Hugh Dancy couldn't tell when all of this started, this attraction, interest, his caring for him. The only thing he knew for sure was that Mads mezmerised him since back then, 10 years ago, during the shooting of „King Arthur". He was different than all the other actors with his accent („the Danish lisp" has become his trademark) or his unusually sharp facial features or this glimpse of mischief glowing in his honey-coloured eyes. There was something back then which hooked him and since then Hugh preferred to have dinner with the company of the ironic Dane. They became friends quickly but after they finished filming the movie, life sent them apart, working and living on other continents. Hugh was acting in the States, Mads went back home to Denmark and when Mads came back to America to shoot „Casino Royale" Hugh was in Britain. They have lost contact and their friendship faded in everyday troubles and casual grey days. During those years Hugh managed to get a wife and a kid, as well as a cozy home on the west coast.
And then destiny brought them together again. Dancy remembered this rainy tuesday like yesterday, the day he met up with Fuller at Starbucks in Los Angeles. Bryan offered him the leading role in his new project. „Which one?" Hugh asked then, sipping on his steaming coffee. „A TV show about Hannibal Lecter" The Brit almost choked on his beverage. Deja vu? Seven years ago he tried to get into a movie about Hannibal Lecter and he almost got the role of the serial killer and cannibal. Until this impudent and bootlicking Gaspard Ulliel showed up, it was, and lady fortune closed her door into the universe of the Thomas Harris books for Hugh. „Who am I going to play?" Hugh asked back then, trying to hide his excitement."Will Graham" Disappointment and anger were building like a huge wave inside Hugh. He already opened his mouth to refuse, he wouldn't even ask about the contract, the terms and stuff like this, but Fuller was faster: „You won't believe me who I choose for the role of doctor Lecter!" Making a theatrical pause, Fuller literally overwhelmed Dancy: „Mads Mikkelsen!" Hugh unhurriedly placed his cup of coffee on the table. If Fuller would have chosen to look into his face closely, he would have noticed how the Brits pupils widened momentarily. How his heart skipped a beat and his ears turned bright red. No, Hugh wasn't in love with Mads. Not back then. But he remembered him and after all those years he felt the incredible urge to see him again. And he said „yes", he accepted the job, without knowing any further details. One simple word was enough for him to change his mind. Mads.
The clock is ticking for everyone, but the age didn't spoil Mikkelsen. Yes, he grew older, but with it some confidence and serenity appeared, the mischief in his eyes was replaced by some aristocratic melancholy. The ideal posture, the smoothness, the coolness, at the same time mixed with politeness made him an almost stereotypical european in the mind of americans. He instantly charmed all the cast and Dancy's admiration was a bit lost in the background of all the people. Everyone knew how great the Dane was: the astounding acting of the villain Le Chiffre, the award of the Cannes festival for best actor and countless other awards to follow. But the joy of meeting an old friend mixed with bitter envy. Dancy was almost fourty but what did HE succeed at? What could HE brag about, what did HE accomplish in the past ten years? This is how the crisis started.
Their friendship started anew. Hugh was incredibly glad, that Mads didn't forget him. The scenario was easy to learn, the work was even fun from time to time. But something was growing inside, something dark and burning, fed on fascination and thoroughly hidden envy. Dancy didn't like scenes, where doctor Lecter came close to Will because in those moments Hugh felt a strange excitement, and although nothing special happened, regardless of the cameras and projectors pointed at them, he felt uneasy. Like he was doing something wrong. Like there was some secret, some special tension between him and Mads which was suddenly visible to others. Hugh had never felt anything like this before while filming. No other actor made him feel as uneasy as he did.
In the interviews Hugh said that it was a great honour for him, being able to work with Mads Mikkelsen. But he never said that the Dane has become an idol for him, a role model to look up to, an object of almost fanatic adoration. No one knew that Dancy reread all the articles and reviews considering the Dane and has rewatched all the movies with him. During the nights he would watch them with subtitles on his tablet with his headphones on, silently moving his lips and speaking the lines together with him. He imagined himself in those movies, the way he would have played the one or the other scene. Falling asleep, he would imagine himself and Mads on the red carpet, maybe even arriving at the „Oscars". The tired and half asleep brain sometimes switched the images in Hugh's imagination and being on the red carpet turned into some other nonsense, like a fishing trip together or a walk in the park. Dancy tried to wave away those thoughts, because they planted seeds of doubt inside him and were not clear to him. Conscientiously, Hugh wanted to stay professional and think of Mads as an actor, but in his subconscious, in his cencored part of mind, there were other desires, tearing their way to freedom under his mask of decency and turning into his wet dreams, which Dancy couldn't remember in the morning. But he knew he felt very uneasy, ashamed and excited about Mads Mikkelsen.
It was an obsession. The Dane filled Hugh Dancy's mind with him, which, of course, was easy to notice in their everyday conversations. The Brit would either shun away from Mads, avoiding even looking at him, or he would literally force himself on him, following him around everywhere, even if he needed a smoke. Then they just stood there silently. Mads would smoke and smile, lost in his own thoughts, and Hugh would sit beside him and look at the sky above the filming pavillons. No one really cared about the behaviour of one of the leading actors because Hugh tended to behave in an unpredictable way anyway. He would argue with everyone because of small things, would be hysterical, work until exhaustion, he could ask for time off on a usual day just because he needed some time to relax. Everyone knew the reason, they speculated about the envy Hugh experienced for the achievements of his old friend, but on the whole, he didn't care.
The situation started to take a dangerous turn of events after the meeting, where Fuller started questioning the unclear relationship between Will and Hannibal dead serious for the first time. The possibility of working „even closer" with Mads seemed to tear down some of his innermost limitations and the thoughts, which only occured in his dreams until now, started to visit Dancy while he was wide awake. In the most unappropriate moments.
They were fiming a scene inside Will's prison cell. Hugh kept rushing from wall to wall like a trapped animal, covering „doctor Lecter" with accusations. Mikkelsen listened to all of it, sometimes saying some ironic comments, which were lovingly written by the screenwriters. Everything went perfect. Then, Hannibal touched a fake dashboard on a wall and in this moment one of the assistants, which was out of sight for the cameras, opened the door, consisting of bars, with a loud creeky noise.
„What are you doing?" Hugh followed the scenario, acting out his surprise and fear.
Mads stepped into the „cage", Hugh made a step back. And another one. And another one until he touched the fake stone wall with his back. Mikkelsen, however, continued approaching him. Two cameras were filming the scene, accompanied by a barely audible buzzing sound. One was filming Mads, the other one the frightened Hugh. His heart was beating like crazy, it seemed like Dancy really became Will Graham, which was threateningly approached by the most dangerous psychopath and cannibal of America.
„Doctor..." the Brit started whispering but stuttered as Mikkelsen stopped a few steps away from him. The scenario was out of his head, it felt empty and heavy, breathing was hard and his breast was tightening.
„Let me help you, Will", Mads exhaled huskily. He smelled like tobacco, after shave and something else, something special and unique, somehing only he smelled like.
Hugh's eyes flicked from the flowery tie to his smoothly shaved chin, then down again, on his glistening cufflink, on the neat handkerchief, showing from his breast pocket , and up again, on his slightly smirking lips...Oh God...Hugh couldn't remember the scenario. He was thunderstruck, mesmerized by the closeness to Mads. Fuller didn't stop the filming process. With the silence in the room it seemed like they were on their own. Making a great effort, Dancy forced himself to look a bit higher. The thin nose. The sharp cheekbones. And, finally, his eyes. Dark, like a hot summer night. Close. Too close. And then Mads lowered his eyes a bit and Hugh literally felt him looking at his lips. The Danish opened his mouth a little bit and Dancy barely smelled the scent of cigarettes again. He was dizzy, he felt his own blood pumping through his head, and Hugh, losing every last bit of common sense, not being aware of his own actions, reached for those hypnotising, slightly open lips.
„Cut!" Fuller barked and Dancy, who only managed to make the tiniest movement towards Mads, jumped up, frightened, instantly realising which mistake he was about to make. The whole blood rushed from his face and it seemed like some cold hand clenched his heart together. Mikkelsen stepped back, making the distance between their bodies feel comfortable.
„Hugh!" Bryan rose from his chair and Dancy felt shivers down his spine. He glanced at the crew, startled.
„Hugh, this was amazing!" The producer slapped his shoulder, which made the actor tumble. „So much passion, so much expression! This is exactly what the audience is looking forward to, this...ambiguity! Even I could have sworn that you were longing for Hannibal Lecter!"
Hugh's legs didn't want to hold him anymore, but thank god he was leaning on the wall with his back. Mads was just smirking while taking out an opened pack of cigarettes out of his pocket on his way outside.
„This fear mixed with passion! This is exactly what I wanted! Hardcore bromance! Feelings on the edge!" Fuller continued with his admiration. „In the montage we're going to make it as though you're looking at the stag! Ooh I can't wait to see the results!"
„The stag? Why the fuck?!" a voice screamed in Hugh's head. His heart was racing against his ribs and his mouth was dry. Shocked, Dancy realised that he was aroused. Cautiously glancing down he noticed, relieved, that the wide prison clothes were hiding this faux pas.
„Break" Mikkelsen announced and headed to the exit of the pavillon.
„Yeah, yeah, break..." Fuller was already digging something out in another scenario, the cameras were off and the operators went outside, chatting. The makeup artist was already on her way to Hugh but he waved her off. He didn't know, whether someone noticed his urges, his desire to kiss Mads, but even if they didn't, they probably would while watching the montage. Fear was tying his stomach together like a knot and the Brit hurried outside of the pavillon as well.
There was a pleasant breeze outside, people were going up and down. Hugh didn't know many of them at all. It was a huge complex of pavillons which was rented by a dozen of different filming crews from different TV shows. Two operators were smoking in the corner, glancing at Hugh from time to time. Dancy was looking for Mads. Finally, he found the athletic figure of the Dane. He was standing in the shadow of a big tree, which had almost lost all of its leaves since it was the end of november. Hugh stepped towards him.
„Hard work, isn't it" Mads wasn't smiling but his eyes were gleaming mischievously.
„Yes, the scene was a bit tense", Hugh admitted cautiously, leaning his back on the tree and closing his eyes. Maybe, in his subconscious, he wanted it to happen again. He wanted Mikkelsen to approach him again so Hugh would feel his breath against his lips, so the urge to reach and finally percieve not only the scent but also the taste of Mads Mikkelsen would appear again...without a Bryan Fuller with his „Cut!"
But the Dane kept standing where he was, lazily pulling on his cigarette and watching his partner with some interest.
„What did you want?" he asked with a smile.
Hugh opened his eyes and looked at him.
„What do you mean?"
„What did you want to do before Bryan said cut?" Mads was smiling and Hugh felt, that the Dane was playing with him. Oh God, he knows! He knows that Hugh wants him, knows his struggles, thoughts and dreams! He felt his heartbeat somewhere in his throat but instead of being scared, Dancy felt kind of delighted. Mikkelsen exhaled a thin stream of smoke without breaking the eye contact. It seemed like he was laughing only with his eyes. He was radiating confidence, content and, as it seemed to the Brit, approval. All his appearance shouted: „You know it, I know it, why won't we just do it?" Still a bit drunk of emotions since the shooting, Hugh made a step towards Mads. Another one. The distance between them was even closer than in the scene, 10 centimetres maybe. Dancy had lost control over himself completely, especially because Mikkelsen didn't step back, didn't turn away, he didn't even look away. Mads stood there with his self-confident smile, looking at him from above and waiting.
This time Hugh couldn't even make the tiniest move.
„Mads, Bryan is calling!" some assistant shouted.
Hugh almost sweared. Hate and annoyance towards this mere assistant, who was only doing his job, burst in his chest.
„You were great. I hope he won't have issues with me now." Mads threw the unfinished cigarette on the ground and headed quickly towards the pavillon.
Dancy watched him, feeling a strange mixture of disappointment, anger and fear. Maybe it was good that they were distracted? Who knows what Mads really thought he would do. Maybe Hugh just imagined that the Dane understands everything and, more importantly, approves of it. Maybe his experiment would have ended with a broken nose. After all, Mikkelsen had a wive, had kids, he was the perfect family father, so why should he approve ot the strange kinks of his colleague? Yes, probably they just haven't understood each other. And god bless that assistant, otherwise their friendship would have ended here and now, under this goddamn tree.
Clouds appeared and covered the sun, making it much colder outside in an instant. Hugh shivered. Now he was just hurt. He experienced what doctor Lecter would have called frustration. The inability to fulfil the dreams or wishes. He felt an incredible urge to know, what Mads' kisses felt like. Would he be pushy or reserved? Would he place his hand on his neck or pull him closer by his clothes? And how long would it take until the kiss wouldn't be enough for him and his lips wold trail down Hugh's chin, down his neck, at the same time as his hands would start ripping off his clothes?...
Hugh closed his eyes and bit down on his lip. The arousal was rising inside him again, unbearably strong, insatiable. He percieved the scent of tobacco, like Mads was still there beside him. Slightly opening his eyes, Dancy noticed the still fuming cigarette on the floor.
He craved for the taste of Mads Mikkelsen.
No. He wouldn't do this. It was stupid, dangerous, with a touch of insanity!
There were tons of people. What if someone saw him? What if HE saw him...
Bending down quickly, Hugh picked up the cigarette. His fingers were shaking so hard he was afraid to drop it again. This time he wouldn't pick it up again. Still not believing he was doing this, he brought the fuming cigarette to his lips. As soon as they touched the filter, he inhaled at the cigarette for the first time in his life. His head was spinning and he wasn't sure whether it was because of the smoke or because of the realisation of what exactly he was doing. His whole being seemed to be filled with Mads, he was breathing him, when really he was just breathing in the scent of Pall Mall. Euphoria hit him. Happiness on the verge of hysteria. Hugh burst out into laugh, at the same moment feeling tears building in the corners of his eyes.
„I love Mads Mikkelsen." he whispered through his laughter. „I'm such a fool."