Author's Note: Let me just say, I love Tony Stark. I love him because he's such a narcissistic asshole, so any bouts of morality on his part are just astonishing. I hope I do his magnificently awful personality justice. That's why the rest of the story will be from his POV.

Chapter 2: Away With the Titles

"Well this is just peachy! Just fucking peachy!" Tony exclaimed, his molars aching for alcohol as he tossed the manila envelopes aside. He hoped that doing so would cause them to vanish from existence altogether. "Tell me Jarvis, if S.H.I.E.L.D. is such a crucial division of earth's security, why do they equip themselves with the shitty type of firewall software that any mediocre hacker could get into and, oh say, take all of my information? Riddle me that, Jarvis?" He kicked something made of glass, taking comfort in its' destruction.

"Not everyone can be you, sir." Jarvis said lightly, appealing to Tony's ego. "If it is any consolation, no hacker has broken into your personal mainframe. Also, if anyone is impersonating you, surely I will be able to detect it immediately."

Tony sighed, leaning his head back. "That's not what I'm worried about…"

It was not only his file that had been stolen, but also Cap's, Banner's, and Thor's; the thief had cut straight to the chase as well, and done away with things like credit card and social security numbers, instead going for the important bits. Addresses, contacts, known enemies, in other words, the things that could hurt…Tony was concerned.

Thor was not a large problem. As he was away in Asgard, it would be nearly impossible to attack him outright and most of his earthly contacts were employed by S.H.I.E.L.D. They would be safe on whole.

Cap was also good, as most of his contacts were deceased, although basically any innocent civilian could be used as bait for him. Despite his fear of making new friends after losing all his old ones so abruptly, Cap was a softy for people in general.

No, Tony was most worried about himself and Banner.

Banner, Tony's close friend (one of the few who had spent the night with Tony's permission) and the absolute last person who needed more stress in his life, had only two names stolen from his dossier. The first was a woman Banner had mentioned only once or twice to Tony, a certain Elizabeth Ross, but once or twice had been enough for Tony to ascertain that Bruce loved her enough to stay the hell away from her, even though it hurt them both terribly.

The second person was Thaddeus Ross, a general with a record that stupefied even Stark. Of all the enemies to have, Bruce had the worst luck. Not only was General Ross powerful, influential, and determined, the file also noted that he was incredibly overprotective of his only daughter…Elizabeth Ross. Tony whistled. Of all the women in the world, daughters of military men were absolutely off-limits for Tony, lest he hurt them (and he definitely would), leading their fathers to promptly destroy him.

"She better be worth it, Banner…" He mumbled, feeling unusual pity for his friend.

He made a mental note to look up Elizabeth Ross, later on, but now he was focused on his own problems.

He had the largest list of things stolen, and although he didn't give a fuck about half the people listed, his damn conscience (aka. Steve Rogers) would guilt him into caring. At least Pepper was safe upstairs and Rhodes was on a military base and was, therefore, basically untouchable.

"Sir, what has S.H.I.E.L.D. asked you to do?" Jarvis asked.

Tony twisted his lips in annoyance. "Natasha managed to grab the encrypted code the hackers were using, but S.H.I.E.L.D," he said so with a great sigh, "does not have the proper equipment to trace it back to the source. Guess who can do so?"

"Shall I input the code?"

"Not now. I'm tired." Tony complained. Really, he was not so much tired as he was bored and completely unwilling to volunteer his services without paid compensation. "Is Pepper awake?"

"Indeed, sir. She is currently trying to tidy up the main foyer as compensation for sleeping on the job. I'm afraid if you don't stop her she may throw something away…"

"NO!" Tony yelped, scrambling to his feet. Everything in his way was knocked aside as he raced up the steps. "PEPPER?" He nearly collided with her at the top of the steps but she deftly moved out of the way, although it caused her to drop everything she was holding.

Pepper stomped her foot, a movement that usually cowed Tony into obedience. "What in god's name?"

Tony put both his palms up in an effort to calm her. "Did you throw anything away?" He tried his best not to sound like a crazed maniac.

Pepper looked indignant, her brown eyes glinting. "Of course I did!" Tony felt his face twist into a mask of horror and Pepper began to talk very quickly. "Tony, they were dirty rags, empty paint cans, broken things with…with pointy wires coming out the ends! Some of the stuff had been set on fire and-!"

The verbal sparring match began.

Whenever Tony and Pepper had a point of contention, they did away with 'Mr. Stark' and 'Miss Potts' and it came down to who could speak the loudest and the quickest in order to make their point.

"Tony! I had to get rid of it! None of it served-." "That's what you always say, and then the moment I throw something away I need it and-." "Since when do you need empty paint cans? Why do you have paint cans in the first place?" "I was apparently trying to paint the guest room and I-." "We have a guest room?" "I'm working on fixing that, as soon as possible. Until then I will leave this here and we can move it-." "MOVE IT WHERE? Tony, I can put paintings and art and inventions in storage, but trash?" "I never said we had to put it in storage! Just give me a few days or weeks and-hey! Put that down!" "I refuse! I'm getting rid of it!" "I'll fire you!" "I'd like to see you try!" "PEPPER! I'm serious!" "So am I! I refuse to set foot in this tower again unless we get rid of some of this junk now!"

The argument ended then, as Pepper clutched some sort of gadget to her chest as though Tony was intent on ripping it from her arms. Tony, meanwhile, was practically pulling his hair out as he struggled to come up with a solution.

"Fine." He hissed.

"Fine?"

"Fine. But!" He held up one finger. "You have to stay here tonight."

"What?" Pepper instantly protested, tossing whatever she was holding to the side. "Why do I have to stay here?"

"Security issues." Tony replied in nonchalance. "I assume you read the reports from Fury? Well, this way you can help me clean and I can keep an eye on you. Don't worry, I'll be gentle."

Pepper was flabbergasted. "I can't go back to my apartment? Not even for a change of clothes? They're not targeting me, Tony!"

"Nope, you can't go. Someone out there has your information." Tony grinned wickedly; he may have lost the previous argument, but he was winning this one. "Don't worry! You can borrow my clothes."

"I don't want to borrow your clothes! Didn't you set up a security system at my apartment?"

"Yes…but I don't trust it."

"You installed it!"

"Pepper." Tony dropped his playful attitude for a more serious tone as he took hold of her freckled shoulders. "Pepper, I don't trust anything right now. Just…please, humor me. I'm going to go check your apartment after I trace the code Fury gave me. I know you hate this, and I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable but…please. You'll be safer here until I figure out who's behind this. Believe me, I want to be done with this mission as soon as I can." He smiled again, hoping that a dose of sincerity would sway her decision.

Pepper bit her lip. "Ok." She conceded. "I guess can stay here for one night…But I refuse to wear any of your clothes."

"Good." Tony grinned widely. "I was just kidding anyway. You hold down the fort, Pep, and I'll go trace this address. It's probably just some international hotshot who thinks they can blackmail us. Jarvis!" Tony cracked his knuckles and entered in the IP address.

As Jarvis was searching, Pepper continued to pick up metal bits and organize them into piles indiscernible to Tony; he hoped to god he would be back in time before she disposed of anything important. "Before you go, what was it you wanted to show me? Something you made?"

Tony brightened. "Oh yes! I've upgraded the surveillance systems so even if the power is cut or Jarvis is disabled, I can continue to record the happenings of Stark Tower."

Pepper wasn't impressed. "So…basically you're using it as an excuse to stalk whoever you bring back to the apartment." Tony laughed and Pepper rolled her eyes.

"Sir." Jarvis said. "I have acquired the location of hacker. I am currently uploading the GPS coordinates into your Mark 9 suit. Upload will complete in two minutes."

Tony winked at Pepper. "That's my cue, I suppose."

Pepper sighed, accentuating her thin collarbones. "I guess now is my turn to tell you to be careful…but knowing you, that's probably not possible. Please…just come back in one piece Mr. Stark. I don't like handling hospital bills."

Tony kissed her freckled cheek and, to his immense delight, she didn't stiffen in discomfort. "Don't worry, Miss Potts. I'll come back for you…as usual."

….

Tony felt that flying in his Iron Man suit was second in 'most pleasurable experiences' right behind having an orgasm. The feeling of sheer power that pulsed through his arms and legs left him breathless after a long flight. The world was literally at his fingertips.

He leisurely followed the route illuminated in front of his vision, imagining how the whole ordeal would go down.

Although he was not as physically impressive as Thor or Cap or even Natasha, seeing the catchy red and gold suit, paired with a weapons arsenal that could destroy an entire navy, Tony did manage to get what he wanted most: attention. He imagined floating lazily into whatever crudely designed and secured base the hackers had established, surprising them all. Jarvis would provide him with the crucial information of every person present and he would promptly humiliate them with his vast knowledge of their personal lives. If necessary, he would use a little force, but mostly he was interested in hacking into their mainframe. He would make them regret ever touching anything that belonged to Tony Stark.

He smiled at the thought.

"Sir, we are approaching our destination." Jarvis said crisply. "Shall I prepare you for battle mode?"

"Sounds good."

As he reached his destination, Tony was mildly surprised. Instead of a warehouse or a shady-looking apartment complex or even an abandoned building (as cliché as such a thing would be), the building in question was actually a perfectly pristine office building, advertising floors that still needed to be rented out. Set in the suburbs, it actually looked brand-new; hardly the base of operations for someone who could hack into S.H.I.E.L.D.'s secure files.

"Jarvis? Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Positive, sir."

Tony shrugged and followed Jarvis' path, rocketing through the entrance, heedless of glass or alarm systems; he would reimburse the contractors for the glass, and Jarvis had already disabled the alarms. So easy to beat amateurs…

Tony lazily searched every floor, most of them large and empty, waiting for some small-time firm to occupy the monotonous gray space. This was looking to be a waste of his time and patience, as he had originally thought. He was getting bored.

He flew slowly around the stairwell to the final floor. "Jarvis, this is nonsense. When I get out of here, I'd like you to contact Nick and tell him…shit."

Tony felt the cold sweat break out on his forehead as he surveyed the chaos of the top floor. Large scale computers were set up across the entire area, but most of them were smashed and smoldering, as though they had been destroyed fairly recently. What shocked Tony were the two dozen bodies lying amidst the broken machinery: men stabbed fifty times or more, the blood around their cold bodies still wet. Now he was concerned.

This was a recent crime, and a grisly one at that.

"Estimated time of death?" Tony gasped, not knowing what to do first. He was on edge.

"Sir, time of death is calculated to be about 20 minutes ago." Jarvis replied solemnly.

It didn't take a genius to realize that the slaughter had been going down as Tony had been leisurely exploring other parts of the complex. His vital signs (visible in the top left-hand corner of his suit) showed a spike in his heart rate as he flipped to defense mode.

"Jarvis." Tony hissed as he attempted to slow his breathing. "Scan and see if any one of these people are still alive."

"Right away, sir."

Tony, in the meantime, was hastily scrolling through his phone contacts, attempting to find someone who worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. and who would, preferably, pick up the phone. Nick refused to have a cell phone and Clint never answered his, so it was not without a great deal of deliberation that Tony finally contacted Natasha.

Into the first ring, Jarvis interrupted. "Sir, there is one man who is still alive. I shall show his position on the radar."

Tony stopped in front of one of the modems before going to help the lone survivor. He popped out a chip from one of the suit's compartments that would upload any surviving files onto his own hard drive back at Stark Tower; now that a massacre was involved, Tony was definitely interested to see what they had been toying with on the computers. Apparently it was important enough to warrant the machines' destruction.

"Download at five percent, sir."

There was a click as Natasha answered her phone and her smoky voice filled his helmet like syrup. "Natasha speaking. Mr. Stark, I don't recall ever giving you permission to use my personal phone."

Tony twisted his lips. "Well…there are several thousand things I do, my dear, without asking for your permission." He sensed an argument ready to commence. "Will you just listen for a second?" Download was at thirty percent. "I looked into the small…problem Fury sent me to fix."

"And?" Natasha sounded irritable. Tony wanted to bother her more.

"I'm currently in the company of about twenty broken computers and two dozen dead men. According to Jarvis, this madness went down less than a half an hour ago." He replied insolently, relishing the quiet shock on the other end of the line. Download at sixty percent. "It looks bad, Nat-."

"Don't call me 'Nat'!" She barked.

"Anyway!" Tony shot back. "I'm currently uploading whatever was left on their hard drive and now I'm checking on survivors. Can we, and by 'we' I mean you, send some agents up here and help me clean this up?" Download was at seventy.

He heard the clacking of computer keys. "I'm locking into your coordinates now. How many survivors are left?"

"Only one." Tony replied. "I'm moving toward him now." Eighty percent.

"Did you come across any resistance?" Natasha sounded confused.

"None." He reached the side of the lone survivor. Dressed in all black, he was face-down with a faint heartbeat, every spare inch of his body drenched with blood. "Why? Please answer quickly. I'm going to attempt to save this bastard." Ninety-five percent.

"Tony! Get out of there!" Natasha ordered, panicking. Only a few things could make her sound upset, and when she was, Tony was willing to not be an ass and listen. "Don't get any closer! Don't you see? He's the-!"

Tony short-circuited then. The screens in front of his face flashed like a light show and it felt as though he was being fried from the inside out. He had no idea what kind of taser was being effectively used on him, but he felt that he wanted one as soon as he recovered from this. If he recovered at all. It felt like he was being burnt alive.

He saw his survivor stand as he collapsed to floor, just before his visuals died.

"Sir…"Jarvis' voice sounded fuzzy. "Download is completed. Suit power at…" His British tone cut out.

"TONY? TONY! I'll have agents there as soon as I can! Just hold-!" Natasha's voice also disappeared.

Tony just felt tired as he smelled his own hair fizzling with electricity. He was in too much pain to even care that he had been tricked. At least his suit would remain locked from the outside. The muscles in his face burned with pain as he shut his eyelids, preparing to pass out.

S.H.I.E.L.D.'s best arrival time was seven minutes. He hoped he would survive till then.

As he prepared to pass out, a brief image flashed across his visual field before he was out. It was only two sentences, accompanied by a smooth voice that slid into his conscious:

"Hello Tony Stark. Welcome to the game."