Coffee Changed Everything
Chapter 2
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from Ace Attorney. All credits go to Capcom, they own the rights to everything. This story here is completely original and was created by me.
Happy Birthday Ilze! This is for you!
Mia and Diego sank down onto bus seats and looked off in opposite directions. Neither had any idea what to say about the situation. Neither of them knew how to fix it or how long it would take to get this resolved.
Mia was terrified this would last more than a few hours. Diego was terrified this would last until she got her 'monthly gift'. He saw what his sisters and mother went through with that. Now that he was a woman for an undetermined period of time, he seriously hoped he'd never have that experience.
"So we have to do something meaningful to the other. What in the world could that mean? I mean why would you and I be switched in the first place? We don't fight..." Mia trailed off.
Diego snorted and looked up at Mia. "Kitten, you and I fight pretty much every day. No, scratch that, we fight EVERY day. You always have some gripe with something I say or do."
Mia's brow furrowed and she twirled her fingers together. "All YOU ever do is flirt with me. You don't take me seriously as a lawyer or a person! It's always a pick up line or sweet talking with you."
Diego mashed his lips together and met her eyes. "You think I don't respect you? Mia, you're an excellent attorney. You have the drive and the passion to excel in court — and you do." The corners of his mouth turned upward in a smile and he hoped she saw the genuineness of it.
Apparently she did: Mia smiled a tiny bit herself before sighing. "Thank you but words aren't going to help us. We got into this predicament for a reason. I'm guessing it's from your lack of ability to respect woman and my inability to trust people."
Diego frowned. "Hey now, Kitten, that's not true. I do respect women."
Mia rolled her eyes and shook her head. "No you don't. Deny it all you want but all you do is flirt. Nothing else."
Diego growled quietly and leaned back. He supposed she was right to a degree. He did flirt with a lot of women although it rarely meant anything unless it was the right kitten... namely Mia. He assumed it wouldn't show unless you really observed him talking to different women. Mia was the exception. He flirted with her because he was attracted to her, that much was true, but he did more, additional little things when he talked to her. He'd make more eye contact, he'd smile more, he'd remember little details of their conversations and the like. He was more attentive to her. Obviously she'd never noticed because she'd been too busy focusing on how much he apparently irritated her.
But that was beside the point.
Mia had always had a problem with putting trust in other people; that was a deep rooted flaw in her personality, present since she was little. It had started when Mia's father disappeared, shortly after their mother did due to the DL-6 incident. When Misty Fey went into hiding, her husband followed suit not one month later. Neither of the Fey sisters have seen their father since.
It was enough to make Mia believe that people could always leave you and she'd been keeping Diego at arm's length because of that. She always thought he'd find someone he liked better and leave her. As much as she was attracted to him, her deep set paranoia won out marginally.
Not that she'd ever admit it.
All of a sudden Diego noticed his —HIS — hands shaking slightly. He recognized the reason immediately. "Kitten, have you had any coffee today?"
Mia's head snapped around and she shook her head. "No I haven't, why?"
Diego's eyes went wide. "You haven't? It's any wonder my body hasn't started twitching yet. I drink over 400 cups a day, it's noon and you've had none! ¡Dios mío, we have to stop at a Starbuck immediately." Diego stood up and flagged down the bus driver to stop the vehicle after which Diego dragged Mia off.
Thankfully they were back in the city by now and Diego knew the location of every Starbucks in Los Angeles. There was one half a block from where they were now. Every store knew Diego by name.
"But I can't drink 400 cups of coffee in a day! I'll probably die of a caffeine overdose! Can't you stop?" Mia struggled against his grip on her wrist, which probably looked very odd to the people they were passing on the street but Diego didn't seem to care. He pulled Mia down the street and rushed through the door of the Starbucks.
The barista looked up and smiled. "Good to see you back Mr. Armando! The California Gold blend, I assume?"
Mia blinked at the barista before remembering that the woman thought she was Diego. She just nodded wordlessly, but Diego interjected.
"Make it five cups, gracias."
He'd temporarily forgotten his gender status however if the barista noticed the oddly Spanish lilt to Mia's voice, she didn't show it. She set off to prepare the coffee.
Mia had heard of their strongest coffee blend before but she'd never had it. From what she heard, one cup of that junk was the equivalent to four regular cups of coffee. California Gold blend was not for the weak of heart.
She did notice that the hands were shaking a bit more now — his body was obviously going into shock from a complete lack of caffeine. She looked up and saw him eyeing her nervously, as if she'd collapse at any second.
The barista called out the order and Diego threw some cash at her and mumbled something about keeping the change. He thrust the cup at her and she took it hesitantly before walking over to the condiment counter and pulling the lid off to put her usual amount of cream and sugar.
Diego saw what she was doing and he yelped, "No chance, Kitten! I can't drink cream. You have to drink it black."
Mia's eyes widened and her lip curled. "Ew, I can't stand black coffee. I'll only drink it that way if I have a migraine. I can't put a little of anything in it?"
Diego shook his head vehemently. "No, for one thing I'd have an adverse reaction. My body doesn't take too well to dairy. Plus it'll weaken the strength of the coffee if you put anything in it. Mia, please do it. I seriously can't go this long without coffee in my system, we might have actual problems with my body if you don't.
Mia's brow furrowed. (Would he — I — actually collapse or something if I didn't drink a good amount of coffee? I don't want that to happen, that's not fair to either of us...)
She nodded and replaced the lid on the coffee. She lifted the cup to her lips and took a deep drink, even if she thought the bitter coffee was a rather repulsive taste. It was very hot, so she barely swallowed a mouthful but Diego visibly relaxed as he watched her finish the first cup. That was a little comforting, seeing him calm down from getting so wound up.
A few minutes later, Mia had drained the first cup and moved on to the second. She had a feeling she'd be going to the bathroom quite frequently for the next few days after drinking all this coffee so quickly, and when she thought about going to the bathroom as Diego, she shuddered a little. Being a man was not something she wanted to become accustomed to. Having a flat chest was probably the weirdest thing she'd ever experience, since she'd had a large one since high school.
When Mia reluctantly finished the fourth large cup of coffee, Diego nodded and motioned for her to follow him out of the store.
"Where are we going now, Mr. Armando?" she asked, a little confused as to what the hurry was.
"The Starbucks three blocks up on Venice Street. We have to go get coffee there now," he said as they walked briskly down the street. Mia saw the faraway logo of yet another Starbucks that was getting closer and closer.
"W-wait a minute, I just drank all that coffee! And why not just get more from the store we were just at?" she asked incredulously.
"Kitten, you're looking at someone who drinks over 400 cups a day normally. 200 is my worst case scenario minimum, otherwise I will start having some serious health problems," Diego said seriously. His doctor was always incredulous that he could drink such mass quantities of caffeine regularly and have health issues when he didn't drink enough of it. "Besides, they can only sell a single person 4 cups of that coffee a day because of health risks to a normal person. They won't make an exception, even for me. None of the stores in the city do, so I have to go around and get coffee throughout the day."
Mia rolled her eyes and her forehead met her palm. "Then why not just brew your own at home?"
Diego looked at her as they walked in to the second Starbucks. "I do but how far do you think that gets me, Kitten?"
Mia shrugged as Diego made the same order at the last Starbucks, this barista also greeting him by name with a big smile. Mia reluctantly drained all 4 cups of coffee there as well and Diego's bodies jitters were starting to subside a little. Diego, knowing how his body operated, figured she'd be good for another hour or so before she'd have to drink more.
They went back to Grossberg's office so Diego could pick up some paperwork for his own case he was working on. As they walked inside, they both tried to act as naturally as possible, as if it was normal for them to be out together on a Friday. They got in and out as fast as they could, trying to go as unnoticed by their co-workers as possible.
But right as they walked back outside, Diego suddenly doubled over and grabbed his stomach. He started groaning with pain and Mia was immediately concerned. "Diego, what's wrong?"
"S-stomach pains... No idea what this is... I've never had cramping like this before. Oh, Dios mío, esto es horrible!" Diego slowly walked outside and leaned against his car.
The wheels in Mia's head were turning as she looked at the calendar application on her phone and saw the date. A slow smile slid onto her face as she realized what his problem was. "Mr. Armando, those aren't necessarily stomach cramps you have. They're just... regular cramps." She covered her mouth with her hand as she tried not to laugh.
"Meaning what?" Diego didn't know what she was talking about.
"I was due to get my period any day now. It looks like it came today..." Mia kept her mouth hidden as she waited for the words to process in his brain. Here was one of the most testosterone-filled men she knew and he had to deal with cramps and a period. He'd probably never feel more like one of the 'kittens' he always flirted with than right now. If that wasn't a life changing experience, she didn't know what was.
Diego's eyes got wide when he heard what she said. "Are you serious?"
Mia nodded and Diego groaned, from shock and from pain. "I have to deal with this until we change back? This won't be pleasant... but what am I supposed to do? I had mi hermanas and mi madre deal with this. I never touched that topic, not with a ten foot pole!"
Mia gave a short laugh and started sifting through her purse for a tampon. "Looks like you have to now, Mr. Armando," She pulled one out and extended it to him. "Now your test will be interesting, with you having to deal with my period."
Diego looked at the tampon blankly, not knowing what she wanted him to do with it. "What's that for?"
Mia gave a single laugh as she realized he was in fact completely clueless about this. "It's to stop the bleeding so you don't stain anything. You have to go put it in but you can wear it for only a couple hours."
Diego accepted it gingerly. "But how do I put it in?"
Mia slapped her palm to her forehead. Without looking at him, she simply motioned down toward his crotch with her hand. "I am not doing that for you, you're on your own there." Diego nodded once and walked slowly back into the office to go use the bathroom.
While she waited, Mia sent a text message to Maya, saying they still had no idea what their tests would be. Maya responded with some sympathetic words, wishing her sister good luck.
A few minutes later, Diego reappeared, walking very uncomfortably, like he couldn't believe what he'd just done. "How? How do you women deal with this? Dios mio, this is just wrong..."
Mia pursed her lips as they walked down the sidewalk in the direction of her apartment. "Mr. Armando, this is completely normal for me. As long as we are switched you just have to deal with it."
Diego gave a short sigh and nodded. "You're right Kitten, no sense whining about it I suppose. C'mon we have to go get some more coffee for you, you've yet to hit my 200 cup mark."
Mia did a double take. "Augh, fine. I don't know how you drink so much of that in a day though."
Diego chuckled. "Bitter black darkness of coffee is not for everyone. Only those of us who truly enjoy the taste can ever fully appreciate it."
Four hours later...
Mia had finished another fifteen cups of the Starbucks blend, and Diego was almost satisfied she'd met his daily minimum. When she drained the latest cup, she swore she wouldn't be drinking coffee for six months. By the last few cups, she was just drinking them to satisfy Diego's needs, not because she wanted the coffee.
Diego relaxed, watching her cup count increase. Thankfully the cramps had subsided a little though not completely. He learned to ignore the pain and focus his brain elsewhere.
As they walked out of the fifth Starbucks today, despite all the coffee she'd drank today, she felt herself growing tired as the minutes passed and they walked toward the city. They'd done a lot today, besides drinking more coffee than she'd done previously in her life in one day. Too mentally frazzled to stay at the office and get work accomplished, they'd walked through a small park, had lunch, and gone to a store to get Diego pain relievers.
Much to Mia's surprise, it was nice. She'd never spent time with Diego outside of the office or the courtroom, so she'd never gotten to know him beyond his attorney side. And also to her slight surprise, he was very nice. And the sad thing was, she never would have found this out unless they'd gone through the body swap in the first place. So she really couldn't begrudge whatever force made this happen to them. At the very least, she'd made a new friend because of this, so how could she bemoan the situation?
Diego was surprised at how open Mia was to spending time with him. She'd easily gone along with his suggestion of going out for lunch and walking through the park. They'd had an easy afternoon, walking around the city, Mia pouring cup after cup of coffee down her throat, and Diego occasionally stopping when a wave of cramps hit. All in all, even though their tests never presented themselves to the two of them, it was still a successful day in his book.
One thing he noticed was the plethora of attractive women that, had he been in his body, he probably would have flirted with. Despite obviously not being able to without getting some confused and scared looks, he didn't feel compelled to talk to the women. He had Mia by his side, so he had no desire to. Mia was the only woman who ever challenged him, and despite her opening up to him like she did today, he would continue to challenge her. Like one of his favorite phrases, she had a set of claws on her and she wasn't afraid to use them.
When the sun was setting behind the roofs of the city buildings, Diego and Mia made it back to her apartment. She pushed her key into the lock and twisted it to unlock the door. As they filed in, Mia realized something. "Mr. Armando, for as much coffee as I drank today, I noticed you never had a single cup. Did you want me to make you some for the road?"
Diego nodded. "That'd be nice Kitten, gracias."
Mia nodded and walked into the kitchen. She made the pot of coffee the same way she did last night, not even occurring to her that it might have been the cause of the switch between them.
As the coffee dripped down to slowly fill the pot, Diego watched Mia — she was mindlessly looking at the wall. "I enjoyed today, Mia. It was nice to see you outside of the office. You're much more relaxed when you're not obsessing over a case and I like this side of you."
Mia's head snapped over when she heard him speak. "Well thank you Mr. Armando. I must say I enjoyed today as well. I never would have guessed you were so attentive a listener. It was quite surprising you were. I didn't even notice you look at another woman while we were out."
Diego shrugged and looked at the pot as it beeped to signal it was done. "I had no reason to, Kitten. You were with me... and amiable."
Mia's brow furrowed a little as she retrieved two mugs from the cabinet. She poured them both a cup and handed his to him. He accepted it gratefully and took a sip. He immediately noticed again that the coffee had an odd flavor to it. "Kitten are you sure you don't have a bad batch of coffee? This tastes off as well."
Mia took a sip and realized the same thing. "You're right. That's odd, I just bought the bag of grounds this week..." She sighed and poured her coffee down the drain, but true to Diego's form, he chugged the mug anyway. She rolled her eyes and poured hers down the drain. "Maybe I should just toss the rest of the bag."
"That might be best, Kitten. Seems this bag has been nothing but trouble." Diego watched as Mia dumped the rest of the grounds into the trash. Right as the last of the grounds were thrown away, the floor beneath their feet began to shake, just like it had yesterday.
"Another one!" Mia called out as they were both thrown off balance. Her back hit the bottom cabinet and Diego managed to grab onto the sink by the window as the quake shook the apartment. It subsided after a few seconds.
Mia clenched her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut. A wave of dizziness hit her head and she tried to regain her center of gravity. Diego gripped the counter tightly as his own head was spinning, as if he just stepped off a tilt-a-whirl.
Both of them came around at the same time and looked at each other. They realized they weren't looking at themselves anymore. They were looking at each other. In their own bodies, like they should be.
Their eyes widened and their faces were identical ones of relief and surprise. She smiled wide and stood up.
"We're ourselves again! Thank goodness!" Mia stood up and moved her hands gratefully over her own body again. Everything was where it should be, safe and sound.
"Si, Kitten, seems we're back to normal." Diego's one track mind keyed up as he eyed the rest of the coffee pot. "Are you going to drink that?"
Mia followed his line of vision and rolled her eyes when she saw what he was talking about. She shook her head at him. "We just get back to normal, and the first thing you think about is coffee. Expected nothing less from you."
Diego nodded. "Course, Kitten. Been a day since I had the bitter black goodness that is coffee. I'm ready to die over here." Diego walked over and poured himself a cup of coffee immediately. Mia watched him chug the entire mug in one throwback and laughed lightly.
She was finding enjoyment out of this man's antics. Two days ago, she would have rolled her eyes in annoyance at seeing him constantly talk about and drink coffee. But now it was sort of cute now that she thought about it. A lot more about him was nice now that she'd gotten to know him
She shook her head and went to retrieve her cell phone. She should call Maya and tell her everything that happened. She walked down the hallway and grabbed her phone that was on her dresser. She dialed the familiar number and waited for her sister to pick up.
"Hey Maya, it's me..."