"It is good to find someone who will listen to your story and then help you write the rest of it."
"Don't do that", she warned sternly the minute he had opened his mouth to say he was sorry. "It wasn't your fault."
He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. He still couldn't shake off the image of Rose without a face from his mind. He was supposed to protect her, what if something had-
"You saved a lot of people", she said, taking his hand is hers. "And you saved me too, like you always do."
"You were-" he couldn't even bring himself to complete the sentence.
She gave his hands a squeeze. "And you were there for me. Listen to me, Doctor?"
He dragged his eyes from the floor to meet hers, somewhat relieved to see her face was still there.
"I know you'll always save me. I wasn't scared."
The way she believed in him so unconditionally, it made him almost believe in himself too.
"It's a very powerful thing when someone sees you as the person you wish you were."
After ten full minutes of rinsing the fine polymerized hyperpolarized dress that he had bought her from NoiTenPal's market place, that too with his own bare hands- his fighting hand!- and not in a washing machine, he growled in exasperation. "Remind me again why I have to do this myself instead of letting the TARDIS take care of it? Time Lords don't do laundry, Rose!"
Her eyes narrowed at him threateningly. "You stained it. You'll fix it. That's how it works. Maybe next time you'll think twice before you just grab one of my things and wipe your alien oils with it."
He arched an eye-brow in silent questioning.
"Oh, who am I kidding? You'll do it again!" She huffed, finally deciding to lend him a helping hand.
"Not my fault you scatter your things all over our ship!" He pointed out without wasting a breathe. Truth be told, he adored how Rose had claimed ownership of the ship, with her clothes strewn everywhere, despite the hazard of tripping over them and falling, which happened more often than he would like to admit. It was good to find a piece of her everywhere, all around him. That thought brought a huge smile to his face, and he bumped his shoulder with hers, the silly chore no longer annoying him, now that they were doing it together, just the way things were meant to be done.
"I wanna be the very best, that no one ever was. To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause."
Rose gasped with laughter. "Oh my God, please tell me you're not singing the Pokémon theme?"
He shrugged, grin widening. He knew how much she loved it when he started humming random things at ridiculous moments.
And he loved how it would make her laugh. Rose Tyler, laughing. Brilliant thing, that.
"Everything I do with you feels like an adventure."
He just knew it from the look on her face- something was on her mind, something was terribly wrong, and yet, she was trying to keep a brave front, trying to smile and keep him company.
He waited for her to speak, like she always did, but when she didn't, he had to ask. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head, offering him a small smile. "Nothing."
That wasn't going to fool him. How could she tell him that he could tell her anything, but not do it herself? Not. Fair. If he wasn't an old alien and all, he would have even stomped his feet for emphasis.
Seeing him still staring at her, she shook her head. "Really, Doctor, it's nothing important. It's silly."
"I love silly", he said honestly, flashing a grin in her direction, hoping the warmth in it could reach her heart.
She tentatively returned the grin, before she sighed. "I was just thinking about how I quit school. I was a good gymnast, had a shot at college, scholarship and all. Mum was so happy. 'Stead, I became just a shop girl. I'm nothing. I'm not a singer or dancer or-"
"-Don't let Cassandra get to you." He cut her off, not willing to let anyone speak of Rose that way, not even Rose herself. "You see the best in me. Can't you do the same for yourself?"
She shook her head no, not trusting her voice to stay steady anymore, and not wanting to let him see her so broken again.
He took a deep breathe. He could do for her what she did for him- show her how fantastic she really was.
"You, Rose Tyler, made a Dalek want to feel sunshine." He beamed at her, still completely in awe of all the impossible things her simple touch could achieve. "You looked into the heart of the TARDIS to save me. And you saved me from myself, so many times." His eyes shone with gratitude, and a new vigor for life, one which she had instilled in him, one which burnt in his core brighter than an Olympic torch. "You are kind and compassionate." He continued, hoping the sincerity in his voice could put her insecurities to rest. He took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together. "You, Rose Tyler, are brilliant."
"They'll tell you again and again, how imperfect you are. But soon enough, you'll see the way I look at you, and believe otherwise."
Mamihlapinatapai. That was an actual word for wordless communications, for the volumes spoken by mere glances and gestures. He knew this word because he knew every word in every language- minus the brand new slangs that somehow kept on being added to the lingo in every century every time he visited it.
And also because he had first hand experience.
For instance, there was that time when he had wanted to try wrestling, but wasn't sure if this skinny body would be any good at it, and she had settled his doubts with just a smile- a smile that said "it's ok", one which unlocked doors inside his mind that he had forgotten long ago.
Of course when he had tried to throw a punch- or a kick, he wasn't really sure what he was trying to do- and ended up falling down on the floor, she had burst out laughing- the soft laughter in her eyes clearly telling him, "it's ok to quit now."
Words are really over-rated, after all. Some things just don't need saying out loud.
"Your smile undid me but your laughter put me back together again."
"Might I remind you that your mother has threatened to kill me, and Sunday dinner made by her is not a good enough reason to regenerate again, thank you very much?"
Her eyebrows twitched in irritation, but she didn't say a word, instead fumbling with his tie in an effort to untangle the messy knot that he had somehow managed to get it in during his absent-minded babbling on knots and a failed demonstration. She had to fight the temptation to strangle him, even for just a moment- he could tell this from the way her lips were pursed into a line as straight as the horizon in Pegasus Cascada.
"I can take you to Barcelona. Dogs with no noses?"
He knew the accidental tug she gave his tie was totally intended to be a warning to just shut his big gob, but of course he would push his luck. "What about Midnight? It's beautiful, you'd love it. They have a nice little spa for relaxing, brilliant, that!"
She stepped on his feet then, which he would have loved, if not for the heels she was wearing that dug into his trainers painfully. He was tempted to tell her that if things went south and they had to run, as things usually did, these shoes would seriously fail her, but he didn't, because she knew that, already. And because the close proximity to her was doing things to him that only the fear of meeting Jackie Tyler in a short while was able to somewhat counter.
"How about ancient Rome? It's very scenic. You'd love it!"
She finally managed to untie the knots and tie his tie in a proper way. With that, they were all set, and she wriggled her fingers in the air, waiting for him to take her hand.
Oh, blimey! He never had a chance, did he?
"My biggest weakness has always been and will always be your hand stretched out for mine."
"If you could get a million dollars, what would you do with it?"
She had asked him one day in the middle of lunch during a rather uneventful visit to a market to pick up some parts for the TARDIS.
He studied her in amused wonder. "And here I thought we were past the 'ask random questions and get to know each other' phase."
She flashed him a tongue in teeth grin. "There's so much about me that you don't know."
The way those words sounded anything but innocent to his no longer big ears had to be wrong, right?
"Bananas." That was his brain's response to inappropriate yet extremely welcome thoughts of Rose Tyler.
"What?" She asked, her face already lighting up with a smile.
He shrugged. "I would spend a million dollars to buy bananas. Delicious, they are!"
She raised an eyebrow. "Not help the poor or the wounded?"
He shrugged again. "Poverty is a much complicated socio-political issue, Rose. Mere money can't solve that. It's", he motioned with his hand in a way that resembled an S, he supposed, before he gave up with another shrug. "Jiggery pokery."
She laughed, stealing a chips from his plate. "No grand mansion in every planet?"
He stole a chips from her in return. "What's the point? Never stay at a place anyway."
She pouted. "Nothing for me?"
He grinned. "I would be happy to feed you my bananas."
She burst out laughing just as his eyes widened and his face turned red in realization of what that sounded like. This gob might just be the death of him one day.
"Rose, I-"
She didn't let him finish. "Ta, but I'm happy with just your chips."
He was relieved with how she resumed stealing his chips and let the topic slide without being offended. Rose really was brilliant.
"But luxury has never appealed to me, I like simple things, books, being alone, or with somebody who understands."
It wasn't often that he fell asleep, not even after hours of running, but this time, they had inhaled an alien pollen- completely harmless, but it made one sleep for a full four hours, and he fell asleep on the floor of the console room before he could complete the sentence that was supposed to tell her that Time Lords never fall asleep from the affect of a pollen.
He woke up, four hours later, to see that she was already up, with a smug grin on her face that read "And now you'll hush up about your superior biology." The words that came out of her mouth were teasing, but much kinder. "Sweet dreams?"
He scratched the back of his neck, recalling the dream he had had. No Time War, no Gallifrey. Just a certain stargazing spot in the galaxy that was his favorite, and a certain pink and yellow human in his arms. "Yes", he replied, smiling brightly. "What about you?"
He could tell by the gleam in her eyes that she was up to some mischief. "I had a dream that you and mum were the best of friends."
He groaned, his face in his hands. "Did I ever tell you how glad I am that you're not a soothsayer?
"After I met you, I started dreaming in colors. And that's saying a lot for someone who's only known what it feels like to live in the dark."
"You do give second chances."
He blinked in surprise at her sudden words, his hand that was hammering at the console panel coming to a halt midway, with the hammer hanging aimlessly in the air. "What?"
She was studying him with a concentration that was rare. "You gave me a second chance. You let me cook you lunch again."
He couldn't stop his smile. "Anything for you, ma'am."
She still looked utterly confused. "Why?"
He shrugged, resuming his noisy hammering. "You're different."
She smacked him on his arm. "You keep saying that, what does it even mean?"
"Good different or bad different?" He teased, quoting his own brilliant self.
She knew she wasn't getting a straight answer. She wasn't giving one either, she just huffed.
One of these days, maybe, possibly he would kind of sort of tell her. Or maybe not. Did it really need saying? Weren't some magical things woven with actions and thoughts and feelings and moments that couldn't be stripped down to tiny, utterly insignificant words?
"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul."
He knew he shouldn't give her spoilers of her near future, but he figured these were harmless enough. Letting her see that time-space travel movie from 2014 with her favourite actor in it wasn't a big deal, wouldn't change a thing in any timeline. They had watched it together, and then he had told her how much people debated over the ending, and ended up giving his expert opinion on the subject, and she had listened, even though she didn't quite get it.
That's how it grew to become another one of their things- watching movies together, movies yet to be made in her world. At first it was her on the sofa and him on the floor, sitting cross-legged right in front of her and insisting that proximity to TV had nothing to do with eyesight. After a movie marathon, he had dragged himself to the cough to rest his spine, and she had plopped her legs on his lap without warning or permission. He had found out that he rather liked this, and kept this on for a week, holding her hands sometimes when he felt like it and just couldn't resist.
After a while she had starting sitting next to him, and it felt so natural, that neither of them even bothered to acknowledge the fact that they were practically snuggling.
There was only one mistake he had made: He introduced her to the minions, their banana (and potato, to be technical) song, and never heard the end of it.
"Oh my God, you're totally a minion!" She had teased with a sly grin that left him breathless, and then after a while she just had to add salt to the wound. "Oh wait, no, that minion's ginger, you're not."
He pouted, ruffling his hair, as if that action could magically change hair color. He felt like they were two kids bantering over who had the better pencil case. "Well, you're not ginger either, you're blonde. You can't be a minion either. And I'll have you know, Rose Tyler, that my hair is fantastic."
She grinned, loving how easily she could get under his skin. He couldn't help but return that smile.
"The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you."
There was so much that he could never bring himself to tell her. He wasn't scared of anything that was out there in the Universe wanting to kill him. He knew he could defeat them all and save the day again. What really scared him was acknowledging how much she meant to him, how much he, he... Because everything he ever... was taken from him, always. And he wasn't ready to lose her, not then, not ever.
He looked up at the sky, dying inside at the blunder he had committed by jumping through the one way time window without thinking it through. If anything was to happen to her...
He heard Reinette's footsteps approaching, so graceful and measured, such a perfect contrast to how Rose would run alongside him, her hand in his, steps hasty, and absolutely breathtaking. He wondered if he would ever see her again.
No, he mentally scolded himself. He was going to see her. He was going to go back, some way or the other, no second guessing there. He was going to show her how important she was to him, show her the best of time, even if it scared him to the core.
Yes, get back to Rose Tyler, that he would.
"'I care', he said in a trembling voice. 'I care so much that I do not know how to tell you without it seeming inconsequential compared to how I feel. Even if I am distant at times and seem as if I do not want to be with you, it is only because this scares me, too.'"
He really couldn't believe Rose had managed to talk him into letting her go comfort the woman who had just got her son back, while he was left to look after the cat, the one that Rose had adored. Rose couldn't believe that he had ended up having conversations with the cat.
"What did you two talk about?" She asked curiously, even though she wasn't sure if she really wanted to know.
He shrugged. "He was talking about the cat next door. How much he missed her when he was stuck in that painting. How he wouldn't trade her for a world. You know, cat stuff."
"Right", she nodded, a little taken back at how the entire conversation didn't consist of "food-sleep-tail-human slave-food!"
He nodded back, amused at how much he sympathized with a cat.
"The truth is, if I could be with anyone, I'd still choose you."
"Sit still for one moment, will you?" She snapped, the irritation of not finding what she was looking for amidst the mess she had made in her room with all the clothes scattered everywhere being misdirected towards the Doctor, whose foot was tapping absent-mindedly in rhythm to what was suspiciously close to the theme from Winnie The Pooh.
"Define moment. Do you mean a minute, or a rel, or a klik, or a-"
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. Blimey, the people who called him The Oncoming Storm really needed to meet her. "I'll shut up, no more trying to be funny, not a word, or a syllable, or-ouch!"
"You are sitting right on top of it! I want to murder you so much sometimes!" She growled, pushing him on the chest till he shifted and she got the desired thing from under him.
He tugged on his ear sheepishly. "I didn't break it, did I? I can fix it with my sonic, not a problem at all."
"Like you fixed the Tele?" She teased, sitting down next to him with the thing in her lap. She opened it, revealing a set of photos. "This is a photo album, from back when I was a kid."
"Ah, the good old days before the advent of digital cameras and eye-shot- e-y-e eye, not the other kind, although their products are simply brilliant, in fact- right, right, I'm rambling, alright, photos. Aww, look at you! You were so chubby!" He pointed at a picture of her standing with a brand new teddy bear, one which was now ragged and one of the only things in her room that was in a proper fixed location. "Is that Jackie? Wow, she looks hot. Did I just say that?"
Rose chuckled, not able to believe her ears herself. "Wait till she hears that."
He groaned. "Just kill me here and now, please? I don't want to- ooo, a red bicycle! Is that the one you fell off from and scraped your knees?"
Rose smiled fondly at the memory of the accident and the tears, from when she was just six. And then at the memory of when she had first related the story to him. He had wasted no time in pointing out that he wasn't the only bad driver. "Yeah. That's the one. And here's me and Shareen at the park!" She pointed at another photo, happiness filling her with the memories. "When I miss them, I look at these."
His eyes glazed over with concern. "Do you want to go home?" At her sudden look of surprise, he added hastily, "For a few days, I mean. Visit your mum, hang out with your mates, maybe get me some more of those banana sandwiches?"
She rolled her eyes, not feeling the need to dignify that with a response. "Nobody lives forever. It's why we take photos, make memories. To look back at them and know we're not alone when they are gone. Mum has albums filled with photos of her and dad. They didn't have many years together, but they were happy, and she has enough to carry on."
"Okay?" He asked, suddenly unsure where this was going.
"You won't tell me your birthday, fine, but I got you a gift anyway." She announced, reaching under her pillows, huffing at her misplacement of yet another object, before she finally found it buried under her duvet. She pulled it out and placed it in his lap, no fancy wrapping, knowing fully well how he would mercilessly rip it apart like an impatient little kid and later try to sonic it back together and make origami that would inexplicably explode in the middle of her nap-time.
He blinked.
"It's a photo album. Make memories." She said simply, omitting the "for when I am not here."
A fighting man could never forget the loss of his love, he was sure. And it was terrifying, the prospect of losing it all again. But here she was, offering him a part of her to keep with him forever in such a simple human way. Here she was, holding his hearts in her hands, waiting for the clock to strike twelve and everything to fade, but planning ahead and ready to leave behind a glass shoe for him, one to remember her by, forever.
"When I was a kid, mum said they look down at us from stars." She smiled, bumping her shoulder with his. "Destroyed that illusion, didn't you?"
He smiled, willing himself to not break down and cry in a weak display of emotions. He looked down at the photo album again, at the pink and yellow cover of it- so very her, and noticed the star cut out from a piece of velvet paper and stuck at one corner.
Yes, she was his shining star.
"Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to."
It never even crossed his mind how much they hugged until they were arrested on a planet for indecent public display of affection. This version of him was so tactile, and being close to her came so naturally, he never even questioned if best mates hugged as often and as tightly as they did.
"Stupid alien gits", Rose muttered under her breathe, wriggling against the restraints on her wrists. "Wonder what they would have done if we had kissed!"
He swallowed hard. Kissing, that would earn execution. Kissing Rose Tyler was almost worth it, if he didn't want to stay alive and keep kissing her, that is.
"I am so mailing them all of Mickey's stash. They would be so scandalized!" She growled.
He eyed her curiously. "You're usually so understanding about the local cultures."
"Not always!"
"I didn't say always, I said usually! I remember how you hated PinnaFolia where the women were confined to houses. Quite right to, too."
She groaned at the memory. "I hope the women are still fighting for their rights. We should go back and check sometime. After we get out of this bleeding place."
He grinned, knowing well that it wouldn't be long till they were released and banished for the next two eons. He vowed to keep his hands to himself when they were free.
Once they were on the TARDIS though, they had ended up hugging. It wasn't his fault, really. Rassilon help anyone on the receiving end of Rose Tyler's tongue in teeth smile.
"I had to touch you with my hands... One can't love and do nothing."
Confessions of a Time Lord who hated domestics #1: Jackie Tyler's tea was the best tea in the Universe.
Confessions of a Time Lord who hated domestics #2: Listening to her speak sometimes made him wonder if that was how people felt when he spoke.
Confessions of a Time Lord who hated domestics #3: Rose Tyler sometimes took unfair advantage of the knowledge that he could never say no to her.
That was how he ended up on Jackie's dining room, sipping on her tea, and listening to her rant about the last bloke that she had dumped.
"I worry about you, Rose", she said, shooting a pointed look in his direction. "All blokes have only one thing in their mind."
He frowned. At this point, whether he admitted it or not, he was more than just a guest who had to nod politely and keep his gob shut, and he wasn't someone capable of doing that anyway. Even though arguing with Jackie was a terrifying prospect, he had to defend his gender. "Absolutely untrue. I'll have you know that at any time I'm thinking of many things- places to go, square root of pie up to twenty decimals, bananas, Alonzo."
Jackie snorted. "Well, you're not a bloke. You're a daft alien!" Then she shot him a Jackie Tyler glare. "Blimey, don't you ever worry about my daughter, doesn't she ever cross your mind?"
He shrugged.
Confessions of a Time Lord who hated domestics #4: He really didn't think he could explain the place Rose held in his mind.
"If you ever ask me how many times you've crossed my mind, I would say once. Because you came, and never left."
So he had managed to get them into trouble yet again. So they were hiding in a small damp room with three other people, the ones they were trying to help.
That did squat to dampen their spirits. They couldn't stop gleefully recounting all the other times they had been in similar situations.
"There was that time on the planet of those cheetah creatures! I thought they were gonna eat us!"
He pouted, fixing her with an accusatory look that she couldn't see in the dark. "You didn't believe me when I said they were vegetarians!"
"I thought you were making that up to comfort me!"
"I don't make up stuff!"
"Oh really? How about the time you told me that the earth once belonged to reptile aliens?"
"Homo Reptilia", he corrected automatically. "It really did!"
"Yeah, right."
"If I wasn't involved in the matter, I would have taken you back in time and shown you."
She snorted. "If you could get the co-ordinates right."
He hissed. "I really did mean to land us here."
The others wondered if this was a thing they did often- playfully bantering in the middle of danger, ignoring everyone and everything else.
"I swear, when it's just the two of us in this room, nothing else matters."
The train trip was turning out to be unexpectedly long. Sure, it was a beautiful planet, and he loved the view from the window of their tiny private train, but blimey, even Snailons walked faster than this!
"You're fidgeting." She pointed out, after tolerating him shifting in his place in front of her for a full ten minutes.
He whined. "I'm so bored."
"Me too", she admitted with a sheepish smile. "Go ahead."
Oh, yes. She just gave him the green signal for using the sonic to speed things up. He grinned victoriously, adjusting the settings, half leaning out of the window, and aiming it on the wheels.
He certainly did not expect it to speed up this much. She yelped, tightening her seat belt and clutching on to his hands, squealing in delight at the sudden bumps due to the uneven surface of the planet. The vast stretches of meadows passed by them so fast that they felt like color changing rainbows.
And he realized, yet again, just how glad he was that he met her.
"It seemed like you could know me. Like you could understand anything I told you. And the more we spoke, I knew why. The same things excited us. The same things concerned us."
He loved the way she was enjoying herself on this planet of tiny five inch long humanoid creatures. At first, they had been mistaken as giants and attacked with their tiny arrows which Rose found quite adorable. But they had soon helped build a road and earned the trust of the locals. And now they was sitting and watching the people.
"They are just like us." She observed.
He chuckled. "Oh, yes. Humanoids, them. Loads of similarities with humans."
She laughed. "No, I meant us, you and me." She pointed at a pair at a distance. "Look."
He watched the male adamantly refusing to ask for directions, even when they were blatantly lost, while the female tugged on his hands every time they passed a little shop. Blimey, that really was like them. "We should do people watching more often."
She wasn't sure. "Isn't that kind of creepy in a stalking way?"
"Welllll", he scratched the back of his neck, uncertain how to counter that. But it sure felt good to watch these happy little creatures going about their lives blissfully. Almost as good as stargazing felt.
And every now and then, he would steal glances at Rose, watch curiosity light up her eyes, and a smile lift up the corners of her mouth, and honestly, he needed to do that more often.
He frowned when he felt her tense, following her gaze. Apparently, the pair had found their way, and were entering a teeny-tiny house, carpets and doors and all.
For the first time in forever, domestics didn't seem that bad. Not that bad at all.
"But to come home each night. And be so deeply understood by you would be the greatest gift of my life."
"I was just thinking."
She shot him a deadly glare. "If it's about turning my hair dryer into a fan for the time rotor, then the answer is still no. Use yours!"
He gasped in indignation. "I do not have a hair dryer!"
She couldn't hide her grin. "White. Old. Has ink stains on it and a sticky note stuck to it. Rule of time travel, don't lie to your companion, she always knows what's in the ship."
He hoped the glare he shot her matched hers, even though her response was to just grin wider at her victory. "I was just thinking", he began again, "I never thought I'd meet you."
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, I never thought I'd meet the Queen, get in line, mate!"
He shook his head. "No, not like that!" He took a few steps to stand closer to her. "I am a nine hundred years old alien from Gallifrey. You're a nineteen year old girl from Earth. In all my nineteen years, I never knew there was a girl called Rose Tyler in my future whom I'd-" He paused then, risking a glance at her eyes, which was a mistake, because they were shining with happiness. He cleared his throat, decidedly breaking the moment. "What are the odds, right? If you weren't working at Henrik's, maybe we never would have even met."
He could tell that she wanted to say something but was holding back. He quirked up eyebrow, waiting.
"Or maybe we were meant to meet, some way or the other?"
He grinned brightly. "Ah, fixed point in time, huh?"
She laughed. "The stuff of legends."
"Maybe she'd always been there. Maybe strangers enter your heart first and then you spend the rest of your life searching for them."
They never talked about the elephant in the room. Rose Tyler could make him spill his hearts out to her, except that one subject that was just too painful- his future after she was gone. He would never talk about that. And she didn't either. He wondered if she too was happy to live in blissful denial of the inevitable that was growing closer every day.
But she did arm him with memories, subtle words of consolation here, not-so-subtle suggestions there- she did want to make sure that he would be alright when she was gone.
"Time, Doctor, is relative. It's a matter of when." She began during a visit to a planet that had turned out to be disappointingly uneventful.
He huffed. "You're lecturing about time to a Time Lord?"
She ignored him and continued. "500 BC, and Napoléon hasn't even been born. 5000 AD and he's long dead. But he's alive, somewhere in between. He's always alive. Everyone is. Always."
Oh, he knew what she she meant. Lord of Time, with time at the tip of his fingers, he knew she would be there, somewhere, some-when, even when she wasn't with him anymore. And she would be happy, whenever she was. She would always be there, always a part of him.
He could feel her love, and he knew she could feel his fear and his lingering sadness. He squeezed her hand that was in his in gratitude. And also to reassure himself that the time for thinking along those times hadn't arrived yet. "You sound just like me!" He grinned, half proud to get her to talk like him, and half amused at how annoying he must sound to some creatures. Then he frowned. "Hold on, why Napoleon, of all of time and space?"
Her grin was sheepish. "It's the only history lesson I paid attention to at school."
"He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began."
It wasn't a surprise that neither of them could fall sleep, with the black hole looming nearby, the TARDIS still lost, and their future so uncertain. What surprised him was the unusual silence they had fallen into, holding on to each other in the tiny bed, his grip tight, like she would fade away any moment. He could tell she was scared too, by the way her arms around his neck tightened, and she buried her face deeper into his chest. She knew he had a plan, a dangerous one, and she knew she wouldn't be able to stop him.
"Rose?" He mumbled around her shoulder, and was greeted with a muffled "Hmmpf?"
"Do you think we can skip the carpets? Wooden floors are brilliant."
"Marble." she mumbled again.
"But marble floors are slippery!" He whined. "And cold! Can't walk around barefoot in them!"
"Marble, pink", she repeated with more conviction.
He pouted, and then sighed, at how they were both desperately trying to pretend everything was going to be alright.
Maybe that was true? Maybe it would all be okay? Holding her in his arms, he sure thought so. If Superman's symbol of hope was the S on his chest, his was the pink and yellow human in his arms. And he would make sure she would be alright. Yes, that he would.
"When we hold each other in the darkness, it doesn't make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there - but for just a moment or two the darkness doesn't seem so bad."
He couldn't believe they had both made it out of that impossible planet alive. No matter what the monster in the pit said, he wasn't going to lose her, he wasn't going to let anything hurt her.
"The stuff of legends", he said, hitting the lever the sent them whirling through time and space, and she laughed, and really, seeing her laughing was his favorite thing in the universe, as it should be.
"I don't know if love is a feeling. Sometimes I think it's a matter of seeing. Seeing you."
He hated it when she was away, not just because he was bored with nothing to do but rewire the TARDIS, but also because a nagging part of him kept reminding him that something vital to his existence was missing.
He used to think that each regeneration was a new life, and she was "the love of his life" for this ninth as well as current selves. His future selves too, if he took an educated guess. Rose Tyler was a drug that never left your system, superior biology be damned.
But each time she was away, he felt a very familiar longing, one which he had felt all his life. He almost felt incomplete. Sure, he loved his family, his parents and his children- always had, always would. Sure, there was an understanding between him and his wife, even though they were arranged marriaged, following the ever consuming Gallifreyan tradition. But he had never felt this kind of kinship before, the one he felt for a certain precious girl.
He counted down the minutes till she would wake up, trying to take comfort in the fact that she was just sleeping, and that too in his TARDIS. She was safe, and with him. But every time she was out of his sight, it felt like the whole of time and space came crashing down on him. Like it did all his life.
"I waited for you. All these years I watched and waited, knowing, somehow, that what we would have would be different."
He had just finished telling her the story of how he had failed the test for flying the TARDIS for the third time, and she was rolling on the console floor with laughter.
"Some things never change, huh? You're still a horrible driver." She teased.
He huffed. "You're one to talk. How many speeding tickets do you have? And you don't even have a car! If you had a car, I'd have had to rush to earth to save people from you daily! Blimey!"
He offered her his hand, and she took it, getting up from the floor, all the while fixing him with a glare.
"Like you were soooo good with Bessie!" She shot back.
"Fair enough." He mumbled, looking away.
Talking about Gallifrey and the past still hurt. But beneath the hurt, there was a tiny tinge of closure that pouring his heart out to her granted him. It was so easy, so natural to tell her about the good things in life lost to time and war, the things that haunted him. He never spoke of family or friends, but there were plenty stories about this and that to keep him reminiscing. He wondered why he wasn't feeling broken and lost.
Then he looked down and noticed that she hadn't let go of his hand.
"You scare me, he said. Why? She asked. Because I tell you things I can't even tell myself."
A storm was coming, and he was terrified. He wasn't ready to lose her. He wanted to scream and to sulk and to laugh bitterly, and sometimes all at the same time.
But he couldn't. Because her happiness was infectious. It made him almost believe that nothing could ever tear them apart. At least that's how he felt on their way to Jackie's flat, skipping and laughing and talking, hand helds tightly. This was ever everything he wanted from life. Was this too much to ask for?
"He held her hand. Happiness is this, he thought."
A/N: Hope you liked it! Banana pancakes to all those who read/reviewed/faved :D