Talking It Out
When Dipper woke up the next morning, he felt groggy and incredibly sore, a pained groan escaping him as he blinked. He just barely started to push himself up on an arm when his partner rolled to drape over him, pressing his lips against his neck.
"Good morning, love," Bill purred.
"Bill, I thought I told you that I wanted to be able to get up," Dipper complained, feeling his muscles protest as he shifted. He felt the familiar tug of scabs on his skin, and again wondered how Bill was able to leave such deep cuts with his nails being as trimmed as they were.
"You will be able to get up," the demon said coyly, nuzzling him. "Go on. Try."
"Hmph. I'm comfortable right here."
"The Shack needs to be open in two hours."
"Right... fuck. Okay." Dipper pushed his face back and turned, swinging his legs out of bed. He hesitated, then put his weight on them and stood. While there was pain from the motion, it wasn't so bad that he felt like collapsing. He took a few steps, and decided that he'll be able to get through the day like this. While up, he examined his arms, reading the several runes Bill had scratched into them with a knife last night. Sure, he had been nervous when the knife first came out, but the demon was very careful with it and in the heat of the moment, the pain had only added to the pleasure.
"Oh, do you like that?" Bill laughed, leaning over to look at the markings as well.
"Bill... is this..." Dipper held both arms together, reading it like that. He squinted. "What exactly did you write here? I think part of this is for pleasure only, but these other few symbols..."
"Don't worry about it. Some symbols are just random things I felt like writing. They don't really mean anything."
Dipper gave him a suspicious look. "Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure they mean something. I thought we agreed not to lie to each other."
"Oh come on, Pine Tree, I'm not lying."
"Because I'm fine with whatever it is. You know that, right? You can tell me the truth. I... we talked about this. After the fire, I found it very hard to trust you. I want to be able to trust you again, but I can't do it if you're doing sneaky things like this."
Bill raised his hands defensively, getting out of bed and walking around to stand in front of him. "Okay, sorry. You want to know, I'll tell you." He took hold of one of Dipper's wrists, pressing a finger to a rune. "This one was for strength to get through the pain." He moved to another. "This was to boost your confidence because you were starting to have doubts about the knife play. Let's see, this one... this is happiness. I dunno I thought it would be cute. And here... Hm, I think I did this one out of curiosity." He traced his finger along a larger mark in the crook of Dipper's elbow. "It's meant to help bond two people closer together. I don't have one on me so I don't think it worked, but... I think we're already quite close, don't you?"
Dipper lowered his arms, nodding a bit. "Yeah. I guess."
"You guess?" Bill frowned.
"Well... I'm still in your debt, I'll serve you for the rest of my life, just... being as close to you as I used to be, I don't think I'll be able to do it for a while."
"Pine Tree, we're already close, look how close we were last night!"
"That's physical. Emotionally..." Dipper closed his eyes and sighed, wrapping his arms loosely around himself. "I'm still a little upset with you."
Bill carefully touched his shoulder, and when he didn't pull away, gently hugged him. "I see. I don't think I need to ask why."
"No, you probably know why."
"Yes. I know. I know you aren't going to forgive me. But I was hoping things could go back to normal."
"Sometimes, I'm able to look at you and feel as much in love with you as I was before. But other times... like now... I just don't know if I can stand it. I feel like it's wrong for me to still love you."
"Emotion is complicated. Don't let it stress you out. You can't help how you feel, and I get that you're still going to be upset with me about the fire, but... you don't have to let it affect you so much. Just feel however you want to feel. It's okay. Really."
Dipper sighed again, slumping against him. "Sometimes I wish you could just make me forget. But we both saw what happens if you try to make someone forget something."
"Altering such a traumatic memory would be difficult anyway," Bill murmured. "Such a thing gets woven so closely into the rest of your being... it'd be like trying to remove a heart and all the blood vessels from a body without disturbing the rest of the system. Simply... impossible. You'll always have that memory, and I can't change that."
"It would make it better if you just... apologized," Dipper sniffed, and Bill's eyes widened slightly as he realized he was starting to cry.
"Pine Tree..." Bill pressed their foreheads together. "I've already told you that I'm sorry."
"No, you're sorry that I was miserable. You're sorry that for a while, I didn't want to be near you. You aren't sorry for killing him."
"I don't regret what I did, it was necessary. But I do regret all the pain it's caused you. Dipper, we've been through this, I can't change that it happened. Could I have handled it differently? Yes, I could have. And maybe I should have. But I didn't. I didn't, and Stan is dead. Deal with it."
Dipper pulled away from him. "I'm taking a shower."
"Want me to join you?"
"I'd rather you not."
"Right. Okay." Bill respectfully stepped back, heart clenching at the hurt look on the other's face before he turned and walked over to the closet, collecting some clothes before leaving the room.
Once the man was gone, Bill sank onto the bed and put his head in his hands. "Why did I have to start that damn fire...?"
The house had two bathrooms, but only the upstairs one had a shower, so Bill had to wait for Dipper to finish. When the human returned, he seemed to have calmed down, and even smiled at Bill as he poked his head in to let him know the bathroom was free. But he didn't linger, instead going downstairs to get things set up for the day.
Bill decided to wear something considerably less formal today. Just as Dipper was merely going with a blue collared shirt and darker blue trousers rather than the full suit of yesterday, the demon chose a white button-up with tan, almost yellow slacks, though of course he still grabbed a bow tie. His look just wasn't complete without one. Today's was gold!
After a quick shower, he spent some time fixing up his hair, examining the roots of the dyed part and thinking yet again that he needed to get it touched up because there was a good centimeter of black. He applied his eyeliner, making it winged today, pulling his bangs aside to get that eye and waiting a few moments for it to dry before letting the hair fall back down.
He flicked at his earrings, watched them glimmer in the light, and then backed away from the mirror a bit to just check himself out. He was pleased with his appearance. Like a modern Egyptian god. Actually, that wasn't too far from the truth.
Once done prettying himself up, Bill went downstairs to find Dipper. The human was already done tidying up, having used magic to do the job far quicker than his hands could have. Bill smiled in approval and leaned down for a kiss, but didn't push it; he'd let the other come to him. To his relief, Dipper closed the distance, and he decided that things must be okay again. Those moods usually didn't last, but they still always made Bill anxious.
"What's for breakfast?" Dipper asked once he separated.
"Why are you asking me?"
"Because it's your turn to cook."
"Is it? I don't remember agreeing to this."
"I cooked yesterday morning, remember? And it was a lot too, since we wanted to have enough energy to get through the grand reopening."
"...Oh yeah. But I helped."
"You didn't help me, you stood next to the stove tasting the bacon to see if it was done yet. And then you broke an egg into one of the burners."
Bill laughed as he pulled away. "Okay I'll make us breakfast this time, then. Let's see, the Shack doesn't open for an hour and a half... Great, how does French toast sound?"
"I love French toast."
"Good, because that's what you're getting."
They went into the kitchen, and Dipper watched as the demon gathered up the ingredients. It wasn't that Bill couldn't cook; on the contrary, he was quite excellent at it. He was decent at many things, with the centuries of life behind him. He had knowledge on everything from cooking to hunting to scuba diving. Almost any trade, he knew something about. So Dipper didn't need to supervise his cooking. In the end, whatever he made would be delicious. No, what he was supervising was how careless the other was.
"If you waste another egg I'm gonna kill you," Dipper warned as Bill began mixing egg, vanilla, and cinnamon into a container.
"Relax, Pine Tree, I'm being careful," Bill assured him. Sure enough, the contents of the single egg went neatly into the bowl. Then he added milk and stirred. Once he had a smooth mixture, he took out some bread and began dipping the pieces in, coating them evenly before transferring them to a skillet.
"Did you grease that?" Dipper asked.
Bill paused, then sighed and took down a can of vegetable oil, lifting the pieces of bread so he could spray down the pan. Once it was coated, he returned to preparing the French toast.
He made four large pieces, which he would split in half for a total of eight once done. That seemed fair.
Dipper went to take out the syrup while they cooked, and brewed cups of coffee for himself and Bill. He made Bill's just the way he liked it; full of sugar and way more cinnamon than necessary.
The demon had a thing for cinnamon.
It took only about five minutes for the food to be done, and Bill sliced the pieces so they each had four. They grabbed some fresh fruit to go with it and returned to the table. They discussed plans for the day while eating, Dipper considering putting out some new items while Bill told him how bored he was going to be stuck in the office, since Melody would be here to work the register today.
"Well, you can take care of making sure our shelves stay fully stocked and neat," Dipper replied. "Instead of making the pregnant lady get up to fix it, you can do it. You know how the kids love to mess up the merchandise."
"Ugh, do I ever. Yeah, I guess I could waste some time doing that..."
"But finances are important, as is making sure we're meeting the demand with supplies. Don't wait until we run out of something to order more, keep items on order, etcetera..."
"Business is annoying," Bill grumbled.
"I know. But I think the least we can do for Stan is keep the Shack open. I'll put up with any inconvenience it gives me. Hey, are you interested in maybe doing magic shows?"
Bill paused, giving him a scrutinizing look. Some syrup rolled down the side of his mouth and Dipper had to resist the urge to lean over and lick it off. Then Bill licked it off himself and said, "Magic shows?"
"Yeah, like... go back and forth. Do a tour, then the next hour, have a magic show, next hour, another tour. Might be a little more bearable. One person can chill while the other person is doing theirs. Imagine the money we could bring in if people knew they could come watch real magic."
"Hm. I'd have to be careful about it... we get a lot of tourists, they're not from around here, they expect it all to be fake. If they figure out I'm doing real magic, and spread it around... that could cause unwanted attention."
"So then be careful. Do it in ways that could be illusions... just, we know they aren't."
Bill considered it, then smiled and nodded. "That'd be fun. People would pay a lot for that... and we have that empty show room where I can do it... Okay, fine. I'll put some acts together and I can start tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? No, you can hold off until next Monday. Figure out your routines, I'll post about it on our website and social media, let people know about it, and then you can start."
"Ooh, good idea. Heh, I knew there was a reason I fell in love with you." Bill slid his hand under Dipper's chin. "You're so clever."
Dipper leaned into the touch, smiling at the compliment, but as usual, the hesitance to let the other touch him set in, and he leaned back, focusing instead on his food. Bill let his hand drop, returning it to his fork. One day, he assured himself as he resumed eating. Pine Tree was still just going through the stages of grief. He had gone through denial within seconds, as the fire was still blazing and it was undeniable. Then had come the anger, which had quickly been replaced with bargaining, as he had pleaded with Bill to do anything, and for a while, the demon could have acted and stopped everything. But he hadn't. And then he had entered into depression.
He was still lingering somewhere between depression and acceptance, has been for months. He just couldn't bring himself to move on completely. He acknowledged what had happened, but accepting it was still difficult for him.
Bill didn't try to rush him, knowing that would only make the other mad at him. He had to let him grieve and get over it. Maybe he won't ever completely 'get over it.' But he could hope.
He could always hope their relationship could be mended and returned to what it was before.