[We pan in to find a lonely Scottish man]
Twelve: [Crossed legged on a wall across the street from 17 cherry tree lane. (yES OKAY- we must specify it's exact location every time. WE MUST. anyway) Numerous empty pop corn bags surround him. He looks incredibly bored and very pissed off and seems to have gained an electric guitar as opposed to his previous instrumental get-up. Suddenly, he looks up.]
Oh! It's you guys!
[He perks up, grinning, plucking a few notes on his guitar. The tune is akin to the opening of a certain popular sci-fi show you may know of. Like, idk.]
Finally! I've been sat here for two years. Two fecking years! And I couldn't leave because evil step mother over here never gave me a TARDIS.
Missy: [Pops up from behind the wall, causing twelve to leap like an awkward frog] Yeah I know, what the hell!
Twelve: [Shuffling and cearing his throat, cause he's totally ok right now. He's fine. F I NE] Aren't you supposed to be in the cloud?
Missy: I've been in the cloud for two years.
Twelve: Fair point.
Missy: Anyway, I thought I was the evil step mother?! You serenaded me! Not that bitch!
Author: Excuse me that is very rude. Do you want me to finish this fic or not? I can go away for another two years if you're not ready I mean-
Twelve and Missy: NO PLEASE
Author: Alright then. Lets get on with it. No insults.
Missy: [Sighs] Yanno this was fun at first. Scaring birds. Crying into the open sky. Throwing flaming arrows at people beneath me and watching them scream... Now I'm just starting to wish I never came! [She grudgingly turns, heading back for her cloud when she suddenly has a very clever idea. She grins.] Twelve-y dear, my precious love.
Twelve: [Eye brows drawn in ultimate Scottish suspicion and dare I say, fear.]
...ye-e-eeess-ssss?
Missy: [Still grinning scarily] Since you where so eager to serenade me when you thought you where dying-
Twelve: I did not serenade you! I was simply playing a tune that some happen to associate with you whilst you walked into the room. That's not my fault!
Missy: Yes, yes, of course hun, but my point is it is rather boring here and-
Twelve: No
Missy: You don't even know what I'm going to say-
Twelve: I no longer subscribe to that
Missy: Yes but you did in the graveyard-
Twelve: Yes but you know how dramatic speeches turn me on-
Author: Wait, what the fuck
Missy: Yes I know, buT-
Twelve: Missy please this is embarrassing
Missy: Yes but you love me! Right? That's what I told the guy with the funny face anyway and it would just be lying otherwise-
Twelve: Oh my god this is not happening now, we're in the middle of a show!
Missy: Yes bUT it's been two years AND-
Twelve: YES BUT TAKE A FUCKING SIP, BABES.
Missy: [clearly taken aback, she blinks wordlessly at this unexpected but questionably arousing outburst of 21st century domination. That's how she see's it anyway. The eyes of a psychopath are never one for your common meme, my friends.]
Oh my. You.. son..of a .. bitch.
Twelve: That's right
Missy: I'm actually so upset right now
Twelve: It was never me who was easy
Missy: Oh don't worry, you will be
Twelve: Will I now?
Missy: I'll make sure of it
Twelve: You and what army
Missy: I don't need one this time dear not that you'd appreciate it if i had one anyway
Twelve: LooK- [he shakes his head, this is for another time. A later chapter. I useful plot device mayb..] And what makes you think you'll get away with it this time, Mistress?
Missy: Oh you're right, you'll stop me talking won't you? You'll take that sonic of yours and-
Mrs Banks: [Bursts outside dramatic af, wailing and throwing leaflets everywhere. Automatic defence.] OOkkaayyy guys, ok! This was fun! Can we maybe like keep this PG? Yeah? No? Haha that's fine. Ok... [she jerks towards the house.] JANE, MICHEAL GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW, COVER YOUR EARS, OH MY GOD THEIR INNOCENT ANGELIC PERFECT MINDS NO
Missy: [Climbs off Twelves lap, a progression which no one, not even I, was aware of until now.] You never saw me
Mrs Banks: [she turns again, resembling a scared peacock] Wait [She picks up Missy's fallen shoe. Which may or may not have been flung off.] Who are you?
[A gust of wind blinds her temporarily. She opens her eyes. Missy is gone. Twelve has fallen from the wall, slightly conflicted and unresolved. His shirt is partially undone. He is not particularly proud of this.]
Twelve: How...
Mrs Banks: Its because you look like Peter Capaldi. All the ladies fall for it.
Twelve: In all honesty... who is Peter Capaldi?
Mrs Banks: The thick of it. [Knowledge beyond her years is the gift of a suffragette. Cast off the shackles. Cast off the shackles...]
Twelve: What? I- shut up, shut up. What did she tell you oh my god
Mrs Banks: I don't have time for this
Twelve: [And at the word 'time' he's fine.] Don't be silly everyone has time! [But she has gone. He blinks.] Is it the eyebrows because I did consider shaving them off once but the memory of Eleven is still fresh and sometimes I have nightmares. [He shudders.]
Jack: DOC
Twelve: [He looks around slightly lost] um. YEAH?
Jack: WINDS IN THE EAST MAN. WINDS IN THE EAST.
Twelve: Oh wow, okay, okay, it's happening. IT'S HAPPENING PEOPLE.
Jack: BASED ON YOUR FLY, I'D SAY IT'S ALREADY HAPPENED AMIRITE? [He winks]
Twelve:
Missy: [OC] [Cackles.]
Jack: ... SO! IT'S HAPPENING!
[Within 17 Cherry Tree Lane.]
Ellen: Bunch of overly confident applicants lined up out there sir.
Mr. Banks: Oh christ, I already have deep deep, deep regrets. Blood will have blood. Macbeth will sleep no more...
Mrs. Banks: He never did make it as an actor, poor dear, still hung up on that?
Mr. Banks: I WAS BORN FOR THAT ROLE, WINIFRED. [Best thing google ever told me tbh] [He falls into his chair, hand over his face. He trembles slightly]
Mrs. Banks: I know dear, I know! It's not fair they accused you of copyright! We all thought Shakespeare was dead!
Mr. Banks: [Cries out as if in agony] Why was he even IN a police box!
Twelve: [Aside] well this is awkward, really wish I was anywhere but here right now.
Missy: [OC] Oh my poor poor dear. If it helps, your suffering is priceless to me darling!
Twelve: [Screwing his eyes shut] I'm on Gallifrey I'm on Gallifrey this is not real
[Meanwhile, in the nursery, a.k.a the abode of the precious angels of cuteness. Said angles are currently perched on the window sill.]
Jane: These Nannies are not what we advertised for at all!
Micheal: Yes, that's very true! And why did mother not want us to see them? She buried a shoe in a hedge then began to hyperventilate. It makes no sense Jane. As much sense as that crying man hugging a guitar on our front garden does. I often question my entire existence, also. I don't think he's a Nanny. Is he not?
Jane: No Micheal. He's too mentally scarred to look after us children. His gender is of no concern to me. I too question existence. It's called "angst".
Micheal: [Nods] A common theme in fanfiction. And fathers failed one man show.
Mr. Banks: [Cries out]
[Jane and Micheal watch in amazement as all the Nannies get miraculously blown away. (except for twelve because I would never do that to him, my baby.) Idly, they are wondering if any of them survived the inevitable fall and question why one would leave such a possibility in a children's film.]
Jane: [She looks up suddenly, awed, amazed, it cannot be!] Micheal look!
[A women flies from the sky, seemingly floating downwards by an Umbrella. Think death in heaven! Or like the actually film... details.]
Micheal: [He gasps. He see's it too!] Perhaps it's a Witch.
Missy: Oh you clever boy!
Twelve: [Meekly] Run
Jane: Of course not. Witches have brooms!
Missy: Not all witches, didn't they ever teach you about stereotyping?
Twelve: Seriously? You're talking about morality?
Missy: No, I'm talking about stereotypes dear.
Twelve: [burying his head into his arms] Oh my god
Jane: [Completely oblivious to literally everything] It's her. It's the person. She's answered our advertisement.
Micheal: Rosy cheeks and everything.
Missy: I have been told I have a glowing complexion.
Twelve: [Still on the floor, clutching his guitar. He reaches one fist into the air] FOR FUCKS SAKE THAT WAS ONE TIME AND I WAS DRUNK BY YOUR DOING!
Missy: [Sticks her bottom lip out at him] Bless.
[Down stairs in number 17 cherry tree lane. :) ]
Mr. Banks: [Dabbing his eyes] Well. Lets get on with it then. Life is but a walking shadow, after all...
Mrs. Banks: Oh, George... [google.]
Mr. Banks: Never mind it. The past is in the past. Let it go. Ellen, you may now show them in, one at a time.
Ellen: Yes, sir. [She opens the door. You all remember this scene!] You may come in one at a time.
Missy: It's about time! [She pulls out her pulveriseing thingy]
Twelve: [Awakens from the dead and slow mo-runs] Noooooooooooooo [He knocks it from her hands, heroically saving Ellen, and the universe of course.]
Missy: Urgh oh my god! YOu have TO R uIN EVERyTHiNg! [Storms off into the house.]
Twelve: Hah! Good always prevails, babes! [He looks too Ellen] I saved your life. You're welcome. I'm The Doctor, by the way.
Ellen: Huh. Ranting scots-man in the streets, I didn't know the match was on. [She shuts the door]
Twelve: [Continues smiling, despite. Strained, but smiling. At least he has his pride.]