Chapter One - Lucas

The sound of the doorbell ringing pulled Lucas out of sleep. His eyes opened slowly, the room around him was defocused, misty. Reaching out from beneath the covers, he snagged his glasses off the bedside table, and put them on. Everything came into clear sharp focus.

The weight of an arm lay heavy on his chest. Carefully he removed the arm off of him, and placed it on the bed. The body that it was attached to rolled over with a slight grumble. Lucas smiled fondly, before slowly detracting himself from under the covers.

He padded down the hallway, and was half way down the stairs when the bell rang again.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming!" he grumbled under his breath.

Scratching his head, and trying not to yawn, he opened the door. A delivery man was standing there, a package in his hand.

He looked down at the name on the package, before looking back up at Lucas. "Lucas Randall?"

Lucas nodded, and took the pen that was offered to him. He scrawled his name on the paper attached to the clipboard, and took the package. Muttering under his breath about annoying deliveries at ungodly hours of the morning, he pushed the door closed with his foot.

He made his way in to the kitchen, and chucked the package on the island in the middle of the room, before putting the kettle on for a coffee. Taking a knife, he carefully slit the package open. Out fell a CD, along with two envelopes.

On the CD was a note, 'please listen to this while reading the letter'. Writing was scrawled on one of the envelopes 'Read this first', while the writing on the second envelope was printed carefully, 'Please read this second'.

The kettle turned itself off, and he stood up to make himself his morning coffee. He put the CD in to the CD player located on the kitchen counter, and pressed play before he sat back down at the island with his coffee to read the letters.

The soft strains of a Jem song came floating through the speakers, before the bass kicked in.

Lucas slit the first envelope open and opened the letter. Familiar writing jumped out at him, Josie's scrawled handwriting. He grinned, 'she hasn't changed much', he thought to himself. Taking a sip of his coffee, he pushed his glassed up the bridge of his nose; a reflex action, before starting to read.

'Dear Lucas, by the time you get this, it'll be too late for you to do anything. Which is why I had this sent out to you now.

Six months ago, I discovered that I had a tumor, malignant. There was nothing the doctors could do to treat it… I was given six months to live. I wrote this letter to you, on the condition that it only be sent after I was gone. I'm sorry… I know it's selfish, but I didn't want to drag you guys into my mess, in to my pain. And I wanted you to remember me how I was, not how I am now that the end is coming.

It's why I've been slowly pushing you guys away. I know it's confused you, maybe caused you pain… But I didn't want you guys to suffer. Please don't hate me for this Lucas… Your approval means more to me than you'll ever know.

I suppose in a way, this letter is a cleansing for me… Getting everything off my chest before I go. I'm not scared you know. Okay, that's a lie. I am a little. But I just wanted to take the opportunity, while I'm stuck here in bed, to tell you that you've been a great friend to me over the years. And that I do care you for you Lucas. You've been one of the best friends I've had for years.

Which is saying a lot, considering before I started going to Blake Holsey, I refused to let anyone close to me. What I'm trying to say is that your friendship has meant a lot to me.

Thanks for being there for me, for doing everything that you did. You're an amazing person Lucas, brave and smart. And, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Just promise me one thing… Live your life to the fullest Lucas, make the most of every moment. I love you, goodbye.

Josie.'

Lucas laid the letter down on the counter, and took another sip of his coffee. The shock hit him like a ton of bricks. One of his best friends had been wasting away for the last six months, and he hadn't noticed anything was wrong. And now she was gone. Pensively he started to think back over the years that he'd known Josie…

The first time they'd met, their many conversations and debates, his crush on her. The way she smelled, smiled, laughed, rode her skateboard. Her sarcasm and wit. The way she could blatantly ignore the rules just so she could get to the truth.

The memories came flooding back, every little detail of their school days was magnified before him. The pain he'd felt when he realized Josie would never feel that way about him. Not the way he'd felt for her anyway. All the time's they'd gotten in to trouble because of the wormhole came to him. Everything they'd done together, the good times, the bad times, it was all there. Their day's after graduation, before they all went their separate ways. The many meetings they'd had since then.

A hand on his shoulder startled him out of his silent reverie. He jumped slightly, before turning around to face his fiancée, Mary.

"Morning," he said, his voice slightly choked, as he held back the tears.

"Are you all right?" she asked him, her concern for him written all over her face.

He sighed and looked down at the piece of paper, before turning back to her. "You remember Josie?" he asked.

Mary nodded. "Sure, the short redhead, with the quick temper. You went to school with her, didn't you?"

He nodded in reply, before gesturing to the letter. "Well…" he throat clogged up. He swallowed the growing lump. "I just found that she… she's dead."

Mary's hand flew to her mouth, before she quickly hugged him. "Oh my gosh… How? How did it happen?"

"She had a… A tumor. She was given six months to live." He slammed his hand down on the counter. "Dammit… She didn't even tell me, she let me know in a letter, after she'd died."

His anger at Josie rose quickly, but also died quickly, as he felt the tears begin to well in his eyes. "She's gone." He wiped a hand over his face wearily. It was only 9am, but already it had been an emotional morning.

The phone rang, and Mary picked it up quickly, rubbing Lucas's back with the palm of her hand in soothing circles.

"Hello? Sure, I'll just get him for you."

The CD player turned itself off as the song ended and at the same time, Mary handed the phone to him.

A familiar voice greeted him on the other end. "Hey, Marshall." Suddenly Lucas felt distanced from the situation, he felt like his voice had been automatically programmed, and it didn't feel like he was talking. It was like his emotions had suddenly been cut off from him, he was numb.

He could hear someone crying softly on the other end. "Yea… I heard. I got a letter from her this morning," he replied to Marshall's query. "How's Corrine doing?" Corrine's sobs grew slightly louder, as if she was closer to the phone now.

Even though he could hear Marshall's reply, it felt like it was being said from a great distance away. Thoughts were flying through his head, everything was jumbled. It felt like the world had been turned upside down and shaken around.

"To be expected I suppose. Do you know…" he choked up again, trying to find words. "Do you know when she… when it happened?"

Marshall's reply was softly spoken, as if saying it outloud would make it all true.

"Two day's ago," Lucas repeated… "Two day's ago. I can't believe this. It doesn't seem real, you know?"

Mary laid her hand softly on his shoulder, a silent reminder that she was there for him through thick and thin. He reached over and held her hand.

"When's the funeral going to be?"

At Marshall's reply Lucas let go of Mary's hand and picked up the second envelope. He ripped it open and read the note that was inside.

A photo of Josie smiling looked up at him, and he felt the first sharp pangs of grief hit him, right in the stomach. He felt like he'd been physically hit.

'Come celebrate the life of Josie Trent' was written above the photo of Josie.

The date, time and place of the funeral was listed beneath the photo, along with her birth and death dates.

"Sorry, what was that?" Lucas asked. He'd failed to catch what Marshall had asked him due to staring at the photo. "Yea… I'll be there. Say hi to me for Corrine, okay?"

After a couple moments of idle chatter, Lucas hung up the phone. He turned to Mary. "I just… I can't believe this is happening, it doesn't seem real. I guess, I'd better call work and let them know I won't be in. And I have to call Z."

A million thoughts ran through Lucas's head as he realized there was a lot he was going to have to do before the funeral. But one thought got stuck in front; his last visit with Josie.

4 months earlier

"Shit!" Lucas exclaimed, looking at his watch. He was late, and Josie was going to kill him. She hated people being late; it was one of her biggest pet peeves. She had no problems with being late herself, but for other people to be was just plain inconsiderate in her eyes.

Seeing a bus pulling up, he quickly stood up and grabbed his bus pass. Jumping on, he flashed the card at the driver and wandered down the aisle, trying to find a spare seat on the full bus.

Unable to find one, he grabbed a strap hanging down from the ceiling and urged the bus to go as fast as it could. For once, luck seemed to be on his side, because the bus made only a couple stops before his. Jumping down, he called out a quick thanks and raced down the street.

He skidded in to the coffee shop, and looked around, trying to find her in the busy café. Finally he spotted a flash of red hair, and made his way over to her.

"Hi," he said as he pulled out the chair across from her and plopped down in it. "Sorry I'm late, bus…" he trailed off.

She grinned at him, no sign of anger on her face, and returned the greeting. Before he could say anything else, a waitress appeared at his side, to take his order. He quickly ordered before turning back to Josie.

She was turned away from him, smiling up at the waitress as she casually placed her order. She turned back to face him, and casually picked up his hand.

"How are you?" she asked him simply.

He rolled his eyes, and puffed a stray piece of hair out of his eye. "Exhausted. Work is so busy at the moment. You just wouldn't even believe it."

Josie laughed melodically. "Sounds like fun," she grinned.

Lucas shook his head incredulously. Even now he couldn't believe that anyone could thrive under hectic work conditions. Not when he himself preferred that things were calm and orderly. Not necessarily at home, but work had to be a place of peace for him to be able to concentrate. "What about you? How are things going?"

"Oh you know…" she replied vaguely. "Busy with this, that and the other thing. Just typical life stuff. Nothing much going on."

He took a moment to look at her properly, and realized that she was quite a bit thinner than she'd been the last time he'd seen her. It wasn't a bad thin, she didn't look unhealthy, but she'd definitely lost weight. And there was a slight pinched look to her face, as if she'd been in pain and sick recently.

"Are you sure you're all right?" he asked a little worried. He leaned forward. "You look as if you've been sick or something."

She waved her free hand away vaguely, like she was brushing off his concern. "I'm fine. I've just had a touch of the flu, it's nothing."

"Have you been to the doctor about it? Because maybe you should if you haven't."

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "I'm fine mom," she replied sarcastically. "Like I said, just a touch of flu. It's nothing to worry about, I swear." She squeezed his hand. "Now stop acting like my older brother. How's Mary doing?" she said, changing the subject abruptly.

So Lucas had started to talk about Mary, and how everything was going between the two of them, ignoring the fact that he thought she was lying. He couldn't prove anything, and Josie wasn't going to give an inch, so he went along with the conversation, but he continued to worry about her a little.

By the time they'd said goodbye, his concern had been forgotten, and they'd left each other with plans to meet up again. But they hadn't, life had intervened, and Lucas had been too busy to contact her. They'd spoken a couple times on the phone, but the last few months had been busy, and when he'd tried, no one had been at home.

And now, now that he knew what she'd been going through, he felt guilty that he hadn't made time to see her. Because when he'd called, she'd been in the hospital.

And I can't believe how I've been wasting my time In 24 hours they'll be laying flowers on my life it's over tonight I'm not messing no I need your blessing and your promise to live free please do it for me