Rational Love and Redamancy

A/N: Hey you guys, back with a chapter 1. Hopefully this one is a bit more interesting.

Some quick warnings for the fic: established relationship, angst, infidelity, arguments, some time jumps (nothing too confusing, trust me).

Disclaimer: No I don't have anything to do with Edd, Ed and Eddy, I just write fic.

Please enjoy!

Chapter 2: Warm or Burn, Burn, Burn

-10 Months Prior-

-April 2015-

Kevin notes, as he exhales another cloud of smoke, that this is the second time in three days that he's had to leave the apartment with a pack of cigarettes and cool down. It's not that smoking is a particularly bad habit of his, but back in high school, it was just one of those things that helped calm him down whenever there were finals, or his parents were fighting, or his job got unbearable or when he was just really stressed out. He's picked it up on the old habit again. Something about the thick, musky smell, the bitter taste, that little bit of barely there numbness that comes right after each puff… It's almost soothing. He can't even guess the number of times him and Nazz sat under the bleachers smoking whatever it was that she had gotten that week. It's a quick fix, and it feels good.

But he knows it's not a healthy routine and Double D would probably kill him if he knew. But to be fair, what's been going on these past few months probably isn't healthy either. And Double D? Yeah, he'd probably be up to killing him anyways, too. So if he wants to smoke a few cigarettes right now, he's going to fucking do it. Kevin's stressed, and to be honest, smoking lessens the sting, if only for a moment. He stomps the last bit of the cigarette out, then lights another where he's leaned against their building wall. He closes his eyes. Things have been rough for the past four months.

While Kevin's been busy watching every sports game he can for the column, Edd's just graduated and found an exclusive internship at the famous local museum. There's just no time to sit down and be together. However, that's not the part that's really starting to grate on Kevin's nerves. What's really getting to him is that fact that every moment they actually do have together is frustrating.

Kevin spends most of his days around avid fans, screaming and waving obnoxious signs in his face, while he tries to analyze the game's plays and spot the top athletes. By the time he gets home he's half deaf and about ready to fall over. Except he can't, because then he has to write for the column. And Kevin's not exactly the fastest or grammatically correct writer. Add on a mild headache and he ends up spending a few hours a night trying to make a measly couple of paragraphs sound decent enough to publish.

Then there's Double D. Edd spends nearly 8 hours a day, five days a week listening to professors talk about how they found new dinosaur crap, or an old as hell bullet from a hundred years ago, or how to categorize things that died half a billion years ago or whatever into a computer system. Then he comes home with binders full of homework or paperwork or some shit that Kevin doesn't even understand, because… Didn't he graduate already?

But really, they're both pretty fucked up when they get home.

And that's why Kevin is out at nearly midnight smoking a cigarette. Because by the time they get home, they're both done with everything. He hates to say it, but instead of it being the relaxed, warm place it's always been… it's been suffocating at the apartment. As of the past four months, all they've been able to do together is bicker and work.

On a normal day, they simply go to work, come home and eat, do their work, argue and go to sleep. They don't really talk too much, seeing as by the time they finish their work they head straight to bed. Weekends are the only days that feel any bit normal and by that time, they're so worn out, they barely have the energy to interact fully with one another.

There's nothing he can do about it though, or at least he feels that way. Maybe they just need to adjust. It's the first time both of them have been working seriously on their careers, and maybe they just need to go with the flow. He drops his cigarette on the concrete, stomps it out next to the other two he had earlier, and heads back into the building. Edd's probably sleeping by now (God forbid he mess up his schedule), so he can probably sneak into the shower and brush his teeth of the smoke smell.

Edd's juggles his satchel, tumbler, two thick binders and keys as he enters the apartment. He is almost certain he's going to drop something, and Kevin, who he spots, sitting on the couch with his laptop, obviously won't be any help. Thank God his prior experiences in high school have prepared him for these situations. He just has to make it to the kitchen table, and then he can relax and get started on the immense amount of paper work given to him for the night.

But of course…

Double D's plans are thwarted almost immediately. About two and a half steps forward, he steps on a shoe in the middle of the carpet. He stumbles, slips, descends, and his items fly forward. Edd grunts as he hits the carpet and watches with disdain as his satchel's contents slip out and his items land on the floor with defined thumps. His binders unravel and paper flies everywhere.

Damn. It's been such a long, tiring day. He didn't think it could get worse. With a long sigh, he picks himself up, inspects for bodily damage (none, luckily), and then locates the item which caused his fall.

He feels irritation come quickly.

A lone sneaker of Kevin's. Oh, of course.

Edd huffs, brushes himself off and adjusts his lively neck tie before he places his hands on his hips.

"Kevin." All he gets in response is the clacking of the keyboard. "Kevin."

Still nothing. "Kevin!"

"What, Double D? I'm trying to write." He doesn't even look up.

"Yes, Kevin. I'm aware that you're trying to write." Eddward snaps impatiently. He brings his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He already has a headache. The last thing he needs right now is a mess. "However, it seems you've left your sneakers unattended in the middle of the floor. Perhaps you would like to tell me why that is?"

"Yeah, sorry."He replies, completely ignoring the question. And Kevin doesn't even look sorry. With the way he's still staring at his computer, he looks like he's doesn't care more than anything else. Edd feels the irritation build higher. "I'll pick it up later, man. I just need to finish this."

"Leaving items lying around like that is a hazard, Kevin. I all but injured myself!" Edd chastises as he starts picking up his possessions. He physically cringes as he notes that majority of the pages have unfastened from his binders before saying, "And now, my well organized binders are unkempt. It could potentially take me an hour to systematize these back into chronicle order!" He picks up the last of the haphazard papers. "I hope you're satisfied. Your laziness is going to throw me completely off schedule!"

Edd hears an aggravated groan in response as he places his haphazard items on their small kitchen table.

"Would you lay the fuck off?" Kevin snaps over the couch, his renowned short temper flaring as he finally meets Edd's glare, "It's not even a big deal, Double D. Just watch where you're going!"

"Watch where I'm going?" Edd repeats, walking back to the main room entrance from the kitchen. He feels his hands ball up, "That wouldn't even be a necessary precaution if you would simply return your belongings to where they came from!"

"Jeez… I said I'd pick it up later! Would you quit fucking nagging already? I'm working."

It honestly isn't a big deal, Edd knows that. He may have to spend a couple hours getting everything back into order, but it was an accident at best. The thought does little to mend his annoyance though. He just doesn't grasp what's so difficult about putting shoes back on the shoe rack. He even labeled it!

But he surprises himself and Kevin by complying to his demand. His headache is getting worse and all he wants is to get done with his work and sleep. So, instead of continue the argument, he simply unclenches his hands, sighs and mumbles a quick and firm, "Very well, my apologies, Kevin. But please, act in accordance with with the labels. They are there for a reason." and returns to amend his items in the kitchen.

Kevin, however, gets up after a moment and places his now closed laptop on the coffee table. "I need some air."

Edd watches him pick up his abandoned sneakers and slip them on, then his jacket and keys. He's out the door before Edd can say anything. But this is routine as of late, and he wouldn't be surprised to find himself alone in bed, only to wake when Kevin slips in next to him. Edd rubs his temples and tries to fight off the anxious feeling nagging at him so he can to return his attention back onto his items.

Surprisingly, he finishes reorganizing the binders within the next forty five minutes, and proceeds to finish the paper work in the next hour. He checks his watch. 11:57 pm. It's a little past schedule, but honestly an hour and a half less of sleep probably won't completely destroy his agenda.

Kevin is still out though. It's pretty customary for him to do so after an argument, but he still worries. It's not just the fact that Kevin picked up smoking again, or the fact that he's hiding it from him (not that he does a good job. Their laundry basket reeks of smoke and Frebreze, and he found an empty pack of cigarettes half hidden by a paper towel in the trash two weeks ago). He's not even worried much about how late at night it is. Kevin is an athlete who's used to his share of scraps; a strong young man who's proven many times that he can handle himself if needed.

What worries Double D mainly is the lack of communication, the tension and arguing, the fact that when they're finally alone, they barely even touch each other. It's only been four months of work for the two of them, and it already feels like they're drifting apart. He doesn't know what to do though, because Kevin never wants to talk about it. He merely asks to get some air, or changes the subject. By the time he gets back, he simply slips into bed.

Maybe they just need to adjust, he thinks. Neither of them has ever been this stressed out, nor has either of them been in such a serious relationship. Maybe they just need time to find balance. He supposes that's how life works. If they want to be sustainable, be successful and have a happy, loving relationship, they'll just have to find their footing.

He's reminded of a quote he read years ago from Joan Crawford.

"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."

He hopes more than anything that it isn't the latter.

-8 Months Prior-

-June 2015-

With everything that's been going on, the fight isn't really unexpected. In fact, Edd supposes it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. But holding on to that bit of information doesn't really lesson the sting in the slightest. They're two of the most conflicting personalities to have in a relationship, he knows that. And although they clash a lot, it somehow always miraculously works out. Double D has no doubt in his mind that this time is no different. They may not have has an argument to this intensely in the past, nor has Kevin ever stormed out in such a manner, but somehow it must work out.

Currently, it's almost midnight and Edd is curled up on their small couch, eyes glazed and tired from tears as he thinks about the dreadful argument that took place not two hours ago. It was a stupid thing about the unkempt dishes that Kevin left in the sink. It was about how Kevin was busy writing and he'd do them later… and then suddenly it wasn't. Suddenly, it escalated into something more. It was about how aggravating it is being at home and about them never having any time. Suddenly it was about how for the past six months, it's felt like neither of them are around enough to be in a functioning relationship.

It was terrifying. Not that he was scared of Kevin. At least he hasn't been since their long past adolescent years. It was terrifying because of the amount of ill will between them. The lack of restraint in the words they spewed at one another. But the scariest part, he understands, is that although much of it was blown up, majority of it was true.

Edd knows that they're becoming more independent. He knows that they're both so extremely busy that they barely have time to even eat a meal together during the week. He knows that more often than not, when they actually are together, they argue. Edd also knows that he can't remember a single instance in which they've fought this severely.

He rubs his swollen eyes and tries to stifle a yawn. Edd's been waiting for Kevin to come back for the past hour and a half. He's done those dishes, cleaned the kitchen, done his assigned paperwork from his employer and gotten ready for bed. From the tough day at work to the emotional strain, he feels ready to keel over.

He just needs to wait for Kevin though. They need to have a long overdue conversation. So many things came bubbling up to the surface in this argument and the only way to make any progress is to talk, not argue, but rationally talk about what has been happening between them.

Edd wakes up when he feels a hand shake his shoulder gently. Bleary eyed and half-asleep, he sits up drowsily, bringing a hand up to rub his eye. When had he fallen asleep?

He blinks his eyes awake and sees Kevin kneeling next to the couch. "Kevin?"

Kevin pulls away and stands. "Hey… Sorry for walking out like that. I just needed some air, you know? To cool off."

Edd nods and relaxes a bit when he noticing how much calmer Kevin seems. "Yes, of course..."

Kevin nods and takes a seat next to Edd. He looks uncomfortable, Edd notes. He's a good foot and a half away, his elbows rested on his knees with his hands clamped together. His shoulders are hunched and he's staring down at the carpet rather than looking at Double D. Edd has no idea of how to react, and it makes Edd feel uncanny. Since their relationship started, there hasn't been an instance where he's had no idea what's going through Kevin's mind. And now that he doesn't, he's not sure as to how he's supposed to persist.

It looks like Kevin doesn't know either, and honestly, Edd can't blame him. Most of their arguments haven't been nearly as intense, and most end with sincere apologies and kind words. This aftermath feels much different. It feels as if this clash has changed something between them. The atmosphere between them seems heavier, more stilted in this instance.

"You wait up for me?"

"Yes, or at least I attempted to." Double D replies. He moves his body to face Kevin's direction, trying to catch his eyes to no avail, "I thought it would be helpful to perhaps have a discussion? Expressing our emotions through less… aggressive, words might bring light to our situation a little better."

"Not much to talk about. I mean, we've just been busy, I guess. We're stressed and it finally got to us. We just have to make some time for each other and stuff."

"Accurate, however, I don't believe it's that simple-"

Kevin cuts him off before he can continue. "Double D, let's just get some sleep, alright? We can sleep on it and talk tomorrow or something." His voice sounds odd. Not the strong, warm voice Double D is used to hearing. It's the same voice, same timbre, same tone, but it's more… tired. It almost sounds sad.

"Kevin…" Edd starts, reaching out to hold Kevin's hand. But instead of giving a reciprocating squeeze like he normally would, he startles Edd by standing up and releasing his hand as if to civilly brush his gesture off.

"Both of us have to get to work early and I really don't want to get in looking like shit." He explains. Still not making any sort of eye contact, Kevin rubs the back of his neck and moves toward the bedroom. "I'm gonna take a quick shower and head to bed. You should get some sleep."

Edd just stares confused and a little wounded until Kevin disappears into the bedroom and he hears the joint bathroom click closed.

He moves to bed sometime after that, and squeezes his eyes shut waiting unsuccessfully for sleep to come. Kevin comes out of the bathroom silently, slips into bed and puts his arm around him, pulling him close and sharing warmth. Edd relaxes slightly. His eyes finally begin to droop and he melts into the embrace, sleep soothing over his worried thoughts.

They don't talk about the argument the next day. Or the day after that, or the day following.

They don't mention it at all, actually.

Lord knows Edd has tried though. In the first week alone, he brought it up at least 5 times, hoping to get a better sense of resolution. But each time he's tried, Kevin immediately changes the subject, or brushes it off, or even gets defensive and aggravated.

A month passes and eventually Double D gives up. It's too much added strain on their newly struggling relationship to try and solve a problem when the other half is practically keeping him at arm's length.

They haven't gotten any better either. In fact, Edd would probably determine that their situation has worsened. Their arguing, although not quite as intense as that horrific fight, has not diminished. Once they got past the week of resolute calm following the battle, their arguing picked up once again.

Edd can feel something different though. He can't place it in words and it frustrates him. It feels bottomless, spiteful, sad, awkward... almost tangible between them. He feels it in the atmosphere, in the way they barely talk anymore, the way they've barely touched or had any sort of loving interaction that was so familiar before.

He thinks that's what hurts the most. The fact that not six months ago they were happy and excited for the possibility of achievement tears him apart.

It hurts a lot because now? Now they're nothing close to resembling that. Six months ago they were laughing and talking whenever they could, cuddling on the couch and having sex. They were simply being. Whole and content. Warm and in love. Now, it feels like living with nothing more than a flat mate. Two strangers ignoring and hurting one another rather than loving to a fault like the devoted boyfriends they are supposed to be. Like they were.

Double D can feel the warmth that their love once brought begin to spark into fire.
And if things continue on this way, he's not sure he can put it out.

A/N: Right, so, I was hoping to get this out earlier but it's finals time at school so I've been busy.. Sorry '^-^

I hope this was okay. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter at all. I don't feel it was timed as well as it could have been, or written out properly but honestly, I didn't want to scrap it and start over and have people wait a long time so…. Ta-da…..

But yeah, please let me know what you think! I don't want to keep putting out crap chapters, so if you don't like something or you do, leave a review and let me know.

Can't make it better unless ya'll tell me what's wrong :)

Ah, and if everything goes according to plan, you can look forward to seeing Nazz.

Thanks for reading!