflection in the mirror. How could I be such a coward? And then I realized, I wasn't afraid of anything that would happen to me. What I dreaded was hurting her. I had promised to love and cherish her for the rest of our days, and here I was, about to drive a knife into her heart.

But I had to tell her. I would only make it worse by waiting. So I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door, finally ready to tell her the truth.

Lilith was curled up on the bed, asleep. She looked so young and innocent that I couldn't bear to wake her. Instead, I joined her on the bed and spread the covers over us.

It was still early in the day.

I would tell her when we woke up.

When I opened my eyes, they fell directly on the small clock resting on the nightstand. Ten-thirty in the morning... the first lecture started in half an hour. Rolling over drowsily, I saw Frasier, curled up against me, sleeping like a baby.

I didn't want to think about anything but last night, and how incredible it had been. I would have been content to lie there next to him all day, just reflecting on what we had shared. But all I could think of at the moment was how worried I was about him. It's not as though he seemed to feel regretful... but rather guilty. And that's what perplexed me the most. What did he have to be guilty about? We were adults. This was familiar territory. And, most importantly... we loved each other. Hopelessly. No matter what happens... I don't think that could ever change.

I only wished I could talk to him about it... I wanted so desperately to understand him. But if there was one thing I knew about Frasier, it was that he deals with everything in his own time... I couldn't pressure him.

That didn't stop me from feeling utterly helpless.

So I did the only thing I felt I could do... I put my arm around him and rested my head against his chest. It wasn't long before I felt his hand stroking my back, and I looked up into his eyes. I wanted to say something, but everything that made sense in my head died when it reached my lips, and I fell silent.

He had that same look in his eyes, just as he had earlier... like he wanted to say something, but couldn't. Much as I did. "Hi, angel-face," he whispered.

His lips brushed lightly against mine, and I stared at him. There had to be a way to draw this out of him without pressuring him... oh, that didn't sound devious or anything. I sighed inwardly, and took a deep breath. "Frasier... is there anything you want to talk about?"

His face was blank. It must have been my imagination, but he almost turned pale.

"Because, if there is..." I went on quickly, "I just hope you know that... you can tell me anything. You know that. Right?" My voice quavered towards the end, as I began reflecting on the immensity of what I was asking him. I had no idea what was going on in his mind, and part of me was suddenly afraid to find out. And I was more upset at that than anything. I never wanted to be afraid of anything he would tell me.

But I was.

All of a sudden he turned away, almost as though he couldn't bear to look me in the eye any longer. Wonderful. Now, on top of putting him on the spot, I'd scared him away too. Who was feeling guilty *now*?

I quickly sat up, hating myself for ever having brought this up in the first place, and pulled on my robe. "The first lecture starts in half an hour," I said quietly, deliberately avoiding meeting his gaze. "We don't want to be late again."

"Right." He gladly took the change of subject, and began to put on his shirt.

"Here, let me." I reached over to help. It didn't go too well. The buttons wouldn't go into the buttonholes, and I snapped two off altogether. "I suppose I'm better at unbuttoning," I said with a seductive glance at him.

That uneasy look in his eyes returned. "Lilith..."

"I'm sorry." I quickly gathered up some of my clothes. "I'll just change in the bathroom."

We didn't say much when I came out, or on our way to the conference room for the lecture. It was another dull, dry speech, and I had forgotten my notepad in the hotel room. Not like it would have helped much. Frasier appeared to be absorbed in the theories of conditioning and desensitization. To anyone else it would appear that he was fascinated by the lecture. Except I knew that he thought these theories were, in his words, "total crap."

The room was freezing. It appeared that the hotel management was attempting to compensate for the stifling outside weather by turning up the air conditioning so that conditions were just a little warmer than sub-Arctic. I tried not to show how cold I was, but Frasier noticed my shivering and finally paid some attention to me, draping his jacket around my shoulders.

"Thank you," I whispered, pulling it on. I held it close to me, sniffing the comforting scent of Frasier's aftershave. He had worn the same brand for as long as I had known him, and it always made me feel safe.

My hands were still cold. "My God, are they trying to freeze us?" I whispered, sticking my hands in the jacket pockets.

Frasier laughed softly. "You live in Boston. Aren't you used to the cold?"

"The cold, yes," I replied. "Snow and ice don't bother me at all. It's only psychotic air conditioners that I have trouble with."

He smiled at me and turned back to the lecture. I was completely lost by now, so I entertained myself by exploring the pocket contents. A pack of gum. Some change. And-I pulled it out to get a better look-a folded piece of paper.

Something warned me not to look, but I couldn't see the harm in it. The paper looked perfectly innocent. I unfolded it. And caught my breath.

It was a marriage certificate.

My and Frasier's marriage certificate.

Dated two days ago.

Oh my God.

My memories came back all at once, pouring into my brain and flashing before me. The wedding ceremony. Afterwards in the hotel room. We had gotten married. Oh my God.

I was so shocked that it took a few minutes for the other truth to sink in. I had found this paper in Frasier's jacket. Which meant that he had known. That's why he was acting so strangely. He had kept this from me. Had lied to me. Last night...he had let that happen...he hadn't even told me...

Frasier chose that moment to turn away from the lecture and look at me. The expression on his face was one of complete and utter horror.

In the moments that ensued, my entire thought process was focused on a way to get out of this. It's a joke, I could say. We went to some tacky souvenir shop where you can buy fake certificates, and... I just forgot all about it the next morning...

But then I stopped, peeling my eyes away from the sheet of paper in her trembling hands, and looking up into her eyes. They were welled up with tears, gazing at me, terrified. And my heart sank. It wasn't a look of innocence and trust, like last night. It was just as I'd known it would be... afraid, and hurt, and betrayed, and lost... I had done this. I had made that look appear in her eyes. Last night I had taken advantage of her trust, and her love... and now I may never get either one back.

"Lilith, wait..." I whispered, as though I suspected she could read my thoughts and was planning her response.

The tears became too numerous to hold back, and began flowing down her face. "How could you?"

I didn't have time to even think before she leapt out of her chair and ran from the room. Taking no notice of the stares that followed us, I ran after her. She was standing in middle of the empty hallway, motionless.

"Lilith, please. Don't do this." I longed to take her in my arms, but I knew that was a freedom I no longer had.

She didn't move. "Don't do what?" she whispered shakily.

I took a step towards her cautiously. She took one backwards. "You remember what I told you this morning," I began. "I told you to promise me something."

"And I asked you to be honest with me, and you weren't!" she cried.

She was right. I couldn't bear that she could say something like that and be telling the truth. She was the only honest one in this room. And that was more than I could handle. "I was as honest as I could be!" I exclaimed defensively, wondering where the truth was in that. "I wanted to tell you, I was just waiting for the..." My voice fell, and I wished I didn't have to finish the sentence at all. Not with this phrase. "...right time," I concluded, barely audible to myself.

Her gaze never left me, but I found it impossible to look up at her again... after what I'd just said. How we had obsessed over waiting for that obscure 'right time' in our relationship, and how we had obviously failed. But that was my fault. I had failed her. I had deceived her. And I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.

"The right time," she repeated in a whisper. "And when would that have been? Next month? Maybe a few years from now? Never?"

"I was going to tell you today," I insisted, speaking my only truth in the entire matter. "But I was afraid," I said quietly, "and justifiably so."

She took another step back and was stopped by a wall. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "So this is my fault?"

"It was your idea!"

"I was plastered!" she retorted. "Not to mention you didn't seem to complain too much." Tears came flowing again, as I suspected more details of the night's memories were coming back to her, and I wondered how on earth I could say what I was about to.

I threw my arms up in exasperation. "What about you?" I demanded. "You were all over me the next day as if nothing had happened. What happened to waiting for the right moment?"

The expression on her face was enough to tell me I'd gone too far. After everything I'd done, I was putting this on her. I had blatantly betrayed her the night before, risking everything we had... and I was reproving her for coming onto me, at a time when she needed me... when all she'd needed was my honesty. And I couldn't even give her that.

"I don't think you have any right to criticize me after what you did," she said quietly. And she was absolutely right. Any offenses she had committed faded away to nothing next to my actions. She began crying softly again, and her next words broke my heart. "What were you planning on doing? Divorcing me after you got bored?"

"I never wanted to divorce you at all!" I exclaimed. "That's why I didn't tell you!"

She was silent for a moment, contemplating my words. I watched her nervously. When she spoke, her voice was little more than a whisper. "If you weren't going to divorce me, what were you planning on doing?"

I opened and shut my mouth without a sound. There was no way I could answer that to her satisfaction, or to mine.

"Do you want us to be married and see each other once or twice a year?" she continued.

At that moment, I would have sworn off alcohol for the rest of my life if it would undo this whole ugly mess. Before the conference, we had spent hours planning out how quickly we should move, and had a fail-proof game plan for the entire week. Which was shot to hell after a series of scotches and tequila shooters.

Lilith was looking at me, waiting for an answer. "I was going to tell you today" was the best I could come up with.

"Why didn't you tell me yesterday?" she asked softly.

I had no answer for that. Instead, I took the worst possible action and got defensive again. "Because I knew you'd react like this!"

Lilith looked like she wanted to say something else, but turned away instead. "Never mind," she said quietly. "I'm going home."

I would rather have had her scream at me, or slap me, anything but this quiet, heartbroken manner. "Lilith, no. Please."

"I'm sorry," she stated again. "I have to go home."

I reached forward and took her by the arm. "Please," I begged. "Don't do this."

She stepped back out of my grasp. "I need some time to think."

"Honey, we can get through this together," I pleaded. "You can't leave." I had a horrible feeling that if she left, I'd never see her again.

"I can't stay," she repeated, and the determination in her face let me know that she couldn't be talked out of this. "I need to decide how I feel about you."

I nodded slowly. "I love you," I whispered.

She put her arms around my waist and kissed me. I kissed back desperately, not knowing if I would ever see her again. And then she turned away and left, leaving me standing in the hallway with tears in my eyes.