Disclaimer: I obviously do not own any rights to the Naruto series. Or Hurricane Hole or Austin Powers.
A/N: All places described in this fanfic will indeed be ACTUAL places, as the entire story is loosely based on a friend's holiday trip to the Bahamas.
"You never did tell me why we're going to the Bahamas."
Sasuke and Naruto were sitting in the airport terminal. To kill some time until the plane started boarding, they had grabbed a bite to eat, and were now lounging in the waiting area. Naruto took another huge bite of his burger (unfortunately there had been no place that sold ramen) and replied with his mouth full.
"An' you ne'er tol me how you ma'aged to get an A on tha test."
Sasuke swallowed his fries and smirked.
"I know it's a foreign concept to you, but I actually studied. Now, why the Bahamas?"
Naruto managed to choke down his mouthful and answer.
"The boat just happened to be in a marina there. It's in the capital, something that starts with an N-"
"Nassau," Sasuke cut in.
"Right, right. Nassau. So we'll fly there first and then head up to the Berry Islands."
Sasuke started to open his mouth to speak but Naruto stopped him by covering his mouth with one hand.
"I know what you're going to ask. What and why the Berry Islands, right? Well, I have no idea what they are, but Jiraiya suggested them because apparently it's the coolest place we can go to in the quickest time."
And it's relatively deserted. Leaving only you and me, alone, on a small boat in the middle of the ocean, Naruto thought to himself, removing his hand from Sasuke's mouth, as Sasuke looked like he was entertaining thoughts of biting.
While Naruto delved further into the Sasuke-and-him-alone-in-the-middle-of-nowhere thought train, which left him drooling with his eyes glazed over, Sasuke wished he had gone ahead and bitten the idiot's hand.
Sasuke finished picking through the rest of the fries and decided to leave Naruto to lose himself in whatever stupid thing he was thinking about to leave him with that idiotic face.
Upon their arrival and clearing of Immigrations, Sasuke was in a bad mood. Standing in lines always put him in a bad mood. Unfortunately, it came to a culmination at the baggage claim, when Naruto wasn't there to supervise him and where he quickly engaged in a vicious battle over his luggage with a woman toting three kids and a verifiable truckload of bags.
"Ma'am, that's my bag," Sasuke ground out with as much politeness he could muster. The mother of three responded by throwing out a death glare that almost rivaled the patented Uchiha one, and put a child down so she could put her hands on her hips.
"Sir," she began sarcastically, "I think I know my own luggage."
"No, obviously you don't," Sasuke bit back, and then simply picked up the bag in question and started to head towards the Customs line Naruto was already waiting in. The woman shrieked for security, squealing that her bag was being stolen and pointing to Sasuke as the culprit.
Naruto looked around curiously for his traveling companion just in time to see the man get tackled by two airport security guards. Thankfully, the scuffle was short-lived as Sasuke had seen Naruto's attention on him and gave in to the security people just so he could figure out a way to blame this whole thing on the blonde-haired idiot. As he, his bag, and the smug looking woman were dragged off for questioning, he decided on pinning it on the whole stupid trip in general.
In the questioning room (which looked suspiciously like an employee break room), Sasuke assessed his new tackle-induced bruises and pointed out the blatantly obvious nametag on the offending piece of luggage with his name on it. He then opened the bag up, revealing what were obviously a young adult male's clothing. The woman was chastised, Sasuke was free to go, ready to blame Naruto, and all was right in the world again.
"This is all you and your stupid idea for a trip's fault," the suspected thief accused his friend who had been waiting just outside, and whose occasional snickers could be heard in the 'interrogation room.'
"Well, you could have, you know, maybe just talked it out instead of acting like a second-rate purse snatcher." Naruto attempted to hold back yet more snickers while Sasuke imagined burning holes into that stupid smiling face with his glares as they both made their way into the line to finally clear Customs.
"Welcome to Hurricane Hole Marina. Your boat's right over here."
Naruto and Sasuke were led past glittering luxurious yachts to an area on the far side of the Marina, where the vessels began drastically decreasing in size, until they came upon it.
"Fishin' for Some Lovin'. PLEASE tell me this isn't the boat. And if it is, PLEASE tell me it is a horrible, horrible misprint," Sasuke ground out. The offending boat title was plastered across a 37 foot motor yacht. It was a nice sized boat compared to some of the smaller ones around it, and because of its fishing tower it loomed above the small sail boat next to it. Naruto was dumbstruck.
"Sasuke, who gives a flying fuck about the name, do you SEE this thing!" He practically squealed as he ran past the marina's employee to jump into it. "It's GLORIOUS!"
Sasuke stared at the name, thoroughly disgusted, then thanked the attendant and gingerly climbed aboard. Meanwhile Naruto, who had been running around madly to check every surface and cupboard, poked his head out from inside of the cabin with a sly smile.
"Oh Saaasuke," he taunted, "You are going to looove this." He beckoned with his finger. Sasuke cautiously stepped forward. The last time Naruto had acted like this was when he had rigged a tomato slingshot to go off when Sasuke entered their dorm's bathroom. He would rather not have tomatoes mechanically flung at him again. It was a waste of perfectly good tomatoes.
"What is it?" Sasuke replied, skeptically, as he hovered around the door, wary to go in.
Then he saw it.
Through the glass sliding door, Sasuke saw what could only be described as 1970's throw up. Burnt orange galore, blue shag carpeting, and Oh god, is that a disco ball? Sasuke balked and staggered forward into the horrendous room. Further in front of him, down a tiny little staircase, was a room which housed a heart shaped queen sized bed.
"Am I on a set for an Austin Powers movie?" said the stupefied man. All around him were hideous reminders of days gone past – a lava lamp sitting on the kitchen counter, a medallion necklace hanging from a towel hook – it was pure horror.
"Oh come on, it's not that bad," the blonde companion countered. He looked around, reconsidered, and burst into laughter.
Fifteen minutes later, Naruto, with tears streaming down his cheeks, was attempting to stifle yet more laughter so he could gather himself up off the floor, while a sulking Sasuke sat in a seat at the boat's little dining table (covered of course with orange linoleum), wishing that his glare could actually burn holes in things so he could set the whole damn boat ablaze with his fury.