Call to Adventure 1.6
I'm so glad you asked for that. Anyway, as I was saying, it's not that bloody given all the limbs. Off in the distance I hear something that sounds ridiculously similar to mac-'n'-cheese being stirred in a large bowl. Ah, yes. Crawler is eating. Very acid-y. Oh, shit! Shatterbird must be here! What a prick she is. Okay. Using my considerable powers of absolute omnipotence, I restore every single piece of glass and silicon (not silicone, as many fanfiction authors would have you believe-actually Alan Moore made that mistake in Watchmen. Seriously, look it up. Doctor Manhattan is on Mars playing with the pink sand like a little kid and calls it silicone. I wrote to DC to point this out, but they didn't respond. Go figure.) to its condition prior to Shat's shriek, and resurrect and heal all the wounds of those injured in the incident.
That got their attention.
Bonesaw, it turns out, had connected the blood vessels of about half the residents of the small community of Edgewater Beach, FL just below the surface of the ground in order to create what she would internally refer to as her "beach bod," and had noticed anomalous pressure readings due to the fact that I was cutting off circulation by standing on top of those veins and arteries, so she arrived first.
"Hi, I'm Bonesaw. You weren't here before! I know because I tagged everyone with this super cool fungus. You've already got a few spores in your lungs, but… Hey, no fair! They're not-"
Oh, you thought I was about to break in and get a word in edgewise? No, no. Being a self-insert means I've gotta take a passive role so you could see yourself in my place. I've already outed myself as a man, which is of course a dick move, but I could sound like a lot of people, look like a lot of people. I could be a short Ginger. I could be a tall Latino. I could be a medium-sized, pudgy Aboriginal Australian-Slavic mix. Okay, I'll tell ya. I'm attractive, and that's all you need to know. I don't even know if that'll help the story, but it's important. So important that it almost completely overshadows the fact that Scion just arrived on-scene.
Yeah, that's why Riley riled down. By now the others had arrived as well. Scion set down right next to me. I gestured for him to come closer, and he did. No one spoke, and then I opened my mouth in a leisurely and impossibly wide way and ate his head. Scion's body dropped to the ground and did not rise again.
"Oh! I've got it, I'm Zion, with a zeeeeeeee! Sorry for not introducing myself back there more quickly, Bony! How rude of me!"